Web site names those who have had spots or stripes removed

Original Publication Date: 16 December 2014

A new web site could mean trouble for Park Animals and, ultimately, for zoocracy itself, Park Police tell The Mammalian Daily.

The web site, called “SplotchWatch,” has been under surveillance “for a few months now,” according to Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of The Park Police Force’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU).

“Its only purpose, as far as we can tell, is to name Animals who have had their spots or stripes removed,” he says. “It’s a dangerous sign of the times.”

The owner and operator of the site, whose name police will not reveal at this time, believes it is in the interest of “openness and honesty” to let Park Animals know who among them has altered their appearance.

“The owner of the site seems to believe that there is something intrinsically dishonest about that [stripe or spot removal] and his mission is to ensure that all Park Animals are made aware of this form of deception,” Addax says.

Police will continue to watch activity on the site and assess the effect it may or may not be having on Park life.

“If we see that the site is inducing hatred or violence toward any Animal or group of Animals, we will move in swiftly,” he says.

Otherwise, the operator of the web site is acting within his rights.

“He [the site’s owner] is walking a fine line here,” says Addax. “And we hope he realizes it.”

Original Publication Date: 20 December 2014

The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has announced the itinerary and lineup for the 2014 Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

At a press conference last night, Aintza Kanariar, the Department’s director of public relations, confirmed that tomorrow’s festivities will begin at sunrise.

“This is the third time in the last seven years that the Winter Solstice celebrations have begun at sunrise. Because of the positive feedback we’ve received from past celebrants, we have decided to make it permanent,” she said.

The 2014 Celebration will incorporate some of the most successful components of past years’ festivities with some “surprises and innovations,” Kanariar said.

Some of The Park’s most popular music makers will perform, including Inktvis and Krake, The Feral Four, Eggie and the Pigs, SCENTient Beings, The Beasts of Burden, SpontaneousGeneration, rapper Will.o.be. and The Cynics. Invited special musical guests include Thisbe and the Barkettes and The All-Rodent Marching Band.

The Herman Stoat Dance Company will perform a new work, created for the occasion. This year’s dance, choreographed by Stoat and the company’s assistant choreographer Gustav Hermelin, will celebrate what Stoat has called, “the complicated road upon which we travel.”

Entitled “Le Chemin Compliqué,” the work will feature dancers from a wide variety of species, many of whom are not part of his company and some who are not what he calls “natural dancers.”

“This year, we chose our dancers first, then gave them intensive training in performance. It was gruelling for some of them, but very satisfying in the end,” he said in an interview last week.

Stoat also said that the work requires the attention of the audience.

“This is not one you can sleep through,” he said, laughing. “It is very metaphorical in its portrayal of Park life, but we believe it is well worth the focus and it will repay, minute for minute, in pleasure and understanding,” he said.

Other entertainment acts will include jugglers, clowns, and a Human imitator. And, while students from the Hani Gajah School of Art will paint “three-minute portraits” of Solstice celebrants, the Park Historical Society will offer revellers the opportunity to dress up in a variety of costumes and represent Park historical figures.

As always, a major component of the festivities will be the food. This year’s fare will hail from Clowder, The Draft, and The Pound Gastropub. Ants in Your Pantry and Provisions by Petrounel will once again send all attendees home with tasty party favours.

The Celebration of the Winter Solstice begins at sunrise on December 21. Food will be served until 11:00 pm. The Solstice will occur at 6:03 pm Local Park Time (LPT).

Original Publication Date: 14 December 2012

The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has declared the recent recall of the 2013 Tulip Map “a disaster for The Park’s citizens.”

At a press conference held this afternoon, Cornelius Kakapo, DWBS Director of Public Relations, said the map recall will create confusion in general and “wreak havoc among our citizens in the Spring…particularly, among our hibernators.” That havoc, he said, could result in food shortages, violence, “and, possibly, death.”

The map, which is officially known as the “Map of Tulip and other Bulb Beds in The Park and Environs,” is produced annually by the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), in association with the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS), the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP), the Association of Distinct Hibernating Animals of The Park (ADHAP) and the Park Alliance of Chipmunks (PAC). The map is used in both Fall and Spring by a large number of The Park’s residents, including members of its many hibernating communities.

“Our citizens, particularly our hibernators, rely on the [Tulip] map in the Spring. The map is the #1 Park resource for [finding] quick food sources. It is unthinkable that we should leave our fellow citizens without a reliable guide for food gathering. More importantly, the danger of [their] succumbing to chemical poisoning due to errors in the map make correcting the situation that much more urgent,” Kakapo said.

Will we be using ballot boxes to choose Archons in the near future?

Original Publication Date: 07 January 2012

With little more than a week to go before the 2012 Archons are sworn into office, talk has begun anew of instituting direct elections to choose the 35 Animals who form The Park’s government each year.

The Mammalian Daily has learned that, as one of their final acts, the 2011 Archons have struck a special committee to investigate the feasibility of using the ballot box to choose Archons. The committee’s report is due in the second half of this year and will be presented to the 2012 Archons before the end of their term.

The incoming Archons (and all others who have served throughout the 30 years since Zoocracy was established) were selected by the process of sortition.  Also known as the “allotment” or “lottery” method, this is the system that was put in place by Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy.

Proposals for change in the Archon selection process have been made for over a decade. Any movement toward direct elections has been blocked, however, by those who believe that this method leads to favoritism and can result in representation that is not balanced.

“Sortition allows for a balance of species in the Archon mix,” says Sylvana Rana, of the anti-election group, Save Our Political System (SOPS). “Direct elections can become a personality contest and the result could be the loss of adequate representation of many species.”

Those who favour elections, however, are quick to point out that the current system already yields a government in which some species of Animals are underrepresented.

“Thirty-five Animals cannot hope to represent The Park’s population in a balanced way,” says Antoine Lézard, a longtime Park resident who says he thinks direct elections might bring more fairness to government.

“Already there are too many Mammals among the Archons. They draw lots from six basic Animal groups, but the majority of the extra [five] Archons always seem to be Mammals.”

The names of those who were chosen to serve as Archons for 2012 will be announced on January 15. The swearing-in ceremony will occur at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre the following day.

Bowing to pressure from all sides, the Archons have declared December 1 to be the official date of hibernation

Original Publication Date: 25 November 2013

[pullquote]”With or without a final tally of votes and an undisputed winner of the 2014 POPS election, the Archons of The Park have declared the official date of hibernation in this year of 2013 to be 1 December.”[/pullquote]Under pressure from all sides to make a final decision about the official date of hibernation, the Archons have declared that hibernation in 2013 is to begin on December 1. An announcement to that effect, signed by all 35 Archons and bearing the seal of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros, was posted outside the law courts early this morning.

“With or without a final tally of votes and an undisputed winner of the 2014 POPS election, the Archons of The Park have declared the official date of hibernation in this year of 2013 to be 1 December,” the announcement reads in part.

The decision has been hailed by both interested parties and observers, many of whom have been quick to weigh in.

“It’s a welcome decision. It’s timely and, in my opinion, it’s the best decision they could make at this point,” said Dr. Jagger Zebu, Professor of Mammalian Medicine at the University of West Terrier. Zebu, who spoke on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning, is one of the authors of a report that documents the rise in the incidence of deaths due to premature awakening among The Park’s hibernating citizens. He believes that any further delay in hibernation will put the health of Animals at risk.

Zebu’s opinion was echoed by many in The Park’s hibernating community, including Cormac Nuttallii, a member of the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP) and Oliver S.P. Franklin, head of the Confederation of Ground Squirrels.

Nuttallii, who was a vocal critic of calendar harmonization, still believes the change in calendar accounted for a significant rise in the number of deaths due to premature awakening in his community. He says he fears for his family and friends this Winter and has, therefore, initiated a petition to have the Archons extend the official end of hibernation beyond February 19. Copies of his petition can be signed at the law courts, the Ancient Open-Air Theatre and at select retail outlets around The Park, including the Nut Bar, LeTwiggery, Footpad Heaven, and hibernation outfitters GoUnderground.

For their part, the Archons released a separate statement early this afternoon, emphasizing that their decision was taken based on consultations with many experts in the field of health and hibernation.

“We want to assure all Park citizens that our decision to delay hibernation until December 1 was made with the health and welfare of all in mind and that we would never do anything to put our hibernating community at risk,” the statement said.

A report says that a rising number of Animals are feigning illness to avoid being chosen to serve as Archon

Original Publication Date: 3 December 2012

A new report released by the Department of Political Administration (DPA) paints a bleak picture of Park citizens’ commitment to participation in their government.

According to the report, entitled “Don’t Count Me In”, the number of Park citizens who feign illness to avoid having their names entered in the annual Archon lottery (known officially as sortition) has doubled since the last tally was done in 2009.

“It’s surprising, given the precarious state of the world outside [The Park], that Park Animals would take such a casual attitude toward zoocracy,” says Delia Quagga, head of the Barnaby School of Government at the University of West Terrier.

According to the rules of zoocracy, all adult Park citizens must confirm their eligibility to stand as candidates for Archon by the end of October. Illness constitutes the only exception to this rule; Animals who are ill and who believe they would be unable to fulfil their duties as Archon due to their illness are required to advise the DPA of their circumstances by submitting a Form 12.

“Because this was established as a self-reporting system, Animals were not, initially, required to supply medical documentation of their illness,” says DPA spokesAnimal Antoinette Fourmi.

“But when we noticed the Form 12 totals rising, we knew we had to take action. So, for the past five years, we have been requesting verification of illness. Not surprisingly, we discovered that a large number of the Form 12s could not be verified,” she said.

Submitting a fraudulent claim of illness is a breach of Park law, says Fourmi, “not to mention the fact that it is morally repugnant to most Park citizens.”

The question now is whether or not authorities will pursue legal action against the feigners.

“That will be up to another branch of government,” says Fourmi. “We collected the data, but we have no jurisdiction over the consequences of that data.”

2014 pre-hibernation sales are brisk, shopkeepers and service providers report

Original Publication Date: 11 November 2014

Hibernation outfitters and service providers are pleased with their sales thus far, according to the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS).

“2014 looks like a banner year and it comes as a bit of a surprise,” said founder and current PASS president Wellington Whistlepig this morning in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio.

Shopkeepers and grooming houses are reporting “brisk” business this season and the banks have reported larger than average deposits.

“If sales continue at this rate, we could match last year’s figures or even surpass them, which would be an amazing feat, considering that we had two extra weeks of shopping last year,” Whistlepig said.

The 2013 pre-hibernation season was extended from November 17 to December 1, due to difficulties in calculating the votes and establishing a winner in the election for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS). The result was an increase in retail sales as well as an increase in expenditures in the construction sector, as Animals used the extra time to renovate their hibernation quarters or to build new ones.

This year, though, the Park Election Office says we can expect the results to be announced well before November 17, the official date of hibernation.

“Gone are the days of next-day results,” Park Election Office head Gerrit Wezel says.

“Our exploding population and the skyrocketing growth in the number of candidates make that impossible. But I can guarantee that we will have the results by the weekend,” he says.

The announcement likely will result in a rush to make last-minute arrangements, so Whistlepig is quick to remind Park Animals that shops will be closed until 1:00 p.m. on Friday, November 14 in order to celebrate the ceremonies of the Surrender of the Nut.

The end of the 2012 Archons’ term has brought renewed calls for compensating our leaders

Original Publication Date: 4 January 2013

The subject of Archon compensation was raised again this week, when the leaders of a number of political reform groups met to discuss one of The Park’s most controversial issues.

Reports from that meeting indicate that a plan to move forward on Archon compensation was agreed upon by the leaders of the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP), Save our Political System (SOPS), Lizards for Liberty (LfL), and the Small Animal Reform Group (SARG).

Historically, the four groups have disagreed strongly on a number of key political issues, most notably with regard to the way in which Archons are chosen each year. Antoine Lézard, president of CASP, has been a vocal proponent of elections, while SOPS president Sylvana Rana has fought to retain the current system of sortition (the lottery method that was put in place by Jor, The Park’s first leader). The groups have come together, however, on the issue of payment for the service that Archons are required to perform during the course of their year-long tenure.

“It’s a full-time job,” said Carlisle Chameleon, the LfL’s president and a longtime believer in paying Archons for their work, in an interview on Toro Talk Radio.

“I don’t think it’s fair to ask Animals to abandon their livelihood for a year. And, although it’s technically against Park law to work at your job while you’re an Archon, we all know that, sometimes, Animals have to do that to make ends meet. Instead of looking the other way, we should be providing them with the means to live so that they can focus their attention on their duty, which is creating a better Park,” he said.

That sentiment was echoed by SARG head Mason L. Tortoise. While he stopped short of calling the result of this week’s meeting a “plan,” he confirmed the ad hoc coalition’s intention to assert pressure on the incoming Archons with regard to the issue.

“Ideally, we’d like to see something done in time for 2014 or at least 2015,” he said.

Original Publication Date: 30 October 2012

Bitter Litter Pictures announced today that it has re-released Douglas Cheetah’s controversial 2007 film, Black Cats Can’t Jump, in time for the Halloween season.

In a press release, the company confirmed rumours that the director’s cut version of the film will screen at the Park Cinema for two weeks only, beginning October 30.

“We are pleased to offer our sophisticated Park audience the director’s cut of Douglas Cheetah’s groundbreaking work,” the release stated.

Through a spokesAnimal, Cheetah expressed delight that more Animals will be able to see the film.

“Five years is a long time. Many more Animals have been born and come of age in that time and I am delighted that they will be able to see this film,” he said.

Cheetah is currently out of The Park, at work on a documentary that he hopes to release at the 2013 Park Interspecial Film Festival.