The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

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OTD in 2017—Pressure mounts as Month Without Metaphor executive committee meets

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Month Without Metaphor borderThe executive committee of Park media’s annual Month Without Metaphor will meet this afternoon, as pressure mounts to replace Alvin Tinamou as chief organizer and director.

The publisher of The Avian Messenger, who was one of the event’s founders, has been on leave since last September, after he suffered the trauma of the theft of his nest and the loss of his and his mate Adela’s eggs.

According to the agenda for the meeting, the possibility exists for not only naming a new director but for splitting the duties that Tinamou performed over the past three years. New positions might include social media director, publicity agent, and outreach manager.

Among those under consideration for the position of director are Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and Executive Director of the Association of Non-Mammlian Park Newspapers (ANMPN), Senior Finance Reporter Antoinette Anhima of The Avian Messenger, Tarrance Turkey, Deputy News Editor at The Galliforme Gazette and an ANMPN founding member, Fannia di Volo, former Editor-in-Chief of The Insect Intelligencer (now The Serangga Star Adviser) and Priscilla Weevil, current Editor-in-Chief of The Serangga Star Adviser.

According to the agenda, the meeting will begin with a tribute to Tinamou, who declined the invitation to attend the afternoon gathering.

OTD in 2016—Tinamou nest found outside Park; eggs replaced with Bailey’s basketball

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NestJPEGPark Police announced this morning that they have recovered the nest of Alvin Tinamou and his mate Adela.

Szabina Héja, head of the Airborne Investigative Unit (AIU), made the announcement at a press conference this morning.

“Yesterday afternoon, our team was directed to a Tree outside The Park. Upon investigation, we discovered and later took possession of a nest with a basketball inside it. After extensive testing at our laboratory, we have determined that the nest is that of Alvin Tinamou. Our tests also revealed that the basketball is the same one lent to The Park Museum by Mammalian Daily balls columnist Bailey. Unfortunately, we were unable to find any evidence of the Tinamou eggs. Our Unit continues to search for the eggshells and we are optimistic that we will be successful,” Héja said.

Experts say, however, that since the nest was stolen in mid-June, there is little hope of recovering the eggshells.

“Those chicks would have hatched by early July at the latest,” says Dr. Simon Crow, head of Avian Medicine at the University of West Terrier. “They would, physiologically, almost be adults by now. And the shells surely would have been used for other purposes.”

The AIU head did not comment on the state of the basketball, nor did she give reporters any idea of when the ball might be released to its rightful owner. But she did confirm that both the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) and the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) have been brought in to help in the search for the perpetrator of the crime.

OTD in 2016—Alvin Tinamou’s nest reported missing

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Tinamou nestDEVELOPING STORY

Park Police have been called in to search for the nest of Alvin Tinamou.

The publisher of The Avian Messenger and organizer of May’s annual Month Without Metaphor reported the nest missing early this afternoon.

“He said he walked off for a few minutes and when he returned, the nest and its eggs were gone,” said a spokesAnimal for the police.

Tinamou positioned the nest close to the offices of The Avian Messenger, a friend told The Mammalian Daily. The three blue eggs inside belonged to his last mate, Adela, who left about a week ago. Park Police said they intend to question her but she is not a suspect at the moment.

According to his friend, Tinamou is “distraught” and blames himself.

“This was the last thing he ever thought would happen. He’s questioning himself and his abilities as a mate. And he doesn’t know if Adela will ever speak to him again,” the friend said.

According to the police report, the nest went missing at approximately one o’clock this afternoon. Any Animal who was in the vicinity or who saw anything suspicious should call police immediately.

Pressure mounts as Month Without Metaphor executive committee meets

By

Month Without Metaphor borderThe executive committee of Park media’s annual Month Without Metaphor will meet this afternoon, as pressure mounts to replace Alvin Tinamou as chief organizer and director.

The publisher of The Avian Messenger, who was one of the event’s founders, has been on leave since last September, after he suffered the trauma of the theft of his nest and the loss of his and his mate Adela’s eggs.

According to the agenda for the meeting, the possibility exists for not only naming a new director but for splitting the duties that Tinamou performed over the past three years. New positions might include social media director, publicity agent, and outreach manager.

Among those under consideration for the position of director are Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and Executive Director of the Association of Non-Mammlian Park Newspapers (ANMPN), Senior Finance Reporter Antoinette Anhima of The Avian Messenger, Tarrance Turkey, Deputy News Editor at The Galliforme Gazette and an ANMPN founding member, Fannia di Volo, former Editor-in-Chief of The Insect Intelligencer (now The Serangga Star Adviser) and Priscilla Weevil, current Editor-in-Chief of The Serangga Star Adviser.

According to the agenda, the meeting will begin with a tribute to Tinamou, who declined the invitation to attend the afternoon gathering.

Avian Messenger’s Tinamou takes leave of absence for “personal reasons”

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A month after Alvin Tinamou’s empty nest was discovered outside The Park, The Avian Messenger has confirmed that he has decided to take an “extended leave of absence” from his rôle as publisher of The Park’s most trusted Avian newspaper.

Avian Messenger front page

In a statement that was part announcement, part biography, and part tribute, the newspaper’s managing editor Fiorentina D’Aquila wrote that it was “with deep sadness and profound regret” that the paper made the announcement.

Writing eloquently and with obvious sympathy for Tinamou, D’Aquila called her publisher “beloved by staff and readers alike” and quoted colleagues who attested to his commitment to journalistic integrity and to The Park’s Avian community.

“Most of what I’ve learned has come from my working for and with Alvin Tinamou. My interactions with him never failed to teach me something or to broaden my view. I will be forever grateful to him and I wish him only the best at this most challenging time in his life,” D’Aquila quoted Editor-in-Chief Donatella Falcon as saying. Falcon will replace Tinamou for the duration of his leave.

Though Tinamou was not quoted in the piece, it was confirmed that he cited “personal reasons” for his decision. Those personal reasons no doubt arose from the theft of his nest in June and its subsequent discovery—minus the eggs—last month.

Tinamou has remained silent about the tragedy, but those close to him say it has taken a great toll on him and his mate Adela.

“Alvin has suffered terribly from this loss. He needs some time to rest, to be with Adela, and to process what has happened. They have both been in shock for months,” his cousin Augustus told The Mammalian Daily.

Tinamou nest found outside Park; eggs replaced with Bailey’s basketball

By

NestJPEGBREAKING NEWS

Park Police announced this morning that they have recovered the nest of Alvin Tinamou and his mate Adela.

Szabina Héja, head of the Airborne Investigative Unit (AIU), made the announcement at a press conference this morning.

“Yesterday afternoon, our team was directed to a Tree outside The Park. Upon investigation, we discovered and later took possession of a nest with a basketball inside it. After extensive testing at our laboratory, we have determined that the nest is that of Alvin Tinamou. Our tests also revealed that the basketball is the same one lent to The Park Museum by Mammalian Daily balls columnist Bailey. Unfortunately, we were unable to find any evidence of the Tinamou eggs. Our Unit continues to search for the eggshells and we are optimistic that we will be successful,” Héja said.

Experts say, however, that since the nest was stolen in mid-June, there is little hope of recovering the eggshells.

“Those chicks would have hatched by early July at the latest,” says Dr. Simon Crow, head of Avian Medicine at the University of West Terrier. “They would, physiologically, almost be adults by now. And the shells surely would have been used for other purposes.”

The AIU head did not comment on the state of the basketball, nor did she give reporters any idea of when the ball might be released to its rightful owner. But she did confirm that both the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) and the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) have been brought in to help in the search for the perpetrator of the crime.

Alvin Tinamou’s nest reported missing

By

Tinamou nest

The nest of Alvin Tinamou and his current mate Adela disappeared with eggs inside

DEVELOPING STORY

Park Police have been called in to search for the nest of Alvin Tinamou.

The publisher of The Avian Messenger and organizer of May’s annual Month Without Metaphor reported the nest missing early this afternoon.

“He said he walked off for a few minutes and when he returned, the nest and its eggs were gone,” said a spokesAnimal for the police.

Tinamou positioned the nest close to the offices of The Avian Messenger, a friend told The Mammalian Daily. The three blue eggs inside belonged to his last mate, Adela, who left about a week ago. Park Police said they intend to question her but she is not a suspect at the moment.

According to his friend, Tinamou is “distraught” and blames himself.

“This was the last thing he ever thought would happen. He’s questioning himself and his abilities as a mate. And he doesn’t know if Adela will ever speak to him again,” the friend said.

According to the police report, the nest went missing at approximately one o’clock this afternoon. Any Animal who was in the vicinity or who saw anything suspicious should call police immediately.

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