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OTD in 2015—Cackling Goose Tavern to host fundraiser for Jerzy Szop on Friday

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Cackling Goose TavernThe Cackling Goose Tavern announced today that it will host a fundraiser for displaced Park citizen Jerzy Szop this Friday night.

In an invitation posted on their GooseBook page, the tavern appealed to all Park residents to “come out after 6:00 p.m. on Friday night and make this the fundraiser to end all fundraisers.”

Szop lost his home in July when the Maple Tree in which he had lived for the past three years was hacked during the night. Although Park Police have yet to determine the perpetrator of the crime, AnonyMoose has claimed responsibility for the hacking. Since then, Szop has been staying with friends and family members, some of whom report he is feeling “lost” and quite depressed. At the time of the hacking, he said he had lost faith in Park life and was considering leaving.

In an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio, The Cackling Goose owner Brantford Gander said he knew Friday’s fundraiser would at the very least boost Szop’s spirits.

“But, truthfully, we’re looking to do much more than that. We’ll have music, games, food, drink, and an auction. Something for every Animal but hopefully even more for Jerzy. We’re hoping that this will truly be the Goose that laid the Golden Egg for him,” Gander said.

OTD in 2015—AnonyMoose claims responsibility for latest Tree hacking in Park

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AnonyMooseAnonyMoose has claimed responsibility for the latest hacking of a Park Tree.

In an email sent to all Park newspapers, the notorious enemy of zoocracy says it was he who hacked the Maple Tree outside The Battering Ram Café last Wednesday.

“I did it to gain your attention, to rouse you from your stupor,” he said in the email, which is addressed to “Fellow Park citizens and members of the media.”

In the email, AnonyMoose outlines the reasons for his disaffection with Park government and chides his fellow citizens for their complacency.

“Year after year, the Archons’ inability to govern this Park appears to go unnoticed. Every January, we celebrate the swearing-in of some of the most incompetent Animals in our midst and happily entrust them with our welfare. Over the past three years, the Finance Office has demonstrated its inability to present an appropriate budget. Sortition and zoocracy do not work, my fellow citizens. If you have any interest in saving this ailing Park, I implore you: show your claws and teeth, overtake the Archons before it is too late and return the running of our lives to those who do it best: the citizens.”

Nowhere in the email, which runs for three pages, does AnonyMoose show any remorse for what he did to the Tree or to Jerzy Szop, whose home was destroyed when the Tree was hacked. The Maple Tree itself is currently receiving treatment from a Tree doctor, but it is too early to tell whether it will survive.

Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) issued a communiqué following the receipt of the email. In it, he said that his team is “on the trail” of AnonyMoose.

“We hope to be able to deliver him for an appearance before the courts very soon,” the communiqué said.

Cackling Goose Tavern to host fundraiser for Jerzy Szop on Friday

By

Cackling Goose TavernThe Cackling Goose Tavern announced today that it will host a fundraiser for displaced Park citizen Jerzy Szop this Friday night.

In an invitation posted on their GooseBook page, the tavern appealed to all Park residents to “come out after 6:00 p.m. on Friday night and make this the fundraiser to end all fundraisers.”

Szop lost his home in July when the Maple Tree in which he had lived for the past three years was hacked during the night. Although Park Police have yet to determine the perpetrator of the crime, AnonyMoose has claimed responsibility for the hacking. Since then, Szop has been staying with friends and family members, some of whom report he is feeling “lost” and quite depressed. At the time of the hacking, he said he had lost faith in Park life and was considering leaving.

In an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio, The Cackling Goose owner Brantford Gander said he knew Friday’s fundraiser would at the very least boost Szop’s spirits.

“But, truthfully, we’re looking to do much more than that. We’ll have music, games, food, drink, and an auction. Something for every Animal but hopefully even more for Jerzy. We’re hoping that this will truly be the Goose that laid the Golden Egg for him,” Gander said.

Hacked Maple Tree dies as police continue search for AnonyMoose

By

Maple Tree stump being guarded

A member of the BlueBird Guard sits atop the Maple Tree stump, where mourners have placed flowers.

The Maple Tree found hacked eight days ago has died, according to Park Police.

In a brief statement issued this morning, Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) said the Tree died at 11:07 last night. The death certificate has been signed by the Tree doctor who had attended the Tree since it was discovered on the morning of July 16.

“Our thoughts are with all Trees in The Park and with Jerzy Szop, who has been rendered homeless by this heinous act,” the statement said.

Inspector Addax also confirmed that the search for AnonyMoose, who has claimed responsibility for the hacking, is “active.”

“We are committing as many of our resources as possible to finding and apprehending AnonyMoose,” the inspector said in a short radio interview.

Meanwhile, mourners have begun to place flowers on the Tree stump and Park Police have sent a member of their elite BlueBird Guard to watch over the stump until it is removed on the weekend.

AnonyMoose claims responsibility for latest Tree hacking in Park

By

AnonyMoose

AnonyMoose

BREAKING NEWS

AnonyMoose has claimed responsibility for the latest hacking of a Park Tree.

In an email sent to all Park newspapers, the notorious enemy of zoocracy says it was he who hacked the Maple Tree outside The Battering Ram Café last Wednesday.

“I did it to gain your attention, to rouse you from your stupor,” he said in the email, which is addressed to “Fellow Park citizens and members of the media.”

In the email, AnonyMoose outlines the reasons for his disaffection with Park government and chides his fellow citizens for their complacency.

“Year after year, the Archons’ inability to govern this Park appears to go unnoticed. Every January, we celebrate the swearing-in of some of the most incompetent Animals in our midst and happily entrust them with our welfare. Over the past three years, the Finance Office has demonstrated its inability to present an appropriate budget. Sortition and zoocracy do not work, my fellow citizens. If you have any interest in saving this ailing Park, I implore you: show your claws and teeth, overtake the Archons before it is too late and return the running of our lives to those who do it best: the citizens.”

Nowhere in the email, which runs for three pages, does AnonyMoose show any remorse for what he did to the Tree or to Jerzy Szop, whose home was destroyed when the Tree was hacked. The Maple Tree itself is currently receiving treatment from a Tree doctor, but it is too early to tell whether it will survive.

Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) issued a communiqué following the receipt of the email. In it, he said that his team is “on the trail” of AnonyMoose.

“We hope to be able to deliver him for an appearance before the courts very soon,” the communiqué said.

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