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OTD in 2015—Food insecurity to become Park Animals’ biggest challenge: DWBS

April 10, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Park RaccoonFood insecurity is the next big challenge Park Animals will face, according to a report released today by The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS).

At a press conference held at his office this morning, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo discussed the findings of the new report, “Sources of Sustenance.”

According to the report, which was commissioned two years ago by the Archons and the DWBS, sources of food for Park Animals will become scarcer in the next few years. The report cites a number of reasons for this finding, chief among them the “increasing ingenuity displayed by the Human species.”

“It is our sad duty to report that the Human species is more intelligent than previously believed. It has developed ingenious tools to hide and, therefore, hoard its food. There will come a time in the not too distant future when our success in sourcing food outside The Park will depend mainly on Human error,” the report concludes.

Humans are not the only reason for the prediction of food shortages, though. Other reasons cited in the report include weather changes, imprudent planning, budget shortages, and lack of innovation in food sourcing.

“We have relied too heavily on old methods of gathering food,” Kakapo said the report warned. “We are at a crossroads and we need to encourage innovation in this area.”

While the report may appear to paint a bleak picture of The Park’s future ability to fulfil its own food requirements, Kakapo cautioned against seeing it as entirely negative.

“New technology, such as TulipTracker, BulbBeacon and other applications demonstrate that the ingenuity of Park Animals is equal to the task. We have faith in our own intelligence and our ability to deal with these upcoming challenges,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: food hoarding, Food insecurity, raccoons

Park Weather Makers make impassioned plea at Agrarian Jubilee

May 25, 2015 By TMD Weather Reporter

Weather Makers

Logo of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park

It was impromptu and it was impassioned.[pullquote]By supporting your local weather makers, you support The Park’s cultivators and growers and ensure the best food supply to Park residents, which, in turn, ensures a better, more secure, and more prosperous life for all.—WMPSAP president Kalliope Sun Bear [/pullquote]

Between sets by Eggie and The Pigs at Saturday’s Anixi Agrarian Jubilee, Kalliope Sun Bear, president  of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), took to the stage, grabbed the microphone from its stand, and uttered a heartfelt plea to the powers that be (i.e., the Park Finance Officers):

“We have seen the results of the faulty decision-making by the Park Finance Office over the past several years: the purchase of weather from outside The Park; the export of better weather produced by our own members; the resultant food shortages and increasing reliance on the importing of necessities, including food; the support of initiatives such as tourism, that have a detrimental effect on life in The Park…the list goes on.

I implore you to take a step back in order to ensure a better future for The Park and its citizens. By supporting your local weather makers, you support The Park’s cultivators and growers and ensure the best food supply to Park residents, which, in turn, ensures a better, more secure, and more prosperous life for all,” she said.

Her plea comes at a crucial time: just last week, Valentina Abeja, the new head of the Park Finance Office, announced that she would present the 2016 budget on August 1. That leaves a substantial amount of time, Sun Bear believes, to rethink our weather policy and to adjust the figures in its favour.

“I hadn’t at all planned on saying anything at the Jubilee. It’s traditionally a time of celebration, of looking forward toward the new growing season and the coming bounty. But I looked out at the crowd and I saw all the [members of] Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers and I thought, ‘Something has to be said on their behalf.’ I can’t look at them and not feel their fear…their insecurity. It seemed like a great place to start a discussion, with such a massive turnout,” Sun Bear said in an interview after her speech.

“I know the crowd was with me. I just hope the Finance Office heard us, too,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life Tagged With: Food insecurity, food shortages, import and export, uncertainty, weather

Food insecurity to become Park Animals’ biggest challenge: DWBS

April 10, 2015 By Thaddeus S. Loris, TMD Health and Safety Reporter

Park Raccoon

Food outside The Park will soon become harder to find: DWBS

BREAKING NEWS
Food insecurity is the next big challenge Park Animals will face, according to a report released today by The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS).

At a press conference held at his office this morning, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo discussed the findings of the new report, “Sources of Sustenance.”

According to the report, which was commissioned two years ago by the Archons and the DWBS, sources of food for Park Animals will become scarcer in the next few years. The report cites a number of reasons for this finding, chief among them the “increasing ingenuity displayed by the Human species.”

“It is our sad duty to report that the Human species is more intelligent than previously believed. It has developed ingenious tools to hide and, therefore, hoard its food. There will come a time in the not too distant future when our success in sourcing food outside The Park will depend mainly on Human error,” the report concludes.

Humans are not the only reason for the prediction of food shortages, though. Other reasons cited in the report include weather changes, imprudent planning, budget shortages, and lack of innovation in food sourcing.

“We have relied too heavily on old methods of gathering food,” Kakapo said the report warned. “We are at a crossroads and we need to encourage innovation in this area.”

While the report may appear to paint a bleak picture of The Park’s future ability to fulfil its own food requirements, Kakapo cautioned against seeing it as entirely negative.

“New technology, such as TulipTracker, BulbBeacon and other applications demonstrate that the ingenuity of Park Animals is equal to the task. We have faith in our own intelligence and our ability to deal with these upcoming challenges,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life Tagged With: food hoarding, Food insecurity, raccoons

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