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OTD in 2015—Chitter Radio Literary Awards: Woodruff Dalmatio’s “Fine Lines and Wrinkles”

June 13, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Woodruff DalmatioSPOTLIGHT ON…

Fine Lines and Wrinkles: Standing up for Comedy in the Modern Park
by Woodruff Dalmatio
275 pp Kynikos Press

On the list of contenders for this year’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards is Woodruff Dalmatio’s insightful and hilarious memoir-cum-rant, Fine Lines and Wrinkles: Standing up for Comedy in the Modern Park. 

The Park comic, whose book is entered in both the memoir and humour categories, was last heard calling for a “Month Without Media” in response to The Park’s annual “Month Without Metaphor.” He is otherwise known for his outrageous standup comedy which found him running “afowl” of certain species last year.

While Dalmatio was censured for some inappropriate comments and he lost a few gigs, he’s made up for it in this book, not by taking the high road per se, but by delineating for his audience and readers the road that comics travel.

“There’s a fine line between humour and offence and comedians try to walk it every day,” he says in the book’s introduction. “Unfortunately, they stumble quite often.”

And about those wrinkles? Dalmatio contends they’re never anticipated and always a surprise. But here’s another wrinkle: he says they’re never unwelcome.

“The minute you step off the stage, the chatter begins and you never know where it will lead. You think you’ve had a smooth set, and then you find there’s a wrinkle in it. And, sometimes, that wrinkle grows huge and you have to do something to iron things out again. But without those wrinkles, your career would be stagnant,” he writes.

The Chitter Radio Literary Awards take place June 15.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: canine comedy, fine lines and wrinkles, standup comedy

OTD in 2012—NIML wow crowd at Park’s first pop-up music event

June 12, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

NIML (Not In My Lifetime) was in fine form on Monday as they wowed the crowd that quickly gathered at The Park’s first pop-up music event.

It was an ordinary, hazy Monday afternoon, spectators said, when lead singer, Beau Ballentyne, grabbed a microphone from inside his shopping bag and began to belt out the group’s signature tune, MYPod or Yours?

The other two members of the group quickly joined him for what turned out to be a half-hour impromptu concert at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond.

“There’s never been anything quite like this,” said onlooker Zaffi Newt. “They made quite a splash. It was a nice break in the day.”

Not everyone was pleased, though. The end of the concert was marred for some by a few vocal members of the group, “Keep Your Paws Out of Our Ponds.” Holding waterproof placards, they marched in a circle around the pond for a few minutes but, with no response from the crowd, they soon left.

“I don’t think they had many supporters there,” Newt said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

OTD in 2016—Tab to take on Tavros with launch of “Liberation Libation” at literary awards

June 11, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Tab Tricolore

Chef Tab Tricolore

Never one to back down from a fight, celebrity chef and award-winning author Tab Tricolore has announced that he plans to use Wednesday’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards to take down his latest enemy, Yannis Tavros.

Tavros, who last month accused Tricolore of discriminating against the non-striped at his pub, The Tabby Club, launched his #BullintheTabbyClub campaign in earnest last week when he encouraged his listeners and Twitter followers to boycott Tricolore’s restaurants. Instead, he told them to follow him to Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station.

Tricolore did not respond immediately to the challenge. But today he announced that he would be serving his newest creation, the #LiberationLibation, to all attendees at Wednesday’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards.

“It’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month. Come and see what real freedom tastes like—not the kind that Tavros is serving up on the radio,” Tricolore posted in an online open invitation.

The popular chef, who won two Chitter Radio Literary Awards in 2013 for his cookbook, The Feral Roots of Our Festive Cuisine, is reportedly “incensed” that Tavros accused him of discrimination.

“Tab was born to a feral mother and experienced the kind of discrimination that Yannis Tavros can’t even imagine,” says Tricolore’s former saucier, Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla. “It wasn’t even his idea for The Tabby Club to be an all-striped pub. It was the original owner’s— who, by the way, was The Park’s first leader.”

Burmilla describes Tab as a “tough but fair” boss who “absolutely believes” in the equality of all species.

“About that, he’s never had a second thought,” says Burmilla.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: #BullintheTabbyClub, #LiberationLibation, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, Tavros vs Tricolore

OTD in 2013—Enforced Domestication victim: “It could happen to you.”

June 10, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Enforced Domestication

A series of workshops entitled, “Enforced Domestication: It Could Happen to You,” was held in The Park this past weekend.

It starts with the offer of a bit of food or drink, a toy, or even a pat on the back, a free brushing, or a warm lap.

“It can be anything, really, as long as the Human thinks it’s what you would like,” says Enforced Domestication survivor Antoni Chomik.

This past weekend, thousands attended the Enforced Domestication workshops that Chomik chaired. The workshops were designed to educate Park Animals on the domestication tactics employed by Humans and they covered a wide range of subjects including awareness, prevention, escape planning, post-traumatic effects, and what Park administration could and should do to reduce the incidence of enforced domestication.

“It shouldn’t all be up to the Animal in question,” says Chomik, who believes the Department of Well-Being and Safety is not doing enough to educate the young.

“The young are particularly vulnerable to Human domestication tactics, as are the elderly,” says Chomik. “There’s no doubt that Park life might seem harder at times and there’s no shame in admitting that. Who wouldn’t want a full stomach, a comfy bed, and some form of attention?”

But, according to Chomik, it won’t take long for you to realize that this “harmless” gesture comes with a price.

“Imagine if your new Human friend bent down to give you a treat and said, ‘I promise you those things, but you’ll never be able to go outside or, if you do, you’ll never be able to visit your friends or stroll on your own. You will always be tethered to some Human and you will never be free again.’ Would you take the treat?”

Chomik admits that some would, but he says most would run or fly or swim as fast as they could.

“We are not built for domestication. Not mentally or emotionally,” he says adamantly. “Some species are more able to adapt than others but, by and large, we lose a part of ourselves when we succumb to it. That’s why we have to work hard to preserve ourselves and our way of life, no matter how difficult it is.”

 

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day

OTD in 2012—Dear Noreen: Kiss me quick

June 9, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Official NoreenDEAR NOREEN: I was adopted a year ago by a pair of Humans. Almost everything is perfect, but one thing puzzles me. From the beginning, these Humans have had the strange habit of placing their lips on the top of my head. This action lasts only a second and it culminates in a soft, smacking sound.

Now, I am not a puppy; I have been sniffed, chewed, nuzzled, and licked, but I have never had anyone plant their lips on me. Can you tell me what the significance of this gesture is? Should I be worried about it? — PERPLEXED

DEAR PERPLEXED: The action you describe is known as “kissing.” (This is not to be confused, of course, with “hissing,” which is something else altogether, especially when performed by our Feline friends.)

Kissing is a holdover from days gone by and, in the Human world, it serves no other purpose than to transfer a feeling of affection from one individual to another. Though it seems primitive to us (not to mention downright useless), Humans make quite a thing of it. They’ve even developed a number of different forms of kissing and their pride in that achievement has led them to write long treatises on the subject and to fill whole stanzas of poetry with recollections of their kissing events.

There’s no need to fret, though; the gesture, itself, is entirely harmless. But, only you can decide whether it is right for you.

As for my personal tastes, anyone who reads this newspaper regularly knows my opinion of Humans: they’re lovely to look at it, but I wouldn’t want to live with one…or be kissed by one, either.

Dear Noreen is a regular feature of The Mammalian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for Noreen, please send it via Twitter at @talkswithnoreen.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Dear Noreen Advice Columns, On This Day Tagged With: Talks with Noreen

OTD in 2016—Memes of Production, Beasts of Burden to join pop-up at Cackling Goose tonight

June 8, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Cackling Goose TavernBREAKING NEWS

The Memes of Production and The Beasts of Burden will join a number of their fellow musicians and some Park poets, spoken word artists, and storytellers at a special pop-up event tonight at The Cackling Goose Tavern.

The free event, which will be held in honour of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) was announced on GooseBook late this morning by owner Brantford Gander. By noon, it had received forty thousand “honks,” with many of those honkers confirming their attendance.

In a statement posted after the event’s announcement, Gander explained that he had missed the deadline to participate in the month-long awareness event, but that his species—and all Birds—are vulnerable to enforced domestication and to “the whims of Humans.”

“We can’t take our freedom for granted. We must be vigilant but also look out for each other,” he said.

According to the announcement, the concert, readings, and storytelling will be a celebration of that freedom. Domestication survivor and 2012 Chitter Radio Literary Award winner Hercule Parrot will also join the lineup. In 2013, Parrot spoke openly about his relationship with a Human at an EDAM event.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: beasts of burden, concerts, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, events, Memes of Production

OTD in 2014—Two years on, striped and spotted Animals see little economic progress

June 7, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

PFO figures released

New PFO figures show few changes for striped and spotted Animals

Two years ago, economic figures released by the Park Finance Office confirmed definitively that The Park’s striped and spotted Animals were having a more difficult time finding full-time employment than those who had coats of solid or mixed colours. Now, after the release of the PFO’s latest report, it appears that little has changed.

The statistics, which are known colloquially as the “Employment and Enjoyment Stats,” are collected annually by The Park’s Departments of Statistics and Records, Well-Being and Safety, and Employment and Economic Opportunity. They are used by the Finance Office and the governing Archons to aid them in assessing the Park’s social and economic progress. The reaction to today’s release was anger from a number of The Park’s citizen groups.

“This is an outrage,” said Aiofe Badger in a radio interview this morning. Badger, who is President of Sisters and Brothers of the Narrow Band is a vocal advocate of equal rights in The Park. His group is now calling for a full study of the situation, including a plan for its resolution.

“We knew things were bad, but we let ourselves believe we were making progress. Obviously, we were mistaken,” he said.

Keeva Moffatt, President of The Park’s Spotted Skunk Sedan Patrol, says she supports a full inquiry, but she also questions the accuracy of the figures.

“I actually think things are worse and, if I may say, worse even for the spotted than for the striped,” she says.

Former Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros, current Chair of the Board of Directors of the Centre for Interspecial Harmony, said she wasn’t surprised by the figures.

“Clearly, we haven’t done nearly enough,” she says. “‘Stereotype Sundays’ and the establishment of the Centre are only a beginning. We have to dig deeper to find the roots of this prejudice [against the striped and spotted] and figure out why it persists. That is our only hope,” she says.

See also:
Striped Animals not getting fair share of economic pie: study
“Stereotype Sundays” aim to foster harmony among species
Centre for Interspecial Harmony opens

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

OTD in 2012—Food production scandal rocks Park

June 6, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Police investigation found some food grown in The Park is not destined for Animals’ use

Portions of The Park’s farmland are being used to produce food for consumption by Humans who live outside The Park, Police have concluded.

At a press conference held early this morning, B.N.L.Valerian Beetle, Head of The Park Police Force’s Undercover Operations Unit (UOU), confirmed the findings of the Unit’s year-long investigation.

“This has been a long and intensive investigation, conducted over the past twelve months and it includes data from each of the last four seasons,” Beetle said.

The investigation, which involved data-gathering both inside and outside The Park, was initiated after a series of meetings between Park Police and members of The Park’s Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

“We knew that something was terribly wrong,” said SCPCPGF President, A.P. Civet, when she spoke briefly at the end of the press conference.

“We’d been keeping our eyes on these pieces of land for some time…we had permission to seed them and, then, we noticed plants growing in the places we’d planned to seed.”

The SCPCPGF was formed in 2008, after that year’s Archons announced that they were looking at ways to maximize The Park’s food-producing lands. At the time, the Society said it intended to act as a “policy watchdog” to ensure the fair administration of any legislation regarding farming.

At the press conference, Beetle confirmed that the investigation is ongoing, but said there are no known suspects “at this time.”

“We are working on several leads and encourage any Animals who may have seen suspicious activity in the areas of these lands to come forward with information,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life

OTD in 2013—Tricolore book “strong contender” at 2013 literary festivals

June 5, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Tricolore book

Renowned Park chef Tab Tricolore could take home two or more prizes from this year’s literary festivals for his book, “The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine.”

Part recipe book, part memoir, and part historical overview, Tricolore’s most recent effort has received glowing reviews from a number of Park publications, including The Panther Post and The Silvestris Star. Home cooks and other Park readers have weighed in on the book as well, with some calling it a “tour de force” and others suggesting that it should become part of The Park’s early Animal education curriculum.

“His description of his Kittenhood and of the feral world has tremendous value, especially for our young,” says Beatrice Zilonis, professor of history at the University of West Terrier.

The book is up for prizes in the non-fiction category at both the Chitter Radio Literary Awards and the Feline Fiction Fest. It is also entered in the hybrid category at the Feline Fiction Fest.

Wyuna Winkle, proprietor of The Literary Apothecary, said her shop was “overrun” by Tricolore enthusiasts when he spent a half-day there recently.

“He arrived for a short pawprinting session, but they wouldn’t let him go. He’s become quite the celebrity,” she said.

The Chitter Radio Literary Awards (formerly The Park Literary Awards) will take place on 15 June. The Feline Fiction Fest will run from 16-18 June.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

OTD in 2015—Police confirm early morning break-in at Holstein Fashion’s main factory

June 4, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Holstein Fashion

Police confirmed an early morning break-in at the main factory of Holstein Fashion

BREAKING NEWS

Park Police have confirmed that an early morning break-in occurred at the main factory of Holstein Fashion on Monday.

At a press conference held this morning, Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) and Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) confirmed the break-in, saying only that it occurred in the early morning hours of Monday, June 1.

They refused to offer any other details, including whether anything was stolen or destroyed.

“We can’t divulge that information right now,” Inspector Addax told a reporter from The Mammalian Daily. “It would get in the way of the investigation.”

Addax would only say that there were “no injuries to any Animals” as a result of the break-in. For her part, Inspector Fossa said that her unit was called in subsequent to the SHCU’s investigation.

“They were called to the scene after Park Police were alerted to the occurrence of suspicious noises at the factory by a passerby,” Fossa said. “Approximately one hour and forty minutes later, my unit received a call to attend at the scene.”

Also present at the press conference was Cornelius Kakapo, the Director of Public Relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS). While Inspectors Addax and Fossa refused to speculate on the motives of the perpetrator or perpetrators of the crime, Kakapo was quick to assure Park Animals that they are safe and he recommended “going about our business as usual.”

“This is a nuisance crime,” he said. “It is not a crime that implies either a generalized or specific threat.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: break-in, hate crimes, specist crimes

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