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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2012—Polar Bear finally scoops first prize in Toe-Hair Contest

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Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear finally managed to scoop top prize in The Park’s Toe-Hair Contest.

After five previous attempts, The Bear was declared the winner of the 17th annual Contest at 11:56 on May 1, after a unanimous decision was handed down by the judges.

At the awards presentation, Rufus di Rafineschi, the Contest’s head judge, said it had been a difficult competition to adjudicate.

“The quality and range of toe-hairs this year was extraordinary and, happily, it made our job that much more difficult,” he said.

In the end, though, it was the “perfect formation” of the Bear’s toe-hairs, along with their “exceptional length and quality” that won the Bear top prize.

At a press conference after the prizes were awarded, the Bear fielded questions about his tenacity.

“I wasn’t going to let this one go,” he said, finally, after a fourth reporter asked why he had entered the Contest for the sixth time.

The  Bear also praised his fellow competitors, heartily congratulating second and third prize winners, Richard “Rocky” Jerboa and Salamanca Q. Sloth.

OTD in 2015—The Barkettes at the Wishing Well: tickets go on sale today!

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Barkettes at The Wishing Well

NEWS FLASH!
Tickets for the second concert in Thisbe and the Barkettes’ ” Bring Your Own Bone,” tour go on sale this morning at both the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre and the Wishing Well.

In a text sent early this morning, the band’s manager Hilde Blaft confirmed that tickets will be available for purchase at two locations as of this morning.

“Happy to announce tix for 2nd concert on May12@WishingWell. Tix on sale@AOAT+WW@10:00,” the text read.

Tickets for the first concert, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre on May 8, sold out within two days, according to the event’s promoter, Iglu Entertainment.

The tour includes four concerts in The Park: two at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, one at the Wishing Well and one at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond. The Tartan Crab Memorial Pond concert will be free of charge.

Dates for the remaining two concerts have not yet been announced.

OTD in 2014—Ask a Poodle: Far from the mating crowd

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DEAR POODLE: Now that mating season is upon us, I was hoping that you could offer some tips to those of us who are not so season-savvy. – HOPEFUL

DEAR HOPEFUL: This is a subject about which it is extremely difficult to generalize, since mating habits, preferences, and timing differ so greatly from species to species – not to mention from female to male, and from individual to individual.

That old adage, for instance, about the Goose and the Gander…well, that hasn’t held true for generations – yet it’s the first thing out of everyone’s mouth at this time of year. Some Geese can attract a mate with a honk and a wink, if you know what I mean – and then there are those who must work harder. Other species find they are at their best in a group situation, whereas I, for one, like to stay far from the mating crowd.

Some females I know go for looks as well as scent but, statistically, that’s still a rarity. Where I come from, we have a saying: “La nuit, tous les chats sont gris.” That translates as, “At night, all cats are grey.” All of which means, of course, that if you’re trying to attract someone for the sake of perpetuating the species, you’d darned well better roll around something a little more persuasive than a mirror. Bonne chance à tous!

Ask a Poodle is a regular feature of The Mammlian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. We regret that the Poodle cannot send responses directly to you.

OTD in 2015—Park Historical Society calls for new, mandatory census within two years

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CensusposterThe Park Historical Society is calling on the 2015 Archons and the Park Census Office (PCO) to institute a new census by the end of 2017.

In an interview this morning on Toro Talk Radio, PHS president Clark Cascanueces told host Yannis Tavros that The Park is “way overdue” on an official count.

“Our last census was held in 2007, the year we knew as 25 AZ, because calendar harmonization hadn’t even been discussed yet,” he said.

“And that voluntary count was all but useless, in my opinion. There was too much ignorance surrounding the process and Animals over-reacted to the idea of a head count.”

Cascanueces says the idea has support from some former as well as current Archons and from faculty members at the University of West Terrier. He also counts The Park’s healthcare providers as avid supporters of a new census.

“They’ve told me we have to get a grip on what our needs are, not even just in their own area, but in every area. At this point, we’re flying without a net, providing ad hoc assistance and hoping that will suffice. Well, it won’t,” he said.

The PHS president said he has a meeting scheduled with the Archons for mid-May and that he intends to tell them that a new, mandatory census is as urgent as a new budget.

“All mature societies have some idea of who makes up their population, who needs what, where, when, and why. We are well behind in this respect,” he said.

OTD in 2016—Prepare for all-out food fight as farmers and app makers engage in war of words

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Bulb Beacon with borderHistorians may look back on it and jokingly call it the “Tulip War,” but at present it’s a tense situation that could cause irreparable damage to The Park’s food and technology sectors.

It started last month, when the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) complained in a print advertisement that The Park’s technology companies were encouraging Animals to abandon their natural practices of finding food in favour of letting apps do the searching for them. The SCPCPGF maintains that this negatively affects what it calls the “natural pacing” of food finding and will inevitably lead to uneven distribution, more food imports, and food shortages.

The Park’s technology sector laid low for a short time, hoping to wait out the controversy. But when the SCPCPGF refused to give up, SINCAP Technologies president Peppi Orava took to the airwaves to vigorously defend her company’s app, Bulb Beacon, and assert that SINCAP and other technology companies make it their business to support access to food in The Park.

“We all take access to food very seriously. I know from personal experience that it can be very frustrating and terrifying not to be able to find enough food, or to forget where you stored your food over the Winter. I’ve had relatives who almost starved and that was the impetus for me to develop our app,” she told Toro Talk Radio’s Yannis Tavros in an interview.

But that did not placate SCPCPGF president A.P. Civet, and a few days later, he called for a moratorium on the development of food-related technology.

Now, the anger that has been brewing for weeks threatens to spill over. As both sides begin to issue threats and accusations, experts say the issue could come to blows in May, as planting begins and the Park Finance Office turns its attention to the 2017 budget.

“What’s at stake here is not just peace in The Park, but the food supply itself,” says Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP).

“We all should be very scared.”

OTD in 2017—Not just for the Birds: April’s Stereotype Sunday theme will be Avians

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flock-birdsThe theme of this month’s Stereotype Sunday will be Birds.

The announcement was made this morning in a joint press statement issued by the Archons and the Department of Well-Being and Safety.

“On April 30, we’ll have the opportunity to flock together at our monthly themed Stereotype Sunday. We look forward to seeing you there to gain new understanding and express our appreciation of The Park’s Avian population,” the statement said.

The statement also confirmed rumours that The Feral Four had accepted an invitation to speak at the event. The Feline band, who made a moving speech at the first annual Fowl Ball, has worked tirelessly over the past few years to rehabilitate the reputation of Felines vis à vis Avians, including donating a set of their song lyrics to the Feline charity, CatsCare.

Performances by The Canary Cousins, Banded Brothers, The Tweeters,  SCENTient Beings and Belles and Whistles were also confirmed in the announcement. Rapper Jargonhead, however, confirmed his own performance via social media.

OTD in 2016—Park Animals sighted at celebrity can opening

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Hill of cats and dogsA number of Park citizens were caught on camera yesterday afternoon, eating, partying, and rubbing up against celebrities at a can opening outside The Park.

According to the gossip web site headsNtales, which published a series of pictures taken at the outdoor event, a “large group of Park Animals” attended the can opening hosted by Humans.

“The exceptionally well-attended event included a vast sampling of different canned foods, sparkling and still water served in bowls and on-site entertainment, as well as free grooming,” the gossip site said.

headsNtales co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo said her reporters could not verify that the Park Animals had been invited to the event.

“We aren’t able to say whether the Park Animals were responding to an invite or just came upon the event in their travels. It [the event] was well-publicized outside The Park, but no Park media we know of published any information about it,” she said.

OTD in 2017—Introducing Five Questions For…

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five-questions

The Mammalian Daily is proud to introduce our new interview series, Five Questions For…

Five Questions For—or FQF— will be a series of short interviews designed to help readers get to know their fellow Park Animals better. Not all our FQF interviewees may be familiar to you, but we promise that you’ll be glad we gave you the chance to get to know them.

Asking the five questions will be our Focus reporter, Riikard Havik. A graduate of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier, Riikard has been the Focus beat reporter since he arrived at The Mammalian Daily in 2013. Before that, he wrote for The Avian Messenger and The Ornis Interpreter, where he worked an assignment reporter.

Five Questions For…will start in May. Be sure to look for new interviews on our front page and archived FQFs in a separate section under the Interviews tab.

OTD in 2015—Sneak-a-Snuggle refugees healthy and happy to be free: Hermione Hippo

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Hermione Hippo

Hermione Hippo

The more than one hundred Animals who were liberated yesterday in a raid on a Sneak-a-Snuggle outside The Park are “relatively healthy and happy to be free,” according to Hermione Hippo, head nurse at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.

Hippo, who is also an Assistant Professor in the School of Medicine at the University of West Terrier, said she was called in to the hospital in the very early hours of April 23 to assess and triage the liberated Animals.

“This was a total surprise,” she says.

“We’ve been working on a plan to contain Tulip-Related Illness and Small Ball Fever. That has been our focus for the past two months. We were blindsided by this,” she told Mammalian Daily Radio host Didier Wombat in an interview this morning.

Hippo said the majority of Animals were “relatively healthy,” which made her job much easier.

“They appeared to have been looked after, at least. They were well-nourished when they came in, but they were in shock. I don’t think it ever occurred to them that they would be able to escape their confinement,” she said.

The Animals will stay at the Park Hospital until Monday, at least, Hippo confirmed. After that, they will be re-assessed and receive counselling and other aid before they are released. Hippo said she had she had no idea as yet of how many plan to remain in The Park.

OTD in 2015—Police launch early morning raid on Sneak-a-Snuggle outside Park

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BREAKING NEWS

At a press conference held this morning, Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) took to the podium to confirm reports of an early morning raid on a Sneak-a-Snuggle that recently opened outside The Park.

Flanked by Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) and C. Astrid H. Ant, Head of The Park’s Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS), Inspector Addax revealed details of the raid, in which more than one hundred Animals were liberated.

“Under cover of darkness, members of the ASIS Select Undercover Brigade (SUB) were deployed in a covert action that involved infiltrating the Sneak-a-Snuggle and liberating the Animals held therein,” he said.

The crack team of more than a thousand received assistance from other members of the police force in the execution of the raid, Inspector Addax told reporters.

“All went as planned. The operation went smoothly and we do not anticipate having to return to that location,” he said.

The Animals who were liberated come from “a variety of different species” and, Addax told reporters, they will be spending a few days at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm before they are released and able to function on their own.

“They will receive counselling from a number of The Park’s refugee and immigrant aid groups and they are welcome to establish a life here, should they so desire,” he said.

The Inspector also confirmed that Park Police have no intention of laying charges against the Human owners of the Sneak-a-Snuggle.

“It does not lie within our jurisdiction to prosecute Humans who reside outside The Park,” he said.

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