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Archives for January 2019

Full schedule of events released for 2019 Groundhog Day celebrations

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The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations (DHFC) has released the Official Schedule of the 2019 Groundhog Day Celebrations.

At a short press conference this morning, DHFC Director of Public Relations Aintza Kanariar said she was confident that all Park residents would be pleased with the lineup of performers, games, acts, and more that will make up what some in The Park consider the most important event of the year.

“We’ve somehow managed to streamline the event while making it longer,” she laughed, “but there’s no doubt it will be a jam-packed, fun-filled day for all.”

Kanariar confirmed that the 2km tunnel race would go ahead as usual, but said nothing about it being broadcast. She would not comment on speculation that one of The Park’s technology companies was planning to livestream the event.

Kanariar also confirmed that 2019 “spare,” Signe Klara Woodchuck, would be awakened at the same time as 2019 POPS, Olan Ulick Whistlepig.

“Olan Whistlepig and Signe Woodchuck will be awakened simultaneously, and Signe will be acknowledged during the post-prognostication ceremony. We want her to know we appreciate her contribution and her commitment to The Park,” Kanariar said.

Kanariar acknowledged the controversy over the two comedy sets scheduled and, in a nod to the growing desire among The Park’s population to have a say in all aspects of the celebrations, she announced that a comprehensive survey would be handed out to all celebration attendees.

“We are actively seeking their feedback and any suggestions they might have for the future,” she said.

As for the parade, Kanariar said many might find it leaned toward the nostalgic, but there will be plenty of new floats to combat that view.

The following musicians, among others, will participate in the event:

The Feral Four
The Canary Cousins
Spontaneous Generation
Les Chiens Débraillés
SCENTient Beings
Jargonhead
Persistent Sisters
The Cynics
Will.o.be
Memes of Production
Last Stand
Eggie and The Pigs
ZEAL
Inktvis and Krake
The All-Rodent Marching Band
The DomEstyx
The Beasts of Burden
BHR (Big Hearts Rule) formerly NIML (Not In My Lifetime)
Fish Rap

As is always the case, one of the most important aspects of the Groundhog Day celebrations will be the food. Renowned Chef Tab Triolore will reprise his “feral buffet” and supply delicious non-perishables from his grassRoutes restaurant. Other food purveyors include The Battering Ram Café, The Compost Heap, The Broop ‘n Miaow, The Draft, The Pound Gastropub, and The Cackling Goose Tavern. Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station will serve a full breakfast just after the Archons’ Address. Ants in Your Pantry and Provisions by Petrounel will send all attendees home with tasty party favours.

And, again, this year, food will be served for twenty-four hours straight.

“We’re going through from eight in the morning on the second [of February] until eight in the morning on the third,” Kanariar said.

And, don’t forget: the events will be covered live by Mammalian Daily reporters here on Twitter.

Wednesday Rewind: Newt becomes Chief Archon

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newtOriginal Publication Date: 23 January 2012

For the first time in Park history, a semi-aquatic Animal was sworn in as Chief Archon of The Park’s 2012 government.

In a moving ceremony held this morning at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt took the oath of office as Chief Archon in front of a crowd of thousands.

“This is a historic day,” said Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, who presided over the event and administered the oath of office to all 35 Animals who will serve as Archons this year. “We should all be proud to be Park citizens.”

While thousands of Animals braved the bitter cold to attend the ceremony at the Theatre, an estimated 700,000 others watched the political process play out from the comfort of their own dwellings. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, dedicated its entire morning programming schedule to the event.

“We believe strongly in the Zoocratic process and we are proud and honoured to have a part in it,” said a statement released yesterday by PBC Executives.

Among those in attendance at the event were representatives of all The Park’s Citizen Aid and Action Associations, including proxy representatives of The Park’s many hibernating communities.

Wednesday Rewind: Groundhog Day fest victim of Park’s economic woes

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Original Publication Date: 10 January 2010

The mood is sombre in the office of Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr.

“No one envies me these days,” says the chief organizer of The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations.

Less than two weeks before one of the biggest events in The Park’s calendar, The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has slashed his budget, sending Whistlepig scrambling out of his hibernaculum to make sure this year’s celebrations properly reflect the tenor of the festivities.

“This holiday is a major Park occasion. It signals the coming of Spring, the renewal of life, the hope of the future. It is not just about a prediction; it is about a certainty — the certainty that we have survived, and that we will thrive, no matter what we face,” Whistlepig proclaims.

While Whistlepig says he “disputes” the notion that the celebration requires a big budget, he believes it is a mistake to tone down celebrations, particularly at a time of hardship.

“I don’t believe in restraint when it comes to celebrations. I think they [the Department] are underestimating the resilience of Park Animals. We will get through this [economic] tunnel and come out the other end. Saving a few Ftoo here and there is not going to make any difference to the outcome.”

Regardless of the size of the celebration, Whistlepig is confident that all Animals will enjoy the festivities.

“This is not a celebration to miss,” he says. “No matter how big or small, it is a very important part of The Park’s social season, and it speaks to our sense of ourselves as Park citizens. No one should miss it.”

Groundhog Day celebrations will begin 1 Barnabus with the prediction of 28 AZ POPS (Park Official Prognosticator of Spring), Elisabetta Mary Marmot. The prediction is expected to occur any time between 07:33 and 07:49. Following the sealing of the Proclamation, the Archons will deliver their annual Groundhog Day address. The Groundhog Day Parade is scheduled to begin at 08:30, followed by the 2-kilometre tunnel race. Food stations will remain open from 08:00 until 3:00.. The full Groundhog Day schedule will be posted at the Law Courts on 28 Proto.

Wednesday Rewind: AVN TV to turn its lens on Humans

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Original Publication Date: 28 August 2014

This Autumn, the AVN Television Network (AVN TV) will begin broadcasting a new live television series that will focus on Humans as they spend time in The Park.[pullquote]This show is truly for the Birds. It will be amazing … watching them watch us watching them.” – AVN TV Program Director Izrine Corneille   [/pullquote]

AVN’s Chief Executive Officer Orville Condor and Program Director Izrine Corneille made the announcement at a press conference this morning.

“We [at AVN TV] have a unique perspective on The Park, and we want to use that perspective to serve our customers,” Corneille said. “This show is truly for the Birds. It will be amazing … watching them watch us watching them.”

Corneille said the show will be broadcast for two hours (one hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon) every day of the week. The network’s initial contract with the show’s producers calls for the series to run for 12 consecutive months.

“We wanted to show Humans in every season, starting with the Autumn,” Condor said. 

The show is scheduled to begin on September 22.

AVN Television is a wholly-owned subsidiary of AVN Media, a Park-based media corporation whose holdings also include AVN Radio, CLucK Radio and The Avian Messenger.

Names of 2019 Archons announced

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The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2019 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.

ARCHONS – 2019
Tuatara, Pounamu Marama (Chief Archon)

Angonoka, Ismene; Archey’s Frog, Hemi Patariki; Baiji, Zhang Wei; Beaver, Dufgus; Beluga, Asmund Fritjof; Bowerbird, Raakel Tadita; Bowhead Whale, Darius Enok; Brown Recluse Spider, Matilda Saga; Bufo, Olivia Eleanor; Carp, Rufus Stanley; Chuckwalla, Amalia Mariana; Cockatoo, Arthur Dennis; Condor, Aracely Nicolle; Dwarf Caiman, Selena Valeria; Elephant, Feechi Kalifa; Geoduck, Viggo Arkady; Gorilla, Kwame Salim; Guppy, Ainoliina Valda; Hellbender, Andreas; Hornet, Aksel Arthur;  Ibis, Pandora Kalliope; Kokako, Amaia Manawa; Leopard Gecko, Amooz Bahnam; Longfin Eel, Rawiri Tai; Manx Shearwater, Erikur Njáll; Mehiläinen, Annikki Kaarina; Opposum, Chester Antioch; Oscar, Dieter Öxar; P. Waltl, Sebastián Mateo; Sagalla Caecilian, Adongo Farajah; Salamander, Wyatt Atticus; Scheltopusik, Camilla Grace; Swallowtail, Lucia Martina; Tuna, Hendrina Beatrix.

Outgoing Chief Archon Iolana Whooping Crane: “I did not set out to be the face of a new movement.”

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CHIEF ARCHON IOLANA CAMIRA WHOOPING CRANE: THE EXIT INTERVIEW

In her only exit interview, The Park’s 2018 Chief Archon, Iolana Camira Whooping Crane—whose term ends on Wednesday—told The Mammalian Daily that her work on establishing an “Enough Economy” in The Park was misrepresented by the press and by some political factions. Nonetheless, she stands by her ideas and hopes the incoming Archons will build on them.

We sat down with Chief Archon Iolana C. Whooping Crane earlier this month to discuss zoocracy, the economy, what government can and cannot do, and her hopes for the future of The Park.

TMD: Thank you, Chief Archon Whooping Crane, for sitting down with us today.

IWC:  Thank you for having me. I’m happy to be here.

TMD: Chief Archon Whooping Crane, I think it’s safe to say that it’s the hope of most, if not all, Chief Archons to leave a legacy. This is a two-part question, it seems. First, I’d like to know, is that something you think about at the beginning of your term? When you find out you’ve been elected Chief Archon by the other thirty-four Archons, do you think to yourself, “This is what I want to achieve in the coming year?”

IWC: I will agree with you about legacy, but not in personal terms. Everything we do, we do for the betterment of The Park as a whole, and we only have one year in which to do it. So, it’s about setting something in motion, rather than seeing it to a conclusion. But most governing is that, isn’t it? You can’t be short-sighted. There is no end point; you are simply laying down a set of tracks that you hope will be trod upon and continue to be built by those who follow you. But you’re correct in the sense that each of us, in this small club we call the Chief Archons Club, has certain ideas that seem so important that we feel they should take precedence over others. And, sometimes, those ideas, or the solutions to certain problems, invariably become our legacy. So, to answer your question, no, we do not jump for joy when we are elected and think to ourselves, “Wonderful! I’m going to get the chance to work on my dream project!” Governing is a much more serious and onerous task than that. All too often, events or circumstances that are beyond your control decide for you what your priority is and you have to be able to react to them in a timely fashion. As a result, it is that reaction that becomes your legacy.

TMD: The second part of my question must seem obvious to you: what would you like your own legacy to be?

IWC: I think it’s inevitable that my legacy will be connected to the economy and, of course, to the fact that I introduced the concept of “enough,” not only to The Park generally, but to the budget, as well. And I am proud of that.

TMD: I’m going to ask you a question that many have been afraid to: are you against economic growth in The Park?

IWC:  I don’t know why that question hasn’t been asked, but I’m happy to answer it now. I am in favour of sustainable, responsible economic growth in The Park. I am not in favour of unfettered growth or growth that leaves some Animals or species of Animals behind. And I am not in favour of growth that imperils the environment, pits some species against others, or is simply production or consumerism with no end point other than a financial one. Is that clear?

TMD: I would say that is very clear, but is it realistic?

IWC:  Anything is realistic if you are willing to take responsibility for its execution. If you are not, then nothing is realistic, and you are free to blame outside forces.

TMD: That’s a strong opinion.

IWC:  And would you have me express a weak opinion?

TMD: No, of course not.

TMD: How did you feel when your “enough” approach—your very serious argument about sustainability—became the “BastaBudget?” Did you feel it demeaned your idea?

IWC: No, I didn’t and I don’t now. New ideas are incredibly hard for many to digest. It takes a long period of adjustment and, even then, many are not capable of incorporating them into their world view. Whether we like it or not, something like the “BastaBudget,” a catchy phrase that may seem negative to some, helps the idea along. It fastens it securely in the mind. And, in a way, I did start it, by introducing the idea of the “enough economy.”

TMD: Did you intend to do that?

IWC:  Intend to do what?

TMD: Intend to use linguistic tools to change minds about The Park’s economy?

IWC:  You make me sound manipulative.

TMD: That wasn’t the intention.

IWC: In the first place, I did not come to office intending to do anything radical about the economy. As I said, you assume the office with the best of intentions. And most of my interests weren’t economic to begin with. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that The Park was headed on a path that was not only unsustainable, it was downright dangerous. As Noreen says, one need only look to the Human world to see the results of bad policies. So, I reacted to the situation in what I believe was a reasonable fashion. I said, hold on, we cannot just continue doing what we’ve been doing. We will lose control of everything, including our ability to govern our own land. But I did not set out to be the face of a new movement.

TMD: Would you say you were successful in changing minds?

IWC:  History will make that judgement. I believe I was successful in laying the groundwork for change. Given that we only have a year in office, I would say that that was not a small thing.

TMD: In our discussion today, you make the whole “enough” concept seem so benign. But you were vilified during most of your term.

IWC:  That didn’t surprise me. I think the press—many in the press—did their best to turn my words against me and to fight my ideas. The “Enough Economy” was so misrepresented in the Park press that I just began to ignore it. Why bother fighting it out with the media? It seemed to me that many had chosen to serve the interests of anti-sortitionists, to make it appear that I was incompetent and only an elected government should be able to make such sweeping changes as I felt were necessary.

TMD: I understand why you say that and, yes, there were many who questioned your competency. But, as I’m sure you know, in a series of year-end polls, you surpassed all other Chief Archons in two areas: most disliked and most intelligent. Do you find those two to be at odds with each other?

IWC:  It does seem strange, as if I’m less incompetent and more diabolical. As for being disliked, as I’m sure you expect me to say, it is not a popularity contest. There were many Park residents who agreed with my ideas. And many who had had the same ideas, themselves. A good citizen considers all ideas and makes sound, informed judgements. Our founder, Jor, ran into a great deal of resistance. And he had many enemies, if the biographies are to be believed. So, the polls don’t matter so long as we’re moving in the right direction.

TMD: You mentioned Noreen a while back. What influence, if any, did she have on you?

IWC:  Noreen is a dear friend and she served as an unofficial advisor to me. We met a few times over the course of the year and she updated me on a variety of things regarding the Human world. The breadth of her knowledge when it comes to Humans is remarkable.

TMD: As of January 16, you will be a private citizen of The Park. What are your plans, immediate and long-term?

IWC:  I’ll be going south for a rest after Groundhog Day, but I’ll be back in the Spring. I have a number of projects that I want to work on, some on my own and some collaboratively. I’m going to join my predecessor, Klarissa Kuttu, in the fight for longer terms. One year is simply not enough time to effect meaningful change.

TMD: What would you or will you say to the incoming Chief Archon?

IWC:  I wish the incoming Chief Archon the best of luck. We don’t know who it is, but we do know the burden they will bear. We don’t advise each other, but I would encourage any Archon, Chief or not, to seek as much advice and opinion from others as possible.

TMD: May I say, Chief Archon Whooping Crane, on behalf of all Park citizens, thank you for your work and your service to zoocracy and The Park. We wish you peace and happiness in your new life.

IWC:  Thank you so much. I wish the same for you.

Wednesday Rewind: Archons to move forward on calendar harmonization

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Original Publication Date: 14 March 2010

Less than two months into their term, The Park’s 28 AZ Archons are poised to enact legislation that many believe will forever alter life in The Park.

The announcement came in a press release issued today, just minutes after the Archons emerged from meetings that ran into the wee hours of the morning.

According to the press release, the Archons intend to enact legislation “before the end of the middle of Varrah” to harmonize The Park’s calendar with that of Animals (including Humans) who live outside The Park.

Critics of the proposed legislation believe that the Archons are bowing to pressure from business groups within The Park, while those in favour of harmonization see it as an essential first step in the creation of “The New Park.”

“Once again, I think, we’re going to see Animals pitted against Animals in the struggle for survival,” said Winston Whistlepig, founder and current president of The Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS). “But the old ways are working against us, now. This time, there’s no turning back. It’s do or die.”

Whistlepig’s group began lobbying for calendar harmonization in 25 AZ. The idea did not gain real momentum, however, until The Park experienced a full-blown economic crisis in 27 AZ. The effects of that crisis are still being felt throughout The Park and the 28 AZ Archons began their term with a promise to end the hardship that many Animals have experienced for over a year.

The Archons’ ambitious agenda, of which calendar harmonization is the first component, includes immigration reform, support for Park businesses and, possibly, the introduction of taxation.

Mark your calendars for these important January 2019 events

By

January is one of The Park’s busiest months. To make sure you don’t miss anything, mark these dates on your calendar:

January 1-15: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry, For Tomorrow You May Have to Govern
Because we use the sortition method to select our Archons every January, we are all aware that this duty may fall to us. So, in the days leading up to the selection and announcement, spend time with your friends and family, and enjoy yourself. You may not have much time to do so in the coming year.

January 6-10: “Sortition Shakes” Pop-Up Clinic
Learn more about this newly-identified condition that affects a large percentage of The Park’s adult population. The clinic will be staffed by therapists from the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine and the Extinction Anxiety Clinic, who will spend at least fifteen minutes with each patient. No appointment is necessary. No time for therapy? Just stop by and take Dr. Chloris Cougar’s 10-point test and leave with an explanatory brochure. Either way, a visit here will ease your nerves.

January 7-14: Special Pre-Archon Selection Series of Discussions with Park Authors
In the week leading up to the announcement of the 2019 Archons, proprietor Wyuna Winkle of The Literary Apothecary will host a series of politically-oriented discussions and debates with prominent Park authors. Don’t miss your chance to hear Pieter Paard, Yoshita Tigru, Dr. Berthilidis Strix, Inari Marakatti, and Magnus P. Marmoset, among others.

January 12 : “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Park Government”
Be prepared! If your name comes up, you’ll want to serve honourably and intelligently. Fortunately, historians Pieter Paard, Beatrice Zilonis, and Clark Cascanueces as well as political philosopher Magnus Marmoset have you covered. Their crash course is designed to teach you everything you’ll need to know about zoocracy, sortition, and the duties of Archonship. Open to all and free of charge, but reservations required. Location: University of West Terrier.

January 13: Extinction Anxiety Clinic Open House
For only the second time since its opening in August 2012, The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic will host an Open House. Both locations will welcome Park residents from 10:00-4:00 for some frank talk about Extinction Anxiety, including the newest treatment options. Refreshments will be served.

January 15: New Archons Announced
In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts early on the morning of January 15, an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Courts until the end of the week, so that all citizens and residents may review the names. The list will also be published in the January 15 edition of The Mammalian Daily.

January 16: Archons sworn in (half-day holiday)
For the selected Archons, the swearing-in ceremony will be a first; for Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, it will be his twenty-first. The ceremony is always meaningful and poignant, and a reminder of our great fortune to live under Animal self-rule.

Until March 31: The Park Museum presents, “The Means and the Message: A Decade of Prognostication Pads”
This multimedia exhibit honours not only those who have been elected Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but the means they’ve used to make their predictions: the prognostication pad.

The Winterlong exhibit showcases the evolution of the prognostication pad throughout the past decade, putting the pad in historical context, and demonstrating the way in which its use has changed the office and duties of the prognosticator as well as the way in which spectators view the prediction.

January 29: University of West Terrier Annual Open House
The annual open house at The Park’s most renowned research institution attracts hopeful would-be students, alumni, and all those interested in higher education. Come for the tour and the snacks, but stay for the annual speaker. You’ll never be disappointed!

Lead-up to Groundhog Day
One of our most important holidays (if not the most important), The Park’s Groundhog Day celebration will include, of course, the prognostication, the Archons’ address, and the welcoming home of our hibernators. Shadow or no shadow, this year’s GD celebration is sure to be a great one. See you there!

Wednesday Rewind: Enterprises Moufettes recalls FeralNoMore™ over safety concerns

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Original Publication Date: 25 September 2009

In an unprecedented move, The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has ordered retailers to halt sales of a popular scent-masking agent.

Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., the manufacturer of FeralNoMore™ says it is recalling ten thousand cans of the spray after several Animals reported suffering ill effects from the product. The DWBS reported that two Animals were so overcome that they required short-term hospitalization.

The product, which the DWBS recommended last Spring in its Travel Advisory, is used by Animals to mask their origin and species, so that they may travel more freely outside The Park. In the recent past, FeralNoMore™ and other scent-masking agents have been credited with preventing a number of crimes against Park Animals, including kidnapping and enforced domestication.

According to a spokesAnimal for the DWBS, the most common conditions associated with FeralNoMore™ include pruritus (itching) and alopecia (hair loss). Both these effects are temporary, the spokesAnimal said, and Animals can be treated either in the physician’s office or at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. Reports of memory and identity loss are unsubstantiated, the spokesAnimal said.

The spray product was a popular purchase at many shops in The Park, including the Reek-O-Rama and Footpad Heaven.

In a statement issued after the recall, Enterprises Moufettes said that it hopes to isolate the problem and return the product to market “as soon as possible.”

Dewi Rhinoceros: The Mammalian Daily’s choice for Animal of the Year

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BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily has chosen former Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros as its 2018 Animal of the Year.

At a press conference at noon today, TMD managing editor Orphea Haas said the newspaper’s staff chose to honour Rhinoceros because of her “tireless commitment to interspecial harmony, and her ongoing work to foster awareness of the effects of enforced domestication.”

During her term as Chief Archon, Dewi Rhinoceros and her fellow Archons established our weekly Stereotype Sundays, in an effort to “promote the kind of peaceful coexistence among species” that Jor [The Park’s first leader] had hoped to achieve when he established modern zoocracy. Now in their seventh year, these highly successful weekly gatherings play an important part in the peace and stability of life in The Park.

As Chief Archon, Dewi Rhinoceros also established June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month. In announcing the first of the annual events, Rhinoceros said, “we are finally acknowledging the dangers of enforced domestication and committing to a strategy to overcome those dangers.” Many Park residents have credited the month-long event with saving their lives. Now in its seventh year, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month has expanded to encompass not only awareness and prevention, but ongoing treatment of the effects of enforced domestication,

After she left office, Rhinoceros fulfilled a lifelong ambition and opened the Centre for Interspecial Harmony. The Centre runs educational programmes, hosts events, and funds research projects in association with the University of West Terrier.

The Mammalian Daily salutes the ongoing work of Dewi Rhinoceros and the Centre for Interspecial Harmony and wishes all citizens and residents of The Park the best in 2019.

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