• Home
  • About The Mammalian Daily
    • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
    • A note about our style
  • Welcome to The Park
    • About The Park
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Park Life
    • Educational Institutions
      • University of West Terrier
      • Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life
      • Leonardo Language and Culture Institute
      • The Hani Gajah School of Art
      • Park School of Aesthetics
    • Shops and Retail
    • Restaurants and Pubs
    • Financial Institutions
      • Currency
    • Health & Well-Being
      • Hospitals and Clinics
      • Directory of Park Health Services
    • Grooming Houses
      • Amoltrud’s Aesthetics
      • En Garde Hair and Skin Salon
      • Halcyon Days Canine Coiffure
      • KwikLiks
      • Tallulah’s Toilettage
      • The Mane Event
      • The Pluming Room
    • Park Services
      • Architects and Construction Services
      • Employment Service
      • Entertainment and Party Services
      • Financial Services
      • Home Services
      • Image and Consulting Services
      • Legal Services
      • Park-Sponsored Programmes
      • Personal Services
      • Real Estate Services
      • Translation Services
      • Travel & Transportation Services
    • Charities
    • Citizen Aid & Action Associations
      • Associations, Federations, and Alliances
      • Political Reform Groups
      • Environmental Groups
      • Immigrant and Citizen Aid Groups
      • Education Groups
    • Sports
  • Arts in The Park
    • Art Galleries in The Park
    • Theatres and Cinemas
    • Music Makers
    • The Barkettes
      • History and Legacy of The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and the Barkettes Celebrate 10 Years of Sensational Singing Success
      • Olden Goldies: Noreen Interviews The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and The Barkettes: Hits and Recordings
    • The Library
    • Book Reviews
  • Media in The Park
    • Newspapers
    • Magazines
    • Radio Stations
    • Television Stations
    • Publishing Companies
    • Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
  • Fun
    • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
    • See Our Ads
      • A Different Reality
      • Canine Standup Comedy
      • Fake News
      • Financial Crisis
      • Liquid Assets
      • Monkey See
      • Solid Ground
      • Who We Are
      • Think Outside the Book

The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen
  • Breaking News
    • NewsBits
    • Whoa! Braking News
  • Politics/Law/Crime
    • Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Economy and Business
  • Education
  • Health and Medicine
    • Media
      • Month Without Metaphor
  • Focus on
  • Science and Technology
  • Arts, Entertainment, and Culture
    • Park Life
      • Ask a Poodle
      • Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
      • Passings
      • Gossip and Rumour
    • Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)
    • PIFF Piffle
    • Thisbe and the Barkettes
  • Noreen
    • Dear Noreen Advice Columns
  • Sports
    • Let’s Talk Balls!
  • Interviews
    • Five Questions For…
    • Survivor Profiles
  • Archives
    • Wednesday Rewind
    • Nostalgia
    • From the Vault

Fowl Ball organizers on second annual event: “We are all systems go!”

April 8, 2015 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

Fowl Ball

This year’s Fowl Ball will be bigger and better than the first, organizers promise

The bands have been booked, the food’s been arranged, and the items that will appear on the auction block are awe-inspiring.

“We are all systems go!,” says Rafael Ortega, the event’s chief organizer.

With a year’s experience under his beak and already having dealt with a difficult situation (last year’s grooming house stampede), Ortega says he’s ready for anything but “expecting nothing out of the ordinary” this year.

“This year will make last year look like it was a rehearsal,” he says, as he struts around his office.

Claiming that he has “assurances” from The Park’s grooming houses that they’re prepared for the onslaught of pre-Ball customers, he says he can relax for a week or two before gearing up again in May.

“There is no chance that we will see a repeat of last year’s tragedy,” he states firmly. “We had no idea how successful the event would be in its inaugural year, nor how hungry Park Animals were for a more formal post-Winter celebration.”

Indeed, he believes, this year’s attendance should be even higher, given the difficult Winter The Park experienced this year.

“We’re looking forward to higher numbers, more fun, and even more funding for the cause of Avian aid,” he says.

The Park’s second annual Fowl Ball will take place on Sunday, May 31, 2015. Tickets go on sale April 15 and will be available at all Park retailers, as well as at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. 

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Avian aid, Avian charity, charity, Fowl Ball

Despite the bitter cold, jubilation reigns at Return of the Nut ceremony

February 21, 2015 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

Return of the Nut 2015

Jubilation reigned at yesterday’s Return of the Nut ceremony.

The temperature was well below normal, the wind was howling and the snow blew upwards and stuck to our whiskers. But there were no complaints from the jubilant throng that braved the elements to attend yesterday’s Return of the Nut ceremony.[pullquote]Another year, another Nut. This is always a very emotional event for us. —Malinda L. Hamster, president of the Small Animal Hibernating Community[/pullquote]

As  2015 Keeper of the Nut Eduarda Teresinha Coelho swore the ancient oath that the Nut was “kept from harm and preserved intact,” a great cheer went up from the crowd. The attendees, most of them recently-awakened hibernators, hugged one another, welcomed each other back, and expressed heartfelt thanks to their non-hibernating compatriots.

“Another year, another Nut,” said Malinda L. Hamster, president of the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC).

“This is always a very emotional event for us.”

Indeed, and it is a day of great significance to The Park as a whole, as it marks the end of hibernation and the reuniting of most of The Park’s residents.

“It’s a day of faith renewed, as well as hope for the future,” says Park psychoanalyst Dr. Elinore E. Owl. “Its meaning cannot be overstated.”

Clark Cascanueces, President of the Park Historical Society, agrees.

“It’s impossible not to feel the significance [of the Return of the Nut]. It speaks to all our hopes and fears. It renews our faith in our community of non-hibernating friends as well as our faith in ourselves and our survival. In many ways, it marks a new year, even though technically the year has already begun for many.”

Read more about the Keeper of the Nut.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life Tagged With: community, hibernation, Park event, post-hibernation

Full schedule of events released for 2015 Groundhog Day celebrations

January 21, 2015 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

2015 Schedule

Click on the image above to read the entire schedule

The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has released the Official Schedule of the 2015 Groundhog Day Celebrations.

At a press conference held early this morning, Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the department, announced plans for what the department has dubbed the “most jam-packed” Groundhog Day celebrations ever.

“We’re making history this year with a new, expanded version,” Kanariar said, beaming.

Those who attend the celebrations annually will note several additions to this year’s festival. Between the much-anticipated Archons’ Address and the super-celebratory Groundhog Day Parade, the department has scheduled a dance performance by the Herman Stoat Dance Company and a short play performed by the Working Wounded Performing Arts Company.

“We are extremely proud that these companies accepted our invitation to perform at the celebrations. We think these additions will make for a much more inclusive festival,” Kanariar said.

She also hinted that this year’s parade will have not only a larger number of floats, but that some groups have “updated or expanded” their presentations.

One of the most important aspects of the Groundhog Day celebrations is the food and this year, Kanariar said, the department decided to extend the hours that the food stations will be open. Five full hours have been added, which will take the entire festival into the evening for the first time.

“It’s part of our commitment to inclusiveness. Some Animals are up and about in the morning and others take a little longer to get going. And some take afternoon naps. We want all Park Animals to be able to enjoy what is one of the most important holidays on The Park’s calendar,” she said.

And, for the second year in a row, the events will be covered live by Mammalian Daily reporters on Twitter. The live coverage can be followed here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Groundhog Day

Whistlepig sidelined this year by effects of 2014 premature awakening: rumour

January 20, 2015 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

This year's enhanced Groundhog Day celebrations came as a surprise to festival organizers and Park citizens alike

Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr. may not attend this year’s Groundhog Day festivities

Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr. may not be well enough to attend this year’s Groundhog Day ceremonies, according to a recent post on the gossip web site headsNtales.

The site quotes a friend of Whistlepig, who claims the chief organizer of The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations has not been well since last year’s shadow controversy occurred.

“He was forced to stay awake in order to deal with the whole mess surrounding the prognostication. He meant to return to hibernation, but it dragged on too long. His health has been fragile ever since,” says Elmo Sopuli.

According to Sopuli, Whistlepig had been seeing Dr. Bourru on a regular basis for thermal therapy until he went into hibernation in November. Sopuli says that Dr. Bourru did not think it wise for Whistlepig to be awakened for the ceremonies this year.

“Wyatt shivered through most of the year and experienced a good deal of confusion in the Spring. I wouldn’t want to see him go through that again,” Sopuli says.

Despite his troubles, Whistlepig managed to organize what Sopuli and others are predicting will be the “greatest Groundhog Day celebration ever.”

According to the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, this year’s event will be the most jam-packed one yet, with more floats, more music, more food, and even a new dance choreographed by Herman Stoat.

“We’re going to make history this year,” says Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the Department.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Gossip and Rumour, Park Life Tagged With: Groundhog Day, prognostication, Spring

In the midst of turmoil, the Solstice brings solace to The Park

December 22, 2014 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

christmas

Drawing courtesy of Hani Gajah School of Art

The sun rose and set yesterday on the Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

The Doves of Peace circled high above while the Does wound their way through the crowd. But it wasn’t until 6:03 in the evening, when the sun stood still, that Park celebrants finally felt a sense of calm.

“That’s when I knew things were going to be all right,” says Dewi Beruang, who always attends the Celebration.

“That’s when I thought, ‘We will work this out. Zoocracy is too good a concept to fail.'”

The last minute lifting of the curfew that Police had imposed on Park Animals on December 8 added a needed boost to the festivities, as well.

“We were hoping it would happen, but we couldn’t be sure until we got the word at about noon,” says Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

“Then, a huge cheer went up through the crowd and I knew we were in for the long haul.”

That “long haul” lasted well past midnight. The food stations stayed open, the bands played extra sets, and the students from the Hani Gajah School of Art switched from painting portraits to painting faces. Even the Herman Stoat Dance Company offered an encore performance.

And all of it was appreciated. After the past few weeks of uncertainty, unrest, and outright fear, attendees seemed delighted to enjoy each other’s company and to look to the future again.

“It was … magical,” says Beruang. “Simply magical.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life Tagged With: joy, peace, solace, winter solstice

Fowl Ball shines light on Avian plight

June 2, 2014 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

Fowl Ball

Saturday’s Fowl Ball was successful in raising awareness as well as funds

Notwithstanding the unfortunate grooming house incident, Saturday’s first annual Fowl Ball was a great success, according to both organizers and attendees.

“We raised more funds than we ever thought possible,” said chief organizer Rafael Ortega at an after-party at his home.

“But I think where we did the best…and I would say we triumphed…was in raising awareness of the plight of our Avian community and of Avians in general,” he said.

Ortega, who spoke briefly at the Ball, credited his fellow organizers, the Ball’s dedicated contributors, and the “brilliant” musicians and other performers with making the event “five hundred times better than we ever could have imagined.”

Banded Brothers kicked things off with with a rousing rendition of “Surround Sound,” followed by their mega-hit, “ididitfortheband.” More music followed from The Tweeters and The Beasts of Burden, while Jargonhead demonstrated the reason he is so beloved in The Park.

A series of auctions punctuated the performances (there were seven auctions in all) and halfway through the evening, the stage was given over to a small group of Avian activists. They addressed the massive crowd of Animals, who were all decked out in their finery, clearly enjoying a good time.

“We certainly don’t want to bring you down,” they said, “but we want you to understand the reason you’re here.”

A short video, produced by the group, demonstrated the problems of the Avian community, particularly during migration.

“We try our best but the world is changing before our eyes and we can’t always see the danger ahead,” said Inez Gallina, president of Home to Roost, an group that offers aid to Avian immigrants. As she spoke, photographs of Birds who had been injured after they crashed into glass buildings flew across the screen, shocking many who had not realized the extent of Avian suffering.

But perhaps the most moving speech of the night was that of Philippe Sauvage, lead singer of the Feline band, The Feral Four. He spoke with sincerity and the depth of his emotion surprised the crowd.

“I harbour deep regret for the misery that my community has brought on the Avian community,” he said, as he promised to work for the good of all species in the future.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

Fowl Ball fever takes hold of Park

May 27, 2014 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

Fowl Ball

The Park has Fowl Ball fever!

No, we are not using the word “fever” metaphorically (at least not in May).

Our medical experts at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm tell us that a rapid heart beat can, indeed, raise the body’s temperature. And a rapid heart beat is what many are experiencing these days, in anticipation of the Fowl Ball, which has been billed as “the event of the year, every year from now on.”

And, though the phrase “take hold” may be considered metaphorical, we thought it was worth committing this transgression against May’s Month Without Metaphor in order to keep you informed of the progress of preparations for the newest event in support of The Park’s Avian community.

“Everything is going smoothly, so far, and the weather looks perfect for the Ball,” says Rafael Ortega, one of the event’s organizers. Ortega, who has become the de facto spokesBird for the gala, confirms that tickets sold out “within hours” of going on sale.

“Just with those funds alone, we are well ahead of our goal,” he says. But there is much more to the Ball than fundraising, Ortega emphasizes.

“We’re here to have a good time. There’s music, food, fun, we have seven auctions planned, hours and hours of dancing and playing. Our lineup of bands reads like a ‘Who’s Who’ of Park musicians; Park chefs have risen to the challenge, and I have every confidence that the Fowl Ball will be as we planned — the best of the best,” he says.

And, what advice would Ortega give to attendees at this point?

“Confirm your grooming appointment, sleep well the night before, plan to be up the whole night of the Ball and don’t book anything for the next day.”

Sage advice, we believe.

The Park’s first Fowl Ball will take place on Saturday, May 31.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life

Park Museum puts out call for personal items related to domestication

May 21, 2014 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

Park Museum

The Park Museum needs domestication-related items for its upcoming exhibit

The Park Museum has put out a call for items of a personal nature related to domestication and enforced domestication. The Museum says it requires such items for display in its upcoming exhibit marking Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

In a statement posted on the Museum’s web site, the Board of Governors requested contributions from Park Animals of items such as collars, leashes, cages, carrying cases, feeding paraphernalia (including bowls, etc.), grooming tools, toys, and I.D. tags. The Museum intends to borrow the requested items and assures Animals that their belongings will be “treated with the utmost care and respect” and be returned to their owners at the conclusion of the exhibit.

Details of the exhibit have not yet been released, but a spokesAnimal for the Board of Governors said the requested items will be displayed in a section called, “Ways and Means.”

To read the Museum’s full statement, click here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

Park Museum to mark Enforced Domestication Awareness Month

May 11, 2014 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

Park Museum

The Park Museum will open part of a ground floor wing to host an exhibit marking June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month

The Park Museum, which is scheduled to open officially in the Autumn of 2014, has announced that it will use part of a ground floor wing to host an exhibit marking June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

In a press statement released today, the Museum’s Board of Governors said the exhibit, which is tentatively entitled, “It Could Happen to You,” will open to the general public on June 1.

A Museum spokesAnimal confirmed that the Board of Governors decided to open the Museum ahead of time “because this is such an important issue.”

“The Board felt it was incumbent upon the Museum to take a stand in the face of the growing number of our citizens who have been taken. They felt they couldn’t wait another year, so they met with their construction advisers and that part of the Museum has been certified for safe use,” the spokesAnimal said.

The Museum does not plan to charge Park residents to visit the exhibit, the spokesAnimal confirmed.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

Organizers hatch new plan for Fowl Ball

April 22, 2014 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

Fowl ball

Save the date: the 1st annual Fowl Ball is scheduled for May 31

Organizers have finally set the date for The Park’s newest charity event, The Fowl Ball.

At a press event held this afternoon, organizer Rafael Ortega confirmed that the Department of Holidays Festivals, and Celebrations, in conjunction with the Archons of The Park, have agreed to set aside Saturday May 31 for what Ortega calls “the event of the year.”

Some small details have yet to be finalized, Ortega said, but the important ones “have been carved in stone since November.”

While the Ball’s raison d’être is to raise funds for Avian aid (and to raise awareness of the plight of many in The Park’s Avian community), Ortega stressed that guests’ enjoyment and stimulation of The Park’s economy were also objectives.

“We are committed to the notion that every Animal in The Park will benefit from this benefit,” he joked.

As for the delay in selecting a date, Ortega acknowledged that this was a difficult year to debut the Ball.

“Due to our severe Winter, so many in our community have delayed their re-entry and we wanted every Bird to be…not only present, but rested enough to enjoy the event,” he said.

As well, since the Ball’s date falls a little less than two weeks after the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee, Animals will be in a party mood.

“The Agrarian Jubilee not only marks the beginning of The Park’s growing season, but its Summer social season, as well. Having the Ball a couple of weeks after the Jubilee positions us perfectly in terms of attendance and readiness to party,” Ortega said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life

« Previous Page
Next Page »

Follow Us

  • X
  • Facebook
  • YouTube

Mammalian Daily-Related Sites

  • The Park Census
  • The Park Museum
  • The University of West Terrier

The Mammalian Daily on Twitter

  • Chef Tab Tricolore
  • Gunnar Rotte
  • Hieronymous Hedgehog
  • Mammalian Daily
  • Media's Month Without Metaphor
  • Millicent Hayberry
  • Noreen
  • Park Groundhog Day Celebrations
  • Pieter Paard
  • PIFF Reports
  • Yannis Tavros

Welcome to the Media Circus!

Looking for something?

Archives

How wise you are to read this newspaper!

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

TMD quick links

  • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
  • The Best of Noreen
  • Interviews
  • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
  • Nostalgia: Celebrating 1,000 articles!

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

May 2025
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Apr    

Contents Copyright © 2025 The Mammalian Daily