The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2015—Nesthetics designer dishes on “shadow boxing” and “Groundhog Day nerves”

By

Pencils“Shadow boxing” is not a term you would expect to hear from the head designer of one of The Park’s most innovative construction companies. Nevertheless, while pecking away at a sketch, Romulus Bowerbird insists on explaining the concept to me as it applies to the 2015 Groundhog Day prognostication pad: “You have to make sure you don’t contain the shadow … box it in,” he says. “That can lead to an inaccurate prognostication which, as we have seen in the past, can cause ongoing problems. You have to let the shadow spread … the most important thing is to make sure that you allow it enough room to expand.”

As Bowerbird lays down his pencil, one can’t help but ponder the term’s other meaning: that of fighting against an invisible opponent. In this case, the opponent is Simply Structures, the firm that designed and constructed The Park’s prognostication pad for over a decade.

At first, Bowerbird demurs when asked the question.

“I do realize that we will be judged not only on our own product, but by comparison with the products of previous years,” he says matter-of-factly.

Then, as he lets his guard down, you can see the source of the “Groundhog Day nerves” he mentions often during the interview.

“I believe we won the contract on merit. I also believe it was time to inject some new blood into the celebrations. I hope our work will be appreciated and that, in the end, we will have contributed something valuable and memorable to what is undeniably one of the most important events in The Park,” he says.

But Bowerbird admits that the past decade is a tough act to follow.

“The experience alone is invaluable,” he says in an admiring tone. “Seeing what works and what doesn’t, in a practical way. Years of going back to the drawing board, years of attempting to outdo yourself … the value of that can’t be underestimated, both in knowledge and creativity.”

Still, Bowerbird was the first at his company to suggest that they bid for the job.

“As I said, new blood. And we have a different sensibility here. Less down to earth … more ethereal. And we’ve chosen a mix of bright, celebratory colours. We tried very hard to maintain the sense of the occasion while injecting a sense of occasion, if you know what I mean. A nod to tradition, and then a pop of surprise,” he says, with a wink.

And those Groundhog Day nerves?

“I haven’t slept for the past month, but I’m sure it will be worth it in the end.”

OTD in 2015—Whistlepig sidelined this year by effects of 2014 premature awakening: rumour

By

This year's enhanced Groundhog Day celebrations came as a surprise to festival organizers and Park citizens alikeWyatt Whistlepig, Jr. may not be well enough to attend this year’s Groundhog Day ceremonies, according to a recent post on the gossip web site headsNtales.

The site quotes a friend of Whistlepig, who claims the chief organizer of The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations has not been well since last year’s shadow controversy occurred.

“He was forced to stay awake in order to deal with the whole mess surrounding the prognostication. He meant to return to hibernation, but it dragged on too long. His health has been fragile ever since,” says Elmo Sopuli.

According to Sopuli, Whistlepig had been seeing Dr. Bourru on a regular basis for thermal therapy until he went into hibernation in November. Sopuli says that Dr. Bourru did not think it wise for Whistlepig to be awakened for the ceremonies this year.

“Wyatt shivered through most of the year and experienced a good deal of confusion in the Spring. I wouldn’t want to see him go through that again,” Sopuli says.

Despite his troubles, Whistlepig managed to organize what Sopuli and others are predicting will be the “greatest Groundhog Day celebration ever.”

According to the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, this year’s event will be the most jam-packed one yet, with more floats, more music, more food, and even a new dance choreographed by Herman Stoat.

“We’re going to make history this year,” says Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the Department.

OTD in 2016—All bets are off: Park Police shut down betting on POPS’ prognostication

By

Groundhog Day bettingPop-up betting booths aimed at encouraging Park Animals and Humans to cash in on the Groundhog Day prognostication of 2017 POPS Ditmar Bosmarmot have been shut down, Park Police announced today.

At a press conference this morning, Gareth Shepherd, Park Police Inspector and president of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), announced that his unit shut down fourteen such pop-ups scattered across The Park.

As yet, however, Park Police have not determined the identity of the owner or owners of the establishments.

“We are working with other units, including our Select Undercover Brigade (SUB), to determine the identity of the individual or individuals who set up these betting booths,” he said.

Shepherd described the booths as “hastily constructed huts,” which offered a “sizeable return” in a number of currencies, including Human currencies.

“One of these [booths] was offering a 1-5 bet that that Bosmarmot would see his shadow, while another offered 20-11 odds that he would not,” Shepherd said.

The inspector told the press that the police force was alerted to the existence of the betting booths last week by a “concerned citizen.”

“We take this very seriously, since betting of any sort is illegal in The Park,” Shepherd said. “But this is particularly disturbing, since Groundhog Day is a very important day for us, historically, politically, and emotionally. We see this kind of thing as a threat to our way of life and we do not take it lightly. We will work to rid The Park permanently of such activities,” he said.

OTD in 2015—Lawsuit brought by Simply Structures may “have legs,” says legal expert

By

jgroundhogdayThe lawsuit filed by Simply Structures against the Park Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations may “have legs,” according to Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

The suit was launched in November after the construction firm lost its bid to build the prognostication pad for the 2015 Groundhog Day celebrations. Simply Structures has supplied the materials, design, and construction of the pad for over ten years, but it lost the 2015 bid to Nesthetics, a relative newcomer.

At the time of the announcement in mid-October, the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations issued a brief statement in which it said it had been impressed by the Nesthetics bid and by the foresight the company had demonstrated with regard to the sturdiness of materials and design.

Among other things, Simply Structures alleges in its lawsuit that the words “sturdiness” and “foresight” are implied criticisms of their company in general and of the 2014 prognostication pad, in particular.

According to its representatives at the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg, Simply Structures believes that it lost the 2015 bid due to the so-called “shadow controversy” of 2014. The controversy occurred when a group of spectators, frustrated by the prospect of having to endure another six weeks of Winter, claimed that the shadow the POPS saw was not her own, but one that appeared as a result of a fault in the prognostication pad.

Despite the fact that a team of shadow experts ruled that it was the POPS’s own shadow and no fault was ever found in the prognostication pad, the impression of liability has lingered. Now, the company is taking action against it.

“Negative impressions stick in our minds. They linger long after they’ve been disproven. That gives great power to innuendo and gossip. In this case, it’s a question of whether or not they can prove those words defame their company. If they can, that will go a long way toward effecting change with regard to how Park law deals with the issue of defamation,” says Terrier.

The case is scheduled to go to trial before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in late Spring.

OTD in 2015—Lawsuit brought by Simply Structures may “have legs,” says legal expert

By

jgroundhogdayThe lawsuit filed by Simply Structures against the Park Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations may “have legs,” according to Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

The suit was launched in November after the construction firm lost its bid to build the prognostication pad for the 2015 Groundhog Day celebrations. Simply Structures has supplied the materials, design, and construction of the pad for over ten years, but it lost the 2015 bid to Nesthetics, a relative newcomer.

At the time of the announcement in mid-October, the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations issued a brief statement in which it said it had been impressed by the Nesthetics bid and by the foresight the company had demonstrated with regard to the sturdiness of materials and design.

Among other things, Simply Structures alleges in its lawsuit that the words “sturdiness” and “foresight” are implied criticisms of their company in general and of the 2014 prognostication pad, in particular.

According to its representatives at the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg, Simply Structures believes that it lost the 2015 bid due to the so-called “shadow controversy” of 2014. The controversy occurred when a group of spectators, frustrated by the prospect of having to endure another six weeks of Winter, claimed that the shadow the POPS saw was not her own, but one that appeared as a result of a fault in the prognostication pad.

Despite the fact that a team of shadow experts ruled that it was the POPS’s own shadow and no fault was ever found in the prognostication pad, the impression of liability has lingered. Now, the company is taking action against it.

“Negative impressions stick in our minds. They linger long after they’ve been disproven. That gives great power to innuendo and gossip. In this case, it’s a question of whether or not they can prove those words defame their company. If they can, that will go a long way toward effecting change with regard to how Park law deals with the issue of defamation,” says Terrier.

The case is scheduled to go to trial before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in late Spring.

On This Day—November 4, 2014: Simply Structures sues after losing bid to build 2015 prognostication pad

By

jgroundhogdaySimply Structures has filed suit against the Park Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations after losing its bid to construct the prognostication pad for the 2015 Groundhog Day celebrations.

In a short statement issued to media early this afternoon, the 2014 Archons confirmed that they had received notice of the suit.

“It is with regret that we confirm that Simply Structures, one of The Park’s oldest and most respected construction companies, with whom we have a longstanding relationship, has filed suit against us and against the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, for damages related to loss of income and alleged defamation. We are saddened by the company’s decision, but we intend to meet these allegations head-on in the days and months to come,” the statement reads.

The construction company is believed to have engaged the services of the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg in mid-October, after they were informed by the department that they had lost their bid. The department announced at the same time that they had selected Nesthetics as the builder of the 2015 prognostication pad.

All bets are off: Park Police shut down betting on POPS’ prognostication

By

Groundhog Day bettingPop-up betting booths aimed at encouraging Park Animals and Humans to cash in on the Groundhog Day prognostication of 2017 POPS Ditmar Bosmarmot have been shut down, Park Police announced today.

At a press conference this morning, Gareth Shepherd, Park Police Inspector and president of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), announced that his unit shut down fourteen such pop-ups scattered across The Park.

As yet, however, Park Police have not determined the identity of the owner or owners of the establishments.

“We are working with other units, including our Select Undercover Brigade (SUB), to determine the identity of the individual or individuals who set up these betting booths,” he said.

Shepherd described the booths as “hastily constructed huts,” which offered a “sizeable return” in a number of currencies, including Human currencies.

“One of these [booths] was offering a 1-5 bet that that Bosmarmot would see his shadow, while another offered 20-11 odds that he would not,” Shepherd said.

The inspector told the press that the police force was alerted to the existence of the betting booths last week by a “concerned citizen.”

“We take this very seriously, since betting of any sort is illegal in The Park,” Shepherd said. “But this is particularly disturbing, since Groundhog Day is a very important day for us, historically, politically, and emotionally. We see this kind of thing as a threat to our way of life and we do not take it lightly. We will work to rid The Park permanently of such activities,” he said.

Nesthetics designer dishes on “shadow boxing” and “Groundhog Day nerves”

By

Pencils“Shadow boxing” is not a term you would expect to hear from the head designer of one of The Park’s most innovative construction companies. Nevertheless, while pecking away at a sketch, Romulus Bowerbird insists on explaining the concept to me as it applies to the 2015 Groundhog Day prognostication pad: “You have to make sure you don’t contain the shadow … box it in,” he says. “That can lead to an inaccurate prognostication which, as we have seen in the past, can cause ongoing problems. You have to let the shadow spread … the most important thing is to make sure that you allow it enough room to expand.”

As Bowerbird lays down his pencil, one can’t help but ponder the term’s other meaning: that of fighting against an invisible opponent. In this case, the opponent is Simply Structures, the firm that designed and constructed The Park’s prognostication pad for over a decade.

At first, Bowerbird demurs when asked the question.

“I do realize that we will be judged not only on our own product, but by comparison with the products of previous years,” he says matter-of-factly.

Then, as he lets his guard down, you can see the source of the “Groundhog Day nerves” he mentions often during the interview.

“I believe we won the contract on merit. I also believe it was time to inject some new blood into the celebrations. I hope our work will be appreciated and that, in the end, we will have contributed something valuable and memorable to what is undeniably one of the most important events in The Park,” he says.

But Bowerbird admits that the past decade is a tough act to follow.

“The experience alone is invaluable,” he says in an admiring tone. “Seeing what works and what doesn’t, in a practical way. Years of going back to the drawing board, years of attempting to outdo yourself … the value of that can’t be underestimated, both in knowledge and creativity.”

Still, Bowerbird was the first at his company to suggest that they bid for the job.

“As I said, new blood. And we have a different sensibility here. Less down to earth … more ethereal. And we’ve chosen a mix of bright, celebratory colours. We tried very hard to maintain the sense of the occasion while injecting a sense of occasion, if you know what I mean. A nod to tradition, and then a pop of surprise,” he says, with a wink.

And those Groundhog Day nerves?

“I haven’t slept for the past month, but I’m sure it will be worth it in the end.”

Whistlepig sidelined this year by effects of 2014 premature awakening: rumour

By

This year's enhanced Groundhog Day celebrations came as a surprise to festival organizers and Park citizens alike

Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr. may not attend this year’s Groundhog Day festivities

Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr. may not be well enough to attend this year’s Groundhog Day ceremonies, according to a recent post on the gossip web site headsNtales.

The site quotes a friend of Whistlepig, who claims the chief organizer of The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations has not been well since last year’s shadow controversy occurred.

“He was forced to stay awake in order to deal with the whole mess surrounding the prognostication. He meant to return to hibernation, but it dragged on too long. His health has been fragile ever since,” says Elmo Sopuli.

According to Sopuli, Whistlepig had been seeing Dr. Bourru on a regular basis for thermal therapy until he went into hibernation in November. Sopuli says that Dr. Bourru did not think it wise for Whistlepig to be awakened for the ceremonies this year.

“Wyatt shivered through most of the year and experienced a good deal of confusion in the Spring. I wouldn’t want to see him go through that again,” Sopuli says.

Despite his troubles, Whistlepig managed to organize what Sopuli and others are predicting will be the “greatest Groundhog Day celebration ever.”

According to the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, this year’s event will be the most jam-packed one yet, with more floats, more music, more food, and even a new dance choreographed by Herman Stoat.

“We’re going to make history this year,” says Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the Department.

Lawsuit brought by Simply Structures may “have legs,” says legal expert

By

jgroundhogdayThe lawsuit filed by Simply Structures against the Park Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations may “have legs,” according to Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

The suit was launched in November after the construction firm lost its bid to build the prognostication pad for the 2015 Groundhog Day celebrations. Simply Structures has supplied the materials, design, and construction of the pad for over ten years, but it lost the 2015 bid to Nesthetics, a relative newcomer.

At the time of the announcement in mid-October, the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations issued a brief statement in which it said it had been impressed by the Nesthetics bid and by the foresight the company had demonstrated with regard to the sturdiness of materials and design.

Among other things, Simply Structures alleges in its lawsuit that the words “sturdiness” and “foresight” are implied criticisms of their company in general and of the 2014 prognostication pad, in particular.

According to its representatives at the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg, Simply Structures believes that it lost the 2015 bid due to the so-called “shadow controversy” of 2014. The controversy occurred when a group of spectators, frustrated by the prospect of having to endure another six weeks of Winter, claimed that the shadow the POPS saw was not her own, but one that appeared as a result of a fault in the prognostication pad.

Despite the fact that a team of shadow experts ruled that it was the POPS’s own shadow and no fault was ever found in the prognostication pad, the impression of liability has lingered. Now, the company is taking action against it.

“Negative impressions stick in our minds. They linger long after they’ve been disproven. That gives great power to innuendo and gossip. In this case, it’s a question of whether or not they can prove those words defame their company. If they can, that will go a long way toward effecting change with regard to how Park law deals with the issue of defamation,” says Terrier.

The case is scheduled to go to trial before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in late Spring.

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