The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2012—NIML wow crowd at Park’s first pop-up music event

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NIML (Not In My Lifetime) was in fine form on Monday as they wowed the crowd that quickly gathered at The Park’s first pop-up music event.

It was an ordinary, hazy Monday afternoon, spectators said, when lead singer, Beau Ballentyne, grabbed a microphone from inside his shopping bag and began to belt out the group’s signature tune, MYPod or Yours?

The other two members of the group quickly joined him for what turned out to be a half-hour impromptu concert at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond.

“There’s never been anything quite like this,” said onlooker Zaffi Newt. “They made quite a splash. It was a nice break in the day.”

Not everyone was pleased, though. The end of the concert was marred for some by a few vocal members of the group, “Keep Your Paws Out of Our Ponds.” Holding waterproof placards, they marched in a circle around the pond for a few minutes but, with no response from the crowd, they soon left.

“I don’t think they had many supporters there,” Newt said.

OTD in 2016—Memes of Production, Beasts of Burden to join pop-up at Cackling Goose tonight

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Cackling Goose TavernBREAKING NEWS

The Memes of Production and The Beasts of Burden will join a number of their fellow musicians and some Park poets, spoken word artists, and storytellers at a special pop-up event tonight at The Cackling Goose Tavern.

The free event, which will be held in honour of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) was announced on GooseBook late this morning by owner Brantford Gander. By noon, it had received forty thousand “honks,” with many of those honkers confirming their attendance.

In a statement posted after the event’s announcement, Gander explained that he had missed the deadline to participate in the month-long awareness event, but that his species—and all Birds—are vulnerable to enforced domestication and to “the whims of Humans.”

“We can’t take our freedom for granted. We must be vigilant but also look out for each other,” he said.

According to the announcement, the concert, readings, and storytelling will be a celebration of that freedom. Domestication survivor and 2012 Chitter Radio Literary Award winner Hercule Parrot will also join the lineup. In 2013, Parrot spoke openly about his relationship with a Human at an EDAM event.

OTD in 2013—Tricolore book “strong contender” at 2013 literary festivals

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Tricolore book

Renowned Park chef Tab Tricolore could take home two or more prizes from this year’s literary festivals for his book, “The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine.”

Part recipe book, part memoir, and part historical overview, Tricolore’s most recent effort has received glowing reviews from a number of Park publications, including The Panther Post and The Silvestris Star. Home cooks and other Park readers have weighed in on the book as well, with some calling it a “tour de force” and others suggesting that it should become part of The Park’s early Animal education curriculum.

“His description of his Kittenhood and of the feral world has tremendous value, especially for our young,” says Beatrice Zilonis, professor of history at the University of West Terrier.

The book is up for prizes in the non-fiction category at both the Chitter Radio Literary Awards and the Feline Fiction Fest. It is also entered in the hybrid category at the Feline Fiction Fest.

Wyuna Winkle, proprietor of The Literary Apothecary, said her shop was “overrun” by Tricolore enthusiasts when he spent a half-day there recently.

“He arrived for a short pawprinting session, but they wouldn’t let him go. He’s become quite the celebrity,” she said.

The Chitter Radio Literary Awards (formerly The Park Literary Awards) will take place on 15 June. The Feline Fiction Fest will run from 16-18 June.

OTD in 2017—All The Hair I Left Behind: Barkettes to donate new song to EDAM cause

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barkettes-all-the-hair-i-left-behindOnce again demonstrating their generosity of spirit, Thisbe and the Barkettes have donated the proceeds from their newest song to the cause of Enforced Domestication Awareness.

In an open letter published today, The Park’s most famous Canine singing group said it would be “their great honour” to donate the proceeds of the song, “All The Hair I Left Behind” to the cause of preventing the enforced domestication of Animals.

“As you know, some of us in the group spent our youth as domestic Animals and although we were lucky enough not to have suffered in that situation, we are well aware of the plight of others,” the letter begins.

The new song, which was recorded in studio just a month ago, will be available for purchase at stores throughout The Park, as well as at all EDAM events. Sources also say a pop-up shop will open during June, but The Mammalian Daily could not confirm that with Rotunda Records, Iglu Entertainment, or the group’s manager, Hilde Blaft.

OTD in 2016—Enforced Domestication Awareness Month 2016: Official Schedule of Events

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June 2016 calendar with black cat silhouette

The Archons, in conjunction with the Department of Well-Being and Safety and the Department of Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations have released the official schedule for 2016’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM).

To access the Official Schedule, click here: EDAM OFFICIAL SCHEDULE 2016.

The schedule was released early this morning, accompanied by a press release in which all three groups emphasized the importance of the month. thanked all organizers and participants for their “tireless efforts on behalf of The Park’s citizenry”and wished all Park residents “joy, peace, and awareness.”

“The importance of this month cannot be understated. The knowledge that is imparted during EDAM can and will save thousands of lives and will allow those who have escaped enforced domestication to understand themselves and the world better and to lead peaceful and fulfilling lives,” the statement said.

OTD in 2014—What the Dog Ate: domestic Canine poetry fastest growing literary genre

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Domestic Canine Poetry

Domestic Canine poetry is a growing genre, publishing companies say

Just days before Enforced Domestication Awareness Month begins, The Park’s publishing companies have revealed that domestic Canine poetry is our fastest growing literary genre.

“For years, it was the feral experience, in both prose and poetry,” says Kezban Aslan, manager of Kynikos Press, one of The Park’s largest publishing houses. “But over the past few years, we’ve seen interest in domestic Canine poetry grow substantially.”

Indeed, The Park is home to six Canine poets, all former domestic companions to Humans, whose work has been nominated for the poetry prize at June’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards (CRLA).

“That doesn’t surprise me at all,” says Clement Samuel Tervuren, 2013 CRLA winner in the humour category.

“The Park has a very large Canine population and, besides, you don’t need to be a Canine to relate to their work. It’s very accessible to all species…and very powerful.”

It may be that emotional power that has fuelled rising sales this year. Wyuna Winkle, proprietor of The Literary Apothecary, says she hasn’t been able to keep those volumes on her shelves.

“I don’t know if it’s the increased awareness or the fact that life has been getting harder. But either way, I would say that domestic Canine poetry is a hot commodity. If one of them wins the poetry prize, we’ll have to scramble to get enough stock to fill the orders,” she says.

OTD in 2015—Delay over, Tab Tricolore’s “La Langue au Repos” to open at PMoCA June 6

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The Tongue At Rest

“La Langue au Repos/The Tongue at Rest” opens June 6 at PMoCA

The long-awaited and much-delayed 2015 art installation overseen by renowned Chef Tab Tricolore is set to open at the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) on Saturday, June 6.

The installation, which is entitled, “La Langue au Repos/The Tongue at Rest,” is a collaborative effort among Tricolore and five other Park artists who were chosen by Tricolore himself.

“Not all the artists I chose work in media that are, strictly speaking, the visual arts,” Tricolore said at a press conference yesterday.

“It was a stretch for many of us to translate what we do best into this medium. But I think we have succeeded admirably. My compatriots are great artists in their own right and I am honoured to have had the opportunity to work with them. I will be eternally grateful to them, for reasons only they and I will ever fully understand,” he said.

The other “artists” chosen by Tricolore are renowned autochthonous artist Hervé Huard, Nesthetics designer Romulus Bowerbird, choreographer Gustav Hermelin, Slow Artist Fionn-Fionnoula T. Snail, Clementina Araña, and Reekabilly singer and composer Faramund Stinktier.

While Tricolore served as creative director of the project, he was quick to emphasize its collaborative nature.

“We all have the greatest respect, not only for each other and for each other’s work, but for the medium in which each of us expresses ourselves most often,” he said. “There was no competition among us. The competition was to produce the best art installation the PMoCA could ever host.”

This installation will be the first to open at the museum since its announcement last April that it intends to host an annual art installation. The PMoCA’s curator, Aamuun Maroodiga, was not involved with the installation, the museum says, since it was initiated last Autumn and her tenure began in March. It was the museum’s former curator, Dorika Pumi, who signed off on the project.

See also: Tab Tricolore: Working on this art installation has saved me

OTD in 2014—Sheep fiddle as Barkettes sing: Anixi Agrarian Jubilee “glorious celebration”

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Sheep fiddling

The Sheep fiddled and the sun shone brightly in the clear blue sky, as Thisbe and the Barkettes ascended the stage at the 2014 Anixi Agrarian Jubilee.

“It was a glorious celebration and they made it all the more special,” said Miriam Wapiti, the celebration’s chief organizer, at a post-event party on Tuesday.

That sentiment was unanimous, as Animal after Animal remarked on the quality of Thisbe’s voice and on the special bond that was evident among the Barkettes.

Although the group declined formal interviews after their performance, saying that they wanted to enjoy the event “just like every other Animal,” it was clear they were pleased with both their performance and its reception in the place they say they will always call home.

“Music has always been our lives,” Thisbe said in a radio interview last week. “And The Park will always be our home. We are so thrilled to have the opportunity to be reunited at the Jubilee. I can’t think of a more appropriate place to relaunch our career than at our annual celebration of renewal.”

With that, she removed all doubt that we would soon be lining up for tickets to a Barkettes concert. But the group still has not announced any firm dates. “Stay tuned,” is all their manager will say.

In the meantime, the Barkettes were not the only musical sensations to perform on Tuesday. The Park marked the beginning of the growing season in style, with performances by The Beasts of Burden, Inktvis and Krake, The Feral Four, The Endeka Elephant Band, Eggie and The Pigs, Banded Brothers, The DomEstyx, NIML, The Canary Cousins, and Spontaneous Generation.

OTD in 2014—Park Museum puts out call for personal items related to domestication

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Park Museum

The Park Museum needs domestication-related items for its upcoming exhibit

The Park Museum has put out a call for items of a personal nature related to domestication and enforced domestication. The Museum says it requires such items for display in its upcoming exhibit marking Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

In a statement posted on the Museum’s web site, the Board of Governors requested contributions from Park Animals of items such as collars, leashes, cages, carrying cases, feeding paraphernalia (including bowls, etc.), grooming tools, toys, and I.D. tags. The Museum intends to borrow the requested items and assures Animals that their belongings will be “treated with the utmost care and respect” and be returned to their owners at the conclusion of the exhibit.

Details of the exhibit have not yet been released, but a spokesAnimal for the Board of Governors said the requested items will be displayed in a section called, “Ways and Means.”

To read the Museum’s full statement, click here.

OTD in 2016—Beasts of Burden surprise farmers, tech companies with offer of pub for meeting

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The DraftThe Beasts of Burden have offered their pub, The Draft, as the venue for a meeting—or a series of meetings—of The Park’s farmers and technology companies. And they’re hoping their offer is one the two warring groups will not refuse.

The wildly popular band made the offer through their manager, Ignatius Herder, on the Yannis Tavros radio show yesterday afternoon.

It was as much of a surprise to him, Herder said, as it was to Tavros. Herder, a guest on the show, was discussing the rôle of music in The Park when he received a text message from the group announcing their offer of the pub.

“We heard Ignatius talking about music and its rôle in subduing dissent and in peacekeeping and it suddenly occurred to us, ‘He’s talking about us!'” said lead signer Alfredo Ox.

Not that the singers have appointed themselves peacekeepers.

“We’re nothing of the sort,” snorted Ox in an interview with The Mammalian Daily this morning. “We’re much better known for stirring up trouble. But this is an important issue and it can only be resolved by the parties involved. We thought, we’ve got a place for them where they can fight it out and maybe come to an agreement. It’s the least we can do,” he said.

As of the publication of this article, however, there has been no response to the offer either by the farmers or the technology companies.

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