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DWBS to Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnickers: Watch out for Frozen Nose Syndrome

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Frozen Nose Syndrome (FNS) affects one on four Animals, says the DWBS

The Department of Well-Being and Safety has issued a warning to those attending this year’s Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic: watch out for Frozen Nose Syndrome (FNS).[pullquote]Last year, it was soggy bottoms. This year, it’s frozen noses. There are always challenges.—Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear, chief organizer, Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic[/pullquote]

“This year’s extended Winter season, coupled with the extreme cold, has led to a marked increase in the number of FNS cases,” said a DWBS communiqué issued this morning.

The communiqué advised attendees to be on the lookout for these symptoms:

  1. Pain or loss of feeling in the nose area
  2. Inability to breathe through the nose
  3. Hyperventilation
  4. Frozen gums and toothache (due to extended mouth-breathing)
  5. Loss of consciousness

The communiqué advised Animals experiencing any of these symptoms to leave the picnic and to find a warm place to stay or, in extreme cases, to head to the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.

But Picnic organizers don’t believe that hospitalization will prove necessary. They say they’re confident they have enough medical and emergency staff on hand to handle any FNS crisis.

“Every year presents its challenges,” said the event’s chief organizer Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear at a press conference yesterday.

“Last year, it was soggy bottoms. This year, it’s frozen noses. But, rest assured, we are looking out for all picnickers, attendees and poets alike. We have trained medical and emergency staff on hand as well as warming stations and hot food and drink. No Animal suffering from FNS, or even from cold for that matter, will go untreated,” he said.

Polar Bear, who  is currently serving the final year of his three-year term, said he was confident that attendance levels would not be affected by this year’s extreme weather.

“We have talented poets in our lineup and such a wonderful, loyal audience. My guess is they’ll all come prepared for a cold but great picnic,” he said.

SuperGoof! comic plans June launch

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SuperGoof graphic

SuperGoof! comic book will launch in June during The Park’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month

It’s not a drone. It’s not a puppet. It’s not even a toy.

It’s SuperGoof!, a new comic series that’s set to launch this coming June and which may prove to be the most powerful weapon in The Park’s anti-enforced domestication arsenal.

Conceived and produced by Anastazja Koci, an alumna of the Hani Gajah School of Art, the project was supported in part by the Founding Families Financial Corporation, in association with the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS).[pullquote]I want to show Park Animals what it’s like not to be allowed to find your own food, to express your own personality, to make your own friends.—SuperGoofs! creator Anastazja Koci[/pullquote]

“We are always on the lookout for new ways to warn Animals about the dangers of enforced domestication,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo.

“When Anastazja brought this to us, we hopped on board right away.”

The series chronicles the lives of two Domestic Animals: one Feline and one Canine, also known as the “SuperGoofs.”

The first book shows them in their formative years, learning “the tricks of the trade,” as the Canine puts it.

“In the first book, the Animals have no names,” Koci explains. “When they are addressed, it’s with terms of endearment…’Sweetie,’ ‘Precious,” that sort of thing. They have no identity outside of their rôles as pets.”

One of the most important lessons that comes from the first book is that Domestic Animals are not free to be themselves.

“It was a difficult choice to make, but I thought it was important to illustrate that the life of a Domestic Animal is not the true life of an Animal. I want to show Park Animals what it’s like not to be allowed to find your own food, to express your own personality, to make your own friends,” Koci says.

While she says the food issue was the most important to her, the title of the series says far more about the project as a whole.

“I’ve often been asked, ‘Why SuperGoofs?’ It’s hard to explain if you’ve never been in a Human household,” says Koci, who spent two years as a pet before moving to The Park.

“Humans like to be entertained by Animals. They like to be made to laugh. If an Animal wants to be fed, have a warm bed and be protected from the elements, she’d better make herself entertaining and snuggly. And research has shown that being ‘goofy’ and pretending to be not so bright can go a long way with Humans.”

The DWBS’s Kakapo says he thinks the project’s launch this year is a particularly timely one.

“After such a hard Winter, Animals might be thinking that it’s easier to succumb to domestication and a life with Humans. I think SuperGoofs! will go a long way toward convincing them otherwise,” he says.

The Park’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month runs from 1-30 June.

Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic will be held on Sunday, March 22: organizers

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Polar Bears' Poetry Picnic

Annual event will be held a day earlier

The 2015 Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic will be held on Sunday March 22, one day earlier than previously scheduled.

The announcement of the change in date, which came fittingly in the form of a poem, was carried on all Park media this morning:

Hear ye, hear ye, one and all
Spring’s almost sprung, the ice almost thawed!
By this announcement, please be advised
Our Poetry Picnic’s date has been revised.
Poems will be read, recited, and sung
Seven days from now, less just one
We hope this change will find you all
Ready to answer poetry’s call.

See you there on Sunday March 22nd!

While the event’s organizers cited a better weather forecast as the reason for the change, Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear said in a brief interview on Mammalian Daily Radio that he thought it made more sense to schedule the event on a weekend.

The Polar Bear, who wraps up his three-year stint as the Picnic’s chief organizer this year, confirmed that he will be requesting a permanent change in the date at his next meeting with the Archons.

“Despite the fact that Park Animals have always lived on a 24/7 schedule, they do seem a bit more relaxed on the weekend,” he told TMD Radio. “For this reason, I will be requesting that we designate the third Sunday in March as the Picnic day, instead of the date of March 23.”

The event, which is in its 20th year, will begin at 10:00 a.m. Park time on Sunday, March 22.

Tab Tricolore: “Working on this art installation has saved me.”

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Tab Tricolore

Chef Tab Tricolore

It’s rare for Tab Tricolore to talk publicly about his feelings, but that’s just what happened yesterday.

During an interview with Yannis Tavros on Toro Talk Radio, the celebrity chef and award-winning author let down his guard for just a moment and talked openly about his life since his return to The Park in December.

“There were some very difficult days,” he said, about halfway through the interview.

Tricolore, whose PurrBoy Café opened on March 1 at The Park Museum, said he wasn’t ready to divulge any more details until he has talked to the police. But he did say that one of the bright spots in his life is the work that he’s been engaged in with other artists on an art installation.

The piece, entitled, “La Langue au Repos,” is due to open at the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) this Spring.

“Working on this art installation has saved me,” Tricolore said, as he praised his fellow artists for their open-mindedness in welcoming him into the fold.

“I’ve told them they’re more than welcome to cook at any of my restaurants anytime,” he said. “Under supervision, of course.”

La Langue au Repos will open at the Park Museum of Contemporary Art in April.

Uneasy writers: will Squeakeasy scuffle put Polar Bears’ picnic in jeopardy?

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owl_reading_sketch.jpg

Park poet Mirella Gufo reads her poetry at The Squeakeasy

Tuesday nights might never be the same at The Squeakeasy.

Once known as the night when Animals sway to the rhythm of poetry at the busy Park pub, last night’s scuffle, which ended in a number of injuries and arrests, may well make the evening synonymous with violence and interspecial tension.

According to Park Police, the commotion began when Mirella Gufo flew down to the microphone to read from her latest work.

“Some Animal made a remark about her beak and that’s what started it, according to witnesses,” Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Park Police’s Interspecial Investigations Unit told The Mammalian Daily. “And it devolved from there.”

Herman Wasbeer, who became involved in the fighting by accident, agrees that it started out almost innocently.

“It was a bad remark, for sure. And so unnecessary. But there was no violence attached to it at first. So, I told them to be quiet. We go there to hear poetry, not to hear what other Animals think of the way we look,” he says.

Unfortunately, Wasbeer’s intervention just added fuel to the fire.

“The next thing we knew, a whole flock of Geese descended on the place. Personally, I think they were just itching for a fight because they don’t even know Mirella Gufo,” he said.

Wasbeer says he tried to stop the Geese, but they turned on him.

“They were spewing hatred, honking about ‘stupid stripes’ and some other stuff that I couldn’t even understand. Then, a couple of Tabbies got in the act and you know it can’t be headed anywhere good when the Felines start fighting. The Geese told them to go to The Tabby Club, where they belong, and the thing just erupted into a room of flying fur and feathers.”

Wasbeer was bitten, though he says he doesn’t know by whom.

“I was arrested at first, but when they saw I was bleeding, they took me to the [Park] hospital. I guess it was later on that they found out I wasn’t one of the perpetrators.”

While he was released this morning, six more Animals remain in hospital, one in critical condition. Four others face charges, Police say, and will appear in court next week.

Meanwhile, the organizers of the Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic say their event will go on as planned.

“We have no reason to think that our annual festival of poetry will be anything but peaceful,” says the event’s chief organizer Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear.

Gossip site: “We have official special invitee list from Park Museum opening.”

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headsNtalesThe gossip site headsNtales claims to have in its possession the names of all the Animals who were specially invited to Saturday’s opening of The Park Museum.

In a post dated today, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo says that headsNtales will be publishing the full list on the site later this week.

“It’s our right to know which Animals the Board of Governors felt were special enough to invite to their exclusive opening,” Guacamayo says. “Their slogan says that it’s our museum, but on Saturday it was a little bit more their museum than ours.”

Museum of Contemporary Art announces appointment of curator

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Park Museum of Contemporary Art

Aamuun Maroodiga will become the PMoCA’s head curator on Monday

The Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) has appointed a new head curator.

In a communiqué released today, Aulikki Norsu, president of PMoCA’s board of directors, confirmed that Aamuun Maroodiga will assume the duties of head curator beginning on Monday, March 2.

“After an exhaustive search, we are pleased to announce that we have appointed Aamuun Maroodiga as head curator of the museum.

Maroodiga will bring to the job her extensive experience as an artist and her many years spent teaching the Tuskan technique at the Hani Gajah School of Art. We look forward to working with her and we are excited about this new era in the museum’s life,” the communiqué says.

Maroodiga succeeds Dorika Pumi, who left the PMoCA to become head curator at The Park Museum, which opens this weekend.

Pumi was responsible for a great deal of the innovation for which the PMoCA became known, including its first art installation in 2013, entitled, How Much Was That Doggie in the Window?  She was also responsible for the Museum’s K-NONical Kismet exhibit and the controversial but well-received series of sketches entitled, Better To Be Lost Than Loved.

Maroodiga is expected to follow Pumi’s innovative path. Her first exhibit will be the 2015 art installation which Chef Tab Tricolore is collaborating on with a number of artists. Its unveiling is expected in the late Spring.

Park Museum releases schedule of opening weekend events

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Park MuseumThe Park Museum has released the schedule of events for its opening this weekend.

The Museum will open its doors to the public on Sunday, March 1 but a special opening ceremony will take place on Saturday, February 28.

The special ceremony will be attended by the last ten sets of Park Archons, as well as by a group of dignitaries and special invitees. According to a source close to the Board of Governors, the invitee list includes the architects, engineers, construction workers, and others whose work resulted in what Chief Archon Abayomi Cuckoo has called, “the greatest feat The Park has achieved since the establishment of zoocracy.”

The Museum will open to the public at 10:00 on the morning of March 1. After a short welcoming speech by the Board of Governors and the Museum’s architects, attendees will be treated to an orientation tour and a buffet-style lunch courtesy of the PurrBoy Café. Souvenirs will also be available free of charge.

The Museum, which chronicles the social, cultural, political, and economic history of The Park from 3000 years before zoocracy until the present time, was conceived of in 2007. Plans were set in motion by the 2008 Archons and construction began in 2012. The Museum has received financial support from both the Archons and the private sector.

The full schedule of events is available here.

Archons enact legislation designating March as annual “Museum Month”

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Park MuseumThe 2015 Archons have enacted legislation designating the month of March each year as “Museum Month” in The Park.

At a press conference held early this morning in front of the soon-to-be-opened Park Museum, Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo made the announcement. Flanked by all 34 Archons, the Cuckoo spoke on behalf of her colleagues:

“On behalf of my fellow Archons, I proclaim the month of March as annual Museum Month in The Park.

In making this proclamation, we are recognizing the importance of documenting and understanding our history and celebrating our triumphs. At the same time, however, we must acknowledge our ongoing struggles. We hope the formal establishment of a Museum Month will facilitate just that and that the month of March will be a time for us each year to take an honest look at ourselves as a Park, to assess our accomplishments, and to rethink our goals as they relate to The Park as a whole and to each other as fellow citizens.

To that end, in conjunction with the Park Finance Office, we have made a change to The Park budget and set aside funds so that all Park museums will be able to welcome guests free of charge throughout the month of March each year. We hope this will help present and future generations to understand the history of The Park and the rôle that they themselves may play in its future.”

The legislation to which the Chief Archon referred goes by the formal name of “The Museum Month Designation Act” (“An Act to designate the month of March as annual Museum Month in The Park”). The legislation was signed February 23, 2015 and takes effect on February 26, 2015.

Opening ceremonies at The Park Museum will begin at 10:00 a.m. on Sunday, March 1, 2015.

Radio host Yannis Tavros announces stellar lineup for “March Madness”

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YannisTavros

Radio host Yannis Tavros announced a stellar lineup for “March Madness”

Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros announced a stellar lineup today for his upcoming “March Madness” broadcasts.

Tavros took a break during his show this afternoon to rattle off a list of guests that is sure to triple or even quadruple his listener audience.

Among those confirmed, Tavros mentioned beleaguered Rodent Commoner reporter Gunnar Rotte, controversial Nesthetics designer Romulus Bowerbird, Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces, and newly-appointed head of the Park Finance Office, Valentina Abeja. Dorika Pumi, The Park Museum’s new curator, choreographer Herman Stoat, rapper Will.o.be., and Beasts of Burden lead singer Alfredo Ox will also be joining Tavros in March.

The list continued with director Douglas Cheetah, Dr. Berthilidis Strix, head of The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic, Hieronymous Hedgehog, and historian Pieter Paard. As well, Tavros confirmed that renowned chef, restaurateur and author Tab Tricolore will join the radio host for his first interview since his return to The Park.

“There’s something for everyone in this lineup,” Tavros said, as he concluded. “And we have even more to tell you in the days to come.”

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