The Mammalian Daily

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Enforced Domestication Awareness Month: The Official Schedule of Events

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The Archons, in conjunction with the Department of Well-Being and Safety and the Department of Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations are pleased to release the following Official Schedule of Events for the June 2015 Enforced Domestication Awareness Month:

[table]
Date,Event,Location
6/1-30, It Could Happen To You: Tools of Domestication Exhibit and Recorded Presentation, Park Museum,
6/1-30, Domestication in the Piscine World: Interactive Exhibit,University of West Terrier Underwater Campus
6/1-30, Collar and Tag Surrender and Exchange, Footpad Heaven
6/2, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/ 6,“Super Goof” comic launch ,New Harmony Theatre
6/8, Experts Live Panel Discussion (participants to be announced), University of West Terrier
6/9, Squeakeasy in the Afternoon: Victims’ Stories Noon-5, The Squeakeasy
6/ 9, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/10,The Psychological Effects of Domestication: Panel Discussion/Q & A, Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm
6/12, Tab Tricolore hosts All You Can Eat Free, The Tabby Club & The Broop ‘n Miaow
6/13, Karaoke Night for The Domesticated Blues hosted by The Cynics, The Pound Gastropub
6/15, Advice for the Formerly Domesticated: Medical Updates plus Q & A, Extinction Anxiety Clinic
6/16, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/18, Dear Noreen: Is All Domestication Enforced?, University of West Terrier
June 19-21, LeTwiggery Avian Event: Come in and get your coupon for a free Ready-to-Feather™ Nest!, LeTwiggery
6/21, Concert of Celebration, The Draft
06/22, Holstein Fashion for EQUALSS: 50% off Spring inventory; lots of free items; get your “I Love My Stripes and Spots” button; coupon for free 3-course meal at The Tabby Club, Footpad Heaven
6/23, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/25-26, Victims’ Stories (register at DWBS to tell your story), Ancient Open-Air Theatre
6/28, Time for Inspiration: Free tour of Imogen Aardeekhoorn’s burrow, The Burrow Theatre
6/30, Concert for Charity (Purchase The Feral Four’s new single TNR. All proceeds go to CatsCare) , Ancient Open-Air Theatre
6/30, Concert After-Party, The PurrBoy Café@The Park Museum

[/table]

Enforced Domestication Awareness Month: Schedule of Events released

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Enforced Domestication 1The 2015 Archons, in conjunction with the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, have released the official schedule of events for Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.[pullquote]I hereby declare the June 2015 Enforced Domestication Awareness Month open. Let the talking, the listening, and the understanding begin.—Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo [/pullquote]

In a short speech this morning during which she declared the event open, Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo seemed visibly moved as she spoke of her pride in the growth of the month-long event.

“This is only our third Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, yet we have seen such an increase not only in our awareness, but in our willingness to talk about this issue. I take great pride in my involvement and I want to say that I am proud and humbled by our formerly domesticated citizens, whose bravery in discussing the reality of their lives inspires me every day of every month.

I hereby declare the June 2015 Enforced Domestication Awareness Month open. Let the talking, the listening, and the understanding begin,” she said.

This year’s events have expanded in number and location to include several Park art galleries, The Park Museum, the University of West Terrier, and most Park shops and grooming houses.

The official schedule of events will be posted at the law courts, the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, The Park Museum, the University of West Terrier, and at all Park shops. The Mammalian Daily will also issue a pullout printed version, as well as posting the schedule online.

Does of Peace to attend at grooming houses, no ruling on matter yet: Dindon

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The Does of Peace will be at grooming houses until 6:30 p.m. tonight

BREAKING NEWS

Calling the issue “too important and too complex for a hasty weekend ruling,” Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon has stayed the proceedings involving the request for an injunction against police presence at The Park’s grooming houses today and, instead, has requested that the Does of Peace take their place.

The Justice of The Park’s Superior Court made a brief statement late last night in which he explained that the matter under consideration was worthy of a great deal more “sober” thought than he could give it this weekend.

“I could not deliver a fair and balanced ruling in the little time afforded me before the Fowl Ball,” he said, as he read from a short, prepared speech.

“For this reason, I have called on the Does of Peace for assistance in the matter. Given the involvement of the Doves of Peace in Sunday’s Ball, I thought it better to make the request of the Does,” he said.

Speaking on behalf of The Park’s grooming houses, Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), applauded the decision.

“I think the Justice has done brilliantly and, on behalf of The Park’s grooming houses, I applaud his decision. Let the Fowl Ball begin!” he said.

The Does of Peace agreed to the Justice’s request and will be outside The Park’s grooming houses from 8:00 a.m. until 6:30 this evening.

No rest for the judiciary: ruling to come on grooming house call for injunction

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Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon will rule on injunction request later today

Sometimes, there’s just no rest for the judiciary.

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon arrived at The Park’s Superior Court this morning at 7:00 a.m. He is expected to rule later today on the request for an injunction against the police that was brought by The Park’s grooming houses late yesterday afternoon.[pullquote]It is not the rôle of the police to guard against crime; it is their place to be ready to attend when laws are broken. This may seem as if it’s a very fine line, but it is not. It is a very thick line and attempting to thin it is menacing.—Fionnula L. Fox, professor of law, University of West Terrier [/pullquote]

In its petition for an injunction against the stationing of officers outside their businesses, the grooming houses appealed to the Justice on a number of issues including harm to customer relations, disruption of business, loss of income, and loss of reputation.

But the one issue that stands out among them and that will give the Justice pause, say legal experts, is the issue of destabilizing The Park and threatening zoocracy.

“The stationing of police on private property where no crime has taken place is a very serious matter. It may look at first, as if it is about the issue of peacekeeping, but if you delve more deeply into it, you see that such an aggressive act is indeed a threat to our very zoocracy,” says Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

Fionnula L. Fox, professor of law at the University of West Terrier and a specialist in extra-hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park) agrees.

“Our zoocracy was founded on the right to free expression and free assembly. The Animals who caused the stampede last year did not break the law by complaining; they broke the law by acting in a violent fashion and by hurting each other. But it is not the rôle of the police to guard against crime; it is their place to be ready to attend when laws are broken. This may seem as if it’s a very fine line, but it is not. It is a very thick line and attempting to thin it is menacing,” she says.

Mr. Justice Dindon will hear presentations from both sides this morning and he is expected to rule on the matter late in the day.

Park Weather Makers make impassioned plea at Agrarian Jubilee

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Weather Makers

Logo of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park

It was impromptu and it was impassioned.[pullquote]By supporting your local weather makers, you support The Park’s cultivators and growers and ensure the best food supply to Park residents, which, in turn, ensures a better, more secure, and more prosperous life for all.—WMPSAP president Kalliope Sun Bear [/pullquote]

Between sets by Eggie and The Pigs at Saturday’s Anixi Agrarian Jubilee, Kalliope Sun Bear, president  of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), took to the stage, grabbed the microphone from its stand, and uttered a heartfelt plea to the powers that be (i.e., the Park Finance Officers):

“We have seen the results of the faulty decision-making by the Park Finance Office over the past several years: the purchase of weather from outside The Park; the export of better weather produced by our own members; the resultant food shortages and increasing reliance on the importing of necessities, including food; the support of initiatives such as tourism, that have a detrimental effect on life in The Park…the list goes on.

I implore you to take a step back in order to ensure a better future for The Park and its citizens. By supporting your local weather makers, you support The Park’s cultivators and growers and ensure the best food supply to Park residents, which, in turn, ensures a better, more secure, and more prosperous life for all,” she said.

Her plea comes at a crucial time: just last week, Valentina Abeja, the new head of the Park Finance Office, announced that she would present the 2016 budget on August 1. That leaves a substantial amount of time, Sun Bear believes, to rethink our weather policy and to adjust the figures in its favour.

“I hadn’t at all planned on saying anything at the Jubilee. It’s traditionally a time of celebration, of looking forward toward the new growing season and the coming bounty. But I looked out at the crowd and I saw all the [members of] Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers and I thought, ‘Something has to be said on their behalf.’ I can’t look at them and not feel their fear…their insecurity. It seemed like a great place to start a discussion, with such a massive turnout,” Sun Bear said in an interview after her speech.

“I know the crowd was with me. I just hope the Finance Office heard us, too,” she said.

Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja to present 2016 budget in August

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Budget

“There will be no budget before its time.”—PFO head Valentina Abeja

Citing, among other things, the need for more time to consider the input of citizens, the head of the Park Finance Office (PFO) confirmed that she will not be able to present a 2016 budget before mid-August.

At a press conference this afternoon, Abeja attempted to reassure citizens that her first budget would be a well-considered document, responsive to both the present and future needs of The Park.

“There will be no budget before its time,” she told reporters.

“There is much to deliberate upon, especially since there was effectively no budget this year,” said Abeja, who has held the position since mid-February.

Last month, in an interview with Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros, Abeja said it was important for the PFO head to be mindful of the needs and aspirations of all Park citizens, while acknowledging the immense diversity of The Park’s population.

“A budget speaks to every Animal’s priorities and hopes for the future, every Animal’s identification with its own species and our collective desires for all Park citizens,” she said.

The last Park budget was presented on August 30, 2014 by former PFO head Milton Struts. That budget proved so controversial that it was scuttled almost immediately and Struts was relieved of his position shortly thereafter.

KwikLiks: The Park’s first “flash groomer” opens its doors

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KwikLiks

Park’s first flash groomer: KwikLiks

The Park’s newest grooming house has opened in a flash and that’s not just a metaphor.

As its name suggests, KwikLiks offers quick grooming or, as its proprietress Maitea Behi says, “Flash grooming for the fast set.”

At the grand opening yesterday, Behi beamed as she offered treats to the steady stream of new customers.

“In our business, we like to say, ‘A treat is worth a thousand licks,'” she joked, as she directed Animals of every species toward the house’s bank of groomers.

With five full-time and eight part-time groomers, Behi says she can service over five hundred Animals an hour.

“A few licks should do it for most Animals. Larger Animals, of course, will take a bit more time. And for important occasions, we’re happy to take those extra few seconds to make you look your absolute best.”

While Behi’s establishment is the first of its kind in The Park, she says that flash grooming has taken off elsewhere.

“We scoped out a few venues outside The Park and even considered opening there,” she said. “But my heart belongs here. My loyalty is to The Park.”

KwikLiks’s opening at this time of year is no coincidence, either. While Behi hopes to cash in on The Park’s upcoming social season, she understands that this year the established houses may win out.

“I’m going to need to gain the trust of Animals in a flash,” she said.

New date announced for Park’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

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May 23

The Anixi Agrarian Jubilee will take place on Saturday May 23

The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has changed the date of this year’s Anixi Agrarian Jubilee.

In a brief statement released this afternoon, Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the department, announced the change from Wednesday, May 20 to Saturday, May 23.

“The official date of the Jubilee has always been May 20, which falls on a Wednesday this year. The Department felt that a weekend celebration would be more fitting for the occasion and as a result, we have changed the date to Saturday, May 23. No other changes are anticipated,” the announcement said.

Last month, the organizers of the Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic changed the day of its annual event, as well. After deciding to hold the Picnic on a Sunday they announced they would make a formal request to designate the third Sunday of March as the Picnic day. The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has not announced any plans to do the same for the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee.

Fowl Ball organizers on second annual event: “We are all systems go!”

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Fowl Ball

This year’s Fowl Ball will be bigger and better than the first, organizers promise

The bands have been booked, the food’s been arranged, and the items that will appear on the auction block are awe-inspiring.

“We are all systems go!,” says Rafael Ortega, the event’s chief organizer.

With a year’s experience under his beak and already having dealt with a difficult situation (last year’s grooming house stampede), Ortega says he’s ready for anything but “expecting nothing out of the ordinary” this year.

“This year will make last year look like it was a rehearsal,” he says, as he struts around his office.

Claiming that he has “assurances” from The Park’s grooming houses that they’re prepared for the onslaught of pre-Ball customers, he says he can relax for a week or two before gearing up again in May.

“There is no chance that we will see a repeat of last year’s tragedy,” he states firmly. “We had no idea how successful the event would be in its inaugural year, nor how hungry Park Animals were for a more formal post-Winter celebration.”

Indeed, he believes, this year’s attendance should be even higher, given the difficult Winter The Park experienced this year.

“We’re looking forward to higher numbers, more fun, and even more funding for the cause of Avian aid,” he says.

The Park’s second annual Fowl Ball will take place on Sunday, May 31, 2015. Tickets go on sale April 15 and will be available at all Park retailers, as well as at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. 

PFO head Valentina Abeja: “A budget is a very emotional thing.”

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Valentina Abeja

Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja

Speaking candidly in an interview with Toro Talk Radio’s Yannis Tavros on Monday, the head of the Park Finance Office explained the delay in tabling a 2015 budget:

“A budget is a very emotional thing,” said Valentina Abeja, whose two-year tenure as PFO head began February 15.

“A budget speaks to every Animal’s priorities and hopes for the future, every Animal’s identification with its own species and our collective desires for all Park citizens. The PFO head needs to be mindful of the needs and aspirations of each and every one, while acknowledging the immense diversity of The Park’s citizenry.”

Asked whether the delay in tabling a budget would affect The Park’s economy, Abeja’s demeanour changed dramatically, from one of openness to one that Tavros later described as “more befitting a leader.”

“I can tell you that we have in no way jeopardized The Park’s economy by our thoughtfulness and caution,” she said bluntly. “I have tremendous faith in the resilience of our economy and in our citizenry,” she concluded.

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