The 2012 Archons have revealed the second prong of their “three-pronged” plan to promote tourism in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning, Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt proudly announced that a “major construction project” will take place in The Park this Winter, with the building and erection of a number of signposts. The signposts, Newt said, will direct tourists to Park “hot spots” and make their time spent here significantly more pleasant.

“I know if I didn’t live here, I wouldn’t know where to start,” Newt said, adding that, for those who live outside it, The Park is a vast untapped resource for sports, entertainment and fine dining.

“And once The Park Museum opens, there will be even more reason to visit,” he said.

The signpost project will be overseen by Simply Structures, one of The Park’s leading construction companies. A spokesAnimal for the company said she thought the project would be completed by the end of Winter.

The Archons’ plan to promote The Park as a tourist destination, initiated this past Spring, has continued to meet with resistance from individual Park citizens, environmental groups and some businesses, who say the financial gain from tourists does not offset the physical damage to The Park and the disruption of Park life.

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Archons’ plan to promote Park tourism draws criticism

An investigation has concluded that Human Direct Investment (HDI) in The Park is responsible for some of the food shortages that Animals have experienced over the past year.

The investigation, which was conducted over a twelve-month period by The Park Police Force’s Undercover Operations Unit (UOU) revealed that, in January of 2011, the sitting Archons, in conjunction with the Park Finance Officers, agreed to “rent” out portions of The Park’s farmland to Humans for their personal use. The agreement explicitly allowed for use of the land for the purpose of growing food for the exclusive consumption of Humans.

“There was no stipulation as to sharing the harvest or any discussion, as far as we know, of their [the Humans’] reinvestment in The Park,” said UOU head B.N.L.Valerian Beetle at a news conference held this afternoon.

“This was a bad deal, all around,” said A.P. Civet, President of The Park’s Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio following the news conference.

“These so-called allotment gardens were given over for cash only, without any thought to the consequences,” she said.

It is because of those almost certain consequences that Park Animals find themselves in a state of fear this Summer, as they look at the likelihood of a truncated harvest and face the possibility of not being able to feed themselves from Park lands alone.

“Importing food is something we try to avoid at all costs…and primarily because of the cost of doing so. But, with our growing population and with the Archons not looking out for Animal welfare, it’s almost a certainty that we will have to do just that this year,” Civet said.

See also: Food production scandal rocks Park

Others in The Park, even more critical of the agreement, have turned their anger toward the Park Finance Office.

“I don’t know what they were thinking,” said A.J. Babirusa, president of the newly-formed activist group, Take Back The Park (TBTP). “You can’t eat money. They should know that,” he said.

Babirusa’s group has launched a lawsuit against the PFO, accusing it of illegally selling the rights to farmland without the consent of Park citizens.

“Archons come and go,” Babirusa said. “But the PFO should know better. They’re in charge of our welfare…or so we thought,” he said.

Bad boy chef, Tab Tricolore, will open his next restaurant at The Park Museum, according to a statement released on July 15 by The Museum’s Board of Governors.

The new restaurant will be called the PurrrBoy Café and will serve formal lunches and dinners, as well as take-away meals for those on the go. The restaurant will commence service approximately two weeks before the museum’s opening ceremonies take place.

Insiders speculate that Tricolore will engage the services of Tagma Design for the new café’s décor. Tagma Design is the firm Tricolore has used for each of his four restaurants.

“Tab trusts them completely. I think he has definite ideas about what he wants for this restaurant. I think he wants it to be not only different, but special,” said a source who wished not to be named.

Tricolore has made headlines over the years for his penchant for wild scenes and sudden staff firings, as well as for occasionally pouncing on customers who complain about his food.

“Tab has little patience for customer complaints,” says his former saucier, Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla. “He’s a perfectionist and he figures if you’re complaining, you just don’t get it,” he says. “He’s the same way with staff.”

To his credit, Tricolore says he will be hiring staff for the new restaurant “from within The Park”, as he has done for each of his restaurants. According to his web site, training will begin three months after all staff members are hired.

The Park Museum is scheduled to open in 2013.

The Central Bank of The Park will be closed tomorrow, June 30, for its mid-year tally. It will re-open on Monday, July 2.

The tally dates back to pre-zoocratic days, when the Central Bank served both as a governing body and as a functioning bank, offering a full range of financial services to Park Animals. Since the establishment of zoocracy, the Central Bank’s main role has been to oversee The Park’s commercial banks and to advise on monetary policy, thus ensuring the viability of The Park’s financial system.

Both the Bank’s mid-year and end-of year-tallies have come under criticism lately from several commercial groups in The Park, including the Park Association of Shops and Servcies (PASS), whose members say that closing the Bank for two or more days a year for the purpose of an audit is an anachronism that impedes productivity and gives a negative impression of The Park.

The Bank has, thus far, not responded to the criticism.

A plan initiated this Spring to promote tourism in parts of The Park has met with criticism from a number of Animal groups.

The plan, which was revealed to the public just days ago, was conceived by Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt, according to a source close to the Archons.

Newt, who became Chief Archon in January of this year, was the owner of a profitable recreational facility when he was chosen by lottery to serve as Archon. His plan to make The Park an attractive venue for non-residents has infuriated a number of Animal groups, who question the wisdom of inviting outsiders to spend more time in The Park.

“Personally, I don’t understand the whole thing,” says Ferit Kokarca, President of Skunks Against Gunk. “They come here and make use of our beautiful facilities, but they don’t add anything substantial to the economy,” he says.

Wellington Whistlepig, founder and current president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) concurs: “It’s not as if they buy anything from our shops,” he says.

In the meantime, The Park’s environmental groups, incensed by the plan, have decided that action speaks louder than words. Some particularly infuriated members of the group, Keep Your Paws out of Our Ponds, have set up barriers in the new tourist areas in the hope of discouraging return visitors.

Still, there are those who see positive aspects to welcoming tourists to The Park.

Park Finance Officer, Milton Struts, says studies have shown that other Parks have benefitted “not just financially, but culturally” from interacting with outsiders. And André-Philippe Campagnol, the new owner of the popular Park restaurant, The Compost Heap, says his eatery has been the beneficiary of “a significant windfall” since tourists have begun frequenting The Park.

“We’re finding that we’re able to offer a wider variety of fare this summer,” he says.

Portions of The Park’s farmland are being used to produce food for consumption by Humans who live outside The Park, Police have concluded.

At a press conference held early this morning, B.N.L.Valerian Beetle, Head of The Park Police Force’s Undercover Operations Unit (UOU), confirmed the findings of the Unit’s year-long investigation.

“This has been a long and intensive investigation, conducted over the past twelve months and it includes data from each of the last four seasons,” Beetle said.

The investigation, which involved data-gathering both inside and outside The Park, was initiated after a series of meetings between Park Police and members of The Park’s Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

“We knew that something was terribly wrong,” said SCPCPGF President, A.P. Civet, when she spoke briefly at the end of the press conference.

“We’d been keeping our eyes on these pieces of land for some time…we had permission to seed them and, then, we noticed plants growing in the places we’d planned to seed.”

The SCPCPGF was formed in 2008, after that year’s Archons announced that they were looking at ways to maximize The Park’s food-producing lands. At the time, the Society said it intended to act as a “policy watchdog” to ensure the fair administration of any legislation regarding farming.

At the press conference, Beetle confirmed that the investigation is ongoing, but said there are no known suspects “at this time.”

“We are working on several leads and encourage any Animals who may have seen suspicious activity in the areas of these lands to come forward with information,” he said.