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On This Day—July 30, 2014: Aardeekhoorn memorial set for August 1

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LiliesThe memorial service in honour of playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn has been scheduled for Friday, August 1, it was announced today.

The service will take place at the Park Repertory Theatre. There will, in fact, be five services or more held, according to a spokesAnimal for the theatre.

“We all wanted to hold the memorial here, but we do not have sufficient room for the numbers we anticipate. As a compromise, we decided to hold the service a number of times. There will be no difference in the content of the services; just in the time,” the spokesAnimal said.

Members of The Park’s stage and screen communities, including Millicent Hayberry, directors Donald Merriami and Douglas Cheetah, and Leola Ocelot of the Park Interspecial Fllm Festival (PIFF) will speak at the memorial. Other scheduled speakers include Chef Tab Tricolore, Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), representatives of the Park Alliance of Chipmunks (PAC) and the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) and some of Aardeekhoorn’s close friends and family members.

The first service will begin at 10:00 am.

On This Day—July 30, 2013: Museum excavators recover beloved Park tome

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The book that was recovered by workers excavating at the site of the future Park Museum is a beloved Park tome that went missing ten years ago.

In a statement released to the press this afternoon, Catriona Cairn-Terrier, Chief Archaeologist at the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life (ISML), confirmed the identity of the find.

“It is with great pleasure that I confirm for you today that, after extensive testing in our laboratories, we have concluded definitively that the book that was discovered during excavations at the site of the future Park Museum is, indeed, The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat,” the statement read.

Cairn-Terrier also commended the workers from Burrows and Beyond, the construction company that was hired to prepare the ground at the Park Museum.

“They called the ISML as soon as they found the book. They showed a real sensitivity to the find and I commend them for it,” she noted in the press release.

The book, which is much beloved in The Park, went missing ten years ago, after a storm toppled the display in which it was housed at the front of the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. The book had resided there for seven years after the death of its author, ZoëCat, in 1996. Every day, a page was turned so that ZoëCat’s followers and other passersby could read a new entry.

“ZoëCat is revered in The Park,” says Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces.

“She was a great thinker; she had the highest IQ of any Animal in The Park and she was the older sister of Jor, our first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy. Her influence on him must have been immense,” he said.

In all, the book’s pages number 6,975 and span the years from her early Kittenhood until a month before her death. The autobiographical tome, which is filled with her personal, political, and philosophical musings, was never formally published and the book that was found by the excavators is believed to be the only extant copy.

On This Day—July 29, 2011: Park to host first media circus this weekend

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In an effort to acquaint citizens, residents, and visitors with the important work that they do, The Park’s various media outlets will host a circus this weekend at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

An open invitation, posted at the Wishing Well by Rodolfo van de Gier, President of the Association of Media Outlets of The Park (AMOP), encourages “all Animals who reside, frequent, or visit The Park,” to come out this weekend to meet the press.

“[We think that] all Animals should avail themselves of the opportunity to meet those of us who work in the media, especially the reporters. These are the Animals who struggle against seemingly insurmountable odds and who put their lives at risk every day to bring back accurate accountings of goings-on, both inside and outside The Park,” van de Gier said in an interview on PBC Radio this morning.

The two-day event is the first of its kind in The Park. Every Park newspaper, magazine, radio, and television station will be represented in some form. In addition, the AMOP president said, there will be “fun and games” for both young and old. These will include a chance to “play reporter” by covering your choice of a mock trial at the Court House, a disease outbreak at The Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, or a play opening at the Burrow Theatre. Other mock events planned are hosting a radio interview, following a police chase, and rummaging through a celebrity Animal’s garbage.There will be many prizes awarded, as well, van de Gier said, and the top prize will be the chance to be interviewed on Toro Talk Radio by host Yannis Tavros.

For those who find the event so riveting that they are moved to make a career change, representatives of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism will be on hand to explain just what is involved in training for a career in media.

Who: Representatives of all Park media outlets
What: Media Circus
Where: Ancient, Open-Air Theatre
When: July 30-31
Why: Meet the press, ask questions, learn about media, play reporter, have fun

On This Day—July 28, 2016: Did DWBS Summer safety alert come too late for some?

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The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has come under heavy criticism for issuing its Summer security alert too late.

Yesterday’s alert, which is only the second Summer alert ever issued, warned Park Animals to be vigilant around Humans vacationing in The Park.

According to the DWBS communiqué, Park Animals should deal with Humans in a “professional” manner, refrain from befriending Human children, refuse all invitations to enter vehicles, and refuse any and all “suspicious” invitations and gifts.

“Humans tend to get sentimental and to make emotional attachments during their time off work and that makes them more likely to try to take Park Animals home with them,” the DWBS warned.

The alert is comprehensive. But critics say the delay in issuing it has cost some Animals their security and perhaps, in some cases, their lives.

“This alert should have been issued a month ago, at least. Six weeks ago would have been perfect,” says Delma Falter of The Park’s Missing Animals Registry.

Falter says that this Summer, she’s had the “very sad task” of adding names to the Registry.

“It’s a difficult thing to do. I deal with families reporting their friends, their mates, their young, missing. We try to give them hope, but the truth is many of them will never be found. And this Summer, the numbers have grown to the point where I would call it a crisis,” she said.

Other frontline workers agree.

Arrosa Katu of the Feral Cat Helpline says she and other volunteers have seen a record number of calls this year.

“I would say roughly four hundred per cent more, and during many of those calls, I’ve had to tell families to call the Missing Animals Registry,” she says.

Katu and Falter say much of this could have been avoided.

“The DWBS made a big mistake in waiting so long to issue the alert. Many of us would call it a fatal error,” says Falter.

Animals who do experience problems with Humans are encouraged to report any incidents immediately to one of the following DWBS hotlines:

Feral Cat Helpline: 1-899-33725228
Assaulted Animals Helpline: 1-899-27728583
Missing Animals Registry: 1-899-64774642
Missing Family Members Report: 1-899-32645966
Youth line (Kittens, Puppies, Cubs, etc.): 1-899-96884546
Exotic Animals Helpline: 1-899-3968427

On This Day—July 24, 2015: Barkettes issue invitation to bring Tartan Crab artefacts to Sunday concert

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Barkettes #4 ticketDo you have a ticket to the Barkettes’ free concert at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond on Sunday?

Did you know the Tartan Crab?

If you or your family or friends knew the Tartan Crab and have any artefacts or memorabilia associated with the Tartan Crab, the Barkettes we would like you to bring it with you to their free concert on Sunday.

The following invitation was issued late this evening directly by Thisbe and the Barkettes:

Although the Tartan Crab was by no means a celebrity, to many in The Park he was a great friend and loyal family member. In addition to performing our free concert on Sunday, would like to honour his life by remembering him as he was from his birth to his untimely death.

We are, therefore, inviting all who knew the Tartan Crab and who have anything associated with him, such as pictures, his signature on a greeting card, or any of his possessions, to bring whatever you can to the concert and to participate in a pop-up memorial display. The display will be open for public viewing from 6:00 p.m., throughout the concert, and for one hour after the concert concludes.

Volunteers from the Park Historical Society will be on hand to aid you in adding your contributions to the memorial display. If you wish to participate, please arrive at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond at 4:30 p.m. and report to the reception desk that will be set up to receive artefacts. Rest assured that your possessions will be securely handled and guarded throughout.

Thank you. We look forward to seeing you and sharing your memories.

Thisbe and the Barkettes

On This Day in 2012: Park’s music makers at work on first interspecial song

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For the first time in history, a group of The Park’s music makers have banded together to produce the first interspecial song.

The song was commissioned by The Board of Governors of The Park Museum and will be performed at the museum’s opening ceremonies in 2013.

A spokesAnimal for the museum’s Governors said the idea for the song came to the Governors while they were studying the architectural plans for the new museum.

“It all came together in their minds…the different stages in the development of The Park…the prehistory…the establishment of zoocracy,” he said. “It seemed fitting [to them] that we should celebrate how far we’ve come in a song.”

At last count, there were ten groups involved: The Canary Cousins, The Feral Four, Eggie and The Pigs, The Beasts of Burden, Les Chiens Débraillés, Scentient Beings, The DomEstyx, The Endeka Elephant Band, NIML, and rapper Will.o.be. The new grouping does not have a leader, Eggie of Eggie and The Pigs told The Mammalian Daily.

“We’re going to see if we can do this in a completely zoocratic way,” he said. He also confirmed that proceeds from the sale of the song will go to support the museum.

“We’re hoping the song will be successful enough to give the museum a financial boost,” he said.

With the working title of “The Promise of The Park,” the song appears to be on track to do just that.

On This Day in 2014: Playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn dead

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Veteran playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn has died, The Mammalian Daily has learned.

In a communication sent to managing editor Orphea Haas, Aardeekhoorn’s publicist confirmed that the author of “Mixed Nuts” died at her burrow sometime between Saturday evening and last night. Her body was discovered this morning by a friend, the publicist said.

Aardeekhoorn was born in The Park to an immigrant Chipmunk family. A prolific writer, she was the author of two novels, a book of poems, and three plays, as well as her “Chronicles,” upon which the one-Chipmunk show, “Mixed Nuts,” was based. Last year, Aardeekhoorn received the Chitter Radio Literary Award for her last work, ”Truffles.” She was also honoured at that event for her efforts on behalf of the Park Repertory Theatre.

Aardeekhoorn was nine years old.

Read also: Theatre Review: The Sound of One Nut Cracking

On This Day in 2011: One Human dead, reporter held for questioning outside Park

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Rporter ZeeZee Legy

The Insect Intelligencer has confirmed that reporter, ZeeZee Legy, has been held for questioning outside The Park in connection with the death of a Human late last night. The dead Human, whose name has not yet been released by law enforcement, was one of two who suffered injuries last week.  The other was released from hospital three days ago.

In a statement released early this morning, The Intelligencer’s editor-in-chief, Fannia di Volo, expressed her deepest sympathies for the family of the fallen Human and pledged the paper’s “full cooperation” in any investigation into the circumstances surrounding his death.

Reports claim that the two Humans fell ill suddenly outside their homes and were rushed to hospital.  Witnesses at the scene told police that five of the Intelligencer’s reporters were “hovering around” at the time and that at least two of them “had their probosces resting” on the Humans’ arms.

The five reporters fled the scene but were arrested inside The Park within hours of their return.  Only Legy remained outside The Park, where it was reported he had been visiting family while on vacation from the newspaper.

Legy, along with the other five reporters, work exclusively on the Intelligencer’s daily Fly on the Wall feature.  After the arrest of the five reporters, the newspaper’s publishers made the decision to cease publication temporarily.  The reporters were to have been formally charged on July 18, but a backlog in The Park’s court system has caused a delay in the matter.

On This Day in 2008: Evidence presented at Mongoose trial sparks criticism of Park weather practices

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Mounting criticism of current Park weather practices is threatening to overshadow important legal issues in what some describe as the “trial of the decade.”

Since the prosecution began presenting its evidence in the Mongoose “weather trial,” Park Archons report they have received an “overwhelming” number of complaints from citizens about the method by which The Park purchases its weather.

“[I would say] this will definitely put reform on the weather map,” said a spokesAnimal for The Park Weather Office.

It has not been the tradition for citizens to be involved actively in weather decisions, the spokesAnimal said. Those decisions have been made in the same manner since zoocracy was instituted and the public outcry “has caught the Archons off guard,” he said.

Meanwhile, legal observers say they fear the groundswell of criticism could shift the focus of the trial and result in the Mongoose’s acquittal. “The issue at trial is whether or not the Mongoose acted in good faith with regard to the contract into which he entered,” Harry D.W.R. Lemur, the prosecuting attorney, said in an interview. “We are not here to debate the appropriateness of that contract.”

The Mongoose is charged with fraud, theft, misappropriation of funds, and intent to confound, in connection with weather purchases he made in 13 AZ. His trial continues.

This article originally appeared in Issue #112 of The Mammalian Daily.

On This Day in 2007: Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Cricket Ball

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Today’s ball is the CRICKET ball.

The cricket ball has a long history with Dogs.

Originally employed in the Mediaeval period, cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe that the cricket ball was first employed by Dogs as a tool in the annual harvesting of the fields in Mediaeval Africa.

Scholars familiar with the period cite the drama of the time, commonly known as “Meerakle Plays,” as evidence that the balls were regularly used for two purposes: the harvesting of cotton and, later, protecting the farm against thieving Meerkats in the area.

The balls, which were constructed of cork from the northern part of Africa, are believed to have been transported to the south for the purpose of harvesting cotton. This the Dogs did by rolling the balls over the cotton as it lay in mounds on the ground, after it had been picked off the bush. As the balls picked up the cotton, they grew larger and larger until they became impossible to roll. The farmers, then, collected the balls, removed the mass of cotton from the cork base, and tossed them back to the Dogs. This tossing action scared the Meerkats and the farm Dogs soon began to use this method to secure the fields. The Dogs tossed the balls, first with their paws and, later, with branches and twigs that they collected from nearby trees.

Centuries later, after cotton harvesting became automated and other methods were used to secure the farms, the tossing of the cricket ball remained a popular pastime among the farm Dogs.

Since that time, Dogs everywhere have enjoyed various forms of play with the cricket ball.

Sources: MeerStories and Mediaeval Meerakle Plays; Farming in the Middle Ages; Domestic Chronicles of the Middle Ages,Volume 9, Farming; Farming and Manufacture from Their Beginnings Until Today, Volume 3, Balls; If Balls Could Talk; Ballieving; Follow the Bouncing Ball: How Dogs Introduced Balls to the Human World; various newspaper articles and reports.

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com.

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