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OTD in 2015—Tickets for first Barkettes’ “Bring Your Own Bone” concert go on sale today

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Barkettes ticket

NEWS FLASH!
Chew on this: Ticket sales for the first concert in Thisbe and the Barkettes’ ” Bring Your Own Bone,” tour go on sale at 10:00 a.m. this morning at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

In a text sent this morning at 6:00 a.m., the band’s manager Hilde Blaft confirmed that the first batch of tickets will be available for purchase today.

“Overjoyed to announce 1st concert date May8@Ancient Open-Air Theatre. Tix on sale@10 am.,” the text read.

The tour, presented by Iglu Entertainment, includes four concerts in The Park: two at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, one at the Wishing Well and one at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond. The Tartan Crab Memorial Pond concert will be free of charge.

Dates for the remaining three concerts have not yet been announced.

OTD in 2015—Gossip site: SplotchWatch site shut down, owner arrested this morning

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headsNtalesThe controversial web site SplotchWatch has been shut down and its owner arrested, according to the gossip site headsNtales.

In a 10.00 a.m. posting, the gossip site said it had confirmation from The Park Police Force’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) that Raimundo Zorro, the site’s owner, was being held in custody until a court date was set.

The Mammalian Daily reported in December that Zorro’s site had been under police surveillance for almost six months. At the time, Park Police were not releasing the name of the site’s owner.

“Its only purpose, as far as we can tell, is to name Animals who have had their spots or stripes removed,” the SHCU’s Chief Inspector Maurice Addax said at the time.

Zorro, a disgruntled former journalist, writes on his web site that he believes it is in the interest of  “openness and honesty” to let Park Animals know who among them has altered their appearance.

The Park’s grooming house community publicly took issue with that belief, but police said they had no intention of acting against Zorro unless the site explicitly encouraged hatred or violence toward any Animal or group of Animals.

Numerous reports and studies have indicated that striped and spotted Animals do not receive equal treatment in The Park. In the Autumn newsletter of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), the major grooming houses reported that stripe removal was their most sought-after service. Calling it a “disturbing trend,” they said the number of completed procedures had increased 190% in the past two years.

OTD in 2016—We owe our quick success to the fast pace of Park life: KwikLiks owner

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KwikLiksIt’s been almost a year since Maitea Behi opened the doors of KwikLiks, The Park’s first—and so far, only—”flash” groomer. But what a year it’s been.

“We opened at the end of April and we had a bit of a slow start, what with the warm weather taking its sweet time to arrive and being up against a number of established groomers,” she says.

Nevertheless, Behi was determined to ride out the lean times, even though, with the financial burden of a staff of groomers (five full-time and eight part-time) working long hours seven days a week, she knew the business wouldn’t turn a profit for a few years.

Even when things started to turn around in the Summer, though, Behi  says she didn’t dare take her success for granted.

“When we started, we were a new concept, so we had to explain what flash grooming was. I think it seemed impossible to many Animals, particularly those who were used to spending half a day at the groomer’s,” she says.

But with some time and what she calls “smart marketing,” Park residents were able to see the value in a place that could groom five hundred Animals an hour.

“Life is so busy these days and that makes it difficult for Animals to find the time to spend at the groomer’s. But that doesn’t stop them from wanting to look their best, and that’s where we come in. We owe our success to the quickening pace of life in The Park.”

And this year, Behi is looking forward to participating in Tuesday’s semi-annual charity “Shakeoff.”

“We’ll be on site all day, doing what we do best. It’s a great cause and we’re thrilled to be able to join The Park’s other groomers at the event. It makes me feel like we really belong,” she says.

The Shakeoff (formerly “Shake for Charity”) runs Tuesday from 10:00 a.m. to 8 p.m. at locations across The Park.

OTD in 2015—Economy forces Animals to work as “domestics” outside Park

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The sluggish economy is taking its toll on the professional and personal lives of Park citizens.

“The situation is dire,” says Dr. Anneliese Cissa, head of the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier and author of a new report on the economy entitled, “Seeking Greener Pastures: The Exodus of the Unwilling and Able.”

The report, which analyzed economic and employment data gathered by The Park’s Department of Statistics and Records, paints a gloomy  picture of the future unless immediate action is taken.

According to the report, recent statistics show that a record number of Animals have had to leave their homes and families in the past year to seek work outside The Park.

“The Park is simply not generating a sufficient number of jobs for its population,” says Dr. Cissa. “As a consequence, we are losing our best and brightest…the skilled and the most diligent. And Humans are the ones who are benefitting.”

Indeed, figures cited in the report indicate that, out of financial necessity, a great many Animals have been forced to take jobs as “domestic companions” to Humans outside The Park.

“This is tragic on so many levels,” says Cissa. “These are Animals who were trained and educated at institutions in The Park, Animals who were promised a better life than their ancestors had. These are Animals who believed in the Promise of The Park, and who believed that Animals would never have to serve Humans again. They’ve been betrayed by the economy and they are starting to question their commitment to The Park, itself. It is a very challenging situation.”

Dr. Cissa’s report is scheduled to be presented to the Archons’ full assembly on Tuesday.

OTD in 2017—Travel ban will hurt our students, art school director tells Archons

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Hani Gajah School of ArtThe director of the Hani Gajah School of Art has made a heartfelt plea to the Archons: don’t restrict Animals’ travel outside The Park.

In an open letter published across Park media, Nolwazi Indlovu pleads her case for students’ “unrestricted exposure to the wider world,” while addressing the Archons’ reported concerns about safety.

“We at The Park’s premier centre of artistic education share your concern for the safety of all Park Animals. From the beginning, we have put our students’ safety first, yet we have designed curricula that require them to spend time outside The Park. We believe that the value of their enrichment through unrestricted exposure to the wider world outweighs any risk that might be involved,” the letter reads in part.

The letter is a response to the February rumour that the Archons plan to restrict Animal’s travel due to the inability of our legal representatives to aid Animals who have been charged or detained outside The Park.

While other Park educational institutions also require their students to spend some time outside The Park, the Hani Gajah School would be more adversely affected by any travel ban, since its four-year programme requires one year of full-time residency outside The Park.

The letter to the Archons was signed by Indlovu as well as by former Hani Gajah instructor and current curator of The Park Museum’s art gallery, Dorika Pumi, Hani Gajah alumni Anastazja Koci and Hanad Maroodiga, and Aamuun Maroodiga, head curator, Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA).

OTD in 2012—Literary mag sets up shop, tells Animals not to submit work

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Our newest literary magazine has issued a curious invitation to The Park’s creative community: please read us, but don’t try to write for us.

Grains of Truth, a journal that describes itself as “the embodiment of excellence” and “publisher of only the best in Animal writing” sent its first edition to store shelves less than a week ago. Along with it came an insert that warned writers not to attempt to have their work published in the journal.

The insert, which begins, “Dear Writers,” outlines the magazine’s policy vis-à-vis unsolicited submissions:

“While we maintain great respect for the work of The Park’s artistic community, we have neither the Animalpower nor the will to sift through piles of submissions in search of material to publish in our magazine. We appreciate your interest in our journal and hope that you enjoy reading the excellent fiction you find in it.”

The magazine’s editor, Dorine Ovella, declined The Mammalian Daily’s invitation to clarify the submission policy. Through a spokesAnimal, however, she issued this statement:

“We meant no offence to any writer when we issued our submission statement. We are a private journal and, as such, we reserve the right to publish work that is to our taste and, hopefully, to the taste of our readers.”

OTD in 2015—SuperGoof! comic plans June launch

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SuperGoof graphicIt’s not a drone. It’s not a puppet. It’s not even a toy.

It’s SuperGoof!, a new comic series that’s set to launch this coming June and which may prove to be the most powerful weapon in The Park’s anti-enforced domestication arsenal.

Conceived and produced by Anastazja Koci, an alumna of the Hani Gajah School of Art, the project was supported in part by the Founding Families Financial Corporation, in association with the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS).

“We are always on the lookout for new ways to warn Animals about the dangers of enforced domestication,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo.

“When Anastazja brought this to us, we hopped on board right away.”

The series chronicles the lives of two Domestic Animals: one Feline and one Canine, also known as the “SuperGoofs.”

The first book shows them in their formative years, learning “the tricks of the trade,” as the Canine puts it.

“In the first book, the Animals have no names,” Koci explains. “When they are addressed, it’s with terms of endearment…’Sweetie,’ ‘Precious,” that sort of thing. They have no identity outside of their rôles as pets.”

One of the most important lessons that comes from the first book is that Domestic Animals are not free to be themselves.

“It was a difficult choice to make, but I thought it was important to illustrate that the life of a Domestic Animal is not the true life of an Animal. I want to show Park Animals what it’s like not to be allowed to find your own food, to express your own personality, to make your own friends,” Koci says.

While she says the food issue was the most important to her, the title of the series says far more about the project as a whole.

“I’ve often been asked, ‘Why SuperGoofs?’ It’s hard to explain if you’ve never been in a Human household,” says Koci, who spent two years as a pet before moving to The Park.

“Humans like to be entertained by Animals. They like to be made to laugh. If an Animal wants to be fed, have a warm bed and be protected from the elements, she’d better make herself entertaining and snuggly. And research has shown that being ‘goofy’ and pretending to be not so bright can go a long way with Humans.”

The DWBS’s Kakapo says he thinks the project’s launch this year is a particularly timely one.

“After such a hard Winter, Animals might be thinking that it’s easier to succumb to domestication and a life with Humans. I think SuperGoofs! will go a long way toward convincing them otherwise,” he says.

The Park’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month runs from 1-30 June.

On This Day—July 31, 2012: CAA renews campaign to “Bring Back the Dog Paddle!”

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The Canine Athletic Association has renewed its campaign to reinstate the Dog paddle as a competitive stroke.

In a statement published today, the Association once again asserted that the swimming stroke, which fell out of fashion some years ago, is an excellent test of aquatic prowess and should be reinstated in time for the next Interspecial Summer Games in 2013.

A spokesDog for the CAA said the Association’s renewed efforts will include multimedia coverage featuring well-known Park sports figures as well as celebrities such as Bisbee Bichon and I.S. Chow, stars of Varden Spaniel’s 2009 film, Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed.

“This will be an all-out sensory assault,” said the spokesDog, who confirmed that radio spots had been scheduled on all Park radio stations, public service announcements will be broadcast on all television stations and advertisements will run in most of The Park’s print media.

“We’ve even commissioned a new scent, ‘Soggy Dog’, which will be available for purchase exclusively at the Reek-O-Rama beginning in September,” he said. Proceeds from the scent will go to supporting Canine athletes who are currently training to swim in the Dog paddle competition at the 2013 Summer Games.

“That’s how sure we are that we will be successful this time around,” said the spokesDog.

The Canine Athletic Association launched its first Dog paddle campaign two years before the 2008 (26 AZ) Interspecial Summer Games. That campaign, however, was not successful.

The 2013 Interspecial Summer Games will take place during the last two weeks of September 2013.

On This Day—July 30, 2014: Aardeekhoorn memorial set for August 1

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LiliesThe memorial service in honour of playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn has been scheduled for Friday, August 1, it was announced today.

The service will take place at the Park Repertory Theatre. There will, in fact, be five services or more held, according to a spokesAnimal for the theatre.

“We all wanted to hold the memorial here, but we do not have sufficient room for the numbers we anticipate. As a compromise, we decided to hold the service a number of times. There will be no difference in the content of the services; just in the time,” the spokesAnimal said.

Members of The Park’s stage and screen communities, including Millicent Hayberry, directors Donald Merriami and Douglas Cheetah, and Leola Ocelot of the Park Interspecial Fllm Festival (PIFF) will speak at the memorial. Other scheduled speakers include Chef Tab Tricolore, Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), representatives of the Park Alliance of Chipmunks (PAC) and the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) and some of Aardeekhoorn’s close friends and family members.

The first service will begin at 10:00 am.

On This Day—July 30, 2013: Museum excavators recover beloved Park tome

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The book that was recovered by workers excavating at the site of the future Park Museum is a beloved Park tome that went missing ten years ago.

In a statement released to the press this afternoon, Catriona Cairn-Terrier, Chief Archaeologist at the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life (ISML), confirmed the identity of the find.

“It is with great pleasure that I confirm for you today that, after extensive testing in our laboratories, we have concluded definitively that the book that was discovered during excavations at the site of the future Park Museum is, indeed, The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat,” the statement read.

Cairn-Terrier also commended the workers from Burrows and Beyond, the construction company that was hired to prepare the ground at the Park Museum.

“They called the ISML as soon as they found the book. They showed a real sensitivity to the find and I commend them for it,” she noted in the press release.

The book, which is much beloved in The Park, went missing ten years ago, after a storm toppled the display in which it was housed at the front of the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. The book had resided there for seven years after the death of its author, ZoëCat, in 1996. Every day, a page was turned so that ZoëCat’s followers and other passersby could read a new entry.

“ZoëCat is revered in The Park,” says Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces.

“She was a great thinker; she had the highest IQ of any Animal in The Park and she was the older sister of Jor, our first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy. Her influence on him must have been immense,” he said.

In all, the book’s pages number 6,975 and span the years from her early Kittenhood until a month before her death. The autobiographical tome, which is filled with her personal, political, and philosophical musings, was never formally published and the book that was found by the excavators is believed to be the only extant copy.

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