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Park media organizations gear up for first ever “Month Without Metaphor”

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Month Without Metaphor

Two weeks to go before media’s first “Month Without Metaphor.”

With just two weeks to go, The Park’s media organizations are gearing up for what some have called the biggest experiment in the history of journalism.[pullquote]I wouldn’t be surprised if it kickstarted interest…Whether the media can hold that interest is the question”. – Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP)[/pullquote]

“All systems are go,” pronounced Alvin Tinamou with pride, at a hastily-organized update at his office yesterday afternoon. The subject was May’s “Month Without Metaphor,” but the Elephant in the room was the state of the industry, itself.

“It’s no secret that the modern era has presented us with a huge challenge,” Tinamou admits, but he backs away from any suggestion that the industry is on its last legs.

In fact, the publisher of The Avian Messenger winces at the term “experiment” to describe the month-long initiative of which he is one of the organizers. Instead, he refers to it as the “Grand Resuscitation,” an ambitious description that some in the profession say it could well turn out to be.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it kickstarted interest, especially among the newspaper readership,” says Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP). “Whether the media and, particularly, our newspapers, can hold that interest, though, is the question.”

Gertrude C. Owl, Dean of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism and Mammalian Daily senior political correspondent agrees.

“I think it’s a brilliant idea, really, inviting the public to, almost, scrutinize the business…allowing them to feel a part of it, while still keeping the boundaries clear. I’m cautiously optimistic about it, but I think it will take more than one go at this type of thing to be truly effective,” she says.

Our late Spring may mean fewer cases of Small Ball Fever: DWBS

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Small Ball anatomy: The virus resides in the dimpled surface of the ball, but replicates in its internal layers

The Department of Well-Being and Safety is putting a positive spin on this year’s long, cold Winter.

The way the DWBS sees it, the longer the weather stays cold, the less likely it is that Park Animals will contract Small Ball Fever.

“It’s all a matter of numbers,” said Cornelius Kakapo, the DWBS Director of Public Relations, in an interview with The Mammalian Daily this morning.

“The later the arrival of Spring, the smaller the number of small balls that will enter The Park. Hence, the lower the number of cases of Small Ball Fever that we will have to treat,” he said.

Every year, the DWBS monitors the influx of small balls. This year, Kakapo says, the number has decreased significantly and the Department believes this is due to the late onset of warm weather.

The balls, which are known outside The Park as “golf” balls, harbour the deadly Small Ball Fever virus inside their dimpled surface. The SBF virus is spread when it leaks through cracks in the ball’s surface and makes contact with mucosa in the mouth or nose. Symptoms of the infection include extremely high fever, chills, aching muscles, and, eventually, pulmonary dysfunction. All Animals are at risk of developing Small Ball Fever but some groups of Animals, including Squirrels, Donkeys, the elderly, and the infirm, are at particular risk.

Despite repeated attempts and the use of a variety of methods, he DWBS has been unable to contain the number of balls that enter The Park each year.

“Small balls are the bane of our existence. We can contain them inside The Park, but there is nothing we can do to restrict their number outside our borders,” Kakapo says.

Data Tree hacked: Park Police

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tree hacked

One of The Park’s largest Data Trees has been hacked, say Park Police

BREAKING NEWS

One of The Park’s oldest and largest Data Trees has been hacked, according to Park Police.

In a statement issued at ten o’clock this morning, Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) confirmed that his team is investigating the “extensive damage” to the tree that is estimated to have occurred between midnight and seven o’clock this morning.

The Oak Tree, which is believed to be at least 70 years old, was last visited at eleven o’clock last night by Sierpinski Squirrel, Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners.

“We keep a lot of our raw data in that particular tree,” said the Squirrel, whose company has held long-term leases on several Park trees since 2004.

The Squirrel said he was at the tree “no more than five minutes,” which was enough time for him to check on his stored data.

“It was all there when I arrived and it was all there when I left,” he said.

But this morning, the Squirrel was shocked when Police arrived at his office to tell him that it no longer was there.

“None of it,” said Squirrel, who is now facing the daunting task of informing his clients that their information — and their savings — have been compromised.

Although Chief Inspector Addax would not reveal details of either the evidence or the investigation, he did confirm in a telephone interview this morning that he had spoken with Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU), an independent division of the SHCU, and that she had agreed to lend some of her unit members to the investigation.

Museum of Contemporary Art confirms plans to host annual art installation

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Poster announcing The Park Museum of Contemporary Art’s first art installation, entitled, “How Much is That Doggie in the Window?”

The Park Museum of Contemporary Art’s first art installation opened last April

A year after unveiling its first art installation, the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) has confirmed its plans to play host to at least one such exhibit annually.

Aulikki Norsu, president of PMoCA’s board of directors, made the announcement at a press conference this morning.

“Due to the overwhelming success of our first art installation, we have decided to become The Park’s de facto home of the genre,” Norsu said.

While art critics at first were skeptical about the PMoCA’s entrée into the genre, the live exhibition, How Much Was That Doggie in the Window?, captured the imagination of The Park’s citizens and residents and broke the Museum’s attendance records from the time of its opening in early April until it closed in November.

The installation, which was curated by Dorika Pumi, depicted the sorry life of the domestic Canine. Norsu would not comment on the subject of the next piece nor would reveal the name of the curator, but she did confirm that a number of Park businesses had offered financial backing.

“We are thrilled by the support we have received,” she said.

See also:
Museum of Contemporary Art to unveil first art installation

Barkettes planning reunion: gossip site

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headsNtales

Gossip site headsNtales claims the Barkettes plan to reunite

Gossip site headsNtales says it is standing by a story it posted on Thursday night, claiming that a Barkettes reunion is in the works.

The site’s co-founder, Hortencia Guacamayo, confirmed that she has two sources with connections to Estelle, one of the Barkettes, who have guaranteed the veracity of the story.

“Without that, we wouldn’t have gone ahead with it,” Guacamayo said in a telephone interview this morning. “What would be the point?”

The Barkettes, along with Thisbe, their lead singer and the founder of the legendary group, have not performed together since 2007 (25 AZ). The previous year, the group embarked on its farewell tour but the tour was cut short due to Thisbe’s ill health. She has since kept a low profile, appearing only once with the Barkettes, on the occasion of the debut of “I Love a Man in a Collar,” Rauf Wiedersehen Shepherd’s documentary about the group that opened the 2012 Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

R.F. Aarrf, President of the Canine Music Association (CMA), said he wasn’t surprised to read of a possible reunion, but he would need more details to take it seriously.

“In the last five years, there have been at least ten stories claiming that a reunion or a new tour was being planned. When I see a date, or when Thisbe confirms, or when they start to sell tickets, then I’ll know it’s really happening,” he said.

Centre for Interspecial Harmony opens

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Centre for Interspecial Harmony

After experiencing delays, underfunding, and the resignations of two of its directors, The Park’s new Centre for Interspecial Harmony (CIH) finally opened its doors yesterday afternoon.

The CIH is the brainchild of Dewi Rhinoceros, who is now the Chair of its Board of Directors. It was her 2013 term as Chief Archon that was partly to blame for the opening’s delay.

“Once I found out that I’d been appointed [Chief Archon], I knew I wouldn’t have the time to put into the Centre that I wanted to,” she said yesterday.

While she put the project on hold for the year, she and her fellow Archons instituted “Stereotype Sundays” as a way of  achieving the goal that is most dear to her heart: fostering harmony among all the species of Animals in The Park. This is, not coincidentally, the mission of the Centre for Interspecial Harmony.

“‘Stereotype Sundays’ was just the beginning and more of a foundation,” Dewi said. ” With them, we introduced the notion of openness and our willingness to look realistically at what we might be thinking about each other.”

The CIH plans to build on that foundation by running educational programmes, hosting events, and funding research projects in association with the University of West Terrier.

“Now that we’ve achieved self-government, we might think we can just sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labour. But there is so much work to be done to ensure the health and well-being of zoocracy and, I believe, attending to interspecial harmony may be the most important work of all,” said Dewi.

The Centre for Interspecial Harmony is open seven days a week from 10:00 to 21:00. 

Noreen confirms upcoming appearance at book fair for Humans

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Official Noreen

Noreen will appear at a book fair aimed at the Human market

BREAKING NEWS

It’s official: Noreen will be appearing this Autumn at a book fair aimed at the Human market.

After weeks of rumour and speculation, Noreen has confirmed that she will be participating in a book-signing event at the Toronto International Book Fair.

In a press statement released this morning, the long-time Mammalian Daily advice columnist and Adjunct Professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier acknowledged the controversy surrounding her decision.

“This decision was not taken lightly, but after much thought and reflection. It is my considered opinion that sharing my views with other species, which in this case means the species that is the subject of my book, can only lead to better understanding,” she said.

Noreen, who will be one of many hundreds of exhibitors at the fair, will be promoting and signing her first book, entitled “Lovely to Look At: Twenty Things You Should Know About Humans.”

The book will be released early this Summer by The Park’s Marcellin de la Griffe Publishers, S.A. and is expected to be a strong contender for the non-fiction prize at June’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards.

The Toronto International Book Fair will take place November 13-16, 2014.

Prediction’s accuracy “bittersweet for me,” says 2014 POPS Solange Marmotte

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Solange Marmotte

Solange Marmotte,
2014 POPS

MAMMALIAN DAILY EXCLUSIVE

It’s been almost seven weeks since Groundhog Day, when Solange Marmotte, 2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), emerged from her burrow, saw her shadow, and predicted six more weeks of Winter.[pullquote] It doesn’t feel like a victory or even a vindication. For me, it is bittersweet. — Solange Marmotte, on the accuracy of her 2014 Groundhog Day prediction[/pullquote]

With temperatures hovering well below the freezing mark and Spring expected to arrive a month late, it would appear that Marmotte’s prediction was accurate. In fact, according to the Park Weather Office, it is the most accurate prediction made by a POPS since 2007.

That ought to make Marmotte a happy Mammal, but that is not what our reporter found when he accepted her invitation to join her for lunch yesterday at her burrow.

Marmotte, whose prediction is the subject of a lawsuit, appeared tired and even a bit distraught when she greeted our reporter at the entrance to her burrow.

At 9 years of age, she is one of the oldest Animals to hold the position of POPS, but she is in excellent health and maintains a positive outlook. Still, it is apparent that the lawsuit, in combination with this year’s truncated hibernation period, has taken its toll.

“It’s true,” says Marmotte, as she ushers her guest into the burrow. 

“It was an accurate prediction and I never doubted that for a moment,” she asserts.

“Those who said I saw a shadow that was not my own…they don’t know me. I couldn’t make that mistake. I knew what I was seeing and I knew that I had to be honest about it. As everyone knows, there is a lot of pressure on the POPS…I’m not saying that any POPS has succumbed to it, but there is pressure. And, yes, I was feeling it. It had already been a long, hard Winter and we were all hoping that it would end soon. But that was not to be and I saw that as soon as I emerged,” she says.

Marmotte contends she is not completely surprised that her prediction was challenged, but she was taken aback by the vehemence with which the challenge was pursued. And neither the accuracy of the prediction nor the accolades she’s received from the Park Weather Office can make up for the nagging feeling that she’s been betrayed.

“It doesn’t feel like a victory to me…or even a vindication. For me, it is bittersweet,” she says.

Weather Office to Polar Bear Poetry Picnickers: prepare for a soggy bottom

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Varied weather

The record cold and precipitation will make The Park a “mushy mess” for the Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic on March 23: PWO

The Park Weather Office has issued a warning to those who plan to attend this year’s Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic: prepare for a soggy bottom.

“This year’s extended Winter season, coupled with record amounts of precipitation and a delayed thaw, have conspired to leave The Park a mushy mess,” the PWO said in a press statement released this morning.

“Every year presents its challenges,” said the event’s chief organizer Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear, at a press conference today.

“Last year, with all the protests in The Park, we thought we’d have to protect ourselves. This year, it looks like it’s the poetry we’ll have to protect — from the elements,” he laughed.

Polar Bear, who  is currently serving his second year of a three-year term, said he was confident that attendance levels would not be affected by the weather.

“We have a group of wonderful poets lined up and a wonderful audience. My guess is they won’t give the weather a second thought,” he said.

Mammalian Daily signs on to media’s “Month Without Metaphor”

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Month Without Metaphor

The Mammalian Daily will participate in The Park’s media-wide “Month Without Metaphor.”

It’s a bold idea that is sure to make waves. And, this morning, managing editor Orphea Haas confirmed that The Mammalian Daily is coming on board.

“That is music to our ears,” said Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the organizers of The Park’s “Month Without Metaphor.”

The media-wide initiative, which is set to run for the entire month of May, promises to shake up what many regard as a moribund industry. And as of yesterday, almost ninety percent of The Park’s newspapers and magazines had agreed to participate in Tinamou’s “Grand Resuscitation.” The Mammalian Daily is the largest and latest to do so.

“We’re thrilled about it,” said Tinamou in an interview this afternoon. “The Mammalian Daily is such an influential paper in The Park and their participation gives us another quiver in our arsenal.”

The idea of the initiative, Tinamou says, is to “tell it like it really is…no embellishments, no idiotic comparisons, no ridiculous painting of pictures for the reading public. Just the facts. We think they’re enough. And not only do we think the facts are enough, we think all this metaphorical reporting is obscuring those facts and distracting our readers’ attention from the important issues. What we need is clarity, particularly during these challenging times, and we very much look forward to seeing how our readers react to being offered a month of just plain facts.”

The Park’s media-wide “Month Without Metaphor” will run from May 1-31, 2014.

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