The Mammalian Daily

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Park Museum puts out call for personal items related to domestication

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Park Museum

The Park Museum needs domestication-related items for its upcoming exhibit

The Park Museum has put out a call for items of a personal nature related to domestication and enforced domestication. The Museum says it requires such items for display in its upcoming exhibit marking Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

In a statement posted on the Museum’s web site, the Board of Governors requested contributions from Park Animals of items such as collars, leashes, cages, carrying cases, feeding paraphernalia (including bowls, etc.), grooming tools, toys, and I.D. tags. The Museum intends to borrow the requested items and assures Animals that their belongings will be “treated with the utmost care and respect” and be returned to their owners at the conclusion of the exhibit.

Details of the exhibit have not yet been released, but a spokesAnimal for the Board of Governors said the requested items will be displayed in a section called, “Ways and Means.”

To read the Museum’s full statement, click here.

Park Museum to mark Enforced Domestication Awareness Month

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Park Museum

The Park Museum will open part of a ground floor wing to host an exhibit marking June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month

The Park Museum, which is scheduled to open officially in the Autumn of 2014, has announced that it will use part of a ground floor wing to host an exhibit marking June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

In a press statement released today, the Museum’s Board of Governors said the exhibit, which is tentatively entitled, “It Could Happen to You,” will open to the general public on June 1.

A Museum spokesAnimal confirmed that the Board of Governors decided to open the Museum ahead of time “because this is such an important issue.”

“The Board felt it was incumbent upon the Museum to take a stand in the face of the growing number of our citizens who have been taken. They felt they couldn’t wait another year, so they met with their construction advisers and that part of the Museum has been certified for safe use,” the spokesAnimal said.

The Museum does not plan to charge Park residents to visit the exhibit, the spokesAnimal confirmed.

Thisbe and The Barkettes to appear together at Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

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halcyondaysMAMMALIAN DAILY EXCLUSIVE

Thisbe and the Barkettes are planning to appear together on May 20 at the 2014 Anixi Agrarian Jubilee.

According to a source close to the popular singing group, the decision was made “in the last few days”  and “it was unanimous.”

The source, who spoke to The Mammalian Daily on condition of anonymity, said Thisbe has missed her audience over the past several years.

“While The Barkettes [Estelle, Lorraine, Carmen and Mercedes] have performed together on a number of occasions, Thisbe has not sung with them since 2007. Her health is still in a fragile state, but she says she now feels well enough to perform and she believes that getting back onstage will make her stronger,” the source said.

Though the source refused to comment on the reunion rumours posted recently on the gossip web site headsNtales, he did say that they have been in the studio in the past month “looking around” and they are contemplating a comeback recording.

Thisbe was last seen in public at the debut of “I Love a Man in a Collar,” Rauf Wiedersehen Shepherd’s documentary about the group that opened the 2012 Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

Toe-Hair Contest winners have “bright futures,” while losers struggle: study

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dog with gold medal and cupA week after The Park hosted its 19th annual Toe-Hair Contest, a new study out of the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine confirms what many have observed, but few will admit: winners of the unique competition go on to have, as one researcher put it, “bright futures,” while contest losers experience abnormally difficult struggles in their lives.

“It’s perplexing, but our numbers confirm our long-held suspicions, which were based on observation,” said the study’s head researcher, Dr. Chloris Cougar.

Cougar, who is best known for her groundbreaking study of Feline depression, “Even Miaowgirls Get the Blues,” says she sees a similarity between the feelings and behaviour displayed by Toe-Hair Contest losers and that of the subjects she studied some years ago, who suffered from Mating Dance Blues.

“I believe that, in both cases, the cause is partly due to the raising of expectations to a ridiculously high level. When this happens, obviously, the fall is far greater than it would be under normal circumstances,” Cougar says.

As for those few who do, in fact, win the contest, Cougar found their ongoing success isn’t necessarily linked to their toe-hairs or to any other physical attribute.

“As with all competitions, a win affects both the winner and those around the winner. The combination of winning, with the attendant boost in confidence, and being seen as a winner, is very potent. There is what we call a ‘spillover effect’ that causes others to view winners in a more positive light. And, so, win begets win, whether or not it is deserved,” Cougar says.

Park media outlets to tweet during May’s Month Without Metaphor

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MonthWM

Click on the image above to follow MonthWithoutMetaphor on Twitter

Those members of The Park’s media who have made a commitment to participating in May’s Month Without Metaphor will be tweeting throughout the month, according to a joint statement released yesterday.

The participants, the majority of whom work for The Park’s newspapers, magazines, and journals, said in the joint statement that they “look forward to experimenting with many different ways of expressing ourselves and discussing the events of the day.”

The statement also said that editors would be keeping a running tally, “so that we’ll be able to see which journals and journalists were best able to communicate without using metaphors.”

May’s Month Without Metaphor was developed to gauge the effectiveness of reporting the news “like it really is…no embellishments, no idiotic comparisons, no ridiculous painting of pictures for the reading public,” says Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the organizers of the communications experiment.

“We think all this metaphorical reporting is obscuring those facts and distracting our readers’ attention from the important issues,” he said.

To follow Park media on Twitter during May, click on http://www.twitter.com/sansmetaphore

Park novelist’s unused titles to be auctioned off for charity

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Renowned Park writer

Beloved Park novelist Hentrick Olifant says he is planning to sell off all his unused novel titles.

It’s a veritable title wave!

Renowned Park novelist Hentrick Olifant announced that he is retiring from fiction writing and has decided to auction off all his unused titles.

In a short statement released today, Olifant thanked his readers for their many years of loyalty and said his plans for the future do not include novel writing.

“My days of writing fiction are over. With the years left to me, I would like to pursue other endeavours, including rest, but before I do so, I wish to thank my many readers for their loyalty. As you well know, my life in The Park predates zoocracy and should I decide at some point to resume writing, it would most likely be in the form of history or personal memoir,” the statement said.

Olifant is known as one of The Park’s most prolific writers and experts estimate that the number of titles put up for auction could be in the thousands.

“He is a great thinker as well as a great writer and I’m looking forward to seeing what comes up in the auction,” says Park historian Pieter Paaard.

Best known for his novel, Grasses, Leaves, Bamboo, Bark, which won the 2006  award for fiction at the Park Annual Literary Awards (now Chitter Radio Literary Awards), Olifant also served as a Park Archon in 27 AZ (2009).

According to his representatives, Olifant intends to donate all proceeds from the title auction to Park charities.

Catch a metaphor, win a prize: Mammalian Daily contest begins May 1

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MonthWithoutMetaphor

Click the image for a definition of “metaphor”

The Mammalian Daily is putting its money where its mouth is, so to speak.

So committed is this newspaper to the idea of Park media’s Month Without Metaphor, that our managing editor, Orphea Haas, is offering a reward to those able to catch any slip-ups that our writers make during the month of May.

“We respect our readers and we know they will be watching every move we make,” said Haas in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

“If they’re willing to spend their time scoping out our prose, we will be happy to reward them for finding any mistakes that we’ve made.”

Haas denied, however, that the paper intends to slip in the odd metaphor just to keep readers on their toes…and rewarded.

“It will be hard enough for us to accomplish a month of writing without using any metaphors,” she said. “I don’t think we have to worry about cheating our readers.”

Organizers hatch new plan for Fowl Ball

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Fowl ball

Save the date: the 1st annual Fowl Ball is scheduled for May 31

Organizers have finally set the date for The Park’s newest charity event, The Fowl Ball.

At a press event held this afternoon, organizer Rafael Ortega confirmed that the Department of Holidays Festivals, and Celebrations, in conjunction with the Archons of The Park, have agreed to set aside Saturday May 31 for what Ortega calls “the event of the year.”

Some small details have yet to be finalized, Ortega said, but the important ones “have been carved in stone since November.”

While the Ball’s raison d’être is to raise funds for Avian aid (and to raise awareness of the plight of many in The Park’s Avian community), Ortega stressed that guests’ enjoyment and stimulation of The Park’s economy were also objectives.

“We are committed to the notion that every Animal in The Park will benefit from this benefit,” he joked.

As for the delay in selecting a date, Ortega acknowledged that this was a difficult year to debut the Ball.

“Due to our severe Winter, so many in our community have delayed their re-entry and we wanted every Bird to be…not only present, but rested enough to enjoy the event,” he said.

As well, since the Ball’s date falls a little less than two weeks after the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee, Animals will be in a party mood.

“The Agrarian Jubilee not only marks the beginning of The Park’s growing season, but its Summer social season, as well. Having the Ball a couple of weeks after the Jubilee positions us perfectly in terms of attendance and readiness to party,” Ortega said.

Critics decry Hayberry’s appointment as Toe-Hair Contest’s head judge

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MillicentHayberry

Actress Millicent Hayberry

Complaints of an encroaching “culture of celebrity” accompanied this morning’s announcement that Millicent Hayberry will serve as head judge of the 2014 Toe-Hair Contest.

Many who attended the press event at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre began to boo when they heard Hayberry’s name. They were soon joined by a group carrying hastily-made signs that bore unflattering messages scrawled in mud. Some of the signs said, simply, “No!” while others took aim at Hayberry, herself. One protester was heard shouting as he waved a sign that said “It’s a gig!” referring to Hayberry’s profession of acting.

“I was disappointed and, frankly, quite shocked,” said Aintza Kanariar as she left the event. Kanariar, who made the announcement, is Director of Public Relations for the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, the body that chooses the contest judges.

“Millicent Hayberry is much beloved in The Park and we thought that adding her to the judging roster would be hailed as a good decision. We never anticipated any objection.”

Hayberry, who is best known for her critically acclaimed performance in Imogen Aardeekhoorn’s one-Chipmunk drama, Mixed Nuts, is one of the most recognizable of The Park’s stage and screen artists. She is also known as a loyal Park citizen and she has participated in every major event here since she was young.

Despite the violent nature of the objections, little of the criticism of the department’s choice was actually aimed at Hayberry; rather it was related to what many perceive as her inexperience in the matter. One protester summed it up:

“The Toe-Hair Contest is a very important competition. It has a history and a focus and it should be treated with respect. I don’t mean to demean the acting profession or her species, but in all honesty, what does she, as a Chipmunk, know about toe hairs?”

The Toe-Hair Contest, which is in its 19th year, is set to commence at 10:00 a.m. Park time on May 1.

Noreen joins Twitter: @talkswithnoreen

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Noreen on TwitterBREAKING NEWS

Attention Park residents, Avians and non-Avians alike: stay tuned because some important tweets are coming your way.

Noreen has joined Twitter.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and Adjunct Professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier confirmed today that she has opened a Twitter account and intends to start using it “in the near future.”

In an open letter to her fellow journalists, her colleagues at UWT, and to her potential followers on Twitter, Noreen wrote:

It gives me great pleasure to announce that I have found another way to communicate with you, my fellow Park residents. I have joined Twitter! From now on, I will be able to share my great knowledge of Humans with you easily and quickly. I look forward to enjoying a lively conversation with you and I invite you to tweet your questions to me at any time. Now, let the conversation begin!

Noreen is also at work on a book, which will be published this Autumn.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

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