Will one currency fit all Animals?
BREAKING NEWS
When Theodora Manx goes shopping, she brings six different currencies along as her companions.
Since most Park establishments no longer accept Manx currency, she is forced to convert it, sometimes at very high rates, to the currencies of several other Animals.
“They don’t take Manx currency in The Park anymore,” she complains. “They say the coins have to have both heads and tails or they won’t accept them.”
Since she can’t use her own currency and she feels no particular loyalty to any other, the idea of a single, common currency in The Park appeals to the Manx.
“I think it would add a degree of fairness to prices in The Park,” she reasons.
The Manx may be correct. An informal survey conducted by this newspaper revealed that several shops in The Park appear to have “creative” ways of adjusting prices, depending on which currency is used.
“You definitely get a better price if you use the Ftoo,” says Aidan Zebra. “But that only works in your favour if you get paid in the Ftoo. Those of us who don’t [receive their pay in the Ftoo] pay a heavy price to convert it, just for the sake of making it easier on the shopkeepers.”
Still, there are others who oppose any currency amalgamation.
“It’s a matter of pride in your own species, I think,” says Rowena Goose. “It would be like giving up my identity.”
The Goose is the president of an anti-amalgamation group that says it will do everything in its power to prevent the institution of a common currency in The Park.
For their part, Park Finance Officers have assured resident Animals that all opinions will be taken into consideration after a Public Forum is held this Autumn.
“We want to make sure there is consensus before we move forward on this idea,” said a spokesanimal for the Finance Department.
Flying Mammal Captures Top Prize in Toe-Hair Contest
Rufus di Rafineschi flew away with first prize at The Park’s eleventh annual Toe-Hair contest, held this Spring at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.
All five judges awarded the Bat first place and offered high praise for his toe-hairs, which they said, “extended noticeably beyond the tips of his toes.”
Di Rafineschi, who with this victory becomes a member of an exclusive group of Animals in The Park, is the first big-eared Bat in the contest’s history to win the prestigious award.
“I’m thrilled and humbled,” di Rafineschi said at a press conference following the judges’ decision. “It makes me feel that I really belong inThe Park.”
The Bat, a native of Kentucky, first roosted in The Park three years ago.
Finding the atmosphere “quite welcoming,” he decided to become a permanent resident a year ago.
Second and third prizes at the contest were awarded to Samuel P. Gecko and to Buckley, a Bearded Collie.
This article first appeared in Issue #111 of The Mammalian Daily
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