Classified documents obtained by The Mammalian Daily reveal the real reason for decreased security funding in the 2014 Budget

Formerly classified documents obtained by The Mammalian Daily reveal the real reason for the decrease in security funding in the 2014 Park budget.

The documents, which were obtained by the newspaper four days ago, tell a chilling tale of plans by the 2013 Archons to establish an unpaid “militia-like” group of Park citizens to “keep the peace at public gatherings.”

The documents also confirm rumours that plans are afoot to establish the position of “Roving Cultural Ambassador.” Among the RCA’s duties, as described in the documents, is “establishing a rapport with Humans outside The Park, in order to foster a more harmonious relationship.” In other words, the RCA’s job, in part, will be to attempt to prevent Humans from committing crimes against Park citizens.

The confidential papers tell a far different story from the one told by Park Finance Officer Milton Struts when reporters asked about the four percent decrease in security funding.

“The Park has become a safer place over the past year,” he said at the August 1 budget presentation.

Yet actual crime and disturbance statistics obtained from the Department of Well-Being and Safety indicate that the number of calls to Park Police and the number of Police officers deployed to keep the peace at public events doubled last year, in part due to the strike by The Park’s Doves of Peace. But even without the Doves’ strike, which began in November 2012 and ended in February of this year, “2012 would still go down as a year of almost unending conflict,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo.

After reviewing the documents, The Mammalian Daily reached out to the Archons, The Park Finance Office and the Park Police for comments. Only Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) responded.

“We are taking this very seriously,” he said.

“In addition to the practical, political, philosophical, and moral problems with this plan, our members stand to have untrained  and unpaid Park citizens usurp their jobs. We will not tolerate this kind of treatment of ourselves and of The Park. I am eager to hear what the Archons and the Park Finance Office have to say in defence of this preposterous plan.”

A new, purpose-built square for gatherings and protests will be built in The Park, the Archons announced today.

Four days before the release of the 2014 budget, the Archons announced at a press conference that they have commissioned the construction of a public square to be used for hosting “protests, celebrations, and other events that involve the mass gathering of Park Animals.”

Before taking questions from the media this morning, the Archons’ press secretary Balthasar Alouatta confirmed that the Archons had engaged the services of Simply Structures to construct the purpose-built square. Simply Structures is the same firm that was awarded the contract to build a network of signposts in The Park as part of the Archons’ official three-prong tourism strategy. Funding for the square will be made through a one-time payment from the Archons’ Initiative Fund, Alouatta said.

“The Archons view this as a necessary and useful addition to The Park and, as such, it constitutes part of the ongoing modernization scheme,” the press secretary said.

“All modern areas, whether they call themselves Parks, cities or towns, have a designated space for activities such as protests and mass gatherings. In the past, we have used the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond, the Wishing Well, and other such areas, but they have proven inadequate for these purposes. It is with a view to accommodating our growing population that the Archons have embarked on this newest phase of modernization,” he said.

Citizen reaction to the announcement was swift and, largely, negative.

“At the very least, I think, they’re exhibiting a kind of shepherd mentality,” said Jelani Kondoo, who attended the press conference as an observer. “It looks as if they want to herd us into one space so they can control us. They’re giving the Park Police the opportunity to have a lot of power over us, all the while telling us that they’re giving us more freedom and space to gather,” he said.

Others agree with Kondoo’s analysis and some Park groups have vowed to fight against not only the idea of the purpose-built square, but what they call the “irresponsible expenditure” of funds to build it.

“Here we are, facing the largest influx of refugees in The Park’s history, battling inadequate weather, food production problems, shrinking revenue streams, scandals, and problems of all sorts, and they want to use funds to build a square for protests. I think we’d all be better off if they spent more on the necessities of our lives and gave us less to protest about,” said Malinda L. Hamster, President of  The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community.

Park Animals are fuming over rumours that the 2014 budget includes an increase in funding to promote tourism.

The rumours, which were published this morning in several Park newspapers, have added fuel to Park residents’ anger about the budget and about the Archons’ push to make The Park a popular tourist destination.

“The Park Finance Office should be ashamed of itself for even considering it, and so should the Archons,” Emmanuelle Musaraigne told reporters at a hastily-called press conference this afternoon.

Musaraigne, who is president of the recently-formed anti-tourism group, NoPARKing, mnaged to assemble her membership within minutes of hearing the rumour. Some even came prepared, carrying signs that simply said, “NO!”

“We will protest and we will protest until this thing is removed from the budget,” Musaraigne declared at the end of the conference.

“And we will boycott this ill-conceived three-prong tourism plan entirely unless the Finance Office and the Tourist Office show some respect for Park citizens,” she said.

The plan, which was introduced last year as a scheme to open up a new revenue stream for The Park, has continued to be controversial and unpopular among Park residents. Last year, some particularly infuriated members of the group, Keep Your Paws out of Our Ponds, set up barriers in the new tourist areas in the hope of discouraging return visitors.

Wellington Whistlepig, founder and current president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) says that while there is no proof that tourists benefit The Park’s economy, there is ample evidence that they are destroying our pristine environment : ”It’s not as if they buy anything from our shops or even from our restaurants,” he says. “They insult us by bringing their own food and drink and leaving the garbage behind for us to clean up.”

But The Park’s immigrant aid groups say they fear an even more devastating possibility: that funds that have previously gone to assisting refugees and new immigrants might be diverted to this new tourism plan.

“We are a Park of immigrants and refugees, some of whom have fled the very creatures we are now being told to welcome and to serve. This is a very dangerous path for us to follow,” says Inez Gallina of Home to Roost.

With another “Mongoose Summer” upon us, Park Animals have ramped up their campaign to change the way that weather is dealt with in The Park.

Another “Mongoose Summer“ is upon us and there are many in The Park who are hoping that this one will be a game changer.

After months of experiencing temperatures that have fluctuated between too cold and too hot and skies that have been predominantly cloudy, Animal groups have begun to voice their concerns not only about the way in which weather is funded and purchased in The Park, but about the way in which the issue of weather, itself, is viewed by Park officials.

“I don’t believe the Archons or The Park Finance Office or whoever ultimately makes the budget decisions in this Park fully understands the importance of weather,” says A.P. Civet, of the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

According to Civet, the past few years have seen the worst harvests in Park history and he says he knows why.

“At the same time as The Park Finance Office and the [past] Archons have rented out portions of The Park’s farmland to Humans, they’ve cut back on financing weather that could bring us a bountiful harvest. When asked about this decision, the PFO can only say that it has budgeted for the importing of food, if necessary. My question is, why should we have to import food? The PFO doesn’t seem to understand something very basic: Animals cannot eat money. Without the proper weather and enough farmland, we cannot feed ourselves. This is a very important issue and one that all Park Animals should pay attention to before it is too late,” says Civet.

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The Park’s weathermakers agree. A few months ago, their group criticized Finance Officers for purchasing cheap and inferior weather from outside The Park.

“Cost is all they care about,” says Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP).

“They don’t look at quality or whether it’s appropriate weather for The Park. And they seem to have forgotten that we [WMPSAP) have a degree of expertise that outsiders simply don’t have,” Sun Bear says.

Many Park business owners, particularly those in the food business, have been sounding the alarm for some time.

“We have been suffering from their [The PWO] short-sightedness for years,” says Beatrice T. Orang of Provisions by Petrounel.

This year, however, they say they will keep up their protests until something is done.

“It’s about the future of The Park and, ultimately, about our independence. It’s worth fighting for, for as long as it takes,” says Orang.