The Mammalian Daily

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OTD in 2015—One last time: Barkettes announce final Park date of Bring Your Own Bone tour

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BARKETTES final ticketThisbe and the Barkettes have announced the final Park date of their “Bring Your Own Bone” tour. That date is August 22.

The announcement came in the form of a letter to their longtime fans and fellow Park citizens:

Dear friends, fans, and fellow citizens:

It is with a mixture of anticipation and sadness that we announce that our final Park concert will take place on August 22, at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

We cannot fully express the joy that this leg of the tour has brought us. The Park has always been our home—not just our first home, but our only home. And over the course of the years, our fellow Park citizens have become members of our family. Every time we leave, a piece of ourselves remains here and when we return, we are made whole again.

The gratitude that we feel for the way that you all have received us after such a long hiatus is immense and overwhelming. You have touched our hearts and renewed our spirits and our love of this place and its extraordinary Animals.

Although we cannot say for sure when we will meet again, please know that you are foremost in our minds and that we will make every effort to come home as soon and as often as possible. In the meantime, we look forward to an amazing concert full of surprises on August 22 and one last opportunity to see you on this tour and thank you with our music.

All our love always,

Thisbe and the Barkettes 

heart

 

 

OTD in 2013—Weather, education, and tourism find a place in 2014 budget

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Park Expense Projections 2014

Click on the pie chart above to see details of the 2014 budget

Park Finance Officer Milton Struts believed he had a sweet secret to share this morning when he strode up to the press conference podium to release his Office’s expense projections for 2014, otherwise known as The Park Budget.

Displaying confidence in the PFO’s “tough decisions,” and assuming the budget would be “widely approved,” the smiling Struts assured reporters and observers that “we listened intently to Park Animals’ concerns” and that the PFO took them all into consideration when formulating the budget.

“We have attempted to be sensitive to issues that are important to Park citizens,” he said, before using his signature line to the media as the press conference concluded:

“We can’t bury our heads in the sand any longer.”

But, at the after-conference, many reporters and financial analysts had questions that seemed to surprise Struts.

Why, for instance, had both healthcare and security budgets been reduced, many asked, while groundskeeping and water had received a boost in funding? And, while no one seemed surprised that arts and sports funding as well as funding for special events had been reduced drastically (virtually halved since the 2012 budget was presented), many were genuinely puzzled by the bare bones budget set out for public education.

“I am shocked and disappointed,” said 2012 Archon Boniface Cuckoo.

“We (the 2012 Archons) wanted to make public education our legacy and we had the plan in place to do it, including building new educational venues and standardizing the curriculum. That can’t be done on 5%,” he said.

Predictably, the “mere 3%” allocated to tourism, as Struts called it, drew fierce criticism as an unnecessary and unwarranted expenditure and few seemed to believe Struts’s claim that weather would be better financed in the coming year.

“I think what they did was take a little from here, a little from there, and then put a different label on it. They thought they could placate us by giving weather its own place in the budget, but I don’t believe they’ve truly allocated any extra funding for it. We will have to see as things unfold,” said Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP).

“Unless he has some real answers for us, Mr. Struts might find his sweet secret has turned a little sour,” she said.

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OTD in 2016—Park Museum’s EDAM Gala sells out

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GALA TICKET final

If you were thinking of buying a ticket to tonight’s gala celebration of Holstein Fashion’s EDAM Collection, The Park Museum has some bad news for you: the event has sold out.

The Board of Governors made the announcement on the museum’s web site yesterday. But if you still have your heart set on attending, you have one last chance to obtain a ticket: according to the web announcement, any returned tickets will be sold at the museum’s entrance at 6:00 p.m. The event begins at 8:00 p.m.

Read the full announcement here.

OTD in 2016—EDAM statistics show how economy affects Animals’ view of domestication

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EDAM statsIt’s been almost a month since Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) wrapped up and the statistics are now in.

In a short statement that accompanied their release this morning, the Departments of Well-Being and Safety and Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations expressed their “heartfelt gratitude to all who participated in the event, and especially to those who worked tirelessly to make it the most comprehensive and inclusive EDAM so far.”

According to the statistics, attendance at the event was up by twenty-seven per cent, with attendee satisfaction at an all-time high.

But there is one statistic that is alarming: thirty-eight per cent of Animals who answered the exit survey said they thought domestication wasn’t always a bad thing. That number is up significantly from last year’s twenty-two per cent and experts believe it reflects our economic struggles.

“Animals are tired,” says Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist who is also on staff at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic. “I think we underestimate the work that is involved in zoocracy and the toll that looking after ourselves takes.”

Dr. Gibbon says it’s “only natural” that the fantasy of domestication would, from time to time, appeal to Park Animals.

“They have a fairytale view of the domestic world, replete with an abundance of food, cozy beds, and non-stop playtime. That’s the view that Humans have given us but it isn’t the reality,” she says.

Despite domesticity’s occasional appeal, Dr. Gibbon doesn’t believe Park Animals would either seek it out or allow themselves to be domesticated.

“Park Animals are smarter than that. I have faith in Park Animals,” she says.

OTD in 2015—Park ART Walk 2015, Extinction Anxiety Clinic join forces to celebrate work of endangered species

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PAW logoBREAKING NEWS

The organizers of the 2015 Park ART Walk (PAW) announced today that they have collaborated with the Extinction Anxiety Clinic (EAC) to celebrate the artistic endeavours of The Park’s endangered species.

In a joint statement released this morning, the Park ART Walk organizers, the Extinction Anxiety Clinic, The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, the Founding Families Financial Corporation, and the All Species Credit and Commercial Bank, confirmed the theme of The Park’s 9th annual Park ART Walk:

“We are extremely pleased that, though our work together, the 2015 Park ART Walk will be able to bring into focus the creative output of our endangered species.

The Park is extremely proud of the resilience of its threatened population and we want to shine a light on the ways in which they have enriched the lives of all Park residents. These are Animals who suffer profound anxiety as a way of life, yet they are able to contribute greatly to their families, to their community, and to the creative arts. They are truly an inspiration to us all,” the statement says.

Underwritten in part by the Founding Families Financial Corporation, the Park-wide exhibition will be entitled, “Art: Against All Odds.”

This is the fourth time in its history that the Park ART Walk has had a distinct theme. Last year, PAW honoured The Park’s refugees in “From Fear to Freedom.” In 2013, our autochthonous artists were highlighted in the exhibition, “From the Ground Up.” In 2012, thanks to a one-time gift from The Archons’ Initiative Fund, the event showcased art as it related to the theme, “INtegration through ART.” The stated goal of that themed exhibition was to “encourage Animals to learn more about species other than their own, so that we can understand our differences and our similarities.”

The Park ART Walk is a one-day, juried art exhibition that showcases the artistic expression of Park residents. The 9th annual Park ART Walk will take place on Saturday, August 15, 2015 between the hours of 10:00 am and 7:00 pm. Showings will take place at participating art galleries, shops, theatres and cinemas. This year’s jury will include curators from the Park Museum of Contemporary Art and the Tortoiseshell Gallery.

OTD in 2016—Coalition calls emergency meeting at Cackling Goose to discuss budget

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Cackling Goose TavernBREAKING NEWS

A coalition of groups whose interests range from weather, food production, education, and healthcare to business and technology has called an emergency meeting tonight at The Cackling Goose Tavern to discuss key elements of The Park’s upcoming budget.

The coalition’s members hail from a number of the Park’s citizen aid and action associations, as well as from other alliances and federations. The Park’s technology companies, including SINCAP Technologies, GVC De-Tech, DoftTek, S.A, and RhinoTech, also form part of the coalition.

According to a communication obtained by The Mammalian Daily, the purpose of the meeting is to begin the process of making a joint proposal to PFO head Valentina Abeja for increased funding for weather purchases, food production, education, and business support. The 2016 budget allocated a total of thirty-three percent of the budget for the above and the coalition believes this funding is insufficient.

Some of the groups that make up the coalition are:

Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF)
Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP)
Produce for Progress
Keep Your Paws Out of Our Ponds
Spotted Skunk Sedan Patrol
Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS)
Sisters and Brothers of the Narrow Band
Skunks Against Gunk
Park Education Working Collective  (PEWC)
Park Citizens for Education (PCFE)

OTD in 2016—Holstein Fashion honours Zuberi Tembo

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One day before The Park holds its official memorial for Zuberi Tembo, Holstein Fashion’s charity EQUALSS has released a design in his honour.

At a short press gathering this morning, the company’s president and CEO Balbina Ko explained her personal and professional connection to the Endeka Elephant Band’s bass player, who was murdered two weeks ago in his native Africa, while on a trip home to visit his family.

“Very few know this, but when my company decided to establish a charity to ensure that striped and spotted Animals achieved equality in The Park, Zuberi Tembo was the first to congratulate me and to offer his support,” she said.

According to Ko, Tembo was a “passionate supporter of equality among the species” and he was distressed at the statistics regarding the treatment of striped and spotted Animals in The Park.

“Not just because of what he had suffered, but because he was a gentle, loving, and intelligent Animal, Zuberi understood that there was no such thing as equality for some,” Ko said.

She also said he offered to write a song for EQUALSS and the band has promised her that “the work on that song will go on.”

The Park will honour the fallen musician at one o’clock tomorrow afternoon at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, where a flag emblazoned with the new Tembo design will fly at half-mast.

OTD in 2013—Autochthonous art to take root at Park ART Walk 2013

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PAW logoThe 2013 Park ART Walk will highlight the art of The Park’s autochthonous Animals, it was announced today.

In a joint statement released this morning, the organizers of the annual Park ART Walk (PAW), the Society of Autochthonous Artists (SAA), The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, and the Founding Families Financial Corporation, confirmed the theme of The Park’s 7th annual Park ART Walk.

“We are extremely pleased that we have been able to work together to bring this focus to the 2013 Park ART Walk,” the statement began.

“While The Park is extremely proud of its immigrants and values the contributions in all areas that they have made and continue to make, we believe that it is time to shine a light on the artistic endeavours, both past and present, of our autochthonous population. These are the Animals without whom there would be no zoocracy and no Park as we know it, the Animals who foraged here first, then forged out of this place a society for others to live in peacefully, based on the values that we all have come to share,” the statement concluded.

Underwritten in part by the Founding Families Financial Corporation, The Park-wide exhibition will be entitled, “From the Ground Up.”

This is only the second time in its history that the Park ART Walk has had a distinct theme. Last year, thanks to a one-time gift from The Archons’ Initiative Fund, the event showcased art as it related to the theme, “INtegration through ART.” The stated goal of that themed exhibition was to “encourage Animals to learn more about species other than their own, so that we can understand our differences and our similarities.”

The 2013 theme, however, appears to have a much less ambitious goal.

“Our exhibit of autochthonous art has no goal beyond appreciation,” says Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

The Park ART Walk (PAW) is a one-day, juried art exhibition that showcases the artistic expression of Park residents. The 7th annual Park ART Walk will take place on Saturday, August 17, 2013 between the hours of 10:00 am and 7:00 pm. Showings will take place at participating art galleries, retail establishments, and at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. This year’s jury will include curators from the Ewe and Moo and Knochen Kunst Galleries.

OTD in 2012—Bad Boy Chef to open new restaurant at Park Museum

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Bad Boy chef Tab Tricolore will open the PurrBoy Café at The Park Museum

Bad boy chef, Tab Tricolore, will open his next restaurant at The Park Museum, according to a statement released on July 15 by The Museum’s Board of Governors.

The new restaurant will be called the PurrrBoy Café and will serve formal lunches and dinners, as well as take-away meals for those on the go. The restaurant will commence service approximately two weeks before the museum’s opening ceremonies take place.

Insiders speculate that Tricolore will engage the services of Tagma Design for the new café’s décor. Tagma Design is the firm Tricolore has used for each of his four restaurants.

“Tab trusts them completely. I think he has definite ideas about what he wants for this restaurant. I think he wants it to be not only different, but special,” said a source who wished not to be named.

Tricolore has made headlines over the years for his penchant for wild scenes and sudden staff firings, as well as for occasionally pouncing on customers who complain about his food.

“Tab has little patience for customer complaints,” says his former saucier, Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla. “He’s a perfectionist and he figures if you’re complaining, you just don’t get it,” he says. “He’s the same way with staff.”

To his credit, Tricolore says he will be hiring staff for the new restaurant “from within The Park”, as he has done for each of his restaurants. According to his web site, training will begin three months after all staff members are hired.

The Park Museum is scheduled to open in 2013.

OTD in 2016—Body of Zuberi Tembo interred in Africa; memorial service to be held in Park

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Zuberi Tembo

The late Zuberi Tembo (Photo taken last year)

The body of bassist Zuberi Tembo was interred in his native Africa yesterday, his cousin Thwayya Tembo told The Mammalian Daily.

The Endeka Elephant Band member was killed ten days ago on a trip home to visit his family. His cousin, who is acting as the family’s spokesAnimal, said they continue to mourn the loss of their loved one but are grateful for the outpouring of support from The Park.

“We are all devastated by the loss of Zuberi. His murder was made all the more painful by the irony that he had escaped the danger of Humans by defecting from the circus so many years ago and had lived peacefully in The Park. But we want to express our appreciation to the Archons and to all Park citizens for the outpouring of support for his family and friends. It is gratifying to know that there are so many who were touched by Zuberi during his lifetime.”

In a related statement released this morning, The Archons confirmed that a memorial service for the fallen musician will take place on July 26 at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre. Details will be available shortly.

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