The Mammalian Daily

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Names of 2019 Archons announced

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The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2019 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.

ARCHONS – 2019
Tuatara, Pounamu Marama (Chief Archon)

Angonoka, Ismene; Archey’s Frog, Hemi Patariki; Baiji, Zhang Wei; Beaver, Dufgus; Beluga, Asmund Fritjof; Bowerbird, Raakel Tadita; Bowhead Whale, Darius Enok; Brown Recluse Spider, Matilda Saga; Bufo, Olivia Eleanor; Carp, Rufus Stanley; Chuckwalla, Amalia Mariana; Cockatoo, Arthur Dennis; Condor, Aracely Nicolle; Dwarf Caiman, Selena Valeria; Elephant, Feechi Kalifa; Geoduck, Viggo Arkady; Gorilla, Kwame Salim; Guppy, Ainoliina Valda; Hellbender, Andreas; Hornet, Aksel Arthur;  Ibis, Pandora Kalliope; Kokako, Amaia Manawa; Leopard Gecko, Amooz Bahnam; Longfin Eel, Rawiri Tai; Manx Shearwater, Erikur Njáll; Mehiläinen, Annikki Kaarina; Opposum, Chester Antioch; Oscar, Dieter Öxar; P. Waltl, Sebastián Mateo; Sagalla Caecilian, Adongo Farajah; Salamander, Wyatt Atticus; Scheltopusik, Camilla Grace; Swallowtail, Lucia Martina; Tuna, Hendrina Beatrix.

Outgoing Chief Archon Iolana Whooping Crane: “I did not set out to be the face of a new movement.”

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CHIEF ARCHON IOLANA CAMIRA WHOOPING CRANE: THE EXIT INTERVIEW

In her only exit interview, The Park’s 2018 Chief Archon, Iolana Camira Whooping Crane—whose term ends on Wednesday—told The Mammalian Daily that her work on establishing an “Enough Economy” in The Park was misrepresented by the press and by some political factions. Nonetheless, she stands by her ideas and hopes the incoming Archons will build on them.

We sat down with Chief Archon Iolana C. Whooping Crane earlier this month to discuss zoocracy, the economy, what government can and cannot do, and her hopes for the future of The Park.

TMD: Thank you, Chief Archon Whooping Crane, for sitting down with us today.

IWC:  Thank you for having me. I’m happy to be here.

TMD: Chief Archon Whooping Crane, I think it’s safe to say that it’s the hope of most, if not all, Chief Archons to leave a legacy. This is a two-part question, it seems. First, I’d like to know, is that something you think about at the beginning of your term? When you find out you’ve been elected Chief Archon by the other thirty-four Archons, do you think to yourself, “This is what I want to achieve in the coming year?”

IWC: I will agree with you about legacy, but not in personal terms. Everything we do, we do for the betterment of The Park as a whole, and we only have one year in which to do it. So, it’s about setting something in motion, rather than seeing it to a conclusion. But most governing is that, isn’t it? You can’t be short-sighted. There is no end point; you are simply laying down a set of tracks that you hope will be trod upon and continue to be built by those who follow you. But you’re correct in the sense that each of us, in this small club we call the Chief Archons Club, has certain ideas that seem so important that we feel they should take precedence over others. And, sometimes, those ideas, or the solutions to certain problems, invariably become our legacy. So, to answer your question, no, we do not jump for joy when we are elected and think to ourselves, “Wonderful! I’m going to get the chance to work on my dream project!” Governing is a much more serious and onerous task than that. All too often, events or circumstances that are beyond your control decide for you what your priority is and you have to be able to react to them in a timely fashion. As a result, it is that reaction that becomes your legacy.

TMD: The second part of my question must seem obvious to you: what would you like your own legacy to be?

IWC: I think it’s inevitable that my legacy will be connected to the economy and, of course, to the fact that I introduced the concept of “enough,” not only to The Park generally, but to the budget, as well. And I am proud of that.

TMD: I’m going to ask you a question that many have been afraid to: are you against economic growth in The Park?

IWC:  I don’t know why that question hasn’t been asked, but I’m happy to answer it now. I am in favour of sustainable, responsible economic growth in The Park. I am not in favour of unfettered growth or growth that leaves some Animals or species of Animals behind. And I am not in favour of growth that imperils the environment, pits some species against others, or is simply production or consumerism with no end point other than a financial one. Is that clear?

TMD: I would say that is very clear, but is it realistic?

IWC:  Anything is realistic if you are willing to take responsibility for its execution. If you are not, then nothing is realistic, and you are free to blame outside forces.

TMD: That’s a strong opinion.

IWC:  And would you have me express a weak opinion?

TMD: No, of course not.

TMD: How did you feel when your “enough” approach—your very serious argument about sustainability—became the “BastaBudget?” Did you feel it demeaned your idea?

IWC: No, I didn’t and I don’t now. New ideas are incredibly hard for many to digest. It takes a long period of adjustment and, even then, many are not capable of incorporating them into their world view. Whether we like it or not, something like the “BastaBudget,” a catchy phrase that may seem negative to some, helps the idea along. It fastens it securely in the mind. And, in a way, I did start it, by introducing the idea of the “enough economy.”

TMD: Did you intend to do that?

IWC:  Intend to do what?

TMD: Intend to use linguistic tools to change minds about The Park’s economy?

IWC:  You make me sound manipulative.

TMD: That wasn’t the intention.

IWC: In the first place, I did not come to office intending to do anything radical about the economy. As I said, you assume the office with the best of intentions. And most of my interests weren’t economic to begin with. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that The Park was headed on a path that was not only unsustainable, it was downright dangerous. As Noreen says, one need only look to the Human world to see the results of bad policies. So, I reacted to the situation in what I believe was a reasonable fashion. I said, hold on, we cannot just continue doing what we’ve been doing. We will lose control of everything, including our ability to govern our own land. But I did not set out to be the face of a new movement.

TMD: Would you say you were successful in changing minds?

IWC:  History will make that judgement. I believe I was successful in laying the groundwork for change. Given that we only have a year in office, I would say that that was not a small thing.

TMD: In our discussion today, you make the whole “enough” concept seem so benign. But you were vilified during most of your term.

IWC:  That didn’t surprise me. I think the press—many in the press—did their best to turn my words against me and to fight my ideas. The “Enough Economy” was so misrepresented in the Park press that I just began to ignore it. Why bother fighting it out with the media? It seemed to me that many had chosen to serve the interests of anti-sortitionists, to make it appear that I was incompetent and only an elected government should be able to make such sweeping changes as I felt were necessary.

TMD: I understand why you say that and, yes, there were many who questioned your competency. But, as I’m sure you know, in a series of year-end polls, you surpassed all other Chief Archons in two areas: most disliked and most intelligent. Do you find those two to be at odds with each other?

IWC:  It does seem strange, as if I’m less incompetent and more diabolical. As for being disliked, as I’m sure you expect me to say, it is not a popularity contest. There were many Park residents who agreed with my ideas. And many who had had the same ideas, themselves. A good citizen considers all ideas and makes sound, informed judgements. Our founder, Jor, ran into a great deal of resistance. And he had many enemies, if the biographies are to be believed. So, the polls don’t matter so long as we’re moving in the right direction.

TMD: You mentioned Noreen a while back. What influence, if any, did she have on you?

IWC:  Noreen is a dear friend and she served as an unofficial advisor to me. We met a few times over the course of the year and she updated me on a variety of things regarding the Human world. The breadth of her knowledge when it comes to Humans is remarkable.

TMD: As of January 16, you will be a private citizen of The Park. What are your plans, immediate and long-term?

IWC:  I’ll be going south for a rest after Groundhog Day, but I’ll be back in the Spring. I have a number of projects that I want to work on, some on my own and some collaboratively. I’m going to join my predecessor, Klarissa Kuttu, in the fight for longer terms. One year is simply not enough time to effect meaningful change.

TMD: What would you or will you say to the incoming Chief Archon?

IWC:  I wish the incoming Chief Archon the best of luck. We don’t know who it is, but we do know the burden they will bear. We don’t advise each other, but I would encourage any Archon, Chief or not, to seek as much advice and opinion from others as possible.

TMD: May I say, Chief Archon Whooping Crane, on behalf of all Park citizens, thank you for your work and your service to zoocracy and The Park. We wish you peace and happiness in your new life.

IWC:  Thank you so much. I wish the same for you.

Mark your calendars for these important January 2019 events

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January is one of The Park’s busiest months. To make sure you don’t miss anything, mark these dates on your calendar:

January 1-15: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry, For Tomorrow You May Have to Govern
Because we use the sortition method to select our Archons every January, we are all aware that this duty may fall to us. So, in the days leading up to the selection and announcement, spend time with your friends and family, and enjoy yourself. You may not have much time to do so in the coming year.

January 6-10: “Sortition Shakes” Pop-Up Clinic
Learn more about this newly-identified condition that affects a large percentage of The Park’s adult population. The clinic will be staffed by therapists from the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine and the Extinction Anxiety Clinic, who will spend at least fifteen minutes with each patient. No appointment is necessary. No time for therapy? Just stop by and take Dr. Chloris Cougar’s 10-point test and leave with an explanatory brochure. Either way, a visit here will ease your nerves.

January 7-14: Special Pre-Archon Selection Series of Discussions with Park Authors
In the week leading up to the announcement of the 2019 Archons, proprietor Wyuna Winkle of The Literary Apothecary will host a series of politically-oriented discussions and debates with prominent Park authors. Don’t miss your chance to hear Pieter Paard, Yoshita Tigru, Dr. Berthilidis Strix, Inari Marakatti, and Magnus P. Marmoset, among others.

January 12 : “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Park Government”
Be prepared! If your name comes up, you’ll want to serve honourably and intelligently. Fortunately, historians Pieter Paard, Beatrice Zilonis, and Clark Cascanueces as well as political philosopher Magnus Marmoset have you covered. Their crash course is designed to teach you everything you’ll need to know about zoocracy, sortition, and the duties of Archonship. Open to all and free of charge, but reservations required. Location: University of West Terrier.

January 13: Extinction Anxiety Clinic Open House
For only the second time since its opening in August 2012, The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic will host an Open House. Both locations will welcome Park residents from 10:00-4:00 for some frank talk about Extinction Anxiety, including the newest treatment options. Refreshments will be served.

January 15: New Archons Announced
In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts early on the morning of January 15, an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Courts until the end of the week, so that all citizens and residents may review the names. The list will also be published in the January 15 edition of The Mammalian Daily.

January 16: Archons sworn in (half-day holiday)
For the selected Archons, the swearing-in ceremony will be a first; for Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, it will be his twenty-first. The ceremony is always meaningful and poignant, and a reminder of our great fortune to live under Animal self-rule.

Until March 31: The Park Museum presents, “The Means and the Message: A Decade of Prognostication Pads”
This multimedia exhibit honours not only those who have been elected Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but the means they’ve used to make their predictions: the prognostication pad.

The Winterlong exhibit showcases the evolution of the prognostication pad throughout the past decade, putting the pad in historical context, and demonstrating the way in which its use has changed the office and duties of the prognosticator as well as the way in which spectators view the prediction.

January 29: University of West Terrier Annual Open House
The annual open house at The Park’s most renowned research institution attracts hopeful would-be students, alumni, and all those interested in higher education. Come for the tour and the snacks, but stay for the annual speaker. You’ll never be disappointed!

Lead-up to Groundhog Day
One of our most important holidays (if not the most important), The Park’s Groundhog Day celebration will include, of course, the prognostication, the Archons’ address, and the welcoming home of our hibernators. Shadow or no shadow, this year’s GD celebration is sure to be a great one. See you there!

Dewi Rhinoceros: The Mammalian Daily’s choice for Animal of the Year

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BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily has chosen former Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros as its 2018 Animal of the Year.

At a press conference at noon today, TMD managing editor Orphea Haas said the newspaper’s staff chose to honour Rhinoceros because of her “tireless commitment to interspecial harmony, and her ongoing work to foster awareness of the effects of enforced domestication.”

During her term as Chief Archon, Dewi Rhinoceros and her fellow Archons established our weekly Stereotype Sundays, in an effort to “promote the kind of peaceful coexistence among species” that Jor [The Park’s first leader] had hoped to achieve when he established modern zoocracy. Now in their seventh year, these highly successful weekly gatherings play an important part in the peace and stability of life in The Park.

As Chief Archon, Dewi Rhinoceros also established June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month. In announcing the first of the annual events, Rhinoceros said, “we are finally acknowledging the dangers of enforced domestication and committing to a strategy to overcome those dangers.” Many Park residents have credited the month-long event with saving their lives. Now in its seventh year, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month has expanded to encompass not only awareness and prevention, but ongoing treatment of the effects of enforced domestication,

After she left office, Rhinoceros fulfilled a lifelong ambition and opened the Centre for Interspecial Harmony. The Centre runs educational programmes, hosts events, and funds research projects in association with the University of West Terrier.

The Mammalian Daily salutes the ongoing work of Dewi Rhinoceros and the Centre for Interspecial Harmony and wishes all citizens and residents of The Park the best in 2019.

Winter Solstice 2018: The Park ushers in Winter with its biggest bash ever

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The biggest bash in Park history is about to begin.

The 2018 Celebration of the Winter Solstice kicks off at sunrise—7:48 to be exact—and will continue on, officially, until 3:00 in the morning on December 22.

“This will be the biggest bash we’ve ever hosted and it will be memorable,” director of public relations Aintza Kanariar said, as she announced the official schedule as per the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

This year’s festival will celebrate life in The Park in all its seasons, but particularly in Winter, despite the weather wreaking havoc on certain plans.

“We’d hoped to surprise attendees by opening the Otter Ice Slide ahead of schedule, but the weather is simply too warm for that,” Kanariar said. Instead, they’ll be setting up the mud slide temporarily.

“We all enjoy the mud slide, but this is the first time it’s been used in the Winter,” Kanariar laughed. The slide will remain open until colder weather makes the ice slide feasible.

This year’s event will once again include an original dance choreographed for the occasion by Herman Stoat, which will be performed by his eponymous dance company. Entitled, “Four in Twenty-Eighteen,” Stoat told Mammalian Daily Radio that in celebrating each of the four seasons, the dance not only honours nature, but memorializes the climate that we’ve lost.

“But it’s not meant to be sad; it’s hopeful in that it’s a call to appreciation and awareness,” he said.

New to the schedule this year is an off-site celebration at The Park Museum, which includes a sunrise ceremony of welcome performed by the Working Wounded Performing Arts Company and an interactive event for children, “Archon For a Day.”

Also new this year, the Human imitators will be replaced by a marathon spoken word performance by Mumblebee.

Other highlights of the celebration include:

  • Jugglers, clowns, and others will entertain throughout the day and night
  • Students from the Hani Gajah School of Art will be providing free tail-painting and whisker-twisting for young participants
  • Costume dress-up events will be hosted hourly by the Park Historical Society
  • Storytelling
  • Harmonious Hannah and Humphrey will be on hand for selfies throughout the festivities

The list of Park music makers who will perform appears below in order of appearance. Kanariar would not confirm rumours that Rodent Commoner reporter Gunnar Rotte will join the All Rodent Marching Band in a celebration of the involvement of The Park’s Rodent community in zoocracy.

The Feral Four
The Canary Cousins
Spontaneous Generation
Les Chiens Débraillés
SCENTient Beings
Jargonhead
Persistent Sisters
Bone Weary
The Cynics
Will.o.be
Memes of Production
Mumblebee
Last Stand
Eggie and The Pigs
ZEAL
Inktvis and Krake
The All-Rodent Marching Band
The DomEstyx
The Beasts of Burden
BHR (Big Hearts Rule) formerly NIML (Not In My Lifetime)
Fish Rap

As ever, a major component of the celebration will be the food. This year, celebrity chef Tab Tricolore will prepare another wonderful “feral buffet,” as well as supplying non-perishables from his restaurant grassRoutes. He’ll also host guests at his Park Museum restaurant, The PurrBoy Café. Other food purveyors include The Battering Ram Café, The Compost Heap, The Broop ‘n Miaow, The Draft, The Pound Gastropub, and The Cackling Goose Tavern. Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station will be once again be serving a full breakfast just after the solstice occurs as well as a buffet at midnight. Ants in Your Pantry and Provisions by Petrounel will send all celebrants home with tasty party favours.

The Celebration of the Winter Solstice begins at 7:48 a.m. (sunrise) on December 21. Food will be served throughout the event. The Solstice will occur at 11:48 a.m. Local Park Time (LPT).

Look what’s coming up in October!

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The Park really heats up in the Autumn, with celebrations, migrations, and hibernation preparation. Mark your calendars! Here’s a taste of what’s in store for October 2018.

All good things must come to an end. And so it is with TURACO, the third and final play in Gianfranco Colocolo’s mystery series starring Millicent Hayberry. Get your tickets while you can! This one might never come your way again. Last performance October 1.

Yes, folks, it’s that time of year again! Time to screen some great films by Park Animals. PIFFPockets and Noon Nuttiness films are back, as are the parties, the after-parties, and the after-after parties! Not to mention the inevitable claw-biting before the awarding of the Golden Cougar. This year, the festival has paired with celebrity chef Tab Tricolore to bring you “PIFF Experience Packages,” too, so you can pair the great food at his restaurants with the PIFF 2018 films!
October 1-5

Park Harvest Festival
Let’s celebrate! Our cultivators and growers have been working hard since the Spring, and now they share their bounty with us! With loads of great food to eat and lots of music and entertainment for all ages, it’s bound to be a memorable celebration.
October 11

Annual Snowbird Farewell
It’s always bittersweet to say goodbye to our migrating friends and wish them well on their journey. But let’s enjoy this one last party before takeoff! See you in the Spring, migrators!
October 19

 

Annual Account of the State of The Park
It all comes down to this: how are we getting along? Economically? Socially? What is the state of interspecial harmony? Are we there yet? We’ll know for sure on October 27

 

On the docket:
One of the most anticipated trials in Park history: Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP) et al. v the Archons et al. before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, Park Superior Court. The issue at hand: the line item in the 2019 Budget that allocates funds for “Government Affairs,” which includes compensation for Archons. CASP argues that neither the Archons nor the Park Finance Office have the right to include Archon compensation in the annual budget “because they have not been selected to do so.” Sortition will face the fight of its life and The Mammalian Daily’s Justice and Legal Affairs Reporter, Viona Adelaar, will be there to report on every word spoken. October 28

POPS go the candidates:
This month, candidates will begin to pop up to vie for one of The Park’s few elected positions—Park Official Prognosticator of Spring. It’s your chance to prove you’re “fit to predict,” so go for it. November 5 is the last day to have your name officially entered as a candidate. Remember: Groundhog Day is only four months away!

September on our minds

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The Park is a busy place in the Autumn, so The Mammalian Daily is giving you a heads-up on some of what’s in store for September 2018.

Ready, set, mark your calendars!

 

Official end of estivationEnd of EstivationMouse and balloons
It’s time to welcome back our friends and fellow Park residents!

Let the celebrations begin on September 14!

Beats in the Bar
Formerly known as the Open Mic, the now annual Beats in the Bar takes place this year at The Draft from September 1-9. Come out and play! Who knows—you may find yourself performing at the Beats of Burden Musical Festival!

The Beats of Burden Music FestivalBeats of Burden logo
The sixth annual Beats of Burden Music Festival promises three days and three nights of continuous music-making, with all our great bands and singers performing in aid of The Park’s refugees. Expect some surprises (as well as surprise appearances) along with the great sounds. And don’t forget the fabulous food and all sorts of other fun September 15-17.

Park ART Walk (PAW)
Now on a new day that allows our estivators to take part, the annual Park ART Walk is a one-day, juried art exhibition that showcases the artistic expression of Park residents. The 12th annual Park ART Walk will take place on Saturday, September 22, 2018 between the hours of 10:00 am and 7:00 pm. Showings will take place at participating art galleries, shops, theatres and cinemas.

The Park’s Semi-Annual “Shakeoff”
The Park's semi-annual "Shake for Charity" have changedIt’s all about Animals helping Animals at The Park’s semi-annual “Shakeoff.” The event encourages Animals to donate their hair in aid of those whose coats can’t protect them from the harsh elements. In addition to helping others, you can also partake of free refreshments and get a new hairstyle from our on-site groomers (gratis, of course!). September 27
“If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”  

June will be bustin’ out all over!

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1-30 June – Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
Now in its sixth year, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month kicks off June 1. The full schedule will be released then and will include many new events, including Noreen’s “Just Say No To Obedience” campaign and the two-day forum, “Focus on Large Animal Domestication,” at the University of West Terrier. Watch this space and follow us on Twitter for EDAM-related news throughout June.


1 June – University of West Terrier Commencement Day
The day has finally come for the 2018 graduating class at the University of West Terrier. In addition to receiving their degrees, the class will have the chance to hear former Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros give the commencement day address. It’s an exciting time for all involved and we wish a lifetime of happiness and success to all graduates.

1 June – Kynikos Press releases “Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, and Goodnight,” by Thisbe and the Barkettes
This long-awaited memoir by Thisbe and the Barkettes is sure to set tongues wagging. The most successful musical group The Park has ever known spills the beans on everything they’ve seen, heard,
and experienced over their long career. Sure to be a bestseller and a must-read for all fans of the Barkettes.

 

 

1 June – The Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) To correspond with Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), the PMoCA unveils its 2018 art installation, “A Picture Hides a Thousand Words,” on June 1. In announcing the installation, head curator Aamuun Maroodiga said, “This interactive installation will highlight the power of the ‘selfie,’ by pairing mirrors with cameras to remind us of the importance not only of the picture we domesticated Animals take of ourselves, but of the picture we and others ultimately see.”

3 June – Thisbe and the Barkettes: Reading and Meet and Greet
Proprietor Wyuna Winkle welcomes The Park’s most successful musical group to her bookshop to read from their new memoir and greet their loyal fans.
Reading: 12:00-12:45
Meet and greet: 1:00-3:30
Pawprinting and refreshments: 3:30-5:00

15 June – Chitter Radio Literary Awards
Considered the most prestigious literary awards in The Park, the Chitter Radio Literary Awards has recognized Park writers ranging from former Archon Nicholas Gander to comedian Woodruff Dalmatio to Mammalian Daily advice columnist, Noreen. The year, the CRLA has once again expanded its entry categories to include spoken word.

“We need to continue to broaden our horizons and reward those artists whose work may not fit easily into previously-established categories,” says CRLA director Guadalupe Tucán.

16-18 – June Feline Fiction Fest
The oldest fiction festival in The Park, the Feline Fiction Fest honours the creative output of our Feline residents in a range of categories that rivals all other fiction festivals. This year, the Fest will highlight the work of Big Cats at its newly-built Mane Stage. Stay tuned for other special events, as they are announced.

 

 

 

28 June – Last Day for Pre-Estivation Deposits
30 June – Central Bank of The Park closed for mid-year tally
Don’t forget: the last day to make pre-estivation deposits at any financial institution in The Park is 28 June.

 

 

29 June – Official Start of Estivation
This is the day we say “au revoir” to The Park’s estivating community. We’ll miss you terribly, but we look forward to seeing you again, in September.

Is your spell check software specist?

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As Park residents continue to embrace Human-made technology (HMT), experts have voiced concern about its psychological effects on Animals.

At a two-day conference at the University of West Terrier this past week, faculty members from the Torgeir School of Information Technology and the Departments of Psychology and Interspecial Studies discussed a variety of problems related specifically to language found in software used for word processing, texting, and email.

“The problem with much of the software, particularly with tools such as spell check and autocorrect, is that it still is not configured to deal with many of the nuances of Animal life,” technology expert Llewellyn Fox told the conference attendees.

Fox is an adjunct professor of technology at the University of West Terrier and president of the computer consulting company Quick Brown Fox Technologies, S.A.

Citing examples from his bestselling book, “The Lazy Dog’s Guide to Technology,” Fox lamented the dearth of Animal-appropriate software and laid the blame for many of our youth’s problems—including low self-esteem—on the species that developed it.

“The problem is that certain features of the applications, which have been designed by and for Humans, are what he termed “Humano-centric.”

“Their core functions appear to be trans-special,” he emphasized, “and, as such, they are easy for the average Animal to use, but this is deceiving.” The trouble occurs, he said, when some of the applications’ tools are used.

As an example, Fox pointed to what he considers a glitch in spell check and autocorrect, tools that are used in word processing and, more importantly, in texting and email functions: “No matter what species you key in, the word processor supplies the initial letter in the lower case. This, as we know, is the grammar of Humans, but it is not the grammar of Animals.”

“Some Animals might not see this as anything more than a nuisance,” he admitted. And, of course, the software can be set to change a lower case Animal name to an upper case one manually.

But the problem is less a practical one and more a matter of attitude, he told the academic gathering. And his colleagues seemed to agree.

“It’s not just a matter of a capital letter here or there. This is but one small example. Our young are now being raised on this software, and already they’ve started to write the way Humans do—partly because it takes less effort to let the software dictate the way you express yourself.”

Additional areas of concern that Fox discussed at the gathering were the dictionary and several other language tools. These functions, he said, provide the user’s vocabulary.

“It’s not so much a problem with the words that the software does supply,” he emphasized. “My complaint is that Animals are likely to be told by this software that the words they key in—that they use in everyday speech and writing—do not exist.”

Fox is not alone in being wary of Human software. Several newspapers in The Park, including The Mammalian Daily, have successfully negotiated with software companies to offer a choice of different Animal dictionaries in their word processing software. But not all Animals are even aware they have a choice.

“We tend to use what’s put in front of us and that soon becomes the norm. It becomes all that we know,” Fox said.

Spring is bustin’ out all over!

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upcoming-event There’s always a lot going on in The Park come Springtime. Mark these annual Park events on your calendar so you don’t miss a thing!

Otter Slide participant
March 13: Closing date for the Otter Ice Slide
Yes, we’re all looking forward to Spring, but some of us just can’t shake that Winter feeling. If that describes you, get over to the Otter Ice Slide while the weather still permits. There’s no feeling like it, but that feeling won’t last past March 13.

March 25: Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic
The Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic is one of our most beloved seasonal and artistic events. Now in its twenty-third year, the Picnic has expanded to include haiku and rap, but the format of the day remains the same. And don’t forget to check the weather forecast so you know how to dress to avoid either frozen nose syndrome or soggy bottom.

The Park's semi-annual "Shake for Charity" will now be called "The Shakeoff"March 29: The Park’s semi-annual “Shakeoff”
“If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”
Formerly the “Shake for Charity,” this semi-annual event aids those who have no coat. The Shakeoff also offers free grooming and refreshments to participants.

March 30: Tulip season
Yes, it’s that time of year already. Tap your apps to find the latest emerging bulbs. If you need any technical help, our resident experts at The Mammalian Daily will be on hand to aid you in locating your favourite Springtime snack.

April 8-10: The Broop ‘n Miaow’s annual “Broopee Days”cat-and-dog-drinking
Are you a Broopee? We’re all Broopees during the Broop ‘n Miaow’s annual Broopee Days! So invite your friends—of all species—and share the super-specials! And don’t forget the instant win contests!

Footpad HeavenApril 15: Footpad Heaven Clearance Sale
Don’t be a slave to style! Even though it may be last year’s stock, FH’s Toepads, Footpads and other clearance accoutrement are brand new. Indulge yourself at half the price!

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

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