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Mark your calendars for these important February 2018 Park events

February 1, 2018 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

February is a busy and emotional time in The Park and this year will be no exception. To make sure you don’t miss anything, keep these dates circled on your calendar:

 


February 1: Get up! Get ready! It’s almost Groundhog Day!
Catch up on your sleep tonight because you won’t get much until the weekend, with all the partying you’re going to do! And make sure you look your best, at least at the start of the celebration, by booking some time at any of The Park’s finest grooming houses.

 

February 2: Groundhog Day
This is it, folks! The day we’ve all been waiting for. First, we’ll hear 2018 POPS (Park Official Prognosticator of Spring) Sauville Otave Marmotte tell us what the weather has in store for us and then we’ll hear from the new Archons about what our government has in store for us! Festivities start at 7:00 a.m. and go on forever and ever, with the food stations open a full twenty-four hours (8:00 a.m. on February 2 until 8:00 a.m. on February 3). Click on the schedule to the right for a full view.

And don’t forget the Early Risers’ after-party and the after-after parties after that!

February 2-9: Park shops to hold Groundhog Day sales
Whether or not our 2018 POPS, Sauville Otave Marmotte, predicts an early Spring, there’ll be plenty to celebrate with lower prices at most Park shops. They’ll be open all night on February 1, as well as all day on Groundhog Day, too!

February 4: Spend an afternoon at The Park Museum with Karlheinz Beaver
The designer of the 2018 prognostication pad will formally add his blueprints to the museum’s current exhibition, “The Means and the Message: A Decade of Prognostication Pads.” Afterwards, he’ll host a Q&A session with attendees regarding the pad’s design and functionality. Refreshments will be served courtesy of The PurrBoy Café.

Don’t miss this event at The Park Museum on Sunday, 4 February 2018, from 1:00 p.m. until 5:00 p.m.

3d-tabby-king-croppedFebruary 14: Anniversary of the birth of Jor
He was our first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy. This year’s full-day holiday will be devoted to his memory and to celebrating our future as a zoocratic Park.


Hieronymous Hedgehog February 19: Official End of Hibernation
Let’s celebrate survival! It’s time to welcome back our hibernating friends. As Hieronymous Hedgehog, The Park’s Official Hibernation Ambassador, would say, bring on the food! And in case you have any questions, here’s a handy guide to welcoming home those who’ve been in a state of torpor.

Keeper of the NutFebruary 20: Return of the Nut
This half-day holiday is an occasion both solemn and celebratory, as we renew our trust in each other and our faith in survival, itself. This year, it will be 2018 Keeper of the Nut Armas Jänis who will return the nut to The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC). After, that, we’ll all be looking to Spring and its renewal!

Have a great February, everybody!

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: #GroundhogDay, February events, Park holidays

Names of 2018 Archons announced

January 15, 2018 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

zoocracy-35The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2018 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.


ARCHONS – 2018
Whooping Crane, Iolana Camira (Chief Archon)

Appaloosa, Durward Courtland; Axolotl; José Francisco; Bunting, Welby; Caecilian, Tristan Lucas; Caiman, Gergo; Chameleon, Hawthorne; Cricket, Burgess Jerome; Datnoid, Abiola; Fíl, Árvakur; Frosch, Hedda; Gecko, Samuel P.; Hagfish, Marjorie; Jokirapu, Inkeri; Kangaroo, Matilda Zara; Katydid, Angus; Krill, Pascale; Lizard, Elmer; Lungfish, Enoch; Mantella, Garabina; Merganser, Hazel; Mudpuppy, Deandre; Newt, Camlin; Oarfish, Luella Marie; Oscar, Oscar Filbert; Osprey, Henrietta; Pióca, Stanczia; Porcupine, Rudella; Saltamontes, Ernesto; Sea Otter, Mason Daniel Fabion; Skink, Priscilla; Schwan, Gudruna; Tortoise, Zigor; Vole, Egerton Leland; Wren, Maximilian.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, Whoa! Braking News Tagged With: 2018 Archons, Park government, sortition

Outgoing Chief Archon Klarissa Kuttu: “My realism was ahead of its time.”

January 13, 2018 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

CHIEF ARCHON KLARISSA KUTTU: THE EXIT INTERVIEW

In her only exit interview, The Park’s 2017 Chief Archon, Klarissa Escalade Kuttu—whose term ends on Tuesday—told The Mammalian Daily that she was misrepresented as anti-Human by the press and others and that she feels her realism is “ahead of its time.” 


We sat down with Chief Archon Klarissa E. Kuttu earlier this month to discuss zoocracy, the expectations of government, and her hopes for the future of The Park and Animal self-rule.

TMD: Thank you, Chief Archon Kuttu, for sitting down with us today.

KEK: Thank you for inviting me. I’m happy to talk to you today.

TMD: Chief Archon Kuttu, I think it’s safe to say that the expectations placed on a new Chief Archon are enormous and so must be the pressure of that, as well. Would you agree?

KEK: Yes, I do agree, though I wouldn’t agree if you’d said, “unreasonable” expectations. I think it’s fair for The Park’s citizens to expect a lot from their government and when we come up short, it’s also fair for them to criticize us.

TMD: Which leads me to this question, if you don’t mind: according to some polls, you have been one of the most unpopular Chief Archons in the history of zoocracy. What do you make of that and how much responsibility do you take? Was it a failure of communication? A misunderstanding?

KEK: I noticed you said some polls and, if you hadn’t, I would object. But, yes, there were some polls—and obviously, many Park citizens—who disagreed with me vehemently, though I doubt they would have said I didn’t have The Park’s best interests in mind.

I believe strongly that many of the controversies during my term were due to the misrepresentation of me by the press and others. I don’t think you can deny that I was depicted as anti-Human, which was at best unhelpful and at worst, damaging to progress in The Park. And, yes, I do take some responsibility for the misunderstanding of my views and policies. Clearly, I did not explain myself well enough. But, even more than that, I misread the state of mind of the citizenry.

TMD: In what way?

KEK: We have had some trying times in the past few years and I admit I didn’t realize to what extent that had affected the emotional and mental outlook of Park Animals. I didn’t understand their very real desire for calm and stability. My term as Chief Archon should have reflected that and responded to it. Instead, I wanted to charge ahead with ideas that Park Animals simply weren’t ready for. And, here, you really do have to keep in mind the pace of any Park government. We are selected by lottery, we have twelve months to deal with all aspects of running The Park. Ninety percent of those aspects, I would say, we have no idea of until we get here. In some ways, it’s a crazy way to govern.

TMD: Are you saying that zoocracy doesn’t work?

KEK: Of course not. What I am saying, though, is that it was designed in a much simpler time, and for a much simpler purpose. It was designed so that we could take control of our lives and our property. Thirty-five years ago, no Animal could have imagined the challenges we face today. We are in desperate need of modernization, and not just of our government, but of our state of mind. And I tried to bring that to my Archonship, but it was too early. I see that now. We need to ease into these things, but I butted ahead with them and we see the results. Or lack of results.

TMD: For the record, though, are you anti-Human?

KEK:  I am not “anti” any species. But I am a realist. And, in many ways, my realism was ahead of its time. Humans hold an enormous amount of power in the world. And, if we’re to be honest, they do still hold power over us in The Park. It’s an imbalance that I felt and still feel is untenable and I tried to change that with what I considered would be simple tweaks. But, as it turns out, they weren’t simple at all. And they became my grand mistakes.

TMD: Such as restricting trade with Humans and ending Human tourism?

KEK: Among the many, yes.

TMD: Which others?

KEK: I’ll leave that for you and for The Park’s many political commentators to mull over and, perhaps, write books about.

TMD: What would you consider your greatest failure?

KEK: I have said this before and I’ll say it again: my government’s failure to find a suitable head of Park Finance—a suitable budget chief—and to prepare a 2018 budget. I think that might be the greatest failure.

TMD: And your greatest success?

KEK: I would like to think that I did bring some awareness of the threat that we face from Humans, as well as from other species. And from ourselves. I would like to think that we are now more aware than ever of the fragility of Animal self-rule and that we might stop either taking it for granted or revering it unrealistically.

TMD: Are we in danger of losing it?

KEK: I think we are always in danger of losing it. Nothing is forever and as we have seen from Human society, things can go backwards. It doesn’t take much. We must guard what we value and continue to value what we guard. To hold it dear. Otherwise, who knows what can happen.

TMD: Now that you’re no longer in government, what does your future hold?

KEK: I hope it will hold peace. And friendship. But I also want to stay involved. I would never retreat from the political sphere entirely, now that I’ve learned so much.

TMD: Would you serve another term?

KEK: Yes, I would. And I, too, believe in longer terms and when I’ve rested up a bit, I will be prepared to fight for that. One year is not long enough.

TMD: Two years?

KEK: Maybe even three. Whatever the citizenry can bear. It will be a long haul to change the rules, but I do believe in long haul government. [laughing]

TMD: Chief Archon, it really has been a pleasure to talk to you today. We all in The Park wish you well in the future. And we want to express our deep gratitude for your work in the service of zoocracy and The Park.

KEK: The pleasure has been mine, in moving zoocracy to its next phase and in sitting here with you to talk about it. I’ll see you at the swearing-in on January 16 and again on Groundhog Day.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Interviews, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Archons, Chief Archon, exit interview

Mark your calendars for these important January 2018 events

January 2, 2018 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

Put this on your calendarJanuary is one of The Park’s busiest months. To make sure you don’t miss anything, mark these dates on your calendar:

January 1-15: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry, For Tomorrow You May Have to Govern
Because we use the sortition method to select our Archons every January, we are all aware that this duty may fall to us. So, in the days leading up to the selection and announcement, spend time with your friends and family, and enjoy yourself. You may not have much time to do so in the coming year.

January 6-10: “Sortition Shakes” Pop-Up Clinic
Learn more about this newly-identified condition that affects a large percentage of The Park’s adult population. The clinic will be staffed by therapists from the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine, who will spend at least fifteen minutes with each patient. No appointment is necessary. No time for therapy? Just stop by and take Dr. Chloris Cougar’s 10-point test and leave with an explanatory brochure. Either way, a visit here will ease your nerves.

January 12 : “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Park Government”
Be prepared! If your name comes up, you’ll want to serve honourably and intelligently. Fortunately, historians Pieter Paard, Beatrice Zilonis, and Clark Cascanueces as well as political philosopher Magnus Marmoset have you covered. Their crash course is designed to teach you everything you’ll need to know about zoocracy, sortition, and the duties of Archonship. Open to all and free of charge, but reservations required. Location: University of West Terrier.

January 13: Extinction Anxiety Clinic Open House
For the first time since its opening in August 2012, The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic will host an Open House. Both locations will welcome Park residents from 10:00-4:00 for some frank talk about Extinction Anxiety, including the newest treatment options. Refreshments will be served.

January 15: New Archons Announced
In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts early on the morning of January 15, an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Courts until the end of the week, so that all citizens and residents may review the names. The list will also be published in the January 15 edition of The Mammalian Daily.

January 16: Archons sworn in (half-day holiday)
For the selected Archons, the swearing-in ceremony will be a first; for Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, it will be his nineteenth. The ceremony is always meaningful and poignant, and a reminder of our great fortune to live under Animal self-rule.

Until February 14: The Park Museum presents, “The Means and the Message: A Decade of Prognostication Pads”
This multimedia exhibit
honours not only those who have been elected Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but the means they’ve used to make their predictions: the prognostication pad.

The Winterlong exhibit showcases the evolution of the prognostication pad throughout the past decade, putting the pad in historical context, and demonstrating the way in which its use has changed the office and duties of the prognosticator as well as the way in which spectators view the prediction.

January 29: University of West Terrier Annual Open House
The annual open house at The Park’s most renowned research institution attracts hopeful would-be students, alumni, and all those interested in higher education. Come for the tour and the snacks, but stay for the annual speaker. You’ll never be disappointed!

Lead-up to Groundhog Day
One of our most important holidays (if not the most important), The Park’s Groundhog Day celebration will include, of course, the prognostication, the Archons’ address, and the welcoming home of our hibernators. Shadow or no shadow, this year’s GD celebration is sure to be a great one. See you there!

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: #GroundhogDay, January 201 8 events in the Park

Balbina Ko: The Mammalian Daily’s choice for Animal of the Year

December 31, 2017 By Marikit Kuneho, TMD Park Life Reporter

BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily has chosen Holstein Fashion president and CEO Balbina Ko as its 2017 Animal of the Year.

At a press conference at noon today, TMD managing editor Orphea Haas said the newspaper’s staff chose to honour Ko because of her ”leadership in both business and in the area of equality among the species.”

“Through her company and by her own efforts, Balbina Ko has served as a leader in The Park’s business community,” Haas said. “Over the past few years, she has proven what she believes: that those engaged in business should make an effort and can make a difference in the lives of those who feel they do not have equal opportunity. Since establishing the company’s charity, EQUALSS, she has fought tirelessly for the rights of The Park’s striped and spotted, and her company has raised a sizeable amount through its EQUALSS poduct line to support the charity and its beneficiaries.

The Mammalian Daily salutes the ongoing work of Balbina Ko and Holstein Fashion and wishes all citizens and residents of The Park the best in 2018.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, Park Life Tagged With: 2017 #AnimalOfTheYear

Winter Solstice 2017: A warm welcome to Winter and a celebration of life in The Park

December 21, 2017 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

The biggest bash of the year is about to begin.

The 2017 Celebration of the Winter Solstice kicks off at sunrise—7:48 to be exact—and will continue on, officially, until 3:00 in the morning on December 22.

“This will be a special celebration…one of a kind and definitely one to remember,” director of public relations Aintza Kanariar said yesterday, as she announced the official schedule as per the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

This year’s festival will have two themes: the celebration of the Winter Solstice and the celebration of Animal self-rule.

“We deliberated on it a long time but we decided that celebrating Animal self-rule was worth breaking rules for,” Kanariar said, referring to longstanding regulations that prohibit anything political to be a part of the annual celebration.

In fact, Kanariar confirmed, the programme for the event will even include the reading of passages from “George Livingstone Barnaby Cuthbert: The Tabby King,” Yoshita Tigru’s bestselling biography of The Park’s first leader.

A highlight of this year’s event will be a performance piece called, “Ελευθερία (Eleftheria).” The piece is a collaborative effort of the Herman Stoat Dance Company and the Working Wounded Performing Arts Company. A celebration of Zoocracy35, the 20-minute performance combines music, dance, pantomime, gymnastics, poetry, and rap.

Also on the schedule is the screening of a special video by renowned actress Millicent Hayberry, who is currently in hibernation. She left the video, in which she reportedly waxes lyrical about zoocracy and Park life, with the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations before going into hibernation.

Other highlights of the celebration include:

  • Jugglers, clowns, and three Human imitators will provide entertainment throughout the celebration
  • Students from the Hani Gajah School of Art will be providing free tail-painting and whisker-twisting for young participants
  • Costume dress-up events will be hosted hourly by the Park Historical Society
  • Storytelling
  • Harmonious Hannah and Humphrey will be on hand for selfies throughout the festivities

The list of Park music makers who will perform appears below in order of appearance. Kanariar would not confirm rumours that Rodent Commoner reporter Gunnar Rotte will join the All Rodent Marching Band in a celebration of the involvement of The Park’s Rodent community in zoocracy.

The Feral Four
The Canary Cousins
Spontaneous Generation
Les Chiens Débraillés
SCENTient Beings
Jargonhead
Persistent Sisters
The Cynics
Will.o.be
Memes of Production
Last Stand
Eggie and The Pigs
ZEAL
Inktvis and Krake
The All-Rodent Marching Band
The DomEstyx
The Beasts of Burden
BHR (Big Hearts Rule) formerly NIML (Not In My Lifetime)
Fish Rap

As ever, a major component of the celebration will be the food. This year, celebrity chef Tab Tricolore will be preparing “food of the feral world” on site at a “feral buffet,” as well as supplying non-perishables from his newly-opened restaurant grassRoutes.  Other food purveyors include The Battering Ram Café, The Compost Heap, The Broop ‘n Miaow, The Draft, The Pound Gastropub, and The Cackling Goose Tavern. Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station will be once again be serving a full breakfast just after the solstice occurs. Ants in Your Pantry and Provisions by Petrounel will send all attendees home with tasty party favours.

The Celebration of the Winter Solstice begins at 7:48 a.m. (sunrise) on December 21. Food will be served throughout the event. The Solstice will occur at 11:48 a.m. Local Park Time (LPT).

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: animal self-rule, sortition, winter solstice

Park Museum to host exhibit honouring Prognostication Pad

October 17, 2017 By Endla Metsümiseja, TMD Groundhog Day Reporter

2017-Prognostication-Pad-1In celebration of almost fifteen years of elected prognosticators in The Park, The Board of Governors of The Park Museum today announced a new exhibit, “The Means and the Message: A Decade of Prognostication Pads.”

This multimedia exhibit will honour not only those who have been elected Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but the means that they have used to make their predictions: the prognostication pad.

The Winterlong exhibit will showcase the evolution of the prognostication pad throughout the past decade, putting the pad in historical context, and demonstrating the way in which its use has changed the office and duties of the prognosticator as well as the way in which spectators view the prediction.

Included in the exhibit will be pad architects’ blueprints, messages, notes, and correspondence, press interviews with Chief organizer Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr., and videotaped interviews with former prognosticators. Throughout the Winter, the museum will also host Q&A sessions with architects and with journalists who have covered The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations over the years.

The exhibit will also feature memorabilia from POPS campaigns, including posters, flyers, buttons, newspaper interviews, television and radio interviews and recorded speeches, as well as original documents from court challenges to the predictions.

“The Means and the Message: A Decade of Prognostication Pads” will run from 31 October until 14 February 2018.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Groundhog Day, park museum, prognostication pad

Last Shakeoff of 2017 is tomorrow

September 26, 2017 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

Come on down and share your hair!

That’s the message of organizers of the last Shakeoff of 2017, which begins at ten o’clock tomorrow morning.

The semi-annual “hair-raising” event is all about “Animals helping Animals” in the lead-up to Winter, organizing committee head Andras Yak says.

“Our goal is simple: We need to raise as much hair as we can to help those who cannot grow an adequate coat but who need to be protected from the harsh elements of the seasons.”

The last few years, Yak says, the two annual events have raised over five tonnes of hair for those in need.

“Our senior residents, in particular, were very grateful for the yield,” Yak says. “And we’re hoping to surpass that this year.”

Also making a return appearance are the on-site groomers, who are offering free, new hairstyles to participants. And, of course, there will be lots and lots of refreshments courtesy of Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station, Florette’s Fine Edibles, Ants in Your Pantry, The Compost Heap, Clowder, and The Nut Bar.

So, remember:  “If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”

The Shakeoff runs tomorrow from 10:00 a.m. to 8 p.m. at locations across The Park

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life Tagged With: charity, Shakeoff, share the hair

Feral Roots Festival cuisine: Crushed Nuts Two Ways Recipe

July 12, 2017 By Natalie Jane Appaloosa, TMD Food Reporter

Click on the image to see the recipe for Crushed Nuts Two Ways: The Savoury Edition
Print

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life

“The Park Before YOU:” Zoocracy 35 mega project aims to inspire youth with a year-long romp through Park history

June 30, 2017 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

zoocracy-35What began as a casual conversation between two University of West Terrier professors has grown into a mega project that they hope will arouse curiosity in young Animals about The Park’s past and inspire them to think more deeply about their own rôle in its future.

Called “The Park Before YOU,” the project is the brainchild of historian Beatrice Zilonis and Domoina Fossa of the F. Varrah Flanagan School of Education. The multi-faceted, multimedia project was developed with funding from the Archons’ Zoocracy 35 Grant Program.

Using audio, video, live theatre, stand-up comedy, and even a half-hour original musical, the project will trace life in The Park from its very beginnings to the present day.

“We want this to be a rich, multidimensional experience for the young,” Zilonis said in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning. “We want to pique their interest and nudge them in the direction of curiosity, instead of herding them into a classroom to hear a lecture on the wonder of Animal self-rule.”

Although the project had its impetus in that casual conversation more than a year ago, the idea had been brewing in the minds of both professors, after results of several studies indicated that The Park’s young lacked historical perspective and weren’t very interested in zoocracy or politics.

“Delia Quagga [head of the UWT Barnaby School of Government] did a study that showed Park citizens are not as politically savvy as in previous decades and we both thought we wanted to nip that in the bud,” Zilonis said in her radio interview. “The last thing we want is for that lack of interest to be passed down to the next generation.”

The Park Before YOU will run an entire year and talks about a permanent installation are underway with both The Park Museum and the University of West Terrier, Zilonis said.

Tomorrow night will mark the project’s beginning, with the screening at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre of a series of animated short films about Animal self-rule.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Media, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: #1000articles, animal self-rule, Park history, politics, the park before you, zoocracy

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