Wednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 31 May 2012

Controversial Toro Talk Radio host, Yannis Tavros, was admitted to hospital this afternoon after suffering injuries resulting from a scuffle with a photographer.

Witnesses say Tavros was leaving the station after his daily broadcast, when a photographer from The Ruminant Free Press snapped a picture of him.

The enraged Tavros started to grunt, the witnesses report, and “mutter expletives, mostly about the flash in his eyes. Then he warned [the photographer] not to do it again.”

The photographer, reportedly, refused to heed Tavros’s warning and, after snapping a few more pictures, a scuffle with the radio star ensued.

“They locked horns and it took a herd of passersby to get them free,” said one witness, who asked to remain anonymous.

Tavros, bleeding at the scene, was taken by Elephant Emergency Brigade (EEB) to the Park Hospital, where he remains in satisfactory condition.

The photographer, who has been identified as Hannus Hanka, suffered less serious injuries and was escorted back to his workplace.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 6 July 2011

The University of West Terrier announced today that it has entered into a partnership agreement with Leonardo Language and Culture Institute to offer courses through its new Department of Interspecial Studies.

In a joint statement released today, the presidents of both schools praised the officials who negotiated the agreement and said they look forward to a long and happy alliance.

“This is the first time in Park history that two academic institutions have put aside their differences and agreed to collaborate for the sake of the betterment of our mutual student body. We look forward to a long and happy alliance through which we hope to offer a new perspective while meeting the educational needs of our present and future students,” the statement read.

A spokesanimal for UWT acknowledged that the driving force behind the establishment of the new department was “a new generation of students” whose profound interest in other species and their languages was not well served by UWT’s limited course offerings.

“It has been apparent for some time that the interests of the new generation of students have not been wholly served by the traditional courses offered here [UWT],” the spokesanimal said.  “We have chosen to rise to that challenge and we hope, through this new department, to be able to convince students, both present and future, that UWT is the best place to study and grow academically.”

According to a report released last week by The Park’s Department of Education, enrollment in institutions of higher learning has increased over the past five years.  Enrollment at UWT, however, has decreased by three per cent over the last two years.  Enrollment in specialized colleges, such as the Leonardo Language and Cultural Institute, has increased by seven per cent over the last two years.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Date of Publication: 23 April 2015

At a press conference held this morning, Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) took to the podium to confirm reports of an early morning raid on a Sneak-a-Snuggle that recently opened outside The Park.

Flanked by Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) and C. Astrid H. Ant, Head of The Park’s Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS), Inspector Addax revealed details of the raid, in which more than one hundred Animals were liberated.

“Under cover of darkness, members of the ASIS Select Undercover Brigade (SUB) were deployed in a covert action that involved infiltrating the Sneak-a-Snuggle and liberating the Animals held therein,” he said.

The crack team of more than a thousand received assistance from other members of the police force in the execution of the raid, Inspector Addax told reporters.

“All went as planned. The operation went smoothly and we do not anticipate having to return to that location,” he said.

The Animals who were liberated come from “a variety of different species” and, Addax told reporters, they will be spending a few days at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm before they are released and able to function on their own.

“They will receive counselling from a number of The Park’s refugee and immigrant aid groups and they are welcome to establish a life here, should they so desire,” he said.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 16 May 2012

There’s a whiff of change in the air, as the annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee prepares to welcome freshman artists, SCENTient Beings, to the 2012 entertainment line-up.

According to their manager, The SCENTients were invited by Jubilee organizers, “at the last minute, but they are honoured and thrilled to be performing at such an important event.”

The duo, who released their first recording, Beings and Nuttiness, ten days ago, has never performed before such a large audience.

“They have played The Tabby Club and they’ve been on the road for a few months, but they’ve never sung in such company or on such an important occasion,” their manager said.

One of the largest and most popular festivals in The Park, the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee marks the beginning of The Park’s growing season. Traditionally a mixture of sombre and sweet, the Jubilee has historically been a venue for more “tried and true” performers, such as Thisbe and the Barkettes and The Beasts of Burden. This year, however, organizers say they decided to “add something new and untried to the mix,” while maintaining the tenor of the occasion.

Other performers in the Jubilee line-up include Les Chiens Débraillés, The Feral Four, The Endeka Elephant Band, The Canary Cousins, The Tweeters, and Will.o.be.

The Anixi Agrarian Jubilee takes place on May 20, 2012.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 17 May 2015

It was meant to be a tribute, but something went terribly wrong.

When award-winning artist Hugh Danlami Biri decided he wanted to add his voice to the cause of equality for striped and spotted Park Animals, he thought it best to use his considerable artistic talents to do so.

Enter his latest masterpiece, or as some are calling it, his “miss-terpiece” entitled, “A Change of Hugh.”

Biri’s tribute—a 76 cm x 51 cm painting in custom watercolours—was meant to highlight the professional similarities of two great (and striped) Park chefs, Tab Tricolore and Mikko Tiikeri, by differentiating them by coat colour.

“They have hair of similar colour and I was trying to pose the question, ‘What if we changed their colour? Would they be any less great in their kitchens? Would their restaurants be any less spectacular?’ Obviously, not,” Biri said in an interview on TMDTV.

“I thought we could then apply that logic to stripes and spots. Would they cook any better if their coats were of a solid colour? You see, when you say it out loud, it’s ridiculous,” he said.

Unfortunately, Biri’s logic was lost on the subjects of the painting, both of whom were quite disturbed by the change of hue.

“I wish they’d come to me right away and said, ‘We don’t like it.’ But they didn’t. They went after each other and, for that, I am very sorry,” said Biri.

Indeed, each chef blamed the other for what both agreed was a travesty.

First, Tab Tricolore accused Mikko Tiikeri of tinkering with the painting and darkening Tricolore’s hair, making him look ridiculous and effectively blackening his reputation. In response, Tiikeri claimed he had video evidence that Tricolore had removed the original painting from the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA), where it is currently hanging, and replaced it with the darker one.

Biri says that would be next to impossible.

“It was difficult enough for me to do and, with all due respect, Tab Tricolore does not have the training to do that kind of work. I spent two months developing the colours and it took even longer to apply them,” he said.

Biri, who won the first Maple Tree Television (MTTV) Merging Artist Award* in 2012, has worked for years with a number of well-known Park artists developing watercolours. He says that success in the field takes time, patience, know-how, “and a little bit of luck.”

In the meantime, the two chefs, who had previously been on good terms, are not speaking to each other, nor to Biri.

“It’s a sad, sad situation and I don’t know what to do about it,” Biri says.

---

*Merging artists are artists who work in only one field of the arts and who collaborate with one or more other artists who work in another, distinct field.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 22 April 2014

Organizers have finally set the date for The Park’s newest charity event, The Fowl Ball.

At a press event held this afternoon, organizer Rafael Ortega confirmed that the Department of Holidays Festivals, and Celebrations, in conjunction with the Archons of The Park, have agreed to set aside Saturday May 31 for what Ortega calls “the event of the year.”

Some small details have yet to be finalized, Ortega said, but the important ones “have been carved in stone since November.”

While the Ball’s raison d’être is to raise funds for Avian aid (and to raise awareness of the plight of many in The Park’s Avian community), Ortega stressed that guests’ enjoyment and stimulation of The Park’s economy were also objectives.

“We are committed to the notion that every Animal in The Park will benefit from this benefit,” he joked.

As for the delay in selecting a date, Ortega acknowledged that this was a difficult year to debut the Ball.

“Due to our severe Winter, so many in our community have delayed their re-entry and we wanted every Bird to be…not only present, but rested enough to enjoy the event,” he said.

As well, since the Ball’s date falls a little less than two weeks after the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee, Animals will be in a party mood.

“The Agrarian Jubilee not only marks the beginning of The Park’s growing season, but its Summer social season, as well. Having the Ball a couple of weeks after the Jubilee positions us perfectly in terms of attendance and readiness to party,” Ortega said.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 25 January 2006

Amid protests from a number of Animal groups, Park officials kicked off their “Wee Paws” census campaign today, in the hope of persuading Animals to “count themselves in” and help Park Archons obtain an accurate reckoning of residents in The Park.

Yet, despite their good intentions and a planned media blitz, members of the Park Census Office may have a tough time convincing many Animals of the benefits of a head count in The Park.

“They can count me in as a citizen, but I don’t think I should have to declare my species,” said Nathaniel Warthog, as he marched, protest sign in hand, in front of the Wishing Well.

“Jor [The Park’s first leader] would never have pitted one Animal against another like this.”

It is just this fear—that, in the future, Park officials will use population statistics to limit the number of certain species in The Park—that has made many Animals reluctant to participate in the census.

Park officials say, however, that there is no reason to fear that results from the census will be used against any Animals.

“We need to know the total number of Animals, and the numbers of different species so that we can provide services for them. We’ve been working ‘blind’ for years, and that’s just no way to govern a Park,” said a spokesAnimal for the Census Office.

15 Karpos (June) 25 AZ (2006) has been designated as official “Census Day,” but the deadline for the submission of questionnaires is the first of Azafran (July).

Participation in the census is voluntary.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 15 April 2015

Fourth in a series

Can abSCENT make the heart grow fonder?

Perhaps not, but it definitely can help it stay stronger and more faithful, according to its maker, DoftTek, S.A.

A relative newcomer, DoftTek specializes in scent-related products and was voted The Park’s most promising company last year by The Cosmopolitan Pest. The abSCENT app is the company’s first foray into wearable technology.

The innovative app, which DoftTek launched on Monday, works like a “virtual locket,” allowing users to store the scents of their loved ones so that they can access them at any time.

“Physical absence need never be a barrier to relating,” said DoftTek spokesAnimal Lars Myskoxe, who demonstrated the app outside the Reek ‘O Rama yesterday.

The crowd oohed and awed as Myskoxe showed the potential users how easy the app makes it to retain a “dynamic memory” of their loved ones.

“It’s authentic,” said Keeva Moffatt, President of the Spotted Skunk Sedan Patrol and a Reek ‘O Rama regular.

“It does what it says. The scent is pure and, from what I could tell, it doesn’t degrade. This is something every Park Animal will want,” she said.

Myskoxe claims the uses for the app are “unlimited,” and will grow in number as more and more Animals “make it their own.”

“In its present form, it can store up to ten scents. We are planning to expand that within the next five years,” he said. “I can see it eventually becoming a necessary tool for all stages of life,” he said.

The app is currently available only through the company and at the Reek ‘O Rama, which intends to offer it at a discount on May 5 only, the date of the annual Mating Dance.

“That will be its biggest test so far,” said Myskoxe.

See also:
TulipTracker™
FoodFinder™
gaggle

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 16 April 2014

With just two weeks to go, The Park’s media organizations are gearing up for what some have called the biggest experiment in the history of journalism.[pullquote]I wouldn’t be surprised if it kickstarted interest…Whether the media can hold that interest is the question”. – Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP)[/pullquote]

“All systems are go,” pronounced Alvin Tinamou with pride, at a hastily-organized update at his office yesterday afternoon. The subject was May’s “Month Without Metaphor,” but the Elephant in the room was the state of the industry, itself.

“It’s no secret that the modern era has presented us with a huge challenge,” Tinamou admits, but he backs away from any suggestion that the industry is on its last legs.

In fact, the publisher of The Avian Messenger winces at the term “experiment” to describe the month-long initiative of which he is one of the organizers. Instead, he refers to it as the “Grand Resuscitation,” an ambitious description that some in the profession say it could well turn out to be.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it kickstarted interest, especially among the newspaper readership,” says Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP). “Whether the media and, particularly, our newspapers, can hold that interest, though, is the question.”

Gertrude C. Owl, Dean of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism and Mammalian Daily senior political correspondent agrees.

“I think it’s a brilliant idea, really, inviting the public to, almost, scrutinize the business…allowing them to feel a part of it, while still keeping the boundaries clear. I’m cautiously optimistic about it, but I think it will take more than one go at this type of thing to be truly effective,” she says.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 12 August 2013

The anti-tourism group NoPARKing has claimed responsibility for the mountain of garbage that is obstructing access to The Park via its northern entrance.

In a statement released this morning, NoPARKing president Emmanuelle Musaraigne said that she and her group are proud of the work they have accomplished so far on behalf of The Park’s citizenry.

“It took our members all night to build this mountain of garbage and we are confident that this concrete representation of the damage that unrestricted [Human] tourism can do to The Park will change the way both residents and government see this issue,” the statement read.

Constructed entirely of garbage left in The Park by Human tourists, the mountain rises 30 metres high and stretches across 50 metres.

Park Police were notified of the “mountain” shortly after dawn this morning, a spokesAnimal said.

“We immediately attended at the site and confirmed the incoming reports. Shortly thereafter, the group in question confirmed their involvement and we took steps to halt any further construction at the site,” the Police spokesAnimal said.

Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, said neither the Archons nor the Park Finance Office had any plans to alter the 2014 Budget, which awarded 3% of the total to the promotion of tourism.

“While we take our citizens’ concerns seriously, we have no plans at this time to alter our vision for the future of The Park,” Alouatta said on behalf of the Archons.

   Related articles:

• Archons’ plan to promote tourism draws criticism
  
• Second prong of Archons’ new tourism strategy: signage
• Park Animals enraged by “third prong” of tourism strategy
• Rumoured increase in tourism funding fuels Animals’ anger