The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

“The Park Before YOU:” Zoocracy 35 mega project aims to inspire youth with a year-long romp through Park history

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zoocracy-35What began as a casual conversation between two University of West Terrier professors has grown into a mega project that they hope will arouse curiosity in young Animals about The Park’s past and inspire them to think more deeply about their own rôle in its future.

Called “The Park Before YOU,” the project is the brainchild of historian Beatrice Zilonis and Domoina Fossa of the F. Varrah Flanagan School of Education. The multi-faceted, multimedia project was developed with funding from the Archons’ Zoocracy 35 Grant Program.

Using audio, video, live theatre, stand-up comedy, and even a half-hour original musical, the project will trace life in The Park from its very beginnings to the present day.

“We want this to be a rich, multidimensional experience for the young,” Zilonis said in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning. “We want to pique their interest and nudge them in the direction of curiosity, instead of herding them into a classroom to hear a lecture on the wonder of Animal self-rule.”

Although the project had its impetus in that casual conversation more than a year ago, the idea had been brewing in the minds of both professors, after results of several studies indicated that The Park’s young lacked historical perspective and weren’t very interested in zoocracy or politics.

“Delia Quagga [head of the UWT Barnaby School of Government] did a study that showed Park citizens are not as politically savvy as in previous decades and we both thought we wanted to nip that in the bud,” Zilonis said in her radio interview. “The last thing we want is for that lack of interest to be passed down to the next generation.”

The Park Before YOU will run an entire year and talks about a permanent installation are underway with both The Park Museum and the University of West Terrier, Zilonis said.

Tomorrow night will mark the project’s beginning, with the screening at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre of a series of animated short films about Animal self-rule.

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Archons hunt for new Finance Office head to defund tourism, trade: rumour

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3280_smiled_wolf_business_man_holding_cashPark Finance Office (PFO) head Valentina Abeja’s days may be numbered.

According to a post on the gossip site headsNtales, Chief Archon Klarissa Kuttu is “not pleased” with some of the terms of Abeja’s past budgets.

In the post dated today, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo quotes a conversation she claims to have had with a Park Finance Office employee, who says that Abeja has been under pressure since January to produce a budget that will defund tourism and extra-hortulanial trade (trade with those living outside The Park).

According to Guacamayo’s source, Abeja has resisted, even though she herself reduced the funding for both in her last budget.

“Abeja does not believe in isolating The Park,” Guacamayo says the source told her. But her resistance may prove futile because, according to the source, Kuttu has begun a search for a new PFO head who will follow her orders.

If these rumours are true, this will be the first time in Park history that a Chief Archon has interfered with a budget prior to its release. It’s been customary for the PFO head to prepare a budget and then for the Archons en masse to approve it, to request changes, or to send it back.

According to Park historian and professor Beatrice Zilonis, this action, if true, is unprecedented. And dangerous.

“We have never seen so much direct contact with the PFO head prior to a budget,” she told The Mammalian Daily.

Zilonis says that while there has always been some tension between the PFO head and the Archons, the Archons have never given direct orders to the PFO.

“It’s unheard of,” she said. “Since it’s the Archons who’ve appointed the PFO head, they’ve usually been on the same page. The budget has always been tweaked, either because of the Archons’ desires or the citizens’, but never at this stage. If this is true, this constitutes overreach on the part of the Archons, in my opinion,” she said.

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Park citizens not as politically savvy as in previous decades: UWT study

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CLueless

A new study out of the University of West Terrier’s Barnaby School of Government concludes that Park citizens are not as politically savvy as they were in previous decades.

Entitled, “Clueless,” the study, which will be published in the October issue of the Park Journal of Politics and Government (PJPG), found that a large number of Park citizens have virtually no knowledge of our system of government or its origins.[pullquote]They’ve always lived under peaceful Animal self-rule. They seem to believe that the battle has been fought and won forever. And that makes them extremely vulnerable.”—Delia Quagga, head of the UWT Barnaby School of Government [/pullquote]

“Without being unnecessarily harsh, I think this shows what many of us have felt: that too many of our citizens—of all generations—have been lulled into a false sense of security and do not feel the need to engage politically,” says Delia Quagga, the author of the study and the School’s head.

According to Quagga’s research, that sense of security is particularly strong among those who were born into zoocracy at a time of relative peace among the species.

“They’ve always lived under peaceful Animal self-rule. They seem to believe that the battle has been fought and won forever. And that makes them extremely vulnerable,” Quagga contends.

The study also found that many Park citizens feel free to engage in stereotyping, primarily because they don’t remember a time when such behaviour posed a danger to peace.

“All of this underscores the need for us to communicate more effectively about history and politics,” Quagga says. “We mustn’t allow a situation in which Park citizens take anything for granted.”

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Memes of Production seize the Jubilee—and the day

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Memes of Production

Spellbinding: Memes of Production play their hit song, “Carpe Diem” at Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

Can it be only a week ago that the Memes of Production took over the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee and made it their own?

How many of us thought the annual Spring event would wither and die without Eggie and the Pigs as the opening act, and the stars of the day— The Park’s farmers— nowhere to be seen?

Yet, in stepped this group of musicians whose recordings, all told, number four. Yes, four, all of which the group, itself, recorded. Under most circumstances, these Animals would never be invited to such an important event.

But they stepped in, where other musicians refused to tread. And, for good reason, it must be said. Still, the Memes went to great pains to clarify their position: they were there simply as musicians, having been asked by the Jubilee’s chief organizer Miriam Wapiti, to “save the day.”

But the Memes did much more than that. As their signature song says, they seized the day. By interspersing covers of some of The Park’s best—and least political— songs with riffs on their own, including “Sign of the Thymes: An Herbal Tick,” the group managed to keep attendees enthralled and the Jubilee, well, jubilant.

Kudos to the Memes, whose success and ability did not go unnoticed, either by Park citizens or by its record companies. Rumour has it that Hoofer Records, who signed The Beasts of Burden well over a decade ago, has offered them their first recording contract.

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Sierpinski Squirrel appointed head judge of 2016 Toe-Hair Contest

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Sierpinski

Sierpinski Squirrel:  head judge of the 2016 Toe-Hair Contest

Sierpinski Squirrel will serve as head judge of the 2016 Toe-Hair Contest.

At a press event held this morning at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, Aintza Kanariar of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, made the formal announcement:

“We are thrilled to announce that the very competent Sierpinski Squirrel has agreed to serve as head judge of the 2016 Toe-Hair Contest,” she said.

“As perhaps The Park’s premier financial advisor, Sierpinski Squirrel has proven himself to be a great judge in his own field and an outstanding team leader in all respects,” Kanariar said.

In making the announcement, the longtime Director of Public Relations for the body that chooses the judges emphasized the importance of the position of head judge:

“The position is an important one because, should there be a tie, the head judge, who is an Animal with greater expertise than the other judges, has the ability to choose the winner. It is a position of responsibility that calls for a great deal of knowledge and personal integrity,” she said.

The Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners has found himself in demand recently. Last December, he was asked, on very short notice, to join the Archon Transition Team, replacing Blandine Okapi who had resigned due to what she called  “philosophical differences.” Sierpinski Squirrel stepped up and by all accounts did an admirable job, according to Sylvana Rana, president of Save Our Political System (SOPS).

“He made the job his own, which is quite an accomplishment for an Animal who has never been formally involved in politics.”

At the press announcement yesterday, Kanariar also announced the other four members of the judging panel: Antonio Marcelo, Clementina Araña, Quinta Caribou, and Sameer Gecko.

The Toe-Hair Contest, which is in its 21st year, is set to commence at 10:00 a.m. Park time on May 1.

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Hair and skin colouring, stripe removal hurt Park, says Artifice Destiny author

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Look! No stripes on this Zebra.

The author of a controversial new book published by Prionailurus Press says that the growing popularity of aesthetic changes such as stripe removal and artificial hair and skin colouring will have devastating long-term effects on The Park and its citizens.

In an interview this week, Artifice Destiny author Marika Kaméleon told The Mammalian Daily that such alterations to our natural selves will not only change the way we see ourselves and each other, but they will also have a detrimental effect on Park politics, government, and our collective commitment to zoocracy.

“The basis of our life here is a commitment to viewing each other equally, regardless of species, size, or colour and this kind of artifice makes a mockery of that,” she said.

Kaméleon, who is also a therapist at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic, said she has already seen a number of younger patients who see procedures such as stripe removal as “adaptive” ways to avoid the extinction of their species.

“They come here talking about the hatred they’ve experienced and the threat to their lives and the future of their species, but they don’t see that caving in to hatred and prejudice is not an adaptation so much as a surrender. Some say it’s their version of ‘fight or flight’ but I say no to that. Moving in the direction of homogeneity is not the answer,” she said.

Kaméleon’s book became a bestseller almost as soon as it was released last week, but it has garnered its share of controversy, particularly from The Park’s business community and its grooming houses, some of which still offer stripe removal services.

“I have always been against the procedure, personally, but I don’t feel as if I have the right to deny it to Animals who seek it,” said Tallulah of Talulah’s Toilettage. “I don’t think it’s fair of Kaméleon, as a therapist, to advise her patients against doing something that might help them feel better.”

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Gunnar Rotte, Douglas Cheetah to debate tomorrow on Yannis Tavros show

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YannisTavros Two days before The Park celebrates the Return of the Nut, Gunnar Rotte and Douglas Cheetah will face off against each other on the Yannis Tavros show in a debate on the merits of sortition.

In a press release issued this morning, Toro Talk Radio, Tavros’s home station, confirmed the debate, which will be broadcast live an hour after his usual call-in show.

In an advertisement that ran in both social and traditional media, the radio station invited listeners to have their say “ahead of time and ahead of the pack,” by calling into the Tavros show tomorrow.

The debate is sure to be a heated one. Rotte will argue for maintaining sortition, the lottery that selects The Park’s government every year. Cheetah, the renowned director and vocal critic of sortition who joined the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP) last year, will argue not only for the abolition of sortition, but for the establishment of free elections in The Park.

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Pro-election group urges Park Animals to take next step in zoocratic evolution

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Ballot BoxThe time to make the transition from sortition to elections is upon us, says the head of The Park’s foremost pro-election group.[pullquote]Park Animals want change, whether they will admit to it or not. Our governing structure is in a state of torpor and it has lost its ability to respond to its citizenry. —Antoine Lézard,CASP president[/pullquote]

At a rally held last night, Antoine Lézard, president of the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP), urged Park Animals to join him in bringing about what he called the “next natural step” in the evolution of zoocracy.

“The time has come. The time is now. The era of choosing our government by lottery is over,” Lézard told the crowd of approximately five thousand at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

Flanked by renowned director Douglas Cheetah and former Archon Transition Team member Blandine Okapi, both relative newcomers to the cause, Lézard presented a list of economic, social, political, and emotional arguments for the establishment of free elections.

“All mature societies choose their governments by votes cast in free elections. After more than thirty years, can we not call ourselves mature and take the next natural step in the evolution of zoocracy?” he asked, as he concluded his speech.

Although Lézard’s words were met with great enthusiasm by the crowd, a recent survey conducted by the Department of Political Administration found that while almost fifty per cent of Park citizens think some form of change in the political system would be helpful, only a small minority —approximately thirteen per cent—believe that the establishment of free elections is the answer.

Despite this apparent resistance, Lézard maintains there is “something in the air.”

“I feel it, I hear it, I sense its unmistakeable odour. Park Animals want change, whether they will admit to it or not. Our governing structure is in a state of torpor and it has lost its ability to respond to its citizenry,” he says.

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Yannis Tavros to host fourth annual “Pundits’ Parlour” on Tuesday

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YannisTavros For the fourth year in a row, Yannis Tavros will host his “Pundits’ Parlour” on Tuesday, February 3.

Toro Talk Radio programming director Manfred Stier confirmed today that The Park’s best known political pundits will again express their views on our incoming government on Tavros’s popular show.

“Yannis [Tavros] will once again relinquish his usual talk show format to moderate what has become a very popular annual forum,” Stier said.

This year’s guests include Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy at the University of West Terrier, historian and author Pieter Paard, Professor Ludwiga Saimiri of the Cuthbert School of Journalism, UWT Law Professor Fionnula L. Fox, Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces, UWT Professor of History Beatrice Zilonis, and Gertrude C. Owl, Mammalian Daily senior political correspondent and Dean of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism. Also invited back are Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, Yuri Sturgeon of The Kaluga Register, Camlin “Cayuga” Newt of The Salamander Evening Post, and Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct Professor of Human Studies.

Tavros also reached out to beleaguered Rodent Commoner reporter Gunnar Rotte to join the group, Stier said, but thus far has had no response. Rotte has agreed to speak about his recent experiences on Tavros’s show, but no date has yet been set.

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