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OTD in 2015—Noreen to collaborate with DWBS on guide to “Safety in the Soppy Seasons”

February 27, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover“We’ve all come to understand just how soppy Humans can be, sometimes,” says Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier.

“But what many of us don’t understand is how to cope with that and how to keep ourselves safe in the face of such an onslaught of emotion.”

There is help on the way though, she said, at a press conference held early this morning.

Standing beside Cornelius Kakapo, director of public relations for The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety, Noreen announced her collaboration with the department on what she called “the definitive guide to staying safe in the soppy seasons.”

“Animals need to acquire the skill sets to cope with the ‘two-legged Lions,'” she said. “Especially when they try to give us Bear hugs.”

Kakapo concurred.

“Several times a year, we [the DWBS] issue a safety alert, telling Animals to beware of Humans looking for temporary—or even permanent—Animal companionship. And The Park has devoted the entire month of June to spreading awareness of enforced domestication,” he said.

“But, clearly, that hasn’t been enough. The number of Animal kidnappings has increased dramatically over the past few years. We’re now even seeing cases of Animals being returned to The Park after these events. They are often in very bad shape, both physically and mentally. Some of them are altered for life. We have to put a stop to this. And we feel the first step is to arm Park Animals with the information they need to keep themselves and their loved ones safe.”

The printed guide will be published this Autumn, Kakapo said, and will be available free of charge through the DWBS offices, the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, and the Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic. A pdf copy will also be posted on this web site.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Noreen, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: animal safety, kidnapping, safety, TNR

OTD in 2014—Police lift ban on travel outside Park, DWBS issues annual travel advisory

December 24, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Think Safety on Red Puzzle.BREAKING NEWS
In a tersely-worded statement released early this morning, Park Police announced an end to the ban on travel outside The Park.

“We are pleased to announce that the ban on travel outside The Park, imposed on December 8, has been lifted. At this time, however we would like to warn all Animals travelling outside our borders to be cautious and aware and, if possible, not to travel alone,” the statement says.

Shortly after the Police statement was released, the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) issued its annual travel advisory, warning Animals to be vigilant when interacting with Humans at this time of year.

“At all times, but especially during the holiday season, be aware of your surroundings and be vigilant when interacting with Humans, particularly if they are exhibiting sentimental behaviour,” the advisory warns.

“Park Animals should be on the lookout for a number of types of suspicious behaviour displayed by Humans. If, for instance, Humans attempt to entice you with food, make cooing noises at you or call you by names with which you are not familiar (such as ‘sweetie’ or ‘cutie’), if they speak of their desire for ‘animal companionship’ or say that they want to ‘rescue’ or ‘save’ you, this should prompt you to leave their company immediately. Do not hesitate to do so,” the advisory says.

“The sentimentality of the season makes Humans more likely to succumb to urges to take Animals home with them or to give them as gifts to other Humans,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo.

“Especially at this time of year, Humans seem to lose the ability to see Animals as captains of their own destiny. They sincerely believe they are doing good when they remove us forcibly from our homes and families,” he says.

Any Animal who does experience a problem with Humans is encouraged to report the incident immediately to one of the following DWBS hotlines:

Feral Cat Helpline: 1-899-33725228
Assaulted Animals Helpline: 1-899-27728583
Missing Animals Registry: 1-899-64774642
Missing Family Members Report: 1-899-32645966
Youthline (Kittens, Puppies, Cubs, etc.): 1-899-96884546

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: advisory, holiday travel, safety

On This Day—September 7, 2015: Park innovators to watch: Bulb Beacon

September 7, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Bulb Beacon 2 (1)


Last in a series

Just in time for the Fall planting season, SINCAP Technologies has finally released its much anticipated challenger to GVC De-Techt’s TulipTracker: Bulb Beacon.

More than a decade in the making, according to company president Peppi Orava, this latest app promises to be everything Animals have ever wanted in a bulb detection system.

“We may not have been the first out of the gate, but we’re by far the best,” Orava said in a pre-launch interview last week. “We will be the go-to app for bulbs of every sort in a matter of weeks.”

Consuela Tapir, who runs the tech rumour web site TikTekTok, agrees.

“High tech of this sort isn’t just about invention,” she says matter-of-factly. “It’s about communication and paying attention, in every sense of the word.”

Over the past decade and a half, that’s just what SINCAP has been doing: paying close attention to what Animals have been asking for. This year, they were finally able to offer it—all of it— and wrap it up in a very neat and easy-to-use package.

“We’ve known for years how to detect flower bulbs and we know how to alert Animals to danger. But before Bulb Beacon, no company had put those two things together. That’s what they’ve been working on for so long and now they can offer it to Park residents at a reasonable cost,” Tapir says.

Without giving away any details of the company’s proprietary technology, SINCAP’s Orava rhymes off the app’s unique features, all of which are very impressive. But one of them stands out for her.

“Yes, Bulb Beacon will find every bulb in the area within a few minutes. But our unique silent alarm system will also keep you safe,” she says proudly.

That safety feature is what makes Bulb Beacon shine above all the other bulb detection apps, says TikTekTok’s Tapir.

“If your app does only one thing…such as finding flowers, that’s good. But these days, that’s not good enough. Safety has become a major issue in every part of our lives but perhaps nowhere is it more important to us than when we are out on food-finding missions. SINCAP has found itself in the right place at the right time with this one,” she says.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, Technology and Science Tagged With: app, bulb detection, bulb detection app, food finding, high tech, safety

Park innovators to watch: Bulb Beacon

September 7, 2015 By TMD Technology Reporter

Bulb Beacon 2 (1)

 


Last in a series

Just in time for the Fall planting season, SINCAP Technologies has finally released its much anticipated challenger to GVC De-Techt’s TulipTracker: Bulb Beacon.[pullquote]High tech of this sort isn’t just about invention. It’s about communication and paying attention, in every sense of the word.—Consuela Tapir, TikTekTok[/pullquote]

More than a decade in the making, according to company president Peppi Orava, this latest app promises to be everything Animals have ever wanted in a bulb detection system.

“We may not have been the first out of the gate, but we’re by far the best,” Orava said in a pre-launch interview last week. “We will be the go-to app for bulbs of every sort in a matter of weeks.”

Consuela Tapir, who runs the tech rumour web site TikTekTok, agrees.

“High tech of this sort isn’t just about invention,” she says matter-of-factly. “It’s about communication and paying attention, in every sense of the word.”

Over the past decade and a half, that’s just what SINCAP has been doing: paying close attention to what Animals have been asking for. This year, they were finally able to offer it—all of it— and wrap it up in a very neat and easy-to-use package.

“We’ve known for years how to detect flower bulbs and we know how to alert Animals to danger. But before Bulb Beacon, no company had put those two things together. That’s what they’ve been working on for so long and now they can offer it to Park residents at a reasonable cost,” Tapir says.

Without giving away any details of the company’s proprietary technology, SINCAP’s Orava rhymes off the app’s unique features, all of which are very impressive. But one of them stands out for her.

“Yes, Bulb Beacon will find every bulb in the area within a few minutes. But our unique silent alarm system will also keep you safe,” she says proudly.

That safety feature is what makes Bulb Beacon shine above all the other bulb detection apps, says TikTekTok’s Tapir.

“If your app does only one thing…such as finding flowers, that’s good. But these days, that’s not good enough. Safety has become a major issue in every part of our lives but perhaps nowhere is it more important to us than when we are out on food-finding missions. SINCAP has found itself in the right place at the right time with this one,” she says.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, Technology and Science Tagged With: app, bulb detection, bulb detection app, food finding, high tech, safety

Noreen to collaborate with DWBS on guide to “Safety in the Soppy Seasons”

February 27, 2015 By Thaddeus S. Loris, TMD Health and Safety Reporter

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

For even more insight into Humans, buy Noreen’s book! Just click on the image above.

“We’ve all come to understand just how soppy Humans can be, sometimes,” says Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier.

“But what many of us don’t understand is how to cope with that and how to keep ourselves safe in the face of such an onslaught of emotion.”

There is help on the way though, she said, at a press conference held early this morning.

Standing beside Cornelius Kakapo, director of public relations for The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety, Noreen announced her collaboration with the department on what she called “the definitive guide to staying safe in the soppy seasons.”

“Animals need to acquire the skill sets to cope with the ‘two-legged Lions,'” she said. “Especially when they try to give us Bear hugs.”

Kakapo concurred.

“Several times a year, we [the DWBS] issue a safety alert, telling Animals to beware of Humans looking for temporary—or even permanent—Animal companionship. And The Park has devoted the entire month of June to spreading awareness of enforced domestication,” he said.

“But, clearly, that hasn’t been enough. The number of Animal kidnappings has increased dramatically over the past few years. We’re now even seeing cases of Animals being returned to The Park after these events. They are often in very bad shape, both physically and mentally. Some of them are altered for life. We have to put a stop to this. And we feel the first step is to arm Park Animals with the information they need to keep themselves and their loved ones safe.”

The printed guide will be published this Autumn, Kakapo said, and will be available free of charge through the DWBS offices, the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, and the Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic. A pdf copy will also be posted on this web site.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Noreen, Park Life Tagged With: animal safety, kidnapping, safety, TNR

Police lift ban on travel outside Park, DWBS issues annual travel advisory

December 24, 2014 By Thaddeus S. Loris, TMD Health and Safety Reporter

Think Safety on Red Puzzle.BREAKING NEWS
In a tersely-worded statement released early this morning, Park Police announced an end to the ban on travel outside The Park.

“We are pleased to announce that the ban on travel outside The Park, imposed on December 8, has been lifted. At this time, however we would like to warn all Animals travelling outside our borders to be cautious and aware and, if possible, not to travel alone,” the statement says.

Shortly after the Police statement was released, the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) issued its annual travel advisory, warning Animals to be vigilant when interacting with Humans at this time of year.

“At all times, but especially during the holiday season, be aware of your surroundings and be vigilant when interacting with Humans, particularly if they are exhibiting sentimental behaviour,” the advisory warns.

“Park Animals should be on the lookout for a number of types of suspicious behaviour displayed by Humans. If, for instance, Humans attempt to entice you with food, make cooing noises at you or call you by names with which you are not familiar (such as ‘sweetie’ or ‘cutie’), if they speak of their desire for ‘animal companionship’ or say that they want to ‘rescue’ or ‘save’ you, this should prompt you to leave their company immediately. Do not hesitate to do so,” the advisory says.

“The sentimentality of the season makes Humans more likely to succumb to urges to take Animals home with them or to give them as gifts to other Humans,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo.

“Especially at this time of year, Humans seem to lose the ability to see Animals as captains of their own destiny. They sincerely believe they are doing good when they remove us forcibly from our homes and families,” he says.

Any Animal who does experience a problem with Humans is encouraged to report the incident immediately to one of the following DWBS hotlines:

Feral Cat Helpline: 1-899-33725228
Assaulted Animals Helpline: 1-899-27728583
Missing Animals Registry: 1-899-64774642
Missing Family Members Report: 1-899-32645966
Youthline (Kittens, Puppies, Cubs, etc.): 1-899-96884546

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life Tagged With: advisory, holiday travel, safety

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