The Mammalian Daily

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Archives for March 2024

OD in 2016—Food growers, app makers at odds as Tulip season begins

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TT3The Park’s technology sector has come under fire from what seems like an unlikely source: the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

In a paid advertisement, the SCPCPGF accused the makers of apps such as TulipTracker, Bulb Beacon and FoodFinder™ of working against them by setting up expectations that food growers can’t possibly meet.

In the ad, which appeared in all print media yesterday as well as on three billboards, the Society made a plea for slower adaptation of technology as it relates to food production and consumption.

“As you know, the goals of our Society include ensuring the autonomy of Park farmers and preserving our food-growing lands for the nourishment of our population. These goals are difficult enough to reach without the interference of those outside the farming community. But now, the makers of food-finding apps are encouraging Animals to abandon their natural practices of finding food. The natural ways are paced and allow for a more even distribution of food than these apps will ever do. If all Park residents were to use these apps, our food sources would dry up within days and we would be forced to import even more food from outside The Park. That would be devastating to the economy, as well as to our health,” the ad said.

Neither SINCAP Technologies, the developer of Bulb Beacon, nor TulipTracker developer GVC De-Techt has publicly commented. on Civet’s accusations.

What you need to know:
The SCPCPGF was formed in 2008, after that year’s Archons interfered with farmer autonomy on The Park’s food-producing lands. In 2012, an undercover investigation revealed that the 2011 Archons and the Park Finance Officers had agreed to “rent” out portions of The Park’s farmland to Humans for their personal use. At that time, the Society broadened its mission to include being a “policy watchdog” to ensure the fair administration of any legislation regarding farming.

OTD in 2015—PMoCA to exhibit Domestic Feline Art

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Domestic Feline ArtThe Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) announced today that a new exhibition of Domestic Feline Art will open this Summer. The exhibition will be the first under recently-appointed head curator, Aamuun Maroodiga.

In an interview on TMD Radio this morning, Maroodiga said she chose domestic art for her first outing as curator “because it is so far removed from my own experience.”

“I wanted to remain at a distance from the art of my first exhibition,” she said.

Maroodiga, who spent many years teaching the Tuskan technique at the Hani Gajah School of Art, went on to say that domestic art makes her “uncomfortable…in a good way.”

“It takes me so far out of my comfort zone, that I have no choice but to put myself in the place of the domestic Animal and wonder, ‘How would I cope in this situation?'”

The head curator said the museum will draw from many different art forms: paintings, sculpture, performance art, among them.

“And we will be showcasing larger Felines as well,” she said. “Lions and Tigers…Felines whom we don’t usually associate with domestication, but who suffer from and with it nevertheless.”

The new exhibit, which has yet to be named, will open in the Summer.

OTD in 2013—”Shake for Charity” has changed its name but not its aim

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The Park’s “Shake for Charity,” which takes place today, has undergone a name change. But the charities that sponsor it want you to know that its purpose remains the same.

“We remain committed to our original goal, which is to enable those who cannot grow an adequate coat, for whatever reason, to be protected from the harsh elements of the seasons,” explains organizing committee head Andreas Yak. “We changed the name because we wanted to keep up to date and add a little pizzazz to it.”

So, the event will be known from now on as “The Shakeoff,” but in every other way, it will be the same …only better, says Yak.

“The Shakeoff has grown substantially and every year more Park businesses participate. We are very appreciative of that, as we are appreciative of those who choose to return. Their services make the event what it is,” he says.

For only the second time in its history, The Shakeoff will benefit from having a team of grooming professionals on hand to assist participants. Those seeking a fresh look or who just want to “tame their mane” will be able to take full advantage of the talents of groomers from Amoltrud’s Aesthetics, The Mane Event, Tallulah’s Toilettage and En Garde Hair and Skin Salon.

Refreshments will be available on site as well, courtesy of The Compost Heap, Florette’s Fine Edibles, and Clowder.

But Animals won’t be coming to The Shakeoff for the perks, Yak says.

“I think our slogan, “If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t,” says it all about Park Animals helping each other,” he says.

The Shakeoff takes place today from 9:00 am until midnight at the Wishing Well. Volunteers from The Park’s various charities will be on hand to collect hair until then.

OTD in 2015—Tickets for first Barkettes’ “Bring Your Own Bone” concert go on sale today

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Barkettes ticket

NEWS FLASH!
Chew on this: Ticket sales for the first concert in Thisbe and the Barkettes’ ” Bring Your Own Bone,” tour go on sale at 10:00 a.m. this morning at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

In a text sent this morning at 6:00 a.m., the band’s manager Hilde Blaft confirmed that the first batch of tickets will be available for purchase today.

“Overjoyed to announce 1st concert date May8@Ancient Open-Air Theatre. Tix on sale@10 am.,” the text read.

The tour, presented by Iglu Entertainment, includes four concerts in The Park: two at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, one at the Wishing Well and one at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond. The Tartan Crab Memorial Pond concert will be free of charge.

Dates for the remaining three concerts have not yet been announced.

OTD in 2015—Gossip site: SplotchWatch site shut down, owner arrested this morning

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headsNtalesThe controversial web site SplotchWatch has been shut down and its owner arrested, according to the gossip site headsNtales.

In a 10.00 a.m. posting, the gossip site said it had confirmation from The Park Police Force’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) that Raimundo Zorro, the site’s owner, was being held in custody until a court date was set.

The Mammalian Daily reported in December that Zorro’s site had been under police surveillance for almost six months. At the time, Park Police were not releasing the name of the site’s owner.

“Its only purpose, as far as we can tell, is to name Animals who have had their spots or stripes removed,” the SHCU’s Chief Inspector Maurice Addax said at the time.

Zorro, a disgruntled former journalist, writes on his web site that he believes it is in the interest of  “openness and honesty” to let Park Animals know who among them has altered their appearance.

The Park’s grooming house community publicly took issue with that belief, but police said they had no intention of acting against Zorro unless the site explicitly encouraged hatred or violence toward any Animal or group of Animals.

Numerous reports and studies have indicated that striped and spotted Animals do not receive equal treatment in The Park. In the Autumn newsletter of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), the major grooming houses reported that stripe removal was their most sought-after service. Calling it a “disturbing trend,” they said the number of completed procedures had increased 190% in the past two years.

OTD in 2016—We owe our quick success to the fast pace of Park life: KwikLiks owner

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KwikLiksIt’s been almost a year since Maitea Behi opened the doors of KwikLiks, The Park’s first—and so far, only—”flash” groomer. But what a year it’s been.

“We opened at the end of April and we had a bit of a slow start, what with the warm weather taking its sweet time to arrive and being up against a number of established groomers,” she says.

Nevertheless, Behi was determined to ride out the lean times, even though, with the financial burden of a staff of groomers (five full-time and eight part-time) working long hours seven days a week, she knew the business wouldn’t turn a profit for a few years.

Even when things started to turn around in the Summer, though, Behi  says she didn’t dare take her success for granted.

“When we started, we were a new concept, so we had to explain what flash grooming was. I think it seemed impossible to many Animals, particularly those who were used to spending half a day at the groomer’s,” she says.

But with some time and what she calls “smart marketing,” Park residents were able to see the value in a place that could groom five hundred Animals an hour.

“Life is so busy these days and that makes it difficult for Animals to find the time to spend at the groomer’s. But that doesn’t stop them from wanting to look their best, and that’s where we come in. We owe our success to the quickening pace of life in The Park.”

And this year, Behi is looking forward to participating in Tuesday’s semi-annual charity “Shakeoff.”

“We’ll be on site all day, doing what we do best. It’s a great cause and we’re thrilled to be able to join The Park’s other groomers at the event. It makes me feel like we really belong,” she says.

The Shakeoff (formerly “Shake for Charity”) runs Tuesday from 10:00 a.m. to 8 p.m. at locations across The Park.

OTD in 2015—Economy forces Animals to work as “domestics” outside Park

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The sluggish economy is taking its toll on the professional and personal lives of Park citizens.

“The situation is dire,” says Dr. Anneliese Cissa, head of the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier and author of a new report on the economy entitled, “Seeking Greener Pastures: The Exodus of the Unwilling and Able.”

The report, which analyzed economic and employment data gathered by The Park’s Department of Statistics and Records, paints a gloomy  picture of the future unless immediate action is taken.

According to the report, recent statistics show that a record number of Animals have had to leave their homes and families in the past year to seek work outside The Park.

“The Park is simply not generating a sufficient number of jobs for its population,” says Dr. Cissa. “As a consequence, we are losing our best and brightest…the skilled and the most diligent. And Humans are the ones who are benefitting.”

Indeed, figures cited in the report indicate that, out of financial necessity, a great many Animals have been forced to take jobs as “domestic companions” to Humans outside The Park.

“This is tragic on so many levels,” says Cissa. “These are Animals who were trained and educated at institutions in The Park, Animals who were promised a better life than their ancestors had. These are Animals who believed in the Promise of The Park, and who believed that Animals would never have to serve Humans again. They’ve been betrayed by the economy and they are starting to question their commitment to The Park, itself. It is a very challenging situation.”

Dr. Cissa’s report is scheduled to be presented to the Archons’ full assembly on Tuesday.

OTD in 2013—Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic: an exercise in restraint…and haiku

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Poems in the air
Tulips rise up from the ground
Spring is here at last!

With tensions running high in The Park this Spring, organizers of annual Park functions could be forgiven for dreading the very events that all of us have come to cherish.

And that’s exactly how it was for Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear, whose first term as chief organizer of the Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic (the position requires a three-year commitment) began on February 14.

“I was thrilled when I received the offer to become the Picnic’s chief organizer,” said Worthington, at a party held in his honour after the event. “But after the [Return of the] Nut business, I have to admit that that feeling was overtaken by dread.”

The 2012 winner of the first prize in The Park’s annual Toe-Hair Contest says he was “spooked” by the protests at that ceremonial event and by the chaos that ensued.

“Violence, arrests, a lack of respect for the occasion itself…I started wondering if we should postpone the Picnic or even skip it this year,” he says.

Though he never faltered in his commitment to the event, Worthington says he spent many sleepless nights wondering whether Park citizens were moving away from the very traditions that had made The Park viable in the first place.

After all, according to a survey conducted in early March by The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, Park residents are thinking twice about attending this year’s celebrations.

“The desire is there, there’s no doubt about that,” says Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the department. “Park Animals love to celebrate. We love our seasonal festivals. And celebration has become a large part of our identity. But there’s also no doubt that recent eruptions at public events have taken their toll. These [festivals] are meant to be enjoyable but Animals are beginning to wonder whether they’re risking their safety by attending. That’s a situation we have to deal with head-on or we’ll soon find that we have nothing to celebrate,” she says.

As Picnic time drew closer, Worthington says he felt a responsibility to “to resurrect our celebratory spirit by redirecting our collective energy.” He decided to focus the Picnic on “happy, haiku poems.” No epics, no ballads, no elegies. Just “the shortest about the best,” he says.

“I wanted it to be upbeat. The Picnic has always been upbeat, though there has always been a mix of poetic styles. But this year, I decided to take control of it before it took control of me.”

Despite some staffers’ warnings that restrictions might keep Animals away, Worthington stood his ground. And triumphed in the end.

“I knew that if no one showed up, my first term would be my last,” he says. But in the end, Park Animals proved their commitment to The Park and to each other.

“The success of this year’s Picnic is the most beautiful poem of all,” Worthington says.

OTD in 2017—Travel ban will hurt our students, art school director tells Archons

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Hani Gajah School of ArtThe director of the Hani Gajah School of Art has made a heartfelt plea to the Archons: don’t restrict Animals’ travel outside The Park.

In an open letter published across Park media, Nolwazi Indlovu pleads her case for students’ “unrestricted exposure to the wider world,” while addressing the Archons’ reported concerns about safety.

“We at The Park’s premier centre of artistic education share your concern for the safety of all Park Animals. From the beginning, we have put our students’ safety first, yet we have designed curricula that require them to spend time outside The Park. We believe that the value of their enrichment through unrestricted exposure to the wider world outweighs any risk that might be involved,” the letter reads in part.

The letter is a response to the February rumour that the Archons plan to restrict Animal’s travel due to the inability of our legal representatives to aid Animals who have been charged or detained outside The Park.

While other Park educational institutions also require their students to spend some time outside The Park, the Hani Gajah School would be more adversely affected by any travel ban, since its four-year programme requires one year of full-time residency outside The Park.

The letter to the Archons was signed by Indlovu as well as by former Hani Gajah instructor and current curator of The Park Museum’s art gallery, Dorika Pumi, Hani Gajah alumni Anastazja Koci and Hanad Maroodiga, and Aamuun Maroodiga, head curator, Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA).

OTD in 2012—Literary mag sets up shop, tells Animals not to submit work

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Our newest literary magazine has issued a curious invitation to The Park’s creative community: please read us, but don’t try to write for us.

Grains of Truth, a journal that describes itself as “the embodiment of excellence” and “publisher of only the best in Animal writing” sent its first edition to store shelves less than a week ago. Along with it came an insert that warned writers not to attempt to have their work published in the journal.

The insert, which begins, “Dear Writers,” outlines the magazine’s policy vis-à-vis unsolicited submissions:

“While we maintain great respect for the work of The Park’s artistic community, we have neither the Animalpower nor the will to sift through piles of submissions in search of material to publish in our magazine. We appreciate your interest in our journal and hope that you enjoy reading the excellent fiction you find in it.”

The magazine’s editor, Dorine Ovella, declined The Mammalian Daily’s invitation to clarify the submission policy. Through a spokesAnimal, however, she issued this statement:

“We meant no offence to any writer when we issued our submission statement. We are a private journal and, as such, we reserve the right to publish work that is to our taste and, hopefully, to the taste of our readers.”

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