The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

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OTD in 2014—Newspaper editorial should not be ignored, say Park’s aid groups

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Rodent CommonerAn editorial published last week that has ignited a firestorm of protest, has endangered the life of its writer, and has resulted in a curfew and a ban on travel outside The Park “should not be ignored,” say members of The Park’s aid groups.

“[Reporter Gunnar Espen] Rotte makes a valid point, in that you don’t have to have stripes or spots to be treated badly, inside or outside The Park,” says Rosbritt Piggsvin, head of the aid association Rodents at Risk.

“Almost all of us have all suffered from some sort of prejudice in our lives,” she says.

Inez Gallina, president of the immigrant aid group Home to Roost, agrees: “It’s not just prejudice. It’s more than that. I sometimes think it’s a holdover from the way we’re treated outside The Park. I think it spills over into our immigrants’ lives here. Native Park citizens make assumptions about us, based on what they’ve heard outside The Park. It can be devastating to a new immigrant, especially a refugee,” she says.

But Hendrik Dalmatiër of the Spotted Animal Alliance says these Animals are missing the point.

“This is not a contest about which Animal has a harder time. There is no winner here; there are only losers. It is our opinion that if a Park treats its Animals differently on the basis of appearance, we are all losers. And there is plenty of evidence that that happens,” he says.

OTD in 2016—Gunnar Rotte tweets, then takes his case to the Archons

By

Screen Shot 2016-08-10 at 9.00.45 AMGunnar Rotte has never backed away from a fight.

Indeed, he rose to prominence almost two years ago, when he published a controversial editorial in The Rodent Commoner comparing the plight of his own species to that of The Park’s striped and spotted citizens.

Now, the beleaguered journalist and part-time counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic is doubling down on his mission to make all Park citizens understand the real life challenges of Rodents and, in particular, Rats.

After taking to Twitter yesterday to react to the announcement that this year’s Park ART Walk will celebrate the work of our striped and spotted citizens and to complain that no Park event honours Rodents, Rotte has begun a campaign to pressure the Archons into establishing just such an event.

Calling for an annual , “Rotter Day,” Rotte says he plans to march in front of the law courts and all government buildings until the Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations agree to his plan.

And he just might be successful.

“I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he got it done,” says Rosbritt Piggsvin, President of Rodents at Risk, a Park charity that aids The Park’s at-risk Rodent community.

“Gunnar is nothing if not persistent,” says Piggsvin, who has known Rotte since his birth.

“He gnaws at things and doesn’t let them go. And on this particular subject, I can tell you, he won’t rest until all Park Animals understand and acknowledge the pain and suffering of Rats and many other Rodents.”

Still, many say it will be an uphill battle for Rotte to get the Archons to agree to add an event to The Park’s calendar so late in their term.

“Yes, he may have to march in the snow, but I’ll bet he’s already put together a plan to confront the new Archons on the day of their swearing-in,” says Piggsvin.

OTD in 2015—Six arrested for stripespotting: Police

By

StripespottingSix Park Animals were arrested and are currently in jail awaiting a bail hearing after being charged with stripespotting within the boundaries of The Park.

In a short statement released at noon today, Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) confirmed the arrest early this morning.

“On the morning of June 25, Park Police attended at the site of the Ancient Oak Tree and found six Animals, residents of The Park, engaged in the illegal activity of stripespotting. Following confirmation of these activities, Police arrested all six Animals. The Animals are now at the Park Jail awaiting the assessment of bail charges and the setting of dates for trial,” the statement said.

Legal experts told The Mammalian Daily that the arrested Animals are likely to be waiting in jail for some time.

“They picked a bad day to be arrested, particularly on those charges,” said Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

Terrier was referring to the fact that Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court is presently hearing opening arguments on the first day of the trial of SplotchWatch owner and operator Raimundo Zorro. In April, Zorro was charged with two counts of “inciting hate” and one count of “inciting discord” by means of operating the SplotchWatch web site, which names Animals who have had their spots or stripes removed.

“I don’t think there’ll be much sympathy for those Animals today, not if they were caught stripespotting,” Terrier said.

The act of stripespotting, which is a form of bullying, involves pointing to and calling out striped Animals as they pass by. The calling out is usually done in a threatening voice. Although some Animals still consider it a harmless prank or even a valid pastime, the act itself was outlawed eleven years ago and, according to Terrier, those few who still practise it can expect harsh punishment from the courts.

OTD in 2015—Gossip site: SplotchWatch site shut down, owner arrested this morning

By

headsNtalesThe controversial web site SplotchWatch has been shut down and its owner arrested, according to the gossip site headsNtales.

In a 10.00 a.m. posting, the gossip site said it had confirmation from The Park Police Force’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) that Raimundo Zorro, the site’s owner, was being held in custody until a court date was set.

The Mammalian Daily reported in December that Zorro’s site had been under police surveillance for almost six months. At the time, Park Police were not releasing the name of the site’s owner.

“Its only purpose, as far as we can tell, is to name Animals who have had their spots or stripes removed,” the SHCU’s Chief Inspector Maurice Addax said at the time.

Zorro, a disgruntled former journalist, writes on his web site that he believes it is in the interest of  “openness and honesty” to let Park Animals know who among them has altered their appearance.

The Park’s grooming house community publicly took issue with that belief, but police said they had no intention of acting against Zorro unless the site explicitly encouraged hatred or violence toward any Animal or group of Animals.

Numerous reports and studies have indicated that striped and spotted Animals do not receive equal treatment in The Park. In the Autumn newsletter of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), the major grooming houses reported that stripe removal was their most sought-after service. Calling it a “disturbing trend,” they said the number of completed procedures had increased 190% in the past two years.

On This Day—September 11, 2015: Zorro sentence: One month in jail, five years of repayment to community

By

Raimundo ZorroBREAKING NEWS

Seated beside his lawyer Pernilla Varghund, Raimundo Zorro showed no emotion this afternoon as he awaited the arrival of Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon. And although he respectfully stood when the Superior Court justice finally entered the courtroom, he said only one word during the entire thirty-minute process.

Before announcing his sentencing decision, the justice asked Zorro, whom he found guilty in late August of inciting hate by hosting the SplotchWatch web site, whether he had had any change of heart since he was charged last April.

Zorro stood again and whispered, “Yes,” but did not elaborate any further.

In his preamble to the sentencing, Justice Dindon reiterated his horror at what Zorro had done and the potential it had to undo the many years of work that had led to zoocracy.

“You are not sufficiently young to be ignorant of the consequences of what you were doing,” the justice said.

“Nor are you sufficiently old to have done it with a view to undermining our system of government or the peace and prosperity that we cherish in The Park. I am forced, therefore, to conclude that you, sir, acted with malicious intent only toward a group of Animals that, as far as I can tell, has never done you any harm.”

For this reason, the justice said, he deliberated for a long time, seeking to find a sentence that would encourage Zorro to reconsider his views as well as allow him to “redeem himself” in the eyes of the community that he harmed.

The full sentence handed down by Mr. Justice Dindon is as follows:

  • one month of incarceration beginning today (September 11, 2015)
  • a full five years of volunteership on a rotating basis: one month at a time at each of The Park’s charities, with double the amount of time spent at charities that promote the equality of striped and spotted Animals
  • five years of supervision by court-appointed staff

In addition, Zorro is prohibited from hosting any web sites of any nature and pertaining to any subject for the next three years.

When the justice had concluded, Zorro said nothing and was removed from the courtroom by staff and led to the Park jail, where he will spend the first month of his sentence.

Gunnar Rotte tweets, then takes his case to the Archons

By

Screen Shot 2016-08-10 at 9.00.45 AMGunnar Rotte has never backed away from a fight.

Indeed, he rose to prominence almost two years ago, when he published a controversial editorial in The Rodent Commoner comparing the plight of his own species to that of The Park’s striped and spotted citizens.

Now, the beleaguered journalist and part-time counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic is doubling down on his mission to make all Park citizens understand the real life challenges of Rodents and, in particular, Rats.

After taking to Twitter yesterday to react to the announcement that this year’s Park ART Walk will celebrate the work of our striped and spotted citizens and to complain that no Park event honours Rodents, Rotte has begun a campaign to pressure the Archons into establishing just such an event.

Calling for an annual , “Rotter Day,” Rotte says he plans to march in front of the law courts and all government buildings until the Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations agree to his plan.

And he just might be successful.

“I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he got it done,” says Rosbritt Piggsvin, President of Rodents at Risk, a Park charity that aids The Park’s at-risk Rodent community.

“Gunnar is nothing if not persistent,” says Piggsvin, who has known Rotte since his birth.

“He gnaws at things and doesn’t let them go. And on this particular subject, I can tell you, he won’t rest until all Park Animals understand and acknowledge the pain and suffering of Rats and many other Rodents.”

Still, many say it will be an uphill battle for Rotte to get the Archons to agree to add an event to The Park’s calendar so late in their term.

“Yes, he may have to march in the snow, but I’ll bet he’s already put together a plan to confront the new Archons on the day of their swearing-in,” says Piggsvin.

Zorro sentence: One month in jail, five years of repayment to community

By

Raimundo Zorro

Raimundo Zorro received his sentence today

BREAKING NEWS

Seated beside his lawyer Pernilla Varghund, Raimundo Zorro showed no emotion this afternoon as he awaited the arrival of Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon. And although he respectfully stood when the Superior Court justice finally entered the courtroom, he said only one word during the entire thirty-minute process.

Before announcing his sentencing decision, the justice asked Zorro, whom he found guilty in late August of inciting hate by hosting the SplotchWatch web site, whether he had had any change of heart since he was charged last April.

Zorro stood again and whispered, “Yes,” but did not elaborate any further.

In his preamble to the sentencing, Justice Dindon reiterated his horror at what Zorro had done and the potential it had to undo the many years of work that had led to zoocracy.

“You are not sufficiently young to be ignorant of the consequences of what you were doing,” the justice said.

“Nor are you sufficiently old to have done it with a view to undermining our system of government or the peace and prosperity that we cherish in The Park. I am forced, therefore, to conclude that you, sir, acted with malicious intent only toward a group of Animals that, as far as I can tell, has never done you any harm.”

For this reason, the justice said, he deliberated for a long time, seeking to find a sentence that would encourage Zorro to reconsider his views as well as allow him to “redeem himself” in the eyes of the community that he harmed.

The full sentence handed down by Mr. Justice Dindon is as follows:

  • one month of incarceration beginning today (September 11, 2015)
  • a full five years of volunteership on a rotating basis: one month at a time at each of The Park’s charities, with double the amount of time spent at charities that promote the equality of striped and spotted Animals
  • five years of supervision by court-appointed staff

In addition, Zorro is prohibited from hosting any web sites of any nature and pertaining to any subject for the next three years.

When the justice had concluded, Zorro said nothing and was removed from the courtroom by staff and led to the Park jail, where he will spend the first month of his sentence.

Archons ask DWBS for report on “state of hate” as SplotchWatch trial continues

By

State of Hate report

“State of Hate in The Park” report will be compiled by DWBS this year

BREAKING NEWS

In an unprecedented move, the 2015 Archons have requested a report from the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) on what they call the “state of hate” in The Park.

After an emergency meeting of the Archons and the DWBS that concluded at 9:30 this morning, the Archons’ press secretary Balthasar Alouatta released a statement announcing that the Department of Well-Being and Safety had agreed to compile the report and deliver it to the Archons before the end of the year.

According to the Archons’ statement, the report will be based on incidents of a hateful and specist nature that have occurred in The Park over the last three years.

While the statement did not name specific incidents, the Archons acknowledged that certain events that have occurred in the recent past had forced them to take a closer look at hate and specism in The Park.

“While we are, in no way, implying that the majority of Park Animals hold these types of prejudices or are inclined toward violence or hatred, we do wish to acknowledge that there is a growing tendency among a small minority to act in ways that are harmful to The Park and its citizens,” the Archons said in their statement.

The arrest of six Animals for stripespotting last week and the ongoing trial of the owner of the SplotchWatch web site have made many in The Park uncomfortable and fearful, the statement said.

“We wish to address these problems as soon as possible and to restore The Park’s reputation as a safe haven for all Animals,” the statement concluded.

Six arrested for stripespotting: Police

By

StripespottingBREAKING NEWS

Six Park Animals were arrested and are currently in jail awaiting a bail hearing after being charged with stripespotting within the boundaries of The Park.

In a short statement released at noon today, Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) confirmed the arrest early this morning.

“On the morning of June 25, Park Police attended at the site of the Ancient Oak Tree and found six Animals, residents of The Park, engaged in the illegal activity of stripespotting. Following confirmation of these activities, Police arrested all six Animals. The Animals are now at the Park Jail awaiting the assessment of bail charges and the setting of dates for trial,” the statement said.

Legal experts told The Mammalian Daily that the arrested Animals are likely to be waiting in jail for some time.

“They picked a bad day to be arrested, particularly on those charges,” said Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

Terrier was referring to the fact that Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court is presently hearing opening arguments on the first day of the trial of SplotchWatch owner and operator Raimundo Zorro. In April, Zorro was charged with two counts of “inciting hate” and one count of “inciting discord” by means of operating the SplotchWatch web site, which names Animals who have had their spots or stripes removed.

“I don’t think there’ll be much sympathy for those Animals today, not if they were caught stripespotting,” Terrier said.

The act of stripespotting, which is a form of bullying, involves pointing to and calling out striped Animals as they pass by. The calling out is usually done in a threatening voice. Although some Animals still consider it a harmless prank or even a valid pastime, the act itself was outlawed eleven years ago and, according to Terrier, those few who still practise it can expect harsh punishment from the courts.

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