The Mammalian Daily

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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

Archives for December 2024

OTD in 2014—Noreen: TMD’s Animal of the Year

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lovely-to-look-at-back-coverThe Mammalian Daily has chosen Noreen as its 2014 Animal of the Year.

In a press announcement this morning, TMD managing editor Orphea Haas said the newspaper’s staff chose to honour the advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies because of her “tireless efforts” on behalf of zoocracy and her commitment to achieving harmony among the species.

“Noreen has been at the forefront in the struggle to achieve harmony among the species. She has been committed to interspecial understanding from the beginning of her career. She has worked tirelessly in an effort to help other Animals achieve awareness, understanding, and acceptance of our differences, thereby upholding one of the most important tenets of zoocracy. Her recent book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans, is just another example of her endeavours in this regard. Noreen is a true champion of zoocracy and an upstanding Park citizen and we are pleased to honour her as our 2014 Animal of the Year,” said Haas.

OTD in 2014—Park Museum bows to pressure, delays official opening until after hibernation

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Park MuseumThe Park Museum will celebrate its official opening in March rather than as previously stated in January, it was announced on Sunday.

In a short communiqué posted on its web site, the museum’s Board of Governors confirmed the official opening date of 1 March 2015.

No mention was made of any previous opening day announcements, nor was any reason given for the change. There is, however,  a record of a series of meetings that were held in late October between the museum’s Board of Governors and a number of organizations representing The Park’s hibernating communities. Many believe those meetings resulted in the later opening date.

“Yes, we did meet with them and they were very sympathetic to our situation, though they weren’t able to give us an answer immediately,” says Tarquinius P. Shrew, president of the Small Animal Scientific Community (SASC), many of whose members are hibernators.

“Our members have contributed greatly to scientific knowledge in The Park and they [the board of Governors] did seem to understand that opening the museum without our representation seemed unfair.”

Shrew says the meetings were also attended by representatives of the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) and the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS).

In an interview this morning, Eduarda Teresinha Coelho, 2015 Keeper of the Nut, said she is “so pleased” that the museum re-thought its opening date.

“I think they were so focussed on not having another delay that they didn’t realize what they’d done initially,” she said.

“But they’ve demonstrated their commitment to inclusiveness and that will be much appreciated by the hibernators. It will make the museum truly ‘Our Museum,’ as the slogan says.”

Read the Park Museum’s announcement.

OTD in 2015—The lives we lost in 2015

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Here are some of the friends and family we lost in 2015:

RIPAnselm Alpaca
Former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist

RIPXanthippe Porcupine
Theatre lover and self-described “greatest fan” of Millicent Hayberry

RIPPercy Manatee

RIPReginald David Hawk
Faithfully served as Archon in 2009

RIPWilbur H. Milkfish

RIPOrville Gibbon

RIPSophia Theresa Squid
Faithfully served as Archon in 2009

RIPPriscilla Goose

RIPPyramus Sloth

RIPDalton Aardvark 

RIPAlthea Firefly

RIPAbigail Stickleback
Faithfully served as Archon in 2008

RIPEnglebert Leopard
Served as a volunteer at CatsCare for ten years

RIPPetronila Hummingbird

RIPLiliana Lemur

RIPNelson Mosquitofish

RIPEleni Cheetah
Avid supporter of ZooLit

RIPAlbertine Gastrotrich

RIPNausikaa Tortoise

RIPBeatrice Mayfly

RIPNicola Anastasia Platypus
Faithfully served as Archon in 2012

RIPOberon Pelican

RIPÉmile Homard

RIPMicaela Rhinoceros

RIPZulema Salamander

RIP

Abraham Whistlepig
Research Assistant, Foundation for the Study of Premature Awakening

 

RIPHenrietta Gerta Beaver; Gregory Wapiti; Norman D.R. Moose; Humphrey Possum; Farrah Gastrotrich; Dustin Gastrotrich; Ingeborg Gastrotrich; Kaillie Gastrotrich; Berta Gastrotrich; Rowena Cougar; Iraida Whistlepig; Elvin Baboon; Karl Kodkod, Zachary Lézard,  Zaida Raposa; Hester Hawk; Rosa Elefante; Ian Douglas Shepherd; Calista Cormorant; Miriam Mayfly; Hendrix Albatross; Beatrix Toad; Erwin Toad; Garman Toad; Ivana Bluebird; Tillie Tarsier; Benedict Okapi; Lilita Shrew; Lucas Shrew; Benito Lobo.

OTD in 2015—Tricolore’s scented holiday television show causes ill effects in viewers

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Tab and Hermione

Scented TV makes strange bedfellows: Chef Tab Tricolore and nurse Hermione Hippo tended to the sick at Park Hospital

DEVELOPING STORY

The Park’s first scented television show delivered more than it promised, according to the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.

The hour-long show, which aired last night at 8:00 p.m. on Vertebrate Vision Television (VVTV), was billed by its producers as a “great experiment,” but none anticipated that the experiment would result in a rush to the emergency department.

A spokesAnimal for the Park Hospital said that at about 8:35, emergency room staff began to triage a “horde” of incoming patients, all of whom said they fell ill while watching the show.

“The symptoms were all the same: dizziness, vomiting, gastrointestinal problems…some had even lost tail or toe hairs. We had to assume it was caused by the show, even though we have no idea how that could happen,” the spokesAnimal said.

Hospital officials said they immediately contacted RhinoTech, Inc. and Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., creators of The Park’s only scented social networking site, gewper. It was gewper that supplied the scented aspect of the show, which it developed with Chef Tab Tricolore and VVTV.

The hospital spokesAnimal said they received a “terse reply” from both companies, saying it was impossible that the Animals had been sickened by the show. Vertebrate Vision Televison, however, issued a statement early this morning, expressing its “profound regrets” regarding any ill effects that viewers had suffered.

“We have launched an investigation into all possible causes of the illness and we will report our findings as soon as possible,” the statement said.

For his part, Chef Tricolore said he was “distraught” at the outcome of the broadcast and he rushed to the Park Hospital to offer any assistance he could.

“I have the utmost respect for my customers and my viewers,” he said. “My goal is to please, not to produce disease.”

OTD in 2014—Gossip site reports Tab Tricolore sighting at Park’s west entrance

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headsNtalesDEVELOPING STORY
Gossip site headsNtales is reporting that renowned Park chef Tab Tricolore was sighted at The Park’s west entrance on Thursday, December 25.

The site’s co-founder, Hortencia Guacamayo, confirms that she has three separate sources who claim they saw Tricolore scurrying across the western border and into The Park on the evening of December 25.

The sources, who are known to the site but whose names have not yet been released, tell the same story, Guacamayo says.

“They say they saw a pair of Humans opening the door to a mobile prison cell … the description each [source] gave was the same and it sounded like the kind of thing that [Footpad Heaven manager] Adamma Bandicoot described when she saw Tab arrested,” says Guacamayo.

All three sources say they saw Tab run out the door of the prison cell, cross the border and enter the Park at the western end. None of the sources has seen him since.

Guacamayo says the three are “one hundred per cent certain” that the Animal they saw was Tricolore.

The Humans, according to the sources, picked up the prison cell and walked away.

“They were out of sight within a few minutes, but they turned around once to watch Tab scurry away,” Guacamayo reports.

“And according to one source, they looked sad. But another said they were smiling,” she says.

OTD in 2015—”All Our Lines Are Busy:” Park Museum to host fundraiser for its music gallery

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All our lines are busy

“All Our Lines Are Busy.” Full staff represents the importance of music in Park life.

The Park Museum will host a fundraiser on February 29, 2016 in support of its as-yet-unopened music gallery.

In an announcement today, the museum’s Board of Governors invited all Park Animals to “a spectacular night of song, dance, food, and fun.” All proceeds, according to the announcement, will go toward the completion of the music gallery.

A spokesAnimal for the Board said the evening’s theme of “All Our Lines Are Busy” is meant to reflect the importance of The Park’s vibrant arts community and, in particular, its musical one.

“From the beginning, music has been a very important component of our life here,” said the spokesAnimal. “The Board of Governors, as well as many others, believe that music is fundamental to zoocratic life. Without a full [musical] staff, we would not be The Park that we are.”

The Board has requested that those attending respond at rsvp@parkmuseum.info.

The museum’s invitation may be read here.

OTD in 2012—Caution is key to safety this holiday season: DWBS

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The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has issued its annual seasonal advisory, warning Animals to beware of Humans who display certain characteristics that “might prove dangerous down the road.”

The advisory, which was issued on December 20, warns Park Animals against associating with Humans who display overly-friendly behaviour toward them or who take an “interest in their life circumstances that goes beyond normal friendship.”

“We are advising Park Animals always to be aware, to listen carefully and be observant of Human behaviour, especially during the holiday season,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo.

The advisory warns Animals to be on the lookout for Humans who say they are seeking “animal companionship” and who try to entice them with food, or who make cooing noises at them or call them by names such as “cutie” and “sweetie.”

“The sentimentality of the season makes Humans more likely to succumb to urges to take Animals home with them or to give them as gifts to other Humans. Especially at this time of year, Humans seem to lose the ability to see Animals as captains of their own destiny. They sincerely believe they are doing good when they remove us forcibly from our homes and families,” he says.

Any Animal who does experience a problem with Humans is encouraged to report the incident immediately to one of the following DWBS hotlines:

Feral Cat Helpline: 1-899-33725228
Assaulted Animals Helpline: 1-899-27728583
Missing Animals Registry: 1-899-64774642

OTD in 2014—Police lift ban on travel outside Park, DWBS issues annual travel advisory

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Think Safety on Red Puzzle.BREAKING NEWS
In a tersely-worded statement released early this morning, Park Police announced an end to the ban on travel outside The Park.

“We are pleased to announce that the ban on travel outside The Park, imposed on December 8, has been lifted. At this time, however we would like to warn all Animals travelling outside our borders to be cautious and aware and, if possible, not to travel alone,” the statement says.

Shortly after the Police statement was released, the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) issued its annual travel advisory, warning Animals to be vigilant when interacting with Humans at this time of year.

“At all times, but especially during the holiday season, be aware of your surroundings and be vigilant when interacting with Humans, particularly if they are exhibiting sentimental behaviour,” the advisory warns.

“Park Animals should be on the lookout for a number of types of suspicious behaviour displayed by Humans. If, for instance, Humans attempt to entice you with food, make cooing noises at you or call you by names with which you are not familiar (such as ‘sweetie’ or ‘cutie’), if they speak of their desire for ‘animal companionship’ or say that they want to ‘rescue’ or ‘save’ you, this should prompt you to leave their company immediately. Do not hesitate to do so,” the advisory says.

“The sentimentality of the season makes Humans more likely to succumb to urges to take Animals home with them or to give them as gifts to other Humans,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo.

“Especially at this time of year, Humans seem to lose the ability to see Animals as captains of their own destiny. They sincerely believe they are doing good when they remove us forcibly from our homes and families,” he says.

Any Animal who does experience a problem with Humans is encouraged to report the incident immediately to one of the following DWBS hotlines:

Feral Cat Helpline: 1-899-33725228
Assaulted Animals Helpline: 1-899-27728583
Missing Animals Registry: 1-899-64774642
Missing Family Members Report: 1-899-32645966
Youthline (Kittens, Puppies, Cubs, etc.): 1-899-96884546

OTD in 2012—Doves of Peace appear at Celebration of Winter Solstice

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Setting aside their dispute with Park administration for a day, The Park’s Doves of Peace appeared at the Celebration of the Winter Solstice on December 21.

“It was a very generous thing to do, considering the intensity of their feelings on the matter,” said Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

Kanariar also confirmed that, after consulting with the Department of Well-Being and Safety as well as with Park Police, her Department decided to keep Police presence at the event “minimal and discreet.”

“Perhaps that was one of the reasons they were willing to attend,” she said.

The Doves, who are a fully autonomous sub-group of Park Police, usually attend all Park celebrations and days of significance. On November 15, however, they initiated a strike to protest against and to shed light on what they called The Park Police’s “heavy-handed tactics” at recent events. As a result of the strike, Winter Solstice celebrants expected the Doves to stay away from this year’s event.

“Their appearance was “one of the greatest surprises of the day,” said Dewi Beruang, who has attended every Park festival this year.

“They said there were going to be surprises, but I don’t think they had the Doves in mind. Seeing them made the celebration even more special,” she said.

For their part, the Doves were “delighted” to make a non-official appearance, according to their SpokesBird, Georgina Golub.

“We have attended every Celebration of the Winter Solstice since the establishment of zoocracy,” Golub said. “We didn’t want to miss it this year, even though we weren’t, officially, working. So, we held a vote and the decision was made to attend as guests. It’s a very important celebration and we wanted to be there, no matter what,” she said.

OTD in 2014—In the midst of turmoil, the Solstice brings solace to The Park

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christmas

Drawing courtesy of Hani Gajah School of Art

The sun rose and set yesterday on the Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

The Doves of Peace circled high above while the Does wound their way through the crowd. But it wasn’t until 6:03 in the evening, when the sun stood still, that Park celebrants finally felt a sense of calm.

“That’s when I knew things were going to be all right,” says Dewi Beruang, who always attends the Celebration.

“That’s when I thought, ‘We will work this out. Zoocracy is too good a concept to fail.'”

The last minute lifting of the curfew that Police had imposed on Park Animals on December 8 added a needed boost to the festivities, as well.

“We were hoping it would happen, but we couldn’t be sure until we got the word at about noon,” says Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

“Then, a huge cheer went up through the crowd and I knew we were in for the long haul.”

That “long haul” lasted well past midnight. The food stations stayed open, the bands played extra sets, and the students from the Hani Gajah School of Art switched from painting portraits to painting faces. Even the Herman Stoat Dance Company offered an encore performance.

And all of it was appreciated. After the past few weeks of uncertainty, unrest, and outright fear, attendees seemed delighted to enjoy each other’s company and to look to the future again.

“It was … magical,” says Beruang. “Simply magical.”

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

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New eBook edition cover

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