The Mammalian Daily

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Archives for January 2026

OTD in 2014—Majority of citizens believe 2013 Archons ineffective: survey

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Park citizens not impressed by 2013 Archons


Park citizens have not been impressed by the effectiveness of the 2013 Archons

If  Park Animals’ farewell message to their outgoing government could be summed up in two words, those words might well be, “Good riddance.”

So say the results of a survey conducted last month by the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier.

The survey, which asked Park Animals thirty questions regarding the effectiveness of this year’s Archons, netted some surprising results, says Dr. Anneliese Cissa, the Livingstone School’s head.

“We asked a representative sample of Park citizens questions about the 2013 Archons’ policies and visions, and about their success in following through on the promises they made on Groundhog Day. Few of the respondents could name one policy the Archons had even enunciated, let alone brought to fruition,” she said.

The overwhelming feeling of the respondents was one of acute disappointment.

“Our respondents were quick to characterize the 2013 government as not only lacking in action, but in vision. And vision is the very thing we look to the Archons for,” she said.

The survey respondents were also forthright in their criticism of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros.

“It appears that Park Animals had higher expectations of her because she is a Rhinoceros. Unfortunately, her performance did not meet those expectations,” said Cissa.

OTD in 2015—Lawsuit brought by Simply Structures may “have legs,” says legal expert

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jgroundhogdayThe lawsuit filed by Simply Structures against the Park Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations may “have legs,” according to Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

The suit was launched in November after the construction firm lost its bid to build the prognostication pad for the 2015 Groundhog Day celebrations. Simply Structures has supplied the materials, design, and construction of the pad for over ten years, but it lost the 2015 bid to Nesthetics, a relative newcomer.

At the time of the announcement in mid-October, the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations issued a brief statement in which it said it had been impressed by the Nesthetics bid and by the foresight the company had demonstrated with regard to the sturdiness of materials and design.

Among other things, Simply Structures alleges in its lawsuit that the words “sturdiness” and “foresight” are implied criticisms of their company in general and of the 2014 prognostication pad, in particular.

According to its representatives at the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg, Simply Structures believes that it lost the 2015 bid due to the so-called “shadow controversy” of 2014. The controversy occurred when a group of spectators, frustrated by the prospect of having to endure another six weeks of Winter, claimed that the shadow the POPS saw was not her own, but one that appeared as a result of a fault in the prognostication pad.

Despite the fact that a team of shadow experts ruled that it was the POPS’s own shadow and no fault was ever found in the prognostication pad, the impression of liability has lingered. Now, the company is taking action against it.

“Negative impressions stick in our minds. They linger long after they’ve been disproven. That gives great power to innuendo and gossip. In this case, it’s a question of whether or not they can prove those words defame their company. If they can, that will go a long way toward effecting change with regard to how Park law deals with the issue of defamation,” says Terrier.

The case is scheduled to go to trial before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in late Spring.

OTD in 2014—Archons take heat for secretly moving on single currency

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Ftoo symbols


Above are some of the designs for a currency symbol that were submitted to the 2013 Archons in December.

In what is believed to have been a last-ditch attempt to secure their legacy, the 2013 Archons secretly commissioned designs for a symbol that would represent the Ftoo as The Park’s official currency.

That is the conclusion of a month-long joint investigation by reporters from The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger, the results of which were released today.

According to the investigators, the 2013 Archons intended to move forward with a plan to amalgamate Park currencies and to establish the Ftoo as the official currency, all without consulting citizens on the matter.

“This is an outrage,” said Rowena Goose, the long-time president of the Association for the Preservation of Individual Currencies (APIC).

In a statement issued this afternoon, The Goose condemned the Archons’ move and in an interview broadcast on AVN Television, she bluntly questioned their competence.

“It looks as if the only thing that stopped them was their own incompetence. Their indecision as regards the final currency design saved this Park from financial disaster,” she said.

The Goose went on to indict The Park’s political system in what she termed “the biggest financial scandal of this decade.”

“Might I say, this gives us a good reason to consider establishing elections for Archons, so we can ensure their ability to serve in the best interests of Park citizens,” she said.

OTD in 2014—Massive crowd greets opening of Park’s Otter Ice Slide

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An enthusiastic crowd gathered this afternoon to witness the 2014 opening of The Park’s Otter Ice Slide.

The Slide, which is the favourite recreational venue of The Park’s Otter families, operates annually from January 6 until March 13. But today marked the first time it had been open since January 10 of last year, when the Department of Well-Being and Safety shut it down following the accident suffered by Boldizsar Vidra. On January 9, Vidra was injured when his coat got stuck on the Slide’s ice as he was travelling down it at a high speed.

Budget cutbacks and questionable weather purchases were blamed for the dangerous ice conditions on the Slide. Vidra recovered after a long convalescence, but several groups lobbied to keep the Slide closed permanently.

At the opening ceremony this morning, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo assured attendees that conditions on the Slide would be watched closely and attended to immediately.

“The Department of Well-Being and Safety takes the welfare of Park Animals very seriously. Any great fluctuations in temperature or anything else that affects the condition of the Slide’s ice will be dealt with in a timely fashion,” he said.

See also: DWBS shuts down Otter Ice Slide following tragic accident
               Otter Ice Slide in jeopardy as victim released from hospital

 

OTD in 2016—Blandine Okapi: “Sortition gives us a coalition of the unwilling and unable.”

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Blandine OkapiFormer Archon Transition Team (ATT) member Blandine Okapi is taking some heat for her most recent remarks about sortition and the annual selection of government in The Park.

In an op-ed piece published in The Ruminant Free Press yesterday, Okapi calls the process of sortition, which has been the only method used to select The Park’s 35 Archons, “a ridiculous idea” and says bluntly, “All it does is give us a coalition of the unwilling and unable.”

Okapi, who quit the ATT two years ago in order to work with the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP), claims she is drawing from her experience in politics and government when she says that sortition is “keeping The Park in a state of inertia.”

“As we look forward this year to celebrating the thirty-fifth anniversary of zoocracy, we have to ask ourselves what we’ve accomplished here,” she writes. “If our goal was to mature as a Park and to be the model for Animal self-government everywhere, I would say we have failed miserably.”

Reaction to Okapi’s scathing criticism has been swift. At a joint press conference this morning, 2014 Chief Archon Buckminster Moose and Sylvana Rana, president of  Save Our Political System (SOPS), countered her arguments, saying that sortition is the best method available to ensure fair and equitable representation in government.

Former Chief Archon Moose went on to speak of his experience in governing The Park:

“I unequivocally dispute Okapi’s portrait of the members of our governments as being either unable or unwilling or both. During my term as Chief Archon, I worked with some of the most able Animals I have ever met and every one of them was one hundred percent committed to zoocracy and to the values that Jor stood for,” he said.

OTD in 2015—Interview with Thisbe, Part I: “Life is what happens after the credits roll.”

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Thisbe

Thisbe

A partial transcript of the Mammalian Daily Radio (TMD Radio) interview with Thisbe, hosted by Winsell Tamarin and broadcast live December 3, 2014, appears below. Please note, this transcript has been edited due to space limitations.

WT: Welcome, Thisbe. It’s a great privilege to talk to you today.
T: Thank you, Winsell. It’s a privilege to be here.
WT: I’d like to start off, if you don’t mind, by addressing some of your fans’ concerns about your upcoming tour and your career decisions in the last decade.
T: Yes, that’s fine. I knew you would want to talk about that.
WT: You embarked on a farewell tour some years ago—
T: Yes. 2007
WT: 2007. And—
T: And I fell ill and we cancelled the tour because we didn’t know when I would be well enough to resume work. And the Barkettes … particularly Estelle … had other commitments, so—
WT: And that brings me to my question. Not about the tour. About your relationship … with the Barkettes. There have been many rumours, as I presume you know, that you aren’t particularly close. Some even say that you aren’t on speaking terms.
T: That’s nonsense. I mean, about not being on speaking terms. Of course we’re on speaking terms. We practically grew up together. But, are we close? Who is to be the judge of that? We have all lived our own lives, even while performing together and spending almost every waking moment together for many years. We are our own Canines. But we care about each other. Deeply. And, to a great extent, we understand each other. Perhaps more than any other Canines could ever understand the five of us. And not just because we’ve been together for so long.
WT: And Noreen? What is your relationship with Noreen these days? I see that she dedicated her book to you.
T: Noreen is a very special Canine. We have a special relationship that defies definition. I was the one who rejected her as a Barkette, so I was the one who had to live with that guilt for years. I was afraid it would destroy her, but she is the most resilient Animal I’ve ever met. In the end, it was she who helped me to survive, rather than the other way around.
WT: So, would you say that you are close friends?
T: I don’t understand why you keep asking that kind of question. Noreen has her own special abilities and she has her own life. However close or not close we are, is our business.
WT: We’ll move on. What do you hope to gain through this new tour?
T: Gain? I don’t think we hope to gain anything, per se. We are continuing with our careers, after a hiatus of about 7 years. We did do a few concerts together during that time, but we didn’t tour. The Barkettes, themselves, toured and pursued other interests. Mercedes went back to school; Lorraine has a number of charities that she works with; Carmen loves to garden and Estelle has done a number of television spots. We have all been busy. We are not returning from the depths. We are all well and happy and ready to start a new phase in our lives.
WT: What did you mean when you said that Noreen helped you to survive?
T: As you know, I was very ill for a long time and part of my illness was diagnosed as melancholia. I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. I was frustrated and agitated a lot of the time and I took to chasing my tail. I didn’t know how to move forward. As I’ve said to others in the past few years, life is what happens after the credits roll and I found out quite quickly that I didn’t like it and that I really didn’t know how to deal with life. It was something I’d been able to avoid by working so much. My concerns weren’t of the everyday kind; they were all career-related. When I was faced with the sorts of things that most Canines … most Animals are … I didn’t know what to do. It was Noreen who steered me in the right direction.
WT: How so?
T: She visited me one day and gently suggested to me that there were certain truths about my life and my upbringing that I hadn’t faced head-on … that I had spent many years running away from who I really was and, even more than that, who I was supposed to be. She said maybe it was time for me to take a look at all that. 

END OF PART I
Stay tuned for PART II: “I was made for the shows.”

OTD in 2017—Thank you, thank you, thank you, and goodnight: Barkettes at work on memoir

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halcyondaysThisbe and the Barkettes are at work on a memoir, according to the gossip web site headsNtales.

In a post dated today, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo writes that she spoke to a musician “very close to Thisbe” who told her the singers are collaborating on a book that takes a “three hundred and sixty degree view” of their career.

Though Guacamayo did not name her source, many in the music business believe it to be a member of the Poodle duo Belles and Whistles, whom the Barkettes mentored secretly for years.

According to Guacamayo’s source, the project has been in the works for a while, but it didn’t begin as a book.

“The original idea was a television series, but with all their projects, the singers didn’t think they could commit to a filming schedule. They decided to switch to writing a book, because it didn’t require them to be in the same place or to keep a fixed schedule,” Guacamayo writes on the site.

If headsNtales is correct, perhaps we can look forward to reliving some of those halcyon days with the Barkettes.

OTD in 2019—Dewi Rhinoceros: The Mammalian Daily’s choice for Animal of the Year

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BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily has chosen former Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros as its 2018 Animal of the Year.

At a press conference at noon today, TMD managing editor Orphea Haas said the newspaper’s staff chose to honour Rhinoceros because of her “tireless commitment to interspecial harmony, and her ongoing work to foster awareness of the effects of enforced domestication.”

During her term as Chief Archon, Dewi Rhinoceros and her fellow Archons established our weekly Stereotype Sundays, in an effort to “promote the kind of peaceful coexistence among species” that Jor [The Park’s first leader] had hoped to achieve when he established modern zoocracy. Now in their seventh year, these highly successful weekly gatherings play an important part in the peace and stability of life in The Park.

As Chief Archon, Dewi Rhinoceros also established June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month. In announcing the first of the annual events, Rhinoceros said, “we are finally acknowledging the dangers of enforced domestication and committing to a strategy to overcome those dangers.” Many Park residents have credited the month-long event with saving their lives. Now in its seventh year, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month has expanded to encompass not only awareness and prevention, but ongoing treatment of the effects of enforced domestication,

After she left office, Rhinoceros fulfilled a lifelong ambition and opened the Centre for Interspecial Harmony. The Centre runs educational programmes, hosts events, and funds research projects in association with the University of West Terrier.

The Mammalian Daily salutes the ongoing work of Dewi Rhinoceros and the Centre for Interspecial Harmony and wishes all citizens and residents of The Park the best in 2019.

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