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Park Museum, ISML end feud over ownership of beloved tome

August 13, 2015 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

Park Museum

The Park Museum will host a permanent display of The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat

The Park Museum and the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life (ISML) have ended their long battle over the establishment of a permanent home for one of The Park’s most iconic literary works.[pullquote]The citizens of The Park deserve to be able to visit the work in the building that was constructed to house our history.—Sakura Rhinoceros, member of the Board of Governors, The Park Museum[/pullquote]

The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat has been housed in a protected display in the lobby of the ISML since it was recovered in 2013 by workers excavating at the site of what is now The Park Museum. It had previously been displayed at the front of the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, until a storm toppled the display and it went missing.

Because the excavators brought their precious find to the Institute for verification, the ISML decided to keep the beloved Park tome and to display it in the Institute’s lobby. Early last year, however, as The Park Museum neared completion, its Board of Governors initiated a series of meetings with the ISML aimed at convincing them that the museum was the only logical place to house the AutoZOËography on a permanent basis.

“Every one of the 6,975 pages of her book is a part of Park history and the citizens of The Park deserve to be able to visit the work in the building that was constructed to house our history,”  Sukuta Rhinoceros, one of the founders of the Museum and a member of its Board, said at the time.

The ISML held fast to its view that it had the sole right to display the work until last week, when the two institutions came to a “joint custody” agreement.

“We are happy to report that both The Park Museum and the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life have agreed to act as joint official custodians of The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat, one of the most important works in Park history,” said a press release issued today by both institutions.

The agreement, which will be signed next week, names The Park Museum as the book’s official home, but allows it to be moved to the ISML for one month every Winter for the purpose of display and study. Throughout the other eleven months, the ISML will display a facsimile in the space that it built for the book two years ago.

According to sources close to both institutions, the agreement was hammered out late Sunday night, with the assistance of the Park Historical Society and members of a number of faculties and departments at the University of West Terrier.

“All parties are pleased with this agreement and we plan to move forward with the logistics as soon as possible,” the press release says.

The Park Museum’s press release may be read here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Jor, precious Park tome, The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat, The Park's first leader, ZoëCat

UWT to investigate allegations of unethical experimentation on Humans

August 5, 2015 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

UWT COATBREAKING NEWS

The University of West Terrier announced today that it has initiated an investigation into allegations of unethical experimentation on Humans.

The announcement came in a statement signed by the President and Governors of the University and posted on the university’s web site.

According to the statement, the allegations under investigation stem from research conducted by the Department of Human Studies. No researchers or areas of research are named and the statement emphasizes the broad nature of the investigation:

The university wishes to emphasize that this is an investigation into alleged misconduct and that no particular member of our faculty or student body is under investigation at this juncture.

The investigating team consists of several UWT faculty members who serve the university independently of the Department of Human Studies. These include Dr. Chloris Cougar, Dr. Fionnula L. Fox, Dr. Hume T. Goat, Dr. Luule Aednik, and Dr. Simone Gibbon. Other team members are Dr. Berthilidis Strix, Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit, and Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon. Dr. Milada J. page4image31040Goose, head of the Honking Hollow laboratory at the University of West Terrier and a senior member of the Committee to Oversee Scientific Research in The Park (COSRIP) will oversee the team and the investigation.

Although no time frame for a final report by the investigating team was mentioned in the statement, a spokesAnimal for the university told The Mammalian Daily that the administration is committed to conducting the investigation in a fair and timely manner.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, Technology and Science Tagged With: scientific research, unethical scientific experimentation, unethical treatment of Humans, university research, UWT

Noreen’s commencement address: five phrases and one word for you to grow forward with

June 15, 2015 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

UWT COAT“Students, families, President, Governors: Thank you. If ever there was one word that could hold a lifetime of advice, it is this: Yield.”

I stand here today humbled. Humbled by the invitation to speak to you, the graduating class of 2015. Humbled as a Canine who never attended the University of West Terrier or, indeed, any institution of higher learning. Humbled as a Canine who has, in many ways, lived by her wits and, by doing so, has found a home here among your esteemed educators.

When I first received the invitation from your President and Governors, I was overwhelmed. It seemed like the most daunting of tasks, thinking of something of substance to tell the young as they embark on adult life. While as an advice columnist and researcher, I was used to telling you what I’d observed and experienced in my lifetime, I couldn’t imagine what I could tell you about what you may observe and experience in your lifetime.

Then, after much deliberation, I realized that some of the best advice I could offer was, in fact, no advice at all. Instead, I’ve chosen to give you the gift of “food for thought” and to allow you, yourselves, to ponder your own future.

What I’m going to say to you today may seem simple, even trite, perhaps obvious, or even irrelevant. But as you move through life, I can almost guarantee, you will gain an increasing understanding of its relevance. So, my only piece of advice is this: keep this short list handy and refer to it from time to time. You will be amazed at how these few phrases impart even more wisdom as you age.

What I have to offer you today can be summed up in five phrases—and one word. These are phrases that I have culled from—gasp—the Human world. That is, after all, my area of study.

During my travels and, particularly, during my recent book tour, I had the good fortune to observe the many pieces of advice that Humans post openly in their world. I’ve discovered that Humans are quite clever in the way they plaster their highways and byways with wise sayings. I have selected a few of these to offer you today and I will demonstrate their relevance to your own life.

  1. Always secure your own [oxygen] mask first before assisting others
    I confess, I was confused by this sign before I was able to glean its true meaning. It is not, as it appears, a call to abandon altruism. Rather, it is a warning to all living beings to make sure that they are in a position to follow through on any help they offer others. Make sure your own foundation is strong before you make promises and if it is not, strengthen it first. Don’t abandon a job halfway because you run out of resources. Plan ahead.
  2.  No Parking
    Stagnation is the enemy of all living beings. You must keep moving, physically, mentally, emotionally. Don’t settle for comfort. Yes, enjoy the fruits of your labour and of your luck. But don’t stop there. There is always much work to be done in the world and never enough time for any one generation to do it.
  3.  No Diving Allowed
    This may seem almost the opposite of what I’ve just said, but it is not. And, I admit, the Human fear of failure is evident here. But after a bit more thought, I realized that this was only a warning against precipitous action. Make sure you’ve done your research, have a backup plan and a support system. Make sure the water is deep enough before you dive in.
  4. Yield
    If ever there was one word that could hold a lifetime of advice, it is this: Yield. Particularly in The Park, where the lives of so many different species converge, there is no better piece of advice that one could give than to yield. Step aside. Let others pass. Make sure your fellow citizens get what they need. You will never regret it.
  5. This bag is not a toy
    As I’m sure you can see, this phrase can have a variety of meanings, but none is a warning against play. And while the true meaning of this phrase seemed elusive to me for some time, I have come to understand it more fully in the last year. Play is good—and necessary—but make sure you understand the boundaries of its arena. Some things, though not all, warrant seriousness, even gravity. Be sure you can distinguish one from the other.
  6. The objects in the mirror are closer than they appear
    And now, perhaps the most important of all. Humans have a phrase, “History repeats itself.” The sad fact is that it does. It is incumbent upon us to understand that whatever gains we make—as individuals, as species, or as any large group—may be undone in an instant if we are not vigilant. Look in the rearview mirror often. Understand the past. Understand where you and your ancestors came from and what their lives were like. And never forget it. History is not fiction. The horrors of the past can easily creep back up on us to become the horrors of the present. Be attuned: those footsteps are never very far behind.

And, so, I conclude here, leaving you with a few things to think about as you move forward in your lives.

To you, the class of 2015, I wish everything good: health, happiness, the chance to pursue your goals, and to live as long a life as your species allows. Congratulations!”

This address was delivered by Noreen at the University of West Terrier commencement ceremonies on June 1, 2015.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Noreen, Park Life Tagged With: commencement address, Noreen

Noreen to deliver commencement address at University of West Terrier

May 26, 2015 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

UWT COATBREAKING NEWS

Noreen will deliver the 2015 commencement address at the University of West Terrier on June 1, it was announced today.

The President and Governors of the University made the announcement on the university’s web site this morning.

A spokesAnimal for the university said they were “thrilled” that Noreen had agreed to deliver the address.

“We are cognizant of how busy she is and we didn’t wish to burden her in any way,” the spokesAnimal said. “But Noreen is a shining example of the kind of accomplishment that zoocracy has made possible for all Park Animals. We want our graduating class to benefit by hearing her speak about her life and her experiences.”

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct professor of Human Studies is expected to talk more about her earlier life than about her work at the university.

Read the announcement here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education Tagged With: commencement address, graduating class, University of West Terrier

Head nurse heads to UWT School of Medicine as part-time faculty member

March 24, 2015 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

Hermione Hippo

Newly-minted UWT Assistant Professor Hermione Hippo

Nurse Hermione Hippo is about to become Professor Hermione Hippo.

The veteran Park health professional and current head nurse at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm has been invited to join the faculty at the University of West Terrier School of Medicine on a part-time basis as an Assistant Professor.

In an announcement posted yesterday on the University’s web site, the President and Governors said Hermione would be a “great asset” to the student body.

“A nurse and healer both by nature and vocation, Hermione brings with her many fine qualities and a wealth of experience that will benefit UWT students,” the announcement went on to say.

Hermione Hippo’s nursing career began at a zoological garden south of The Park. After she arrived in The Park, she immediately found employment with Dr. Bourru. In 2004, she accepted the position of head nurse at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, where she will continue to work. Among her credits are the containment of Small Ball Fever in 2007 and of Tulip-Related Illness in 2013.

Read the University’s full announcement here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Park Life Tagged With: Hermione Hippo, medicine, nurse, school of medicine

Herman Stoat to speak at UWT annual Open House on January 29

January 24, 2015 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

UWT Coat of ArmsThe President and Governors of the University of West Terrier announced today that Herman Stoat will speak at this year’s annual Open House.

According to a post on the university’s web site, the renowned dancer, choreographer, and UWT alumnus will talk about his UWT experience and the rôle of higher education in the arts.

The full announcement appears on the University’s web site.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

UWT Human Studies course will use television to teach Human motivation

December 11, 2014 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

University of West Terrier coat of armsThe Department of Human Studies at The University of West Terrier has green-lighted a new course that will use footage of Human television shows to teach students about Human motivation.

In a brief announcement posted on the university’s web site yesterday, the President and the Board of Governors of the university confirmed the addition of the new course to the undergraduate curriculum.

“The President and Governors of the University of West Terrier and the head of the Department of Human Studies are pleased to announce the expansion of the Department’s curriculum in 2015,” the announcement reads.

As of September 2015, the announcement says, students who are attending the University and have completed at least one full year of study will be eligible to enrol in the new course, which is listed as HS 207.

Although the course description has not been finalized, the head of the Human Studies Department confirmed that learning materials will include footage of television shows that are made by and watched by Humans.

“Thanks to an agreement signed last January between the University of West Terrier and the Avian Messenger’s ‘Birds on the Wire,’® service, we have been able to obtain footage of some Human television programming. This material has proven to be extremely valuable in the understanding of  Human motivation and the Human value system and we feel fortunate to be able to offer this to our students,” she said.

The announcement did not include any information regarding the course instructor, but many believe the department will appoint Noreen, since she has expertise in the field. The adjunct professor is currently on leave to promote her book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans and will return to her teaching duties in the Autumn.

The full announcement from the University can be read here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Park Life Tagged With: human motivation, university course

University of West Terrier grants Noreen leave of absence to promote book

September 1, 2014 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

UWT Coat of ArmsThe University of West Terrier has granted Noreen a leave of absence so that she can promote her first book, Lovely to Look At.

In an announcement dated today and posted on the University’s web site, The President and Governors of the University confirmed that Noreen will take a leave of absence this Autumn from her duties as adjunct professor in the Department of Human Studies. Her leave will begin on September 15 and she will resume her duties at UWT on January 12, 2015.

According to her publisher, Noreen’s book is scheduled to be released in early October.

The full announcement can be read here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

Commencement address links lack of education to enforced domestication

June 5, 2014 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

UWT Coat of Arms

Catriona Cairn-Terrier gave the UWT commencement address

It has become so commonplace for the University of West Terrier’s annual commencement address to spark controversy that one might view it as a deliberate attempt to invent some kind of tradition.

Whether or not that is the case (and only time will tell), the 2014 commencement address given by Catriona Cairn-Terrier did not disappoint, at least in that sense.

Cairn-Terrier, who is listed among the “distinguished alumni” on UWT’s web site, used her position as Chief Archaeologist at the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life (ISML) to make a strong statement in favour of higher education for all Animals.

Her opening remarks of congratulations to the graduating class introduced the somewhat unpopular idea that Park Animals might be more vulnerable to the idea of domestication, “if it appeared to them that the lives ahead of them were going to be difficult.”

Cairn-Terrier spoke in hushed tones about domestication, referring to it more than once as “slavery” and “the kind of life that looks appealing but [that] leads to misery and hopelessness and is, above all, wholly unnatural.”

Despite audible gasps from those in attendance, Cairn-Terrier continued in that vein for some time, extolling the virtues of institutional education to the point where some said they felt slighted by her and her interpretation of their lives. A few, who exited the ceremonies early, complained that the speech was not appropriate for the occasion.

“She may have had some good points and she may be onto something, but I didn’t appreciate being painted the way she painted me,” said Annabelle Kanga, whose daughter Juanita was in the 2014 graduating class.

“Of course I wanted to give her [Juanita] more opportunities than I had, but that doesn’t make me lesser or even more vulnerable to domestication. I think she should have kept those ideas to herself today and if she wanted to promote education, she should have just done that,” Kanga said.

Those who were more accepting of the speech said they weren’t surprised or put off by what Cairn-Terrier said.

“After all, June is Enforced Domestication Awareness Month,” said one attendee.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

“Human values” not an oxymoronic term: Noreen

March 5, 2014 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

Official Noreen

Noreen

“Human values” is not an oxymoronic term.

[pullquote]Many of the values and mores that in the past we have attributed only to ourselves have been shown to exist in Humans as well. — Noreen[/pullquote]So says Noreen in her first academic article, due to be published in the May issue of the prestigious Journal of Human Behaviour (JHB).

In the article, which is entitled, “Not Just Skin Deep: On Human Belief Systems and Motivations,” the Adjunct Professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier and Mammalian Daily advice columnist shares new insights into Humans’ belief systems and the determinants of Human behaviour.

“Some of what I have learned will surprise Park Animals,” she says. “Many of the values and mores that in the past we have attributed only to ourselves have been shown to exist in Humans as well.”

For example, Noreen contends, while Human behaviour may appear random to us, it is more often than not the result of ideas and beliefs that are widely held among members of the species. 

“And these ideas and beliefs are often founded in a kind of morality. We may not recognize it, but very often Humans are trying to do what they believe is the best thing,” she writes.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Noreen, Park Life

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