Satirical fiction in newspaper form
The popular Park mystery novel, Murder at the Fishbowl, is to become a feature film, according to the book’s publisher.
Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press, S.A. confirmed in an email this morning that Bitter Litter Pictures has purchased the film rights from the book’s author. No other details have been revealed.
The novel, which debuted at The Park’s Feline Fiction Fest in 25 AZ (2007), is scheduled to be released in softshell by the publisher in September.
The Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) released its report today on the May 31 stampede at Tallulah’s Toilettage.
The report chronicles the events before and after the stampede occurred. It also offers a list of recommendations that are the result of a series of meetings held by Association members in the wake of the tragedy that injured 68 Animals and resulted in the arrest of 35 others.
At a public event held this afternoon, owners of some of The Park’s grooming houses spoke candidly to attendees about their findings.
Amoltrud Poedel, owner of Amoltrud’s Aesthetics, said she wasn’t surprised by the May stampede; indeed, she had predicted such a thing would happen eventually.
“Times have changed in so many ways,” she explained.
“In the old days, we all did our own grooming, we procured our own food and we built our own dwellings. Now, we look to others to do those things for us. It’s part of a major shift in Animal life and so, unfortunately, was the stampede. Park life is not as it once was and we must learn to adapt to that reality,” Poedel said.
Poedel also cited the added stress of the moulting season and what she called “a growing jealousy in certain species” as contributing factors.
Tallulah of Tallulah’s Toilettage, the grooming house at which the stampede occurred, said a shortage of workers skilled in proper grooming techniques was partly to blame for the incident.
“Most owners dream of having their businesses grow by leaps and bounds. But we have been overrun [by customers]. The need for grooming services in The Park has grown beyond our collective ability to fulfill it. And, as a result, some species feel hard done by, especially when their appointments have been put off for a day or two. When their anger comes to a head, that’s when we see this kind of behaviour,” she said.
Do you have a ticket to the Barkettes’ free concert at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond on Sunday?
Did you know the Tartan Crab?
If you or your family or friends knew the Tartan Crab and have any artefacts or memorabilia associated with the Tartan Crab, the Barkettes we would like you to bring it with you to their free concert on Sunday.
The following invitation was issued late this evening directly by Thisbe and the Barkettes:
Although the Tartan Crab was by no means a celebrity, to many in The Park he was a great friend and loyal family member. In addition to performing our free concert on Sunday, would like to honour his life by remembering him as he was from his birth to his untimely death.
We are, therefore, inviting all who knew the Tartan Crab and who have anything associated with him, such as pictures, his signature on a greeting card, or any of his possessions, to bring whatever you can to the concert and to participate in a pop-up memorial display. The display will be open for public viewing from 6:00 p.m., throughout the concert, and for one hour after the concert concludes.
Volunteers from the Park Historical Society will be on hand to aid you in adding your contributions to the memorial display. If you wish to participate, please arrive at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond at 4:30 p.m. and report to the reception desk that will be set up to receive artefacts. Rest assured that your possessions will be securely handled and guarded throughout.
Thank you. We look forward to seeing you and sharing your memories.
Thisbe and the Barkettes
For the first time in history, a group of The Park’s music makers have banded together to produce the first interspecial song.
The song was commissioned by The Board of Governors of The Park Museum and will be performed at the museum’s opening ceremonies in 2013.
A spokesAnimal for the museum’s Governors said the idea for the song came to the Governors while they were studying the architectural plans for the new museum.
“It all came together in their minds…the different stages in the development of The Park…the prehistory…the establishment of zoocracy,” he said. “It seemed fitting [to them] that we should celebrate how far we’ve come in a song.”
At last count, there were ten groups involved: The Canary Cousins, The Feral Four, Eggie and The Pigs, The Beasts of Burden, Les Chiens Débraillés, Scentient Beings, The DomEstyx, The Endeka Elephant Band, NIML, and rapper Will.o.be. The new grouping does not have a leader, Eggie of Eggie and The Pigs told The Mammalian Daily.
“We’re going to see if we can do this in a completely zoocratic way,” he said. He also confirmed that proceeds from the sale of the song will go to support the museum.
“We’re hoping the song will be successful enough to give the museum a financial boost,” he said.
With the working title of “The Promise of The Park,” the song appears to be on track to do just that.
Veteran playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn has died, The Mammalian Daily has learned.
In a communication sent to managing editor Orphea Haas, Aardeekhoorn’s publicist confirmed that the author of “Mixed Nuts” died at her burrow sometime between Saturday evening and last night. Her body was discovered this morning by a friend, the publicist said.
Aardeekhoorn was born in The Park to an immigrant Chipmunk family. A prolific writer, she was the author of two novels, a book of poems, and three plays, as well as her “Chronicles,” upon which the one-Chipmunk show, “Mixed Nuts,” was based. Last year, Aardeekhoorn received the Chitter Radio Literary Award for her last work, ”Truffles.” She was also honoured at that event for her efforts on behalf of the Park Repertory Theatre.
Aardeekhoorn was nine years old.
Rporter ZeeZee Legy
The Insect Intelligencer has confirmed that reporter, ZeeZee Legy, has been held for questioning outside The Park in connection with the death of a Human late last night. The dead Human, whose name has not yet been released by law enforcement, was one of two who suffered injuries last week. The other was released from hospital three days ago.
In a statement released early this morning, The Intelligencer’s editor-in-chief, Fannia di Volo, expressed her deepest sympathies for the family of the fallen Human and pledged the paper’s “full cooperation” in any investigation into the circumstances surrounding his death.
Reports claim that the two Humans fell ill suddenly outside their homes and were rushed to hospital. Witnesses at the scene told police that five of the Intelligencer’s reporters were “hovering around” at the time and that at least two of them “had their probosces resting” on the Humans’ arms.
The five reporters fled the scene but were arrested inside The Park within hours of their return. Only Legy remained outside The Park, where it was reported he had been visiting family while on vacation from the newspaper.
Legy, along with the other five reporters, work exclusively on the Intelligencer’s daily Fly on the Wall feature. After the arrest of the five reporters, the newspaper’s publishers made the decision to cease publication temporarily. The reporters were to have been formally charged on July 18, but a backlog in The Park’s court system has caused a delay in the matter.
Mounting criticism of current Park weather practices is threatening to overshadow important legal issues in what some describe as the “trial of the decade.”
Since the prosecution began presenting its evidence in the Mongoose “weather trial,” Park Archons report they have received an “overwhelming” number of complaints from citizens about the method by which The Park purchases its weather.
“[I would say] this will definitely put reform on the weather map,” said a spokesAnimal for The Park Weather Office.
It has not been the tradition for citizens to be involved actively in weather decisions, the spokesAnimal said. Those decisions have been made in the same manner since zoocracy was instituted and the public outcry “has caught the Archons off guard,” he said.
Meanwhile, legal observers say they fear the groundswell of criticism could shift the focus of the trial and result in the Mongoose’s acquittal. “The issue at trial is whether or not the Mongoose acted in good faith with regard to the contract into which he entered,” Harry D.W.R. Lemur, the prosecuting attorney, said in an interview. “We are not here to debate the appropriateness of that contract.”
The Mongoose is charged with fraud, theft, misappropriation of funds, and intent to confound, in connection with weather purchases he made in 13 AZ. His trial continues.
This article originally appeared in Issue #112 of The Mammalian Daily.
Today’s ball is the CRICKET ball.
The cricket ball has a long history with Dogs.
Originally employed in the Mediaeval period, cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe that the cricket ball was first employed by Dogs as a tool in the annual harvesting of the fields in Mediaeval Africa.
Scholars familiar with the period cite the drama of the time, commonly known as “Meerakle Plays,” as evidence that the balls were regularly used for two purposes: the harvesting of cotton and, later, protecting the farm against thieving Meerkats in the area.
The balls, which were constructed of cork from the northern part of Africa, are believed to have been transported to the south for the purpose of harvesting cotton. This the Dogs did by rolling the balls over the cotton as it lay in mounds on the ground, after it had been picked off the bush. As the balls picked up the cotton, they grew larger and larger until they became impossible to roll. The farmers, then, collected the balls, removed the mass of cotton from the cork base, and tossed them back to the Dogs. This tossing action scared the Meerkats and the farm Dogs soon began to use this method to secure the fields. The Dogs tossed the balls, first with their paws and, later, with branches and twigs that they collected from nearby trees.
Centuries later, after cotton harvesting became automated and other methods were used to secure the farms, the tossing of the cricket ball remained a popular pastime among the farm Dogs.
Since that time, Dogs everywhere have enjoyed various forms of play with the cricket ball.
Sources: MeerStories and Mediaeval Meerakle Plays; Farming in the Middle Ages; Domestic Chronicles of the Middle Ages,Volume 9, Farming; Farming and Manufacture from Their Beginnings Until Today, Volume 3, Balls; If Balls Could Talk; Ballieving; Follow the Bouncing Ball: How Dogs Introduced Balls to the Human World; various newspaper articles and reports.
Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com.
After two weeks of what appeared to be promising Tuesday and Thursday meetings, the Draft Summit talks have stalled, according to A.P. Civet, president of The Park’s Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).
“We’ve come to an impasse,” Civet wrote in a press release on Friday morning.
But the issue that has stalled the talks—Human Direct Investment in The Park—has “absolutely nothing” to do with the problem the Summit was called to resolve, a frustrated Kalliope Sun Bear told Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.
Sun Bear, who represents the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), one of the three groups participating in the Summit, said that while she understood the SCPCPGF’s concerns about HDI, she thought the talks should focus on the issue at hand.
“The Summit was called to discuss the effects of technology on The Park’s food supply, but it’s now veered off in another direction entirely,” she said.
But Civet insists that unless HDI is dealt with swiftly, there will be no food to find, with or without apps.
“Unless we convince the Archons, the Park Finance Office, and the Department of Well-Being and Safety that allowing Humans to farm in The Park is a danger to our food supply, we have nothing to discuss with regard to technology. All the BulbBeacons, FoodFinders, SpinachSpotters, and TulipTrackers will come to nothing if we don’t take back control of our farmlands,” Civet wrote in the press release.
Human Direct Investment dates back to January of 2011, when the sitting Archons, in conjunction with the Park Finance Officers, agreed to “rent” out portions of The Park’s farmland to Humans for their personal use. The agreement explicitly allowed for use of the land for the purpose of growing food for the exclusive consumption of Humans. An investigation conducted five years ago by The Park Police Force’s Undercover Operations Unit (UOU) concluded that the HDI deal was responsible for some of the food shortages experienced in The Park. The Archons have never revealed what the PFO does with the monies collected from the rent.
In the press release, Civet wrote that he will not resume his place at the Summit table until he has met with the Archons, the PFO and the DWBS to discuss the issue. No meeting has yet been scheduled.
Original Publication Date: 19 November 2013
In an unprecedented move, the 2013 Archons have voted to delay the official date of hibernation until a winner in the 2014 POPS (Park Official Prognosticator of Spring) election can be declared.
Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, announced the unanimous decision at a press conference this afternoon.
“Due to the exceptional circumstances in which we find ourselves this year, the 2013 Archons, under the leadership of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros, have made the decision to delay the official date of hibernation until such time as we are able to declare the winner of the 2014 POPS election.
This was a difficult decision to make, but the Archons believed that it was the only way to respond with fairness to the needs of The Park’s hibernating community. They felt strongly that we could not expect these citizens to go into hibernation without knowing the results of this important election. The Archons, therefore, have decided that hibernation will occur one day after the winner of the POPS election is declared,” Alouatta said.
The press conference was attended by Chief Archon Rhinoceros and six of the 34 remaining Archons: Oonagh Albertina Hellbender, Grosvenor Tortoise, Ottmar Limpkin, Françoise Hélène Coccinelle, Hagen Roeland Roadrunner, and Paulette Woodpecker. Gerritt Wezel, head of the Park Election Office also attended. The group did not entertain questions.
After the statement was read, a one-page press release was distributed. The release assured Park citizens that the decision “was not taken lightly, but was made in consultation with a number of medical experts from the University of West Terrier, the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, and the Extinction Anxiety Clinic.” The Archons also sought a number of legal opinions before making their decision, the press release said.
