The Mammalian Daily

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On This Day in 2008: Evidence presented at Mongoose trial sparks criticism of Park weather practices

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Mounting criticism of current Park weather practices is threatening to overshadow important legal issues in what some describe as the “trial of the decade.”

Since the prosecution began presenting its evidence in the Mongoose “weather trial,” Park Archons report they have received an “overwhelming” number of complaints from citizens about the method by which The Park purchases its weather.

“[I would say] this will definitely put reform on the weather map,” said a spokesAnimal for The Park Weather Office.

It has not been the tradition for citizens to be involved actively in weather decisions, the spokesAnimal said. Those decisions have been made in the same manner since zoocracy was instituted and the public outcry “has caught the Archons off guard,” he said.

Meanwhile, legal observers say they fear the groundswell of criticism could shift the focus of the trial and result in the Mongoose’s acquittal. “The issue at trial is whether or not the Mongoose acted in good faith with regard to the contract into which he entered,” Harry D.W.R. Lemur, the prosecuting attorney, said in an interview. “We are not here to debate the appropriateness of that contract.”

The Mongoose is charged with fraud, theft, misappropriation of funds, and intent to confound, in connection with weather purchases he made in 13 AZ. His trial continues.

This article originally appeared in Issue #112 of The Mammalian Daily.

On This Day in 2007: Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Cricket Ball

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Today’s ball is the CRICKET ball.

The cricket ball has a long history with Dogs.

Originally employed in the Mediaeval period, cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe that the cricket ball was first employed by Dogs as a tool in the annual harvesting of the fields in Mediaeval Africa.

Scholars familiar with the period cite the drama of the time, commonly known as “Meerakle Plays,” as evidence that the balls were regularly used for two purposes: the harvesting of cotton and, later, protecting the farm against thieving Meerkats in the area.

The balls, which were constructed of cork from the northern part of Africa, are believed to have been transported to the south for the purpose of harvesting cotton. This the Dogs did by rolling the balls over the cotton as it lay in mounds on the ground, after it had been picked off the bush. As the balls picked up the cotton, they grew larger and larger until they became impossible to roll. The farmers, then, collected the balls, removed the mass of cotton from the cork base, and tossed them back to the Dogs. This tossing action scared the Meerkats and the farm Dogs soon began to use this method to secure the fields. The Dogs tossed the balls, first with their paws and, later, with branches and twigs that they collected from nearby trees.

Centuries later, after cotton harvesting became automated and other methods were used to secure the farms, the tossing of the cricket ball remained a popular pastime among the farm Dogs.

Since that time, Dogs everywhere have enjoyed various forms of play with the cricket ball.

Sources: MeerStories and Mediaeval Meerakle Plays; Farming in the Middle Ages; Domestic Chronicles of the Middle Ages,Volume 9, Farming; Farming and Manufacture from Their Beginnings Until Today, Volume 3, Balls; If Balls Could Talk; Ballieving; Follow the Bouncing Ball: How Dogs Introduced Balls to the Human World; various newspaper articles and reports.

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com.

On This Day in 2016: Draft Summit update: farmers demand end to Human Direct Investment in Park

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Draft with borderAfter two weeks of what appeared to be promising Tuesday and Thursday meetings, the Draft Summit talks have stalled, according to A.P. Civet, president of The Park’s Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

“We’ve come to an impasse,” Civet wrote in a press release on Friday morning.

But the issue that has stalled the talks—Human Direct Investment in The Park—has “absolutely nothing” to do with the problem the Summit was called to resolve, a frustrated Kalliope Sun Bear told Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

Sun Bear, who represents the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), one of the three groups participating in the Summit, said that while she understood the SCPCPGF’s concerns about HDI, she thought the talks should focus on the issue at hand.

“The Summit was called to discuss the effects of technology on The Park’s food supply, but it’s now veered off in another direction entirely,” she said.

But Civet insists that unless HDI is dealt with swiftly, there will be no food to find, with or without apps.

“Unless we convince the Archons, the Park Finance Office, and the Department of Well-Being and Safety that allowing Humans to farm in The Park is a danger to our food supply, we have nothing to discuss with regard to technology. All the BulbBeacons, FoodFinders, SpinachSpotters, and TulipTrackers will come to nothing if we don’t take back control of our farmlands,” Civet wrote in the press release.

Human Direct Investment dates back to January of 2011, when the sitting Archons, in conjunction with the Park Finance Officers, agreed to “rent” out portions of The Park’s farmland to Humans for their personal use. The agreement explicitly allowed for use of the land for the purpose of growing food for the exclusive consumption of Humans.  An investigation conducted five years ago by The Park Police Force’s Undercover Operations Unit (UOU) concluded that the HDI deal was responsible for some of the food shortages experienced in The Park. The Archons have never revealed what the PFO does with the monies collected from the rent.

In the press release, Civet wrote that he will not resume his place at the Summit table until he has met with the Archons, the PFO and the DWBS to discuss the issue. No meeting has yet been scheduled.

Wednesday Rewind: Archons delay hibernation as 2014 POPS remains undeclared

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Breaking_News

Original Publication Date: 19 November 2013

In an unprecedented move, the 2013 Archons have voted to delay the official date of hibernation until a winner in the 2014 POPS (Park Official Prognosticator of Spring) election can be declared.

Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, announced the unanimous decision at a press conference this afternoon.

“Due to the exceptional circumstances in which we find ourselves this year, the 2013 Archons, under the leadership of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros, have made the decision to delay the official date of hibernation until such time as we are able to declare the winner of the 2014 POPS election.

This was a difficult decision to make, but the Archons believed that it was the only way to respond with fairness to the needs of The Park’s hibernating community. They felt strongly that we could not expect these citizens to go into hibernation without knowing the results of this important election. The Archons, therefore, have decided that hibernation will occur one day after the winner of the POPS election is declared,” Alouatta said.

The press conference was attended by Chief Archon Rhinoceros and six of the 34 remaining Archons: Oonagh Albertina Hellbender, Grosvenor Tortoise, Ottmar Limpkin, Françoise Hélène Coccinelle, Hagen Roeland Roadrunner, and Paulette Woodpecker. Gerritt Wezel, head of the Park Election Office also attended. The group did not entertain questions.

After the statement was read, a one-page press release was distributed. The release assured Park citizens that the decision “was not taken lightly, but was made in consultation with a number of medical experts from the University of West Terrier, the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, and the Extinction Anxiety Clinic.” The Archons also sought a number of legal opinions before making their decision, the press release said.

Wednesday Rewind: Playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn dead

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Original Publication Date: 22 July 2014

Veteran playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn has died, The Mammalian Daily has learned.

In a communication sent to managing editor Orphea Haas, Aardeekhoorn’s publicist confirmed that the author of “Mixed Nuts” died at her burrow sometime between Saturday evening and last night. Her body was discovered this morning by a friend, the publicist said.

Aardeekhoorn was born in The Park to an immigrant Chipmunk family. A prolific writer, she was the author of two novels, a book of poems, and three plays, as well as her “Chronicles,” upon which the one-Chipmunk show, “Mixed Nuts,” was based. Last year, Aardeekhoorn received the Chitter Radio Literary Award for her last work, ”Truffles.” She was also honoured at that event for her efforts on behalf of the Park Repertory Theatre.

Aardeekhoorn was nine years old.

Read also: Theatre Review: The Sound of One Nut Cracking

Wednesday Rewind: Theatre Review: The Sound of One Nut Cracking

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Mixed Nuts Stage Play PosterOriginal Publication Date: 18 June 2013

The power is in the understatements in “Mixed Nuts,” the compelling one-Chipmunk drama that opened for a short time in Alepou (November) and is scheduled for a return engagement this Barnabus (February) at the Park Repertory Theatre.

This should come as no surprise, given that the author is Imogen Aardeekhoorn, who has adapted her now famous chronicles for the stage. Understatement is the hallmark of Chipmunk literature and Aardeekhoorn ranks among the best of her species, drawing on the tradition as if she were sucking sand from a straw. Take, for example, the line with which she concludes the story of her harrowing escape from a trap that was set in the backyard of a house outside The Park:

“It wasn’t my time.”

A lesser writer might say more but Aardeekhoorn, played by the lovely and lively Millicent Hayberry, need not explain. We know, from the get-go, how she will react to the many challenges of modern Chipmunk life. We are also privileged to be her confidantes as she lays bare her feelings about herself, her ancestors, and her species as a whole, in this deeply personal account that lasts only sixty-five minutes but sweeps across the terrain of some fifty generations.

The struggle of Park Chipmunks has not gone uncharted; as a founding family, they have experienced the best and the worst of The Park. But it is a rare occasion on which a member of this secretive species speaks openly about the struggle for survival, the trials of colonial life, and the emotional burden that is placed on a generation born and raised in a world unfamiliar to its parents.

The strength of the piece lies in this rarity; the operative word here is “speak.” Having read the original chronicles in hardshell, I wondered whether Aardeekhoorn’s voice could translate faithfully to the stage. I needn’t have worried; a seasoned performer such as Millicent Hayberry could not do otherwise but bring authenticity to the rôle. She does so brilliantly, all the while infusing it with an “everyAnimal” sensibility that draws us closer to her with every revelation.

And it is here that Hayberry reveals the full range of her dramatic and vocal artistry. Few of the “great secrets” that she is given to impart are, in fact, unknown to the audience. Aardeekhoorn’s life is legendary in The Park; the secrets of this “twitching teller of tales” are, at once, shocking, familiar, and predictable. Yet, in mining the depths of her own emotions, Hayberry conveys Aardeekhoorn’s own sense of shock and dismay and jolts the audience out of its complacency. No longer predictable, she disarms and charms her captive audience for the full sixty-five minutes. It is a performance well worth studying for her technique alone.

A good deal of credit for the play’s vigour must go to director Donald Merriami, whose fluid style marries well with Hayberry’s vocal dynamism. Praise must also go to set designer, Roland Xerus, whose faux burrow is exquisitely lit by Constantine Lampris, and to costume designer, Oberon Pavo, whose “over-the-top” stripes add an extra dimension to the drama.

MIXED NUTS
By Imogen Aardeekhoorn, based upon her chronicles; directed by Donald Merriami; sets by Roland Xerus; costumes by Oberon Pavo; lighting by Constantine Lampris; sound by Marit Chauna; production stage manager, Burkhard Shepherd; associate director, A.S. Tami. Presented by Hudson Meerkat and Anthony Abert, executive producers. At the Park Repertory Theatre, 2-13 Alepou (returning 14 Barnabus-32 Varrah). Running time: 65 minutes.

Wednesday Rewind: Security breach at LynxedIN leaves hundreds vulnerable

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Original publication date: 26 July 2012

A security breach at the network run by the LynxLink charity has left hundreds of The Park’s immigrant and refugee Lynx and their families vulnerable to abduction, incarceration, and murder.

A spokesAnimal for the charity, which assists immigrants to The Park through its LynxedIN network, told The Mammalian Daily that the charity discovered the breach late last night.

“We became aware of a problem with our systems and immediately shut down our network.  IT experts from the University of West Terrier arrived within an hour to help us,” she said.

Unfortunately, the IT help came too late for The Park’s Lynx. Experts discovered that the identities of hundreds of Lynx were stolen from the charity’s systems.

“It’s a worry, to be sure,” says LynxLink spokesAnimal Lucia Castilla. “Some very sensitive information has been stolen from our database, including the names and addresses of Lynx who have escaped from zoological parks and so-called ‘nature reserves’. The Humans who run these are very aggressive; they’ve been looking for these Lynx and they will stop at nothing to find them. Unfortunately, this has made it easier for them to do so.”

LynxLink confirmed that it has advised all Park Lynx of the problem and the charity has assured them that it will assist them in all ways possible to maintain their security within The Park.

“The safety of The Park’s Lynx is of paramount importance to everyone,” says a message on LynxLink’s web site this morning.

Wednesday Rewind: Seahorse nixes retraction, plunges headlong into controversy

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Retired Archon Wyndham Seahorse refuses to retract his comments regarding The Promise of The Park

Original Publication Date: 14 June 2012

Retired Archon, Wyndham Seahorse, plunged headlong into renewed controversy yesterday, when he refused to retract a statement he made two weeks ago about “The Promise of The Park.”

Speaking at the 2012 commencement ceremony at the University of West Terrier, Seahorse called the concept “a sham” and told the graduating class, “You’ve been had.”

Asked point blank by a Park Aquatic Animal Television (PAATV) reporter whether he regretted his comments, Seahorse replied, “Not at all,” and began to elaborate further on his theme.

“I think it’s important for our young to know that they’re not headed in the direction they’ve been led to believe,” he said.

Seahorse continued in that vein for approximately a minute and a half before the reporter cut him off. Visibly frustrated, the 2008 Archon continued to talk, saying later that he believed he had a very important point to make, whether Animals wanted to hear it or not.

“I served as an Archon for one year and I saw what was going on in The Park and in the wider world. I would think the value of that would be recognized, but I see that, sadly, it is not,” he said.

Wednesday Rewind: UWT commissions institutional biography

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Original Publication Date: 04 November 2011

The University of West Terrier announced today that it has secured the services of award-winning author, Pieter N. Paard, to write the definitive history of The Park’s oldest institution of higher learning.

In a statement released to all Park media, the President of UWT, Angus Abhag, said that this will be “a no-holds barred, complete history of the institution, from its foundation to the present day.”

The statement also said that UWT hoped all present and past faculty and staff members, as well as the university’s students, friends, and benefactors, would cooperate with Paard and be “completely honest about their experiences at the University of West Terrier.”

Pieter Paard is best known for his book, From Slavery to Freedom: A History of Pack Animals. A five-part television series, based on the book, aired on PBC Television this Autumn.

Wednesday Rewind: “Stereotype Sundays” aim to foster harmony among species

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Stereotype Sunday

In their continuing effort to foster interspecial harmony in The Park, the Archons have instituted a weekly series of gatherings, which they are calling “Stereotype Sundays.” They hope these gatherings will enable residents to discuss their ideas and misconceptions about other species.

Original Publication Date: 20 June 2013

In their continuing effort to foster interspecial harmony in The Park, the 2013 Archons have instituted a series of public gatherings that will take place every Sunday at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

“Stereotype Sundays,” as they will be called, are the latest in a long list of administrative efforts to promote the kind of peaceful coexistence among species that Jor hoped to achieve when he established modern zoocracy in The Park 31 years ago.

But, as the Archons admitted this morning when they announced this latest venture, “almost every success in this area has been hard-won. Worthwhile…and a major step forward, but hard-won.”

This new idea, which was unanimously approved by the Archons in April, differs in its approach in that it is meant “to encourage Animals to be open about what they think and how they feel,” said Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros this morning.

“Free is the operative word,” she emphasized.

“We want all Animals to feel free to bring something to these gatherings. And by that, I mean, to bring their beliefs, their ideas about other species. We want to hear what they think, what their ancestors taught them. We are going to try not to judge, but to educate…to illuminate. After all, we are a community of thousands of different species…there is bound to be an abundance of misinformation,” she said.

The gatherings will begin on Sunday, June 23. For the first event, the Archons have requested that those attending bring a “stereotype” of their own species to the forum.

“An idea, a picture, a quotation…anything…as long as it will spark discussion. That is all we need,” said the Rhinoceros.

The 5 Ws of it all:

Who:    All Park Animals, including citizens, residents, regular visitors, and their friends and families
What:   “Stereotype Sundays”
When:   Every Sunday, 1:00 pm until 6:00 pm
Where:  Ancient, Open-Air Theatre
Why: To foster harmony among all the species that live in The Park by dispelling myths and understanding others’ beliefs

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