The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

On This Day—October 2, 2014: One last assignment: Noreen to cover Frankfurt Book Fair before leave starts

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Noreen official badge portraitNoreen will be taking a short break from her work here at The Mammalian Daily in order to promote her book, Lovely To Look At.

But before her leave starts on November 1, she has accepted one last Mammalian Daily assignment: covering the Frankfurt Book Fair in early October.

In a press release dated today, Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas confirmed both Noreen’s six-month leave from the paper and her last assignment:

It is with great pleasure that we announce today that our advice columnist Noreen will be taking a six-month leave of absence commencing November 1. She will be spending that time promoting her book, Lovely To Look At.

Before she leaves us, though, Noreen has accepted one last assignment. She will be covering the Frankfurt Book Fair between October 8 and October 12. We take pride in being the only Park newspaper to be sending a correspondent to the largest book fair in the world.

Although we will miss her come November, all of us at The Mammalian Daily wish her great success in this and in her future endeavours.” 

 

On This Day—October 1, 2014: Kanariar speaks out about budget

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harvest_002Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, spoke out this morning about the 2015 budget and the ways in which her department may be affected.

During an interview with host Yannis Tavros on Toro Talk Radio, Kanariar admitted that the budget as proposed presented a “significant planning problem” both for her and for other Park departments. In fact, she said, her department was already looking at ways to reduce the cost of the remaining 2014 celebrations.

“It’s a tricky business, though,” she told Tavros.

“We’ve already made agreements and signed contracts and we can’t get out of those. But I do think, at the very least, that we will have to scale down the celebrations and perhaps shorten the hours.”

While she stopped short of calling the budget “bad,” Kanariar said she thought it was short-sighted.

“I think that in trying to simplify, they’ve complicated matters ten times over,” she said.

As for next year, Kanaria warned Park residents to expect a series of “simpler celebrations.”

“Unless there are changes in the budget, we won’t know far enough ahead how much we have to spend. Because of this, we will be planning to have less at our functions. But that doesn’t mean they will be any less successful. We are all able to have fun and enjoy ourselves, no matter what. Our life here in The Park is worth celebrating. And who knows? Perhaps less will turn out to be more in the end,” she said.

On This Day—September 30, 2012: PIFF 2012: Festival frenzy grips Park

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The Park is in a party mood, as anticipation mounts on the eve of the opening of the 8th annual Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

“It’s game on! We’re ready!” announced PIFF Communications President Leola Ocelot at the final pre-opening press conference this afternoon. “This is going to be the biggest and best film festival The Park has ever seen,” she said.

Festival goers appear to agree. Tickets were snapped up earlier than in previous years, with new events such as Noon Nuttiness and PIFF Pockets attracting a younger crowd.

“It [PIFF] is no longer an adults-only event,” said Ocelot, who confirmed that twenty-five percent of tickets were sold to those under five years of age.

“They bought up Noon Nuttiness and also went for the PIFF Pocket Films. We didn’t expect that at all,” she said.

Meanwhile, adult film fans were busy primping and preening in anticipation of five days of screenings, celebrity sightings and top-secret social events.

“We haven’t had an opening in days,” said Amoltrud’s Aesthetics’ groomer Elspeth Rinder. “We have a waiting list the size of a Python,” she said.

The Park’s other grooming houses reported the same situation.

“We had to lock our doors and pretend we were closed,” said stylist Tano Pagun of The Pluming Room. “We were afraid that, otherwise, we’d see fur and feathers fly.”

The festival will open tomorrow night with “I Love a Man in a Collar”, the much-anticipated documentary about Thisbe and the Barkettes. All eyes will be on the front row, as film goers attempt to catch a glimpse of The Park’s most famous singing group, who have confirmed they will attend the documentary’s debut. The five members have not been seen together for a number of years.

Other highly anticipated events include the opening night gala at Clowder and the Cackle-ary hosted by GooseBook.

The Mammalian Daily plans to publish full details of events in the coming days.

On This Day—September 29, 2015: PIFF preview: Herman Stoat: Mon Chemin Compliqué

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Park Interspecial Film FestivalAll PIFF documentaries are good. Some, of course, are better than others. Then, there are those that are spectacular.

And, that adjective is more than appropriate for the much-anticipated Herman Stoat: Mon Chemin Compliqué.

Conceived and produced by Pussyfoot Productions, this film about the life and work of the renowned dancer, choreographer, and founder and artistic director of the eponymous dance company has been in the making for more than four years. Yet, it received its official title only last year, after Stoat and his company’s assistant choreographer Gustav Hermelin created the dance, Le Chemin Compliqué, for the 2014 Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

“That was how we knew we were done,” Stoat said in a PRANCE magazine interview last month. “Somehow, with that dance and that title, we’d come full circle.”

Stoat knows a lot about circles, having danced professionally for years before founding the Herman Stoat Dance Company. And while he’s achieved a level of artistic success that was previously unknown in The Park, that success, which includes being named Choreographer of the Decade by PRANCE Magazine, has come at a cost.

“You might say that I survived success,” Stoat jokes in an early scene in the film. “But you might also say that I didn’t.”

Even Stoat fans who watched the choreographer’s reality series three years ago on Vertebrate Vision TV will be surprised at the physical, mental, and emotional pain this film uncovers and how complicated a road Stoat has travelled.

A Park refugee, both Stoat’s parents died at the hands of Humans.

“They were in their prime but, unfortunately, so were their coats,” he says matter-of-factly.

Left to his own devices, the young Stoat found his way to The Park, where he was taken in by a family and raised, as he says, “with love and care.” But there were problems in the household, jealousies among the family’s natural offspring, and expectations he could not meet.

“Early on, I discovered my natural talent for dancing and it saved me. I could go off on my own, explore my ideas, and set my moves to music,” he says.

It was during that time that he discovered the effect his moves had on others, as well.

“It was almost hypnotic, the effect. I noticed crowds gathering and they were mesmerized by my dancing. Suddenly, I found I couldn’t stop and they didn’t want me to, either.”

Stoat danced himself into Park history, but there came a time when he did have to stop for a while, after the anguish of his early years caught up with him.

“I’d packed it all away and suddenly, after I won a few awards, it all came tumbling out. I needed some time alone and even contemplated retirement,” he says.

Fortunately for Park dance lovers, Stoat finally returned to the stage refreshed and ready to take on new challenges, including teaching, working with artists in other genres, and calling for more diversity of species in dance. And, he reveals in the film, there is even more to come.

“There are days when I wake up and I think, ‘I’ve only just begun,’ ” he says with joy.

Herman Stoat: Mon Chemin Compliqué will screen at the Park Cinema on Friday, October 2 at 2:00 p.m. and on Sunday, October 4 at 4:00 p.m.

On This Day—September 28, 2016: #PIFFPiffle: Mary Margay and the truth about her PIFF tiff with Douglas Cheetah

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PIFF mugIt was announced yesterday that actress Mary Margay will attend the gala opening of the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) on Saturday, October 1.

Margay, who is best known for her performance in Black Cats Can’t Jump, has made her home outside The Park for over a decade and has only performed in a few short films. She says her work on behalf of spotted Animals has “consumed her” and hasn’t left her time for much else.

She told #PIFFPiffle in a telephone interview that she was surprised to receive director G.D. Zebra’s invitation to the WINK gala opening, even though she knew of the film and has been supportive of it.

Her appearance this coming weekend ties in with her own work and though she was reluctant to discuss her most famous performance, she put to rest rumours that she is not on speaking terms with Black Cats director Douglas Cheetah.

“Douglas and I have never argued or had any kind of tiff. I had a hard time coming to terms with that film and it had nothing to do with him. I was criticized for doing it by many in my own community. There are some Animals of Pattern who believe we should only do films about ourselves. I think that’s nonsense. Douglas, who is himself an Animal of Pattern, did a wonderful job on that film and I’ve worked with many directors and actors who weren’t part of my own community. We all have to live and work together. We all have challenges,” she said.

We look forward to talking more with Mary Margay when #PIFF2016 opens on Saturday.

On This Day—September 27, 2016: #PiffPiffle: What we know for sure

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PIFF BowlThere are only three days left until the opening of the 2016 Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF), but most of us have more questions than answers. Here are a few things we know for sure:

  • Confirmed: Chef Tab Tricolore has confirmed that The Tabby Club will be open to all species from October 1-5, 2016
  • Confirmed: Director G.D. Zebra, whose film WINK will open the festival, will host a Q&A along with producer Kevin Kodkod and one of the film’s stars, Willem Leopard. Time and location to be announced
  • Confirmed: Zebra has invited formerly domestic Canine singer Bone Weary and SCENTIENT Beings composer and father of Reekabilly music Faramund Stinktier to perform at the gala after-party on October 1
  • Confirmed: Carlos Geraldo Gato de León, director of Noon Nuttiness film I AM GEOFFREY’S CAT: MY HILAIREIOUS SEARCH FOR AN INDEPENDENT IDENTITY will hold auditions for his new film at The Burrow Theatre on October 3. Doors open to Park comedians and aspiring actors at seven o’clock in the morning
  • Confirmed: Actress Mary Margay (Black Cats Can’t Jump) will attend the gala opening, after receiving a personal invitation from director G.D. Zebra
  • Confirmed: Actress Millicent Hayberry (Mixed Nuts) will be in attendance throughout all five days of PIFF. No word as yet, however, whether candidate Hayberry will be there
  • Confirmed: The full lineup of films will be announced on Thursday

On This Day—September 26, 2016: Would Millicent Hayberry’s acting career give her an edge in POPS debate?

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Millicent campaignMillicent Hayberry has more than four weeks to confirm her candidacy for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but that hasn’t stopped political commentators and others from speculating on the effects her candidacy—and her career— would have on one of The Park’s few elected positions.

In an op-ed piece published today in The Simian Spectator, Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the University of West Terrier’s Simian Chair in Political Philosophy, writes that he believes her candidacy would change the POPS landscape forever.

While Marmoset has always supported the decision to, as he puts it, “transition [the position] from an inherited one to a merited one,” he says he has mixed feelings about elections.

“So much of the election process is about performance, about favouritism, about alternate abilities, about things that do not relate at all to qualifications or to the position itself,” he writes.

And even though members of species other than Groundhogs have thrown their hats in the ring for POPS, Marmoset thinks that Hayberry’s candidacy would be a “game changer.”

“Her vocal skills, her acting skills, her reputation, her fame. These are the things she would bring to the table in addition to belonging to the hibernating class. I don’t doubt her prognostication skills or that she would be a good candidate. But I wonder if the other candidates will have an equal chance to appeal to the electorate if Millicent is among them. And I wonder whether future candidates will be reluctant to run if they can’t match her skills. I think it could have a lasting effect,” he writes.

On This Day—September 26, 2012: Park’s “Share the Hair Shake for Charity” happens tomorrow!

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The sun is shining, the air is warm, and we have almost three months to go before Winter officially arrives. What better time to slough off that unwanted hair and go for a quick dip before the cold sets in?

The Park’s semi-annual Shake for Charity gives you the chance to do just that and benefit a great cause at the same time.

The event will take place tomorrow from 9:00 am until midnight at the Wishing Well and organizers expect a record crowd to attend.

“We had an unusually hot, dry summer and some of us have seen our coats grow to a length we never thought possible,” says Andras Yak, head of the organizing committee. “This is a great opportunity for Park Animals to share this unusual bounty with others.”

And this season’s event, the second of the calendar year, will include some added touches that Yak says he believes participants will enjoy.

“We are very proud to announce that there will be a team of grooming professionals on hand to assist participants after the Shake. If you’re looking for a new hairstyle or you just want to tame your mane, the talented groomers from Amoltrud’s Aesthetics, The Mane Event, and Tallulah’s Toilettage will be happy to help you, free of charge. It’s all in the spirit of giving,” Yak says.

As usual, volunteers from The Park’s various charities will be on hand to collect hair until midnight. Refreshments will be available, as well, courtesy of The Compost Heap, Florette’s Fine Edibles, and Clowder.

So — come one, come all! Get up and out and shake yourself silly for the benefit of others!

If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t!

On This Day—September 25, 2009: Enterprises Moufettes recalls FeralNoMore™ over safety concerns

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In an unprecedented move, The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has ordered retailers to halt sales of a popular scent-masking agent.

Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., the manufacturer of FeralNoMore™ says it is recalling ten thousand cans of the spray after several Animals reported suffering ill effects from the product. The DWBS reported that two Animals were so overcome that they required short-term hospitalization.

The product, which the DWBS recommended last Spring in its Travel Advisory, is used by Animals to mask their origin and species, so that they may travel more freely outside The Park. In the recent past, FeralNoMore™ and other scent-masking agents have been credited with preventing a number of crimes against Park Animals, including kidnapping and enforced domestication.

According to a spokesAnimal for the DWBS, the most common conditions associated with FeralNoMore™ include pruritus (itching) and alopecia (hair loss). Both these effects are temporary, the spokesAnimal said, and Animals can be treated either in the physician’s office or at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. Reports of memory and identity loss are unsubstantiated, the spokesAnimal said.

The spray product was a popular purchase at many shops in The Park, including the Reek-O-Rama and Footpad Heaven.

In a statement issued after the recall, Enterprises Moufettes said that it hopes to isolate the problem and return the product to market “as soon as possible.”

On This Day—September 24, 2014: The Nut Bar assumes annual sponsorship of PIFF’s “Noon Nuttiness”

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Glass shape made of nuts with strawIt’s always made sense but now they’ve made it official: The Nut Bar announced today that it will become the annual sponsor of “Noon Nuttiness” at the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

“Noon Nuttiness,” the exclusive screening of comedy films between the hours of 12:00 p.m. and 2:00 p.m., has been wildly successful since its inception. Now entering its third year, PIFF organizers believe it will prove to be the most popular event of this year’s festival.

“This is huge news,” said PIFF Communications President Leola Ocelot, referring to The Nut Bar’s sponsorship announcement.

Speaking at a hastily-arranged press conference this morning, she praised the company for their initiative.

“They’re a very generous company and we greatly appreciate their support of our annual comedy mini-fest,” she said. “This was entirely their idea and it took us all by surprise. I hope other companies will follow their example,” she added.

The Park Interspecial Film Festival will run from 1-5 October, 2014.
The first “Noon Nuttiness” film will be screened on October 2.

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