The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2014—Park Museum puts out call for personal items related to domestication

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Park Museum

The Park Museum has put out a call for items of a personal nature related to domestication and enforced domestication. The Museum says it requires such items for display in its upcoming exhibit marking Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

In a statement posted on the Museum’s web site, the Board of Governors requested contributions from Park Animals of items such as collars, leashes, cages, carrying cases, feeding paraphernalia (including bowls, etc.), grooming tools, toys, and I.D. tags. The Museum intends to borrow the requested items and assures Animals that their belongings will be “treated with the utmost care and respect” and be returned to their owners at the conclusion of the exhibit.

Details of the exhibit have not yet been released, but a spokesAnimal for the Board of Governors said the requested items will be displayed in a section called, “Ways and Means.”

To read the Museum’s full statement, click here.

OTD in 2013—It’s official: Beasts of Burden to kick off Agrarian Jubilee

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Beasts of BurdenIt’s official: The Beasts of Burden will open The Park’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee tomorrow.

The confirmation came late this afternoon in a short statement from the band’s manager, Ignatius Herder:

“The Beasts of Burden are pleased to announce that they have accepted the invitation to open The Park’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee on May 20, 2013. They are humbled by this honour and look forward to this wonderful event,” the statement said.

The six-Animal band, whose hits include “Donkey Hot,” “Pack of Lies,” and “The Day the Oxen Rose,”  has not performed in The Park since their sold-out Summer concert in 2006. Last Autumn, they opened a pub called The Draft and they are rumoured to be recording a collection of songs to be released later this year.

One of the largest and most popular festivals in The Park, the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee marks the beginning of The Park’s growing season. Other musical acts scheduled to perform at the event include The Feral Four, The Endeka Elephant Band, Eggie and The Pigs, Banded Brothers, The DomEstyx, and Spontaneous Generation.

OTD in 2012—SCENTient Beings to join line-up at Agrarian Jubilee

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There’s a whiff of change in the air, as the annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee prepares to welcome freshman artists, SCENTient Beings, to the 2012 entertainment line-up.

According to their manager, The SCENTients were invited by Jubilee organizers, “at the last minute, but they are honoured and thrilled to be performing at such an important event.”

The duo, who released their first recording, Beings and Nuttiness, ten days ago, has never performed before such a large audience.

“They have played The Tabby Club and they’ve been on the road for a few months, but they’ve never sung in such company or on such an important occasion,” their manager said.

One of the largest and most popular festivals in The Park, the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee marks the beginning of The Park’s growing season. Traditionally a mixture of sombre and sweet, the Jubilee has historically been a venue for more “tried and true” performers, such as Thisbe and the Barkettes and The Beasts of Burden. This year, however, organizers say they decided to “add something new and untried to the mix,” while maintaining the tenor of the occasion.

Other performers in the Jubilee line-up include Les Chiens Débraillés, The Feral Four, The Endeka Elephant Band, The Canary Cousins, The Tweeters, and Will.o.be.

The Anixi Agrarian Jubilee takes place on May 20, 2012.

OTD in 2015—Barkettes’ set list disappears from theatre moments after concert ends

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Set ListThe set list for the May 8 concert of Thisbe and the Barkettes, held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, has gone missing.

According to theatre security, the list was affixed to the stage throughout the concert and it was security’s job to remove it after the band packed up.

“We were given specific instructions about its removal,” said a spokesAnimal for the theatre.

“We were told to keep it safe and secure, because Thisbe wanted to donate it to The Park Museum.”

Hilde Blaft, the group’s manager, told TMD Radio she is “incensed” by the occurrence.

“It must have been ripped from the stage moments after the concert ended,” she said in a brief radio interview this morning.

She said she had no idea who would do such a thing, and she made an emotional appeal to have the set list returned.

“Please, if you are the one who took it, please, please return it to the theatre. We will ask no questions and press no charges. It is of emotional value to all of us involved with Thisbe and the Barkettes and we only want to see it safely returned so that we can have it preserved at The Park Museum,” she said.

OTD in 2015—Barkettes triumph at sold-out concert

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Dancing in the aislesREVIEW
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Thisbe and the Barkettes
Bring Your Own Bone Tour
At the Ancient Open-Air Theatre
Friday, May 8

They were dancing in the aisles. And that is no metaphor.

By the time Friday’s concert by Thisbe and the Barkettes wrapped up—two hours later than scheduled—there was no Animal left who was lying, sitting, or standing still.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. Not even at the Beasts of Burden concert ten years ago,” said music aficionada and longtime Barkettes fan Miriam Wapiti. “It was overwhelming.”

That feeling was unanimous. And mutual, as well.

The first Park concert of the group’s Bring Your Own Bone tour delivered on its promise both musically and emotionally and as Thisbe said just before the encores began, “We will never forget this feeling. You don’t know what you’ve given us.”

The evening opened with a very short video of highlights of the group’s career, including a few snippets from I Love a Man in a Collar, Rauf Wiedersehen Shepherd’s documentary about the group that opened the 2012 Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

Then, The Barkettes ascended the stage, not together as expected, but one by one: first, Estelle, then, Lorraine, Carmen and, finally, Mercedes. By this time, the crowd was clamouring for Thisbe. Screaming, howling and banging their own home-made instruments, they kept up a steady call for the singer until suddenly all fell silent. From stage left, they could see just the tip of Thisbe’s nose. Then, after a quick shake, she bounded onto the stage to join her Barkettes.

Wearing a bespoke collar in raspberry, she acknowledged the crowd with a quick shake of the paw before launching into a solo version of Goin’ to the Groomer. Then, the Barkettes joined her for Four Strong Paws, Halcyon Days, Puppy Love, I Will Follow Her, Perrito, Perrito, Sto Spiti Mou/At My House, It’s My Bone and I’ll Chew It If I Want To, and a jazzed-up version of Papa’s Got a Brand New Ball.

But the evening wasn’t just a nostalgic trip through the group’s greatest hits. Rumours that their recent studio work has included new music were confirmed in the second half of the show when they introduced three new songs: You Should Know By Now, Working Dog/Sporting Life, and Again.

Of course, one of the great highlights of the night occurred just before the concert’s end when Noreen joined the group onstage for a rousing rendition of Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed. Though she’d planned to sing only one song with her idols, the crowd called for encores and Noreen ended up singing her heart out all the way through Mud Season and Paws Across The Water.

One last surprise awaited the audience at the end of the night: after the group’s bows and thanks and encores and final exit, Thisbe returned for one last solo and sang I’ll Never Walk Alone to her adoring fans. When she was done, she had only two words left for the screaming crowd: “With gratitude,” she said.

Ditto.

Thisbe and the Barkettes return tonight to sing at The Wishing Well at 8:00 p.m.

OTD in 2012—Slow Art Movement picking up steam in Park

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The Slow Art Movement (SAM) is catching on with art-savvy Animals in The Park, according to the child of one of the Movement’s founders.

Fionn-Fionnoula T. Snail, the offspring of Marcel-Marcelle T. Snail, Jr., says the Movement is gaining ground in The Park, and this is making it easier for Slow artists to have their work shown in local galleries.

“Just a year ago, it was next to impossible for artists in the Movement to get into The Park galleries. Now, we are seeing a huge change and Movement artists are far more hopeful about their work being seen,” the Snail said in an interview yesterday on Reptile Radio.

The Snail, who serves as art critic at the recently-reorganized Mollusk Messenger, said that even galleries such as the Ewe and Moo have expressed interest in showing Slow Art.

Tegwin Cooter, Director of The Tortoiseshell Gallery, concurs with the Snail’s assessment.

“We used to be the only gallery in The Park that had any interest in the Movement; now, we have to compete with other galleries. The Movement is really gaining momentum. I wouldn’t be surprised if we began to see showings outside The Park,” she says.

OTD in 2015—Noreen to be Barkettes’ special guest at opening concert in The Park on May 8

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NoreenNoreen will be the special guest of The Barkettes tonight at their opening concert in The Park, it was announced this morning.

The longtime fan and supporter of the singers will appear onstage in the second half of the performance, according to a press release issued this morning by the group’s manager Hilde Blaft. The release did not say whether or not Noreen will join in the singing.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier was the first journalist to land a sit-down interview with the group more than ten years ago. Since then, Noreen has given up her own dreams of becoming a Barkette in favour of her journalistic and academic career.

Last year, Noreen published her first book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans. She dedicated the book “To Thisbe and the Barkettes. For everything.”

Tonight’s concert begins at 8:00 p.m. at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

Click on the image to buy Noreen’s book.

OTD in 2017—Bedfellows’ singer pleads at Mating Dance: “Help me save my family!”

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bedbug-1 Hugo Percevejo, backing singer with the group PolyTICKS and The Bedfellows, has asked for our help to save the members of his family who reside outside The Park.

In an impassioned plea at yesterday’s Mating Dance, the singer explained that a large contingent of his family has lived outside The Park for decades, but that a recent “war” on his species had made that choice untenable.

“They are under constant siege, having to move from house to house, often in the middle of the night,” he said, moments after the group concluded their set.

Percevejo, who was, himself, attacked last December while on a short trip to visit friends outside The Park, said his species has become subject to violence and chemical attacks on a regular basis.

“My species is fighting a battle against Humans and I fear it’s one we cannot win,” he said. “We have no choice but to leave our homes. But we need your help to do that.”

The singer’s plea was met with cheers of support and promises of aid, but as of this morning, there had been no official word from either from the Archons or from the Department of Well-Being and Safety. Many of The Park’s aid groups have stepped up to offer their assistance, however, and some prominent members of The Park’s musical community have done so as well. Most  notably, the Endeka Elephant Band has offered to travel outside The Park to bring back Percevejo’s family members.

“We know the situation they’re in and we will do our best to save them,” said Árvakur Fíl, a member of the Endeka band, whose  bassist, Zuberi Tembo, was killed by Humans last year while visiting his family in Africa.

OTD in 2013—Funding cuts, ignorance threaten Barkettes’ legacy: CMA

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Canine Music AssociationThe Canine Music Association is pulling no punches in its most recent criticism of The Park’s underfunding of cultural endeavours.

In the latest issue of its newsletter, which is sent to CMA members and affiliates, the Association voiced its strongest attack yet on The Park’s Finance Office (PFO) and its policies. Calling PFO officials “incompetent and ignorant,” the Association stopped just short of accusing the PFO of corruption.

“We’re howling mad about this,” said CMA president, R.F. Aarrf, in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

“It seems as though the PFO and related departments, such as Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, only care about Park culture when it can hire it for a day or two as entertainment. Other than that, they provide very little support for educating our young about The Park’s cultural heritage,” he said.

Aarrf went on to discuss the results of a recent survey conducted by the CMA.

“One out of four Animals in The Park under the age of 20 has no idea of The Barkettes’ role in breaking the species barrier,” he said. “One or two more generations of Animals who are not taught about this…that’s all it takes to wipe out their [The Barkettes’] legacy completely and kill what we’ve all worked so hard for.”

Aarrf says he’s sounding the alarm now lest Park Animals become so complacent that they lose everything their ancestors fought for.

“If we lose sight of our hard-won accomplishments, it won’t take very long for us to discover that we have to do it all over again. And, next time, the world may not be so accommodating,” he says.

See also:

History and Legacy of The Barkettes
Canine Music Association announces award

OTD in 2017—Tricolore to open pop-up version of new “grassRoutes” resto at Mating Dance

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Tab TricoloreWith all that dancing and mingling and socializing, you can really work up an appetite at the Mating Dance.

But, this year, Tab Tricolore will come to the rescue.

In anticipation of his first annual Feral Roots Festival in July, the Celebrity chef, restaurateur, and author will open a pop-up version of his new restaurant (opening date as yet undetermined), grassRoutes.

Samples of the “all natural” fare were available this morning at a press gathering hosted by Tricolore and his former saucier, Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla. While Tricolore walked through the crowd acting like a proud father, Burmilla expounded on each dish, discussing provenance, cooking techniques, presentation, and most important of all, flavours.

Since the permanent grassRoutes restaurant will feature naturally-sourced feral cuisine, Burmilla took pains to explain the meaning of the term, as well as the health benefits and financial rewards. He also offered these two important pieces of advice: Don’t buy anything that shouldn’t grow where you live or that is bigger than it should be. And don’t mess around with good natural ingredients.

“These are the only two rules to follow in feral cuisine,” he said. “And remember: food that is naturally grown and naturally-sourced is cheaper by half and three times as good for you.”

Despite his saucy nickname, Burmilla said he is just as “evangelical” about food as his former boss.

“Tab and I not only share a history, we share a passion for good, tasty, nutrition. Otherwise, we couldn’t work together,” he said.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

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