The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt: Park Museum hosts first pop-up exhibit to honour POPS election process

By

beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt-for-park-museumIn celebration of this year’s POPS election season, The Park Museum will host a pop-up exhibit entitled, “Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt.”

In an announcement yesterday afternoon, the museum’s Board of Governors said the multimedia exhibit is meant to honour the POPS election process as well as this year’s unconventional campaign.

The exhibit will showcase material related to the 2003 decision by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon to open the position of POPS to elections. It will also feature memorabilia from past campaigns, including posters, flyers, buttons, newspaper interviews, television and radio interviews, and recorded speeches.

This is the first pop-up exhibition hosted by the museum since its opening in March of 2015.

“Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt” will run from 31 October until 17 November 2016.

Hire causes ire: Groundhog Day organizers take flack for Fleck + Stone

By

jgroundhogdayThe Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has become the object of the public’s ire since announcing yesterday that it had hired the architectural firm of Fleck + Stone to design the 2017 prognostication pad.

According to Park Police, officials at the department began receiving hate mail and threats shortly after their morning press conference, during which they introduced the firm’s chief architect Vadim Kobras, and discussed the size and style of the new pad.

“Within hours, the department received an onslaught of written [hate] material, which they reported to us. We immediately deployed officers to the scene and an investigation of the material is underway at our forensic laboratory,” Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) told the press this morning.

Police believe the negative reaction is due to the perceived expense involved in hiring the high-end firm, which is known for designing buildings of cultural import such as the Burrow Theatre and The Park Museum.

Perhaps in anticipation of that, members of the press received a fact sheet yesterday that outlined the costs of the prognostication pad and other accoutrements deemed necessary for the popular annual event. According to those figures, the cost of this year’s pad will be only slightly higher than last year’s.

Still, optics matter, says Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja, whose last budget reduced the funds allotted to special events by two percent.

“If they’d asked me, I would have told them to hold off for a year or, at the very least, talk about the cost first. Animals who are struggling to make a living have a hard time understanding why we need a posh pad to celebrate Groundhog Day,” she said.

ZEAL, Stinktier make peace at Snowbird Farewell

By

zeal-stinktier

Zeal and Faramund Stinktier at Snowbird Farewell

Popular Park singer ZEAL and Faramund Stinktier of the SCENTient Beings duo set aside their differences yesterday to play an emotional set together at the annual Snowbird Farewell.

It was an intense few minutes, not only for the two musicians but for all the celebrants at the annual gathering in honour of The Park’s Avian migrators. A few seconds after concluding the duo’s greatest hit, “Beings and Nuttiness,” the father of Reekabilly music ushered his singing partner Harimann Stinktier off the stage and invited ZEAL to come up and perform with him.

A very surprised ZEAL graciously accepted the invitation, and they sang three songs—two of ZEAL’s and one of the Beings’—before they left the stage.

Asked later by a reporter whether he’d planned the move, Stinktier said he hadn’t.

“I saw him [ZEAL] standing there in the audience and, you know, we haven’t spoken since he backed out of performing at the Winter Solstice celebrations because of my decision to transition to a Zebra. But when I saw him, it just made sense to me to give it a try. I didn’t ask him for understanding and we have no plans to sing together again. It was just a moment and that moment seemed right for us to bring harmony to the event,” he said.

ZEAL has not said anything about his performance yesterday.

Director Zebra peddles compassion and hope in WINK: PIFF Feature Film Review

By

WINK Movie Poster 1WINK
♥♥♥♥♥♥

Directed by G.D. Zebra | 65 minutes | Premiere screening October 1 at the Park Cinema

It sounds cliché, but it was true: there wasn’t a dry eye in the theatre on the night of October 1.

By the time the credits rolled at the premiere of G.D. Zebra’s amazing new film, WINK, it seemed as though all Park Animals had found it in their hearts to embrace each other for the rest of time.

Of course, we knew it wouldn’t last. And it didn’t. But for one brief shining moment—all right, several, as the film was screened again on October 5—The Park seemed as Jor had meant it to be: open, free of prejudice, and dedicated to providing a peaceful, safe, and prosperous life to all its citizens.

Produced by Kevin Kodkod (of Black Cats Can’t Jump fame), and narrated in parts by Willem Leopard, WINK takes us on the personal journey of a group of striped and spotted Animals who, after suffering a lifetime of prejudice, opt to have their visible differences removed.

One might expect Zebra to have made his mark on the film through his personal perspective, but what makes WINK so powerful is the fact that he steps back and lets the participants tell their own stories. And, in large part, it is the timeline itself that allows us to feel the full effect of those stories.

As we follow the group for a period of three years—before, during, and after their stripe and spot removal procedures—the participants cease to appear to us as a homogeneous group. Rather, we see them as individuals who have experienced similar but distinct reactions to their visible otherness. And in discussing those reactions, they open a window through which we see their suffering and hopes more clearly.

As they introduce us to their families, their friends, and their way of life, their “otherness” seems to disappear. By the time they’ve booked their procedures, we find ourselves wondering why they’ve done it. Unfortunately, that wonder doesn’t last very long.

Indeed, we learn from the film’s title that these Animals have no way of escaping their past experiences which inform their lives forever. The title comes from a statement made by participant Aadhya Leopard, who when asked how it felt to emerge as a solid-coloured Animal, said, “It’s like a wink. It’s like I’m saying I’m just like you, but we both know I’m not.”

Participant Maximilian Appaloosa went even further. “What I discovered is that there is no such thing as an invisible minority. What your ancestors have suffered and the narrative you were raised on determines who you are and how you interact with others. And other Animals can sniff that out even if you look the same as they do. I discovered that all Animals have some kind of radar. It’s not just Bats,” he said.

The film, which lasts just over an hour, includes interviews with popular Park musician and anti-stripe-removalist ZEAL, anti-sortitionist and self-described “naturalist,” director Douglas Cheetah, and SCENTIENT Beings composer and father of Reekabilly music Faramund Stinktier, who announced his transition to being a Zebra last year.

But the film isn’t about the famous, or even about the striped and spotted Animals whose stories it tells. It is really about the rest of us, whose duty it is to confront our own otherness in order for all otherness to disappear.

WINK
The Park Cinema
October 17-31
Showtimes: 11:00; 1:00; 3:00; 5:00; 9:00

Stan the Spitman speaks out about the use and misuse of his product at PIFF

By

Park Interspecial Film FestivalLess than a week after the end of the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF), Stan the Spitman is speaking out about the unlawful use of his product at PIFF events.

In an op-ed piece published today in The Burro Beacon, Estanislao “Stan” Gonzalo de Llama condemned in no uncertain terms what some Animals did with his product at the film festival. And he let it be known that he intends to put a stop to it.

“I am proud of what I make and I don’t make it to be used to attack others, particularly others whose species or politics differ from my own,” he wrote in the newspaper.

The second generation SpitMeister (master of the art of spitmaking) was referring to the repeated use of spitballs at the screening of WINK, which opened the festival on October 1. Police charged twenty-one Animals with crimes of a specist nature after they threw spitballs at the director and other attendees as they entered the Park Cinema.

Although Stan has never condoned that sort of behaviour, he expressed a different view about it in Searching for the Spitman: A Journey Through Foam, Froth, and Fun, a film about his life that premiered at PIFF 2015.

In that film, he estimated that ninety per cent of his products go toward humiliating other Animals.

“It’s a fact of life in the profession,” he said. “But it doesn’t keep me up at night.”

In today’s o-ed piece, however, he said he’d changed his mind after witnessing events at this year’s festival.

“I can’t stand by and watch Animals use my product that way anymore,” he wrote. “It needs to stop.”

Harvest Festival organizers issue edict: no woes allowed

By

Harvest FestivalIt’s official. The organizers of Tuesday’s Harvest Festival have issued an edict barring the advancement of any political or other agenda at this year’s event. And, in doing so, they claim to have the full backing of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

The edict is in keeping with last year’s decision not to allow The Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP) and the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) to host information booths at the Autumn celebration.

In a statement released late yesterday afternoon, the organizers said the festival “forbids any Animal or organization of Animals to “establish a presence at the Festival for the purpose of disseminating information unrelated to the Festival and/or of advancing a political or social agenda.”

The statement concludes by saying that the Harvest Festival is meant to be a “happy” event, a “celebration of our work and of our bounty,” and that all Animals are entitled to feel “joy and safety there, no matter what their beliefs are.”

Officer charged with injuring Doe of Peace at PIFF after-after party

By

Police Officer charged

FCSW officer Paulus Koer

A Park Police officer has been charged with two counts of biting after a member of The Park’s peacekeeping force was injured during an outbreak of violence at last night’s PIFF after-after party.

Witnesses say that Doe of Peace Rozmonda Ricke, was “just doing her job,” separating the crowd at The PurrBoy Café, when a member of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) approached her from behind and pulled her tail.

According to Ricke, who has been a member of the Does since the group was founded in 2014, there was “no time” to look around to see what was happening.

“I was focused on my job, which was to de-escalate the violence that suddenly had erupted at the café,” she said in a sworn statement early this morning.

When she did not respond to the tail-pulling, Paulus Koer, the FCSW officer, allegedly bit her on the back in an attempt to stop her from walking through the crowd. According to his statement, the second bite was necessary because the alleged victim “paid no attention to my first warning.”

The FCSW officer will appear in court today, where a date for trial will be set.

FCSW president Gareth Shepherd is expected to hold a press conference later this afternoon.

Stripes two ways: groomer offers “WINK coiffure” in honour of PIFF premiere

By

Zebra two wayIf you blink, you could miss it.

But if you wink, you could be rewarded with a new coiffure, which emphasizes the two directions of Animals’ stripes.

In a video advertisement that will run every day of October, the proprietor of one of The Park’s most popular grooming houses says that, in honour of The Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)—and, in particular, in honour of its opening film, WINK—she has created a new “do,” which she’s dubbed the “WINK coiffure.”

That proprietor, known as Amoltrud, made headlines earlier this year when she announced that her shop would no longer be offering stripe and spot removal services. The year before, she’d been quoted as saying that although she advised her clients against the procedures, she’d been forced to offer the services “in order to keep up with the competition.”

But Amoltrud changed her mind and, breaking with traditional retail behaviour, decided to challenge the competition by doing exactly the opposite of what it was doing.

“I led with my mind—and my heart,” she said in an interview with The Mammalian Daily last night at the gala opening of G.D. Zebra’s WINK. “At some point, you have to ask yourself, am I doing what I believe in or am I just doing what everybody else is doing?”

Amoltrud says she’s steadfastly against stripe and spot removal and vows never to offer the service again at her shop, even though some of her competition has called the procedures “a growth industry.”

“You have to decide what you stand for and then stand for it,” Amoltrud said last night. “And I stand for equality among the species, no matter what their coats look like.”

WINK director to host pre-premiere party tonight at The Feeding Station

By

WINK Movie PosterWINK director G.D. Zebra will host a pre-premiere party tonight at Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station, The Mammalian Daily has learned.

According to our sources, the guests are all A-listers, not only in the film industry, but in the fight against discrimination against Animals of Pattern.

The coveted party invitations were sent out Tuesday night and our sources tell us that it’s a definite “yes” for WINK producer Kevin Kodkod and one of the film’s stars, Willem Leopard. Other invitees are said to include Douglas Cheetah, Mary Margay, Millicent Hayberry, Monique Tigress, Carlos Geraldo Gato de León, director of Noon Nuttiness film I Am Geoffrey’s Cat, Faramund Stinktier, ZEAL, S.L. Pomfret (aka Fish Rap), Zachariah Skunk, Balbina Ko of Holstein Fashion, and Momoko Yamaneko, and Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press.

Would Millicent Hayberry’s acting career give her an edge in POPS debate?

By

Millicent campaignMillicent Hayberry has more than four weeks to confirm her candidacy for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but that hasn’t stopped political commentators and others from speculating on the effects her candidacy—and her career— would have on one of The Park’s few elected positions.

In an op-ed piece published today in The Simian Spectator, Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the University of West Terrier’s Simian Chair in Political Philosophy, writes that he believes her candidacy would change the POPS landscape forever.

While Marmoset has always supported the decision to, as he puts it, “transition [the position] from an inherited one to a merited one,” he says he has mixed feelings about elections.

“So much of the election process is about performance, about favouritism, about alternate abilities, about things that do not relate at all to qualifications or to the position itself,” he writes.

And even though members of species other than Groundhogs have thrown their hats in the ring for POPS, Marmoset thinks that Hayberry’s candidacy would be a “game changer.”

“Her vocal skills, her acting skills, her reputation, her fame. These are the things she would bring to the table in addition to belonging to the hibernating class. I don’t doubt her prognostication skills or that she would be a good candidate. But I wonder if the other candidates will have an equal chance to appeal to the electorate if Millicent is among them. And I wonder whether future candidates will be reluctant to run if they can’t match her skills. I think it could have a lasting effect,” he writes.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

December 2025
M T W T F S S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031