The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

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Tricolore, VVTV team up with gewper for Park’s first scented holiday show

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Tab Tricolore

Tricolore, VVTV, and gewper will produce a scented holiday show

Celebrity chef and restaurateur Tab Tricolore and Vertebrate Vision Television have teamed up with social networking site gewper to produce The Park’s first scented holiday show.

Tricolore made the announcement this morning via simultaneous posts to his gewper and GooseBook accounts.

“Happy to announce my newest venture: will be working with Vertebrate Vision TV and scented social media site gewper on a holiday special to be broadcast during Winter Solstice celebrations. Show to be first in Park history to have scent available,” the post said.

Aldrich Nashorn, Chief Executive Officer of RhinoTech, gewper’s parent company, also posted the news on his account, saying his company hoped this would be the beginning of “many profitable unions of sight and scent.”

RhinoTech launched gewper in 2011, four years after partnering with Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., makers of the popular scent-masking product, FeralNoMore™.  At the time, the company said they developed their new site to fill a void in the industry and to this date it remains the only social networking site in The Park that delivers scent.

Although the announcements mentioned no date for the show’s airing, a Vertebrate Vision spokesAnimal said it most likely would be broadcast during the week after The Park’s annual Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

“Tab made the request for that week so that Animals would be able to focus on the show and not on the Solstice celebrations,” the spokesAnimal said.

Canine Music Association, PHS join forces to push for Barkettes museum

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barkettes-museumThe Canine Music Association has teamed up with the Park Historical Society and members of The Park’s music community to push for the establishment of a museum to honour the life and work of Thisbe and the Barkettes.[pullquote]The Barkettes broke the species barrier when it came to music and they paved the way for the success of all other Park musicians. We are long overdue in honouring them by keeping their accomplishments alive for the next generations.—Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces [/pullquote]

In the current issue of the Association’s monthly newsletter, CMA president, R.F. Aarrf makes the case for the museum, writing that the disappearance last May of the set list from the first concert of the Barkettes’ Bring Your Own Bone tour was “the straw that broke the Barkettes’ back.”

“The intention was for the set list to be preserved for eternity,” Aarrf writes. “Instead, it was stolen from right under our noses because there was no security. If nothing else, this event highlights the need for a proper home to honour the group’s legacy.”

Aarrf also criticizes the decision to place the original sheet music of “Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed” at The Park Museum.

“With all due respect to The Park Museum, this is a travesty. Not to have a suitable home for such an important piece of Park musical history is an embarrassment to the Barkettes. Shame on The Park,” he writes.

This is not the first time that Aarrf has fought for a Barkettes museum. Two years ago, he called out the Park Finance Office (PFO) for incompetence and short sightedness for not properly supporting the arts and he warned that funding cuts and ignorance threatened the Barkettes’ legacy.

This time, Aarrf says he won’t take no for an answer, nor will his ally, Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces. In fact, they are asking everyone to sign a petition to tell the Archons that The Park needs a Barkettes museum.

“The Barkettes broke the species barrier when it came to music and they paved the way for the success of all other Park musicians. We are long overdue in honouring them by keeping their accomplishments alive for the next generations,” he said on the Yannis Tavros show yesterday.

Searching for the Spitman: Noon Nuttiness Review

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Park Interspecial Film Festival
Searching for the Spitman: A Journey Through Foam, Froth, and Fun
♥♥♥♥♥♥

Directed by Ernesto Santiago Camello | 23 minutes | Final screening October 5 at the Park Cinema

We’re all familiar with our friend Stan the Spitman’s signature phrase, “Spitballs from Heaven!” Yet how much do we know about the Spitman, himself?[pullquote]I tell my clients it’s an old family recipe, but it’s not. I made it up on the fly and it worked…because the fly stuck to the wall.—Estanislao Gonzalo de Llama, aka Stan the Spitman[/pullquote]

Not a lot, as it turns out. But writer and director Ernesto Santiago Camello has set out to change all that in this alarmingly candid short film about one of The Park’s funniest citizens engaged in one of the world’s oldest professions: spitmaking.

Estanislao “Stan” Gonzalo de Llama is a second generation SpitMeister, a master of the art of spitmaking.

“It’s an honourable profession,” he says with a wry smile, “that makes products used for dishonourable purposes.”

That wasn’t always so, as Camello demonstrates in his short look back at the history of spitmaking. But, these days, Stan estimates that about ninety per cent of his products go toward humiliating other Animals.

“It’s a fact of life in the profession,” he says. “But it doesn’t keep me up at night.”

Camello follows Stan through his day, from rising long before dawn to set a pot on the fire, to the arduous task of mixing, boiling, and stirring the ingredients.

“I tell my clients it’s an old family recipe, but it’s not. I made it up on the fly and it worked…because the fly stuck to the wall,” he jokes.

The film is full of lines like that—jokes that wouldn’t even be funny if they came out of another Animal’s mouth. But Stan gets away with it, largely because he is an honourable Animal. Last year, for instance, when Milton Struts, then head of the Park Finance Office, found himself covered in spitballs at the PIFF Awards ceremony, Stan secretly sent him a gift certificate for a full “do” at The Pluming Room.

“I don’t even know for sure that it was my spit they were using, but I know how it would feel and I didn’t think he deserved that. I’m not sure any Animal does,” he says in one of his more thoughtful moments in the film.

In another of those moments, Stan lets slip that if he hadn’t been pressured into joining the family business, he probably would have become a comedian or even a musician. And just so you don’t dwell on the poignancy of that admission, he quickly offers up another:

“No matter what, I’d have made my way back to spit[making]. It’s in my DNA,” he laughs.

PIFF preview: Herman Stoat: Mon Chemin Compliqué

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Park Interspecial Film FestivalAll PIFF documentaries are good. Some, of course, are better than others. Then, there are those that are spectacular.

And, that adjective is more than appropriate for the much-anticipated Herman Stoat: Mon Chemin Compliqué.

Conceived and produced by Pussyfoot Productions, this film about the life and work of the renowned dancer, choreographer, and founder and artistic director of the eponymous dance company has been in the making for more than four years. Yet, it received its official title only last year, after Stoat and his company’s assistant choreographer Gustav Hermelin created the dance, Le Chemin Compliqué, for the 2014 Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

“That was how we knew we were done,” Stoat said in a PRANCE magazine interview last month. “Somehow, with that dance and that title, we’d come full circle.”

Stoat knows a lot about circles, having danced professionally for years before founding the Herman Stoat Dance Company. And while he’s achieved a level of artistic success that was previously unknown in The Park, that success, which includes being named Choreographer of the Decade by PRANCE Magazine, has come at a cost.

“You might say that I survived success,” Stoat jokes in an early scene in the film. “But you might also say that I didn’t.”

Even Stoat fans who watched the choreographer’s reality series three years ago on Vertebrate Vision TV will be surprised at the physical, mental, and emotional pain this film uncovers and how complicated a road Stoat has travelled.

A Park refugee, both Stoat’s parents died at the hands of Humans.

“They were in their prime but, unfortunately, so were their coats,” he says matter-of-factly.

Left to his own devices, the young Stoat found his way to The Park, where he was taken in by a family and raised, as he says, “with love and care.” But there were problems in the household, jealousies among the family’s natural offspring, and expectations he could not meet.

“Early on, I discovered my natural talent for dancing and it saved me. I could go off on my own, explore my ideas, and set my moves to music,” he says.

It was during that time that he discovered the effect his moves had on others, as well.

“It was almost hypnotic, the effect. I noticed crowds gathering and they were mesmerized by my dancing. Suddenly, I found I couldn’t stop and they didn’t want me to, either.”

Stoat danced himself into Park history, but there came a time when he did have to stop for a while, after the anguish of his early years caught up with him.

“I’d packed it all away and suddenly, after I won a few awards, it all came tumbling out. I needed some time alone and even contemplated retirement,” he says.

Fortunately for Park dance lovers, Stoat finally returned to the stage refreshed and ready to take on new challenges, including teaching, working with artists in other genres, and calling for more diversity of species in dance. And, he reveals in the film, there is even more to come.

“There are days when I wake up and I think, ‘I’ve only just begun,’ ” he says with joy.

Herman Stoat: Mon Chemin Compliqué will screen at the Park Cinema on Friday, October 2 at 2:00 p.m. and on Sunday, October 4 at 4:00 p.m.

Police called in as Zebras block stage to SCENTient Beings at music festival

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Zebras block stage

Zebras attempt to block stage entry to SCENTient Beings

The dream of a peaceful Beats of Burden music festival was shattered last night when a herd of Zebras blocked the SCENTient Beings’ entry to the stage.[pullquote]This festival is not about personal politics or identity politics. This festival is a peaceful and joyous attempt to support The Park’s refugees.—Beasts of Burden lead singer Alfredo Ox[/pullquote]

After several tense minutes, the festival’s official hosts, The Beasts of Burden, butted their way through the herd and made a heartfelt appeal to the Zebras.

“This festival is not about personal politics or identity politics,” Alfredo Ox said. “This festival is a peaceful and joyous attempt to support The Park’s refugees. These are Animals who have suffered terribly in their lives and we are here this weekend to lend our support to them, both emotionally and financially. I appeal to you as sentient beings, yourselves, to take your cause elsewhere. We will listen to you at another time, at another venue. But, for now, please step back and allow the next set of musicians to take the stage.”

Ox’s appeal fell on deaf ears, however, but as he was speaking, the Does of Peace moved in to begin active peacekeeping. While the Doves flew above the herd, the Does mixed among the Zebras, moving them to the sides and securing a path for the SCENTient Beings to ascend the stage.

The group of Zebras, led by Jafari Pundamilia and Elton Zebra, demanded an apology from SCENTient Beings composer Faramund Stinktier. In a communiqué last week, the Zebras accused Stinktier of committing a crime against them when he revealed that he’d always believed he was a Zebra.

“By perpetuating a stereotype and using that stereotype for the betterment of his own life, he has committed a crime against The Park’s Zebra community,” the communiqué said.

When the Beings finally made it to the stage, they briefly acknowledged the protesters by saying they had the “utmost respect for The Park’s Zebra community,” and dedicated the night’s set to “all Animals of all species everywhere.”

Park Police, who were called to the scene by Beasts of Burden manager Ignatius Herder, said no charges were laid last night.

“We attended at the scene, but no charges were laid. We’re not expecting to be called out again,” said spokesAnimal for the police.

The Beats of Burden music festival wraps up this evening. SCENTient Beings are scheduled to perform again this afternoon.

Beats of Burden lineup announced

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Beats of Burden logoBREAKING NEWS

With a lot of song and a little dance, this year’s Beats of Burden Music Festival is leaving very little to chance.

That’s not to say there’s anything boring or predictable about this year’s lineup. Far from it. There’s something for everyone at the three-day charity fest and that was a smart move on the part of its hosts, the Beasts of Burden.

“We looked for a real mix this year, something for young and old, timid and bold,” says lead singer Alfredo Ox.

Ox, who is actively involved in festival decisions, says the Beats has grown much more quickly than he ever imagined and he’s feeling the strain.

“We’re having growing pains,” he says. “I can’t deny that. We don’t want it to get so big that we lose the personal feel that it had the first year. But the bigger it gets, the more funds we can raise to support our refugee population. It’s a fine balance and a hard one to strike.”

This year, the festival has added comedy to the mix and Ox thinks it will go over well.

“We invited Woodruff Dalmatio to co-host with Jargonhead, who’s been wildly popular from the get-go,” Ox says. “They’re polar opposites but they get along well and they actually play off each other, so it will be interesting to see what happens when they’re performing live. I try not to interfere with the artists, so I don’t actually know what either of them plans. I’ll be as surprised as any audience member,” he says.

This year, the food will be provided by Coda, The Tabby Club, Provisions by Petrounel, Ants in Your Pantry, Florette’s Fine Edibles, and The Battering Ram Café.

And, as usual, the Beasts of Burden will take the stage every day and night and they’ll be acting as auctioneers during Saturday night’s gala auction. But there’s a surprise in store late Sunday afternoon: the newly minted group, The Crumb Seekers, will make their professional début, after getting the nod from Ox and Co. at last Friday’s open mic at The Draft.

“You’ll be blown away by them,” Ox promises. “Even if you heard them last week.”

Other bands scheduled to appear include Inktvis and Krake, Eggie and The Pigs, The Feral Four, The Canary Cousins, Banded Brothers, Spontaneous Generation, NIML, rapper Will.o.be., The Cynics, The Tweeters, Les Chiens Débraillés, GHC, The DomEstyx, and, yes, Reekabilly stars SCENTient Beings.

And that’s not to mention the “long list” of surprises that Ox has in store.

“Music, dance, art, games, auctions, and more. It will be the best Beats ever,” Ox promises.

The Beats of Burden Music Festival will take place at venues throughout The Park 18-20 September 2015.

All proceeds from the festival go toward assisting The Park’s refugees.

Stinktier drops bombshell: “I’ve always known in my heart that I was a Zebra.”

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Scentient Beings

SCENTient Being Faramund Stinktier: “I’ve always known I was a Zebra.”

It looks as though one half of the musical duo SCENTient Beings may not be what he seems.

In a live interview on the Yannis Tavros show yesterday, Faramund Stinktier, the Reekabilly singer and the duo’s composer, dropped a bombshell when he suddenly confessed to “knowing” that he was a Zebra.

The declaration took Tavros completely by surprise, he said in a post-show interview outside Toro Talk Radio, which broadcasts the Tavros show live every afternoon.

“We were talking about the Beats of Burden [musical festival] and about the success the duo has had since they débuted Reekabilly a year ago at the festival and, out of nowhere, he said that he’d always known in his heart that he was a Zebra.

At first, I thought he was joking around and I said, ‘Faramund, let’s get serious now.’ I mean, I thought we were talking about music. Then he looked at me with such earnestness and pleading, so I had to let him continue. I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t rehearsed…at least, I don’t think so. It was more like some cork just popped and there was no containing it anymore,” Tavros said.

Stinktier didn’t backtrack, even though Tavros gave him the opportunity to do so.

“He could have turned it into a joke and everything would have been fine, but he really wanted to tell his story, so I let him,” Tavros said.

That story, it seems, began years ago but reached a peak last year, when Damien Skyles of The Cynics encouraged the duo to explore different kinds of music.

“I created Reekabilly out of country [music] and what I called ‘parts of our essential selves,’ ” Stinktier said. “But what I didn’t tell anyone at the time was that during the course of that musical fusion, I came to understand something even more essential about myself.”

Although Stinktier said nothing about what path he would choose in the future, Tavros said he seemed relieved to have made his realization public.

Afterwards, though, Stinktier did his best to duck the crowd that had gathered outside. But when he ran into a vacant burrow just north of the radio station, his action was met with jeers.

“Let’s see a Zebra do that!” one member of the crowd yelled at him.

Although Stinktier has not been heard from since, Alfredo Ox of the Beasts of Burden says the duo hasn’t cancelled their participation in next weekend’s music festival.

“They’re professionals and big supporters of the cause,” Ox says. “I can’t imagine they’d cancel at this late date.”

Calls to the group’s manager and to their publicist Hartwig Stinktier have so far gone unanswered.

Retired novelist’s film to open PIFF 2015

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Park Interspecial Film FestivalThe first film of retired novelist Hentrick Olifant will open the 2015 Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) in October, it was announced today.

At a short press conference this morning, PIFF Communications President Leola Ocelot confirmed the selection.

“We are thrilled to announce that Hentrick Olifant’s first film, Parade, will open our festival this year. As you will see for yourselves, Parade is a wonderful mix of history and autobiography with a futuristic twist. We are grateful to have the chance to screen this film,” she said.

Ocelot said the October 1 gala screening would be the film’s début, but she could not confirm that Olifant would be in attendance.

“Since he retired from writing novels, he’s been a bit of a recluse, but we are going to try our best to coax him out for this,” she said.

Best known for his novel, Grasses, Leaves, Bamboo, Bark, which won the 2006  award for fiction at the Park Annual Literary Awards (now Chitter Radio Literary Awards), Olifant also served as a Park Archon in 2009. He was last in the public eye in April of 2014, when he announced his retirement from writing fiction by auctioning off his unused novel titles (all proceeds went to charity).

Regarded as one of The Park’s most prolific writers, Olifant said at the time of his retirement that should be decide to resume writing, it would most likely be in the form of history or personal memoir. Instead, he combined the two and chose to work in a different medium.

“I find film much more dynamic than the novel these days,” he said in a rare interview last month. “There is more to do and, thus, more scope. Yet, alas, there is less time in which to do it,” he said.

In the opening credits of Parade, Olifant is listed as screenwriter, co-director, and producer.

The Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) runs from 1-5 October 2015.

Beasts of Burden to hold second pre-festival open mic at The Draft

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The DraftIt’s the pre-show to end all pre-shows.

The Beasts of Burden announced today that they will once again hold a pre-festival open mic night on Friday, September 11 at The Draft, the pub by the Wishing Well that the musical group owns.

According to their manager Ignatius Herder, last year’s open mic was so successful that they decided to repeat it.

“If this goes as well [as last year’s], they’re going to make it an annual event,” Herder says.

Originally conceived as a way to “warm up” Park residents in advance of the Beats of Burden Music Festival, which is now in its third year, the event turned into a talent search that netted two new performers at last year’s festival. In addition, the Beasts became mentors to three young musicians, one of whom has now begun a career as a merging artist (merging artists are artists who work in only one field of the arts and who collaborate with one or more other artists who work in another, distinct field).

“That was a total surprise,” Alfredo Ox told The Mammalian Daily yesterday. “Mentoring was the last thing on our minds, and now it’s front and centre.”

This year, Herder says, he’s looking forward to hearing the newest talent, but he doesn’t know if they’ll have the time to take on more than a couple of musicians or singers.

“Of course, it all depends on the quality. There are some performers that you simply can’t say no to,” he said.

The rules for this year’s open mic are the same as last year’s: the Beasts are asking those who wish to play or sing to add their names to a list that will be posted outside their pub on Tuesday morning.

“But whether or not you want to perform, it will be a great time. And be prepared to stay out all night,” Herder advises.

UWT Art Gallery, Park Museum vie for art of endangered species

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Underwater Mammal ArtThe soon to be opened new art gallery at the University of West Terrier is engaged in a battle with the Park Museum for the opportunity to house and display a selection of works by members of The Park’s endangered species.

Although some of the pieces in question formed part of the 2015 Park ART Walk in August, most of the artists whose works were displayed have to date refused invitations from The Park’s art galleries in favour of private showings, most often at their own abodes.

“Obviously, this would be a real coup for us, but that is by no means the only reason we want to house the art,” said Bibiano Montanaro, spokesAnimal for the President of the University, in an interview on TMD Radio yesterday.

“As an educational institution, we feel we are the appropriate place for this art and that’s why we are engaged in this battle. But, I must say, we didn’t think we would have to fight at all, let alone this hard,” he said.

For its part, The Park Museum maintains that its mission is to house as much as it can that is representative of life in The Park.

“That means, past, present and even future,” says curator Dorika Pumi, who failed in her attempts as curator of the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) to attract artists who were members of endangered species.

And although Pumi contends that this “isn’t personal at all,” many in The Park’s art world believe otherwise.

“I don’t blame her for trying to redeem herself, but I don’t think she should do it on the backs of endangered artists,” says Anastazja Koci, an alumna of the Hani Gajah School of Art. Koci, who was shortlisted for the position of curator at the UWT art gallery, says she was taught by Pumi and maintains the utmost respect for her.

“But I think she’s pushing too hard on this,” she says.

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