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Park’s Avian population set to soar above other species: BirdBrains

April 17, 2017 By Marikit Kuneho, TMD Park Life Reporter

yellow-bird-soaring

The Park’s Avian population is set to soar above all other species, according to a report published last week by the Avian mentoring programme, BirdBrains.

The report, entitled, “Zoocracy After Thirty-Five: A New Avian Era,” analyzes a number of studies of the development of The Park’s Avian population in the years following the establishment of zoocracy.

According to these studies, Avians dipped in levels of education, employment, and entrepreneurship during the first decade and a half of zoocracy, when they were overtaken by other species, the large majority of which were Mammals and Fish. In addition, statistics from the Long Gone Registry confirm that the number of Avians who chose to leave The Park permanently grew consistently from 1995 to 2005. The first cohort set up homes and infrastructure in other areas, which encouraged an exodus in the years between 2001 and 2005.

But all that is about to change, according to the report’s authors and BirdBrains directors, Gwendolyn Goose and Henry Gander, whose late father, Cesar Emilio Gander, founded the Avian mentoring programme.

The average level of education in the Avian population has gone from the rudimentary level to intermediate, says Goose, with a significant increase in the number of Avians attending institutions of higher learning.

“This year, Avians will constitute the largest number of new students as well as the largest number of graduates,” Goose says proudly.

In addition, many more Avians have become interested in technology and, in turn, entrepreneurship. Goose and Gander credit their father’s vision, as well as that of the education initiative of the 2011 and 2012 Archons, with the change in the Avian mindset.

“Many more Birds are making the decision to stay here and get an education. They see opportunities that aren’t available outside The Park and they’re now reaching for the stars,” says Gander.

Kawena Palila is one of them. An alumna of BirdBrains, Palila credits the programme with helping her to realize her dream, the social media site gaggle, which went live last year. Palila says the programme helped her get funding and some extra expertise for the site, as well as encouraging her to “think Avian,” which resulted in a site “not for the individual, but for the flock.”

Goose and Gander say there are many more Palilas on the horizon and they look forward to mentoring many flocks of them in the coming years.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Education, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Avian population, education, entrepreneurship, technology

Dear Noreen: Why must I sit for my supper?

April 16, 2017 By Noreen, TMD Advice Columnist

Official NoreenDEAR NOREEN: I am a two year-old Canine (of unknown origin, they tell me) who was recently adopted by two Humans. Before my adoption, I lived in a special shelter, where I was fed, walked, and cared for by a number of loving Humans. I thought that after I was adopted my basic routine would be the same, but it hasn’t turned out that way.

I know it’s different living in a Human home and I’ve done my best to abide by their rules since I arrived here. I do want to please them because they are good to me, but there are things they require me to do that I just don’t understand. The main one is they demand that I sit before they serve me my meals or give me treats.

What is the significance of sitting, Noreen? I don’t understand and I was hoping you could enlighten me. Can you?—SITTING IN THE DARK

DEAR SITTING IN THE DARK: Ah, Humans. As I always say, they’re lovely to look at, but I wouldn’t want to live with one. And you’ve explained in an eloquent and succinct fashion one of the main reasons.

It so happens that “sit” is quite an ancient command, and I emphasize here the word, “command.” It has its origins in two aspects of the Human psyche about which I’ve spoken on a number of occasions in different contexts. These aspects are, of course, the insatiable Human desire to hold sway over all others (also known as the desire for power) and the desire to keep their house in order (both figuratively and literally).

For the purposes of answering your question, I will speak about only the first of these aspects. Quite simply, the Human desire for power overrides all other desires and I would say they’re quite incapable of containing it. I talk about this at greater length in my book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans, but here, I must defer to my University of West Terrier colleague, Horus Aaqil Saluki, whose work on the subject is considered groundbreaking. He and I have been hard at work co-authoring a book, Humans and the Pyramid of Power, which speaks to the very problem you’ve raised: the unnecessary wielding of same over others.

You see, my dear, as Horus first observed, Humans work very hard not only to hold sway over others, but to make them show their deference. And that is where your “sit” command comes in.

As you well know, there is nothing about sitting that enables you to eat or digest better. Following your Humans’ command, then, is not at all for your benefit, but for theirs. By agreeing to perform this small gesture, you assure them that they have the ultimate say—the last word, as it were—in your behaviour. Your Humans want to be reassured (and on a constant basis, no less) that you acknowledge them as “the boss.” When you’ve proven that you do, they’re more than happy to oblige you in many ways.

Now, since you haven’t asked me whether or not you should comply, I won’t go down that road with you here. Suffice it to say, research has shown that the more you obey Humans, the happier they are and, ultimately, the happier you will be. It’s a bit trickle-down, as my learned colleague has been known to say. By no means do I advocate blind obedience, but if, as with sitting, it does you no harm, you might find that obeying your Humans is the most expedient way of finding peace and happiness in your life with them. Ultimately, it is your decision and not an easy one to make. I wish you all the best, no matter what you choose.

Dear Noreen is a regular feature of The Mammalian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for Noreen, please send it via Twitter at @talkswithnoreen.


lovely-to-look-at-front-coverFor more insight into Humans, buy Noreen’s book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans

Filed Under: Breaking News, Dear Noreen Advice Columns Tagged With: Dear Noreen, Humans, sitting

Back by popular demand: PMoCA’s “ARCHONOGRAPHY” returns Sunday with special guest Ingolf Ewald

April 15, 2017 By Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

pmoca-1The Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) made a surprise announcement this morning: its ARCHONOGRAPHY installation, which broke all attendance records during its initial two-month run, will reopen this weekend. And, it will host a special guest: renowned artist Ingolf Ewald.

Ewald, who is known for his painting, “Plumpen Rolletariat,” last visited The Park in August of 2015, when he opened the PMoCA’s “Art of the Domestic Feline” exhibition.

The ARCHONOGRAPHY installation, which the museum describes as “ultra-live,” is a tribute to the thirty-fifth anniversary of zoocracy. It honours those who’ve served in The Park’s government over the past thirty-five years by having Park artists paint portraits of Archons chosen by museum-goers. All twelve hundred portraits completed thus far hang in the museum and they will do so until the end of the year.

This second iteration of the installation will differ slightly, according to head curator Aamuun Maroodiga’s announcement today. The artists will be on-site only eight hours a day instead of the previous twelve, and the installation will run from Sunday, April 16 until May 1, after which the museum will close to make preparations for its next major exhibition. Ingolf Ewald will be painting portraits of Archons from April 15 until April 21.


The Park Museum of Contemporary Art’s “ARCHONOGRAPHY” will reopen on Sunday, April 15 and run until May 1, 2017. Admission to the event is free. 

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Archonography, art installation, Ingolf Ewald, Park Museum of Contemporary Art, portraits

Footpad Heaven braces for onslaught of shoppers at Sunday’s clearance sale

April 13, 2017 By Bergrún Íkorna, TMD Business Reporter

Footpad HeavenCome one. Come all. Come early. And be prepared for long lineups and security at the door. But, remember, there’ll also be treats. And music.

That is what manager Adamma Bandicoot has been telling her clientele for the past few weeks when they’ve asked about the shop’s annual clearance sale.

Even though they’ll be selling last year’s stock, as they always do at this annual sale, Bandicoot says she’s sure they’ll sell out early this year.

“We’ve got prime stock for sale, and even though it’s technically last year’s, it’s brand new and some of the most coveted items we’ve ever sold,” she says.

Bandicoot, who traces her ancestry back to the shop’s founder, sculptor Josiah Bandicoot, is particularly proud of the line from Holstein Fashion. That includes some of the designs that were seen in the fashion show last year during Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), as well as their regular line of paw coverings and stick-on striped and spotted toe pads. There are also a few items for sale from the collection honouring Zuberi Tembo, the Endeka Elephant Band’s late bassist. Bandicoot says she held back a few things from each collection just for this sale, but she warns that making them yours will take some time and patience.

If that’s not for you, there will be an express line for FP’s signature toepads and other accoutrement for which the shop is famous.

“We like to think w have something for every Animal,” Bandicoot says. “After all, we’re in the business of making our customers happy.”


Who: Footpad Heaven
What: Annual Clearance Sale
When: April 15, 7:00 a.m until closing time

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life Tagged With: annual clearance sale, Footpad Heaven, Park retail

Wednesday Rewind: Chitter Radio rescues literary awards

April 12, 2017 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 23 January 2012

Chitter Radio, one of The Park’s most popular talk radio stations, has brought The Park Annual Literary Awards (PALA) back from the brink.

At a press conference this morning, Chitter President and C.E.O., Albana Ketri, confirmed that Radio 244883.7 (known as Chitter Radio) would assume full financial sponsorship of the Awards.

“We are delighted to announce that Chitter Radio will be the exclusive sponsor of the 2012 Park Annual Literary Awards. We look forward to forging a strong connection with the Awards and see this as a great opportunity to promote literacy both inside and outside The Park,” she said.

The Awards had previously been supported by The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, but budgetary constraints forced it to renege on its promise of funding for the 2012 season.

At the press conference, Ketri emphasized that Chitter Radio considers its association with PALA to be both a “privilege and a responsibility” and stated that Chitter Radio is “unequivocally committed”  to maintaining the high standards and integrity with which PALA is associated.

The Park Annual Literary Awards take place 15 June.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: wednesday rewind

Memes of Production to be official hosts of this year’s Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

April 11, 2017 By Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

Memes of ProductionIt’s official. And it’s a first for the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee.

The annual festival announced today that Bovine singing sensations Memes of Production will not only play at this year’s event, they will be its full-time hosts.

Jubilee chief organizer Miriam Wapiti made the announcement at a small press gathering today.

“We are very pleased that Memes of Production accepted our invitation to play host at this year’s event,” she said. “Their success at last year’s Jubilee proved that their music and their ethos are in sync with the values of our celebration.”

Wapiti said she’d be “forever grateful” to the group for rescuing last year’s event, when the boycott of its opening act as well as of The Park’s farmers and weather makers threatened to shut it down.

“They proved that politics has no place at the Jubilee,” she said.

While the event has been criticized over the past few years for becoming “too politicized,” both Wapiti and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations have attempted to rein in any overt politicking. Most notably, organizers refused to allow The Park’s farmers and weather makers to host information booths during the event five years ago.

Although Wapiti would not elaborate on the Memes of Production’s full rôle in the event, she did hint that they would have some say in choosing the musicians and other entertainers.

The Anixi Agrarian Jubilee will take place on May 21, 2017.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Anixi Agrarian Jubilee, farmers, Memes of Production, Spring

Leave it to Felines: How the idea of Animal self-rule took hold in The Park

April 10, 2017 By Éléonore Musaraigne, TMD Book Reviewer

3d-cover-fierce-urgency-of-miaowTHE FIERCE URGENCY OF MIAOW
Jor and the Feline Roots of Zoocracy
by Pieter N. Paard
372 pp. Marcellin de la Griffe Publishers Ftoo 20

Early in his life, George Livingstone Barnaby Cuthbert—known to us all as Jor—went for a short walk outside his home in the arms of the Human who’d adopted him. As they strolled toward a local parkette, they came upon an old woman who asked them to stop. She pointed to his four white paws, which she called gloves, and tapped him on the head with her index finger.

“Someday,” she said, “you’ll be a very big man in the park.”

Virtually all Park Animals have grown up on that story, so it seems surprising to find it told again in the first few pages of Pieter Paard’s new book, The Fierce Urgency of Miaow: Jor and the Feline Roots of Zoocracy.

But Paard’s retelling of the story is very much in keeping with his book’s title and its premise: that Jor’s felinity was central to his vision of Animal self-rule—and to his ability to have that vision.

“Feline culture, as it were, had developed beyond that of any other species in The Park, to the point where Jor was allowed access to ways of thinking that led him to consider the possibility of establishing Animal self-rule. His challenge was to convince those of other species that such a system of government was achievable; his own kind had been contemplating it for years,” Paard writes in the book’s opening pages.

In this way, Paard breathes new life into the “Doctrine of Feline Exceptionalism,” a set of beliefs about the superiority of Felines that is thought to have originated in the decades before zoocracy. At that time, the Felines of The Park—particularly the “Big Cats”—held sway. Hated by all but their own species, they nevertheless used their great intellectual prowess and sophisticated governing skills to bring about a transformation of The Park (then known simply as “the park”) that culminated years later in zoocracy.

The fact that these big Cats were not satisfied with ruling over the other species but sought to share power with them is what gives credence to the Doctrine.

“It is hard to imagine any other species that would have gone to such lengths to divest itself of its political power in order to allow those they considered lesser to achieve some form of equality,” says Paard, himself a proud Equine.

That it ultimately fell to a small Tabby—and a formerly domestic one at that—to fulfil the Big Cats’ dream is further proof for Paard that Felines are intellectually and morally exceptional beings.

“Jor’s leadership qualities and the rôle his sister Zoë played in his political achievements have been the subject of much study of late. But I believe it was his own instincts and his intuitive understanding of other Animals that helped him to establish zoocracy. Jor’s ability to speak to other Animals at an equal level and his mild manner were just two of the qualities that I believe helped him win over his political opponents. To those Animals in The Park who desperately wanted to believe in a government of shared power, Jor presented a trustworthy ally,” Paard writes.

Much has been written about Jor during this year of zoocracy’s thirty-fifth anniversary and many have questioned his motives. But even if, as Yoshita Tigru writes in her book, George Livingstone Barnaby Cuthbert: The Tabby King, he did contemplate establishing a monarchy and installing himself as king, respect for his fellow Animals ultimately won out.

“Jor’s legacy is and always will be that he established zoocracy in a Park that most others believed was ungovernable,” Paard writes.

If Paard commits any error in this book, it may be that he emphasizes Jor’s achievements and downplays his sacrifices. But we must never forget that Jor left a good life in a comfortable domestic situation to work toward making life better for all Animals. In that one act, he became a model of the highest moral stature and a hero to all.

Filed Under: Book Reviews, Breaking News, Education, Media, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: book review, Jor, pieter paard, the fierce urgency of miaow, zoocracy

What’s the buzz? Mumblebee to perform at today’s Stereotype Sunday

April 9, 2017 By Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

MumblebeeMumblebee will perform at today’s Stereotype Sunday, it was announced this morning.

In a short press release, the popular artist’s representatives confirmed that she will join Belles and Whistles and rappers The Tweeters for two sets during this week’s event.

Mumblebee, who performs a combination of spoken word and lyrical music, does not call herself a “singer.” Rather, she refers to herself as an “artist who performs in different musical styles at the same time.” Her distinct sound has been compared to the Human “vocal fry,” though her fans dislike the comparison, apparently for good reason.

“What Mumblebee does is very different and far more challenging than anything any Human has ever done,” says Telma Abelha, music critic at the Serangga Star Adviser.

“Quite frankly, to perform in the style of Mumblebee requires vocalization that Humans are not physically capable of. And it’s by no means easy.” Abelha says.

Mumblebee arrived on The Park’s music scene last year and with her breakout recording of “Rumor,” captured the imagination and the hearts of music fans. Translated into the languages of one hundred and forty-two different species, the work has broken records, but because of the artist’s refusal to define herself as a singer, those sales statistics do not appear on The Park’s lists of top selling songs.

Mumblebee will perform today at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre at two o’clock and again at four-thirty.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: buzz, Mumblebee, music, musical styles, rumor, singer, songs, vocal fry

Domestic Animals have no control over their estates: UWT study

April 8, 2017 By Viona Adelaar, TMD Justice and Legal Affairs Reporter

dog-toysAt a time when Park residents are amassing greater amounts of wealth and material goods, a new study shows that Animals who live outside The Park have no legal control over their possessions during their lifetime and even afterwards.

The study, out of the University of West Terrier’s Chittenden School of Law, shows that ninety-nine percent of Animals who live in domestic situations with Humans have to relinquish control of their possessions—including toys, food, beds, clothing and other accoutrements, and even trophies and awards—after they die and, in some cases, even before that.

The study was conducted by UWT Law Professor Fionnula Fox and a team of Chittenden research assistants. After extensive and multiple interviews with three thousand, five hundred domestic Animals of seventeen different species, the researchers concluded that domestic Animals had virtually no control over their possessions during or after their lifetime, even if those possessions had been purchased or won by the Animals themselves.

“It is a dismal situation for the domestics,” says Fox, an expert in extra-hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park).

“We heard the same stories, over and over, from these poor creatures, some of whom had to witness their own possessions being handed over to other Animals right in front of them. Others told of witnessing the dying wishes of their friends and families ignored by Humans, sometimes resulting in the very possessions they had most treasured becoming trash,” she told The Mammalian Daily.

The conclusions drawn from these heartbreaking interviews will be published in the Journal of Extra-Hortulanial Law (JEHL) in June, coincidentally the same month that The Park has designated as Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM).

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, Whoa! Braking News Tagged With: domestic animals, enforced domestication, estates, Humans, possessions, wills

Month Without Metaphor executive committee names new director

April 7, 2017 By Juho Morsk, TMD Media Reporter

mwm-posterThe executive committee of Park media’s annual Month Without Metaphor has named Ronald Grouse as director of the annual initiative.

The Avian Messenger’s chief political analyst will take the reins on Monday and begin by expanding MWM’s reach through social media, says an announcement issued this morning.

A graduate of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier, Grouse has been a frequent guest of Yannis Tavros on his Toro Talk Radio show and a regular commentator during coverage of The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations. He has worked at The Avian Messenger for the past eight years.

Grouse replaces Alvin Tinamou, who was one of the founders of Month Without Metaphor and who served as its director the past three years.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Media, Month Without Metaphor, Park Life Tagged With: Month Without Metaphor, Park media, Ronald Grouse

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