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OTD in 2016—Month Without Metaphor organizer: “We’re losing ground, minute by minute.”

May 24, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

MonthWMThe chief organizer of the third annual Month Without Metaphor says we’re losing ground in the fight against the unncessary embellishment of the news.

“Plain speaking is disappearing and not bit by bit, but minute by minute,” says Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the initiative’s founders.

In an interview with The Mammalian Daily, Tinamou quoted statistics that he says indicate the market for what he calls “the plain, unembellished truth” has diminished substantially over the past five years.

“Journalism has given way to storytelling and it’s a slippery slope from there,” he opined. “We’re no longer reporting on an event or situation; we’re taking readers on a journey for their entertainment rather adding to their knowledge or understanding,” he said.

Tinamou contends that the problem started innocently enough, when journalists were told to broaden their reports from “just the facts” to historical, sociological, and psychological context.

“It started with context and the idea that those who work in the media could bring readers and listeners a better understanding of what was going on in The Park and in the world outside The Park,” he said. “But, somehow, that devolved into embellishment and fictionalizing,”

Tinamou said metaphors are just one aspect of the problem, but they were something that he felt could be easily targeted.

“I thought we’d start with reducing metaphors and move on from there. But we seem to be stuck in this style of writing. I don’t think new journalists know any other way,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Media, Month Without Metaphor, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: journalism, Month Without Metaphor

OTD in 2016—Typos rule: Moth new face of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month

May 23, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Enforced Domestication Moth

It’s official: Nicoletta Moth becomes Enforced Domestication Awareness Month Ambassador

First, it was the missing letter in “Beasts” that turned the annual charity music festival into the “Beats of Burden.” Then, it was the Does of Peace, The Park’s newest peacekeeping group and 2015 Mammalian Daily Animals of the Year.

Now, the organizers of June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) have named the campaign’s first official ambassador. And she’s a Moth.

“We couldn’t believe it happened again,” Hercule Parrot told The Mammalian Daily yesterday.

The 2012 Chitter Radio Literary Award winner and part-time mentor at BirdBrains, The Park’s first Avian mentoring programme, joined the campaign’s organizing committee just this year. And it was his responsibility to find an ambassador for the month-long campaign.

“Don’t get me wrong. I was in no way disappointed in those who applied nor in our final choice. In fact, I wish I had thought of it myself. Moths are, of course, a species that suffers enforced domestication and exploitation and they’ve been underrepresented in our campaign and I’m sorry for that. But, of course, I was puzzled at first by the applications we received, until I took a look at our advertisement. And there it was: Moth instead of Month.”

After interviewing what Parrot calls an “amazing” number of Moths, he settled on one he says “stood out among the rest in terms of intelligence, talent, and commitment.” And her name is Nicoletta Moth.

A comedian and Animal impersonator, Moth’s most recent gig was at The Howler, where she performed for a packed house.

“I was there,” Parrot said, admitting that as an imitator himself, he wanted to see what another species could do.

“She was amazing, particularly as a Tarantula. Her Wasp is better known, but her Tarantula and Praying Mantis are to die for,” he said.

Moth will be putting her performing career on hold for the month of June this year and each year for the next three.

“We feel extremely grateful that she accepted our offer,” Parrot says. “She’ll do a world of good for enforced domestication awareness.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Animal impersonator, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, Moth

OTD in 2016—Park Museum confirms basketball theft

May 22, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Flyball and the Importance of Balls in the Everyday Life of Park Animals

The basketball seen above was stolen from The Park Museum last night, police say

BREAKING NEWS

The basketball that belongs to Mammalian Daily sports columnist and balls specialist Bailey has disappeared from The Park Museum.

The ball—seen in the middle at the top of the display at left— was lent to the museum by Bailey and formed an important part of the “Flyball and the Importance of Balls in the Everyday Life of Park Animals” exhibit, which opened on May 8.

In a joint statement released early this morning, the museum and Park Police confirmed the overnight burglary.

“We regret to inform the public that The Park Museum will be closed today, as a result of an overnight burglary. Park Police will be on site for the duration of the day, gathering evidence and speaking to witnesses. Any Animal who has any knowledge of this crime or who saw anything suspicious in the area surrounding the museum yesterday afternoon, evening, or overnight, should contact Park Police right away,” the statement said.

All lands around the museum have been cordoned off for the investigation. A spokesAnimal for the police said they hoped to recover the ball as soon as possible.

“The first few hours are crucial and although the crime was not discovered until very early this morning, we are hopeful that we’ll be able to recover the ball intact today,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: basketball, crime, park museum, theft

OTD in 2017—Tickets for Burrow Theatre’s Aracari gala opening performance go on sale today

May 21, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

aracari-gala-ticket-with-border

Tickets for the gala opening of the second in Gianfranco Colocolo’s three-part mystery series will go on sale this afternoon at one o’clock, The Burrow Theatre announced this morning.

Aracari, which was written by the award-winning author of Murder at the Fishbowl, has been in previews for a few weeks and will begin its regular run on 3 June. The opening also marks the directorial début of the trilogy’s star, Millicent Hayberry, for whom Colocolo wrote the rôle of the “chirpy” detective.

The production was delayed by a month due to what Hayberry told The Mammalian Daily was a certain “post-hibernation sluggishness,” but she says she is fit and well and looking forward to the theatre season.

“The response to the previews has been overwhelmingly positive and I’ve gained a lot of energy from that,” she said. “I am so grateful to all who attended and particularly to those who offered feedback on the performances.”

Hayberry, who is best known for her portrayal of the late author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, credits Colocolo with giving her a “second career.”

“I never would have thought I’d have such a good time playing a detective,” Hayberry said. “I was reluctant to shed my Mixed Nuts image, but Gianfranco has given me a second life.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Aracari, Gianfranco Colocolo, Godwit, Millicent Hayberry, mystery series, The Burrow Theatre

OTD in 2012—Has Anixi Agrarian Jubilee become too politicized?

May 20, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

A day after the most successful and best-attended Agrarian Jubilee in history, a menacing question hangs in the air: is the annual celebration becoming too politicized?

Organizers of the event, which marks the beginning of The Park’s growing season, sniff at the suggestion.

“I see no evidence of that [politicization] at all,” said Miriam Wapiti, the celebration’s chief organizer, at a post-event party. “With the numbers we get, there will always be those who see this as an opportunity to further their cause, but they’ll always be a small minority,” she said.

Not so, says Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) and a Guard Dog who was on duty during the Jubilee.

“We had to call in reinforcements, so many scuffles broke out…even among members of the [same] organization. It was three times more difficult to keep the peace and provide security this year than last year,” he said.

Sylvana Rana, of the anti-election group, Save Our Political System (SOPS), concurs with Shepherd’s view, though she sees it in a more favourable light:

“We signed up more Animals at the Jubilee than we have in the last five months,” she said.

Keeva Moffatt, President of the Spotted Skunk Sedan Patrol, said she counted representatives of so many organizations that “I lost count after a couple of hours.”

“I know there were at least twenty,” he said.

Even so, according to Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, the Jubilee went off “without a hitch.”

“There were no deaths, injuries, or serious incidents. I’ve seen much worse, even on Groundhog Day,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

OTD in 2015—Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja to present 2016 budget in August

May 19, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Budget

“There will be no budget before its time.”—PFO head Valentina Abeja

Citing, among other things, the need for more time to consider the input of citizens, the head of the Park Finance Office (PFO) confirmed that she will not be able to present a 2016 budget before mid-August.

At a press conference this afternoon, Abeja attempted to reassure citizens that her first budget would be a well-considered document, responsive to both the present and future needs of The Park.

“There will be no budget before its time,” she told reporters.

“There is much to deliberate upon, especially since there was effectively no budget this year,” said Abeja, who has held the position since mid-February.

Last month, in an interview with Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros, Abeja said it was important for the PFO head to be mindful of the needs and aspirations of all Park citizens, while acknowledging the immense diversity of The Park’s population.

“A budget speaks to every Animal’s priorities and hopes for the future, every Animal’s identification with its own species and our collective desires for all Park citizens,” she said.

The last Park budget was presented on August 30, 2014 by former PFO head Milton Struts. That budget proved so controversial that it was scuttled almost immediately and Struts was relieved of his position shortly thereafter.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: 2016 budget, economy, finance

OTD in 2015—Anselm Alpaca, former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist, dies at 19

May 18, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Anselm Alpaca

Anselm Alpaca: 1996-2015

BREAKING NEWS

Former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist Anselm Alpaca has died.

In a statement released this morning, Alpaca’s family confirmed that he died “of natural causes” last night at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. Alpaca was nineteen years old.

At the time of his death, Alpaca was working for The Equine Echo, but he spent the better part of his career as a reporter and columnist for The Mammalian Daily, where he was known as a “star.”

“He was the gold standard,” said Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas in a statement this afternoon. “He was extremely thorough, he refused to print anything for which he had fewer than four sources, and he gave everyone a fair hearing. There was no journalist like him at any paper in The Park. We were lucky to have him for so long.”

Even after his departure, Alpaca retained his friendships with journalists and support staff at The Mammalian Daily, many of whom describe him as “a great champion of Animals.”

Hamilton Snowcock of The Canary Courier agrees.

“He was on our side, no matter what species you were from,” he said. “He was just a great Animal who believed, above all, in fairness.”

Alpaca also taught part-time at the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism, where his students say he was always available for them and happy to give students as much time as they needed.

Alpaca leaves his mate Gillian and two sons, Ronald and Stanley.

Funeral arrangements are pending.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, On This Day, Park Life, Passings Tagged With: Anselm Alpaca, reporter dead

OTD in 2015—Two rival Park chefs engage in war of words over award-winning artist’s work

May 17, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Two fuming chefs

Tribute gone wrong: “A Change of Hugh” by award-winning artist Hugh Biri has sparked a war of words between rival Park chefs

It was meant to be a tribute, but something went terribly wrong.

When award-winning artist Hugh Danlami Biri decided he wanted to add his voice to the cause of equality for striped and spotted Park Animals, he thought it best to use his considerable artistic talents to do so.

Enter his latest masterpiece, or as some are calling it, his “miss-terpiece” entitled, “A Change of Hugh.”

Biri’s tribute—a 76 cm x 51 cm painting in custom watercolours—was meant to highlight the professional similarities of two great (and striped) Park chefs, Tab Tricolore and Mikko Tiikeri, by differentiating them by coat colour.

“They have hair of similar colour and I was trying to pose the question, ‘What if we changed their colour? Would they be any less great in their kitchens? Would their restaurants be any less spectacular?’ Obviously, not,” Biri said in an interview on TMDTV.

“I thought we could then apply that logic to stripes and spots. Would they cook any better if their coats were of a solid colour? You see, when you say it out loud, it’s ridiculous,” he said.

Unfortunately, Biri’s logic was lost on the subjects of the painting, both of whom were quite disturbed by the change of hue.

“I wish they’d come to me right away and said, ‘We don’t like it.’ But they didn’t. They went after each other and, for that, I am very sorry,” said Biri.

Indeed, each chef blamed the other for what both agreed was a travesty.

First, Tab Tricolore accused Mikko Tiikeri of tinkering with the painting and darkening Tricolore’s hair, making him look ridiculous and effectively blackening his reputation. In response, Tiikeri claimed he had video evidence that Tricolore had removed the original painting from the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA), where it is currently hanging, and replaced it with the darker one.

Biri says that would be next to impossible.

“It was difficult enough for me to do and, with all due respect, Tab Tricolore does not have the training to do that kind of work. I spent two months developing the colours and it took even longer to apply them,” he said.

Biri, who won the first Maple Tree Television (MTTV) Merging Artist Award* in 2012, has worked for years with a number of well-known Park artists developing watercolours. He says that success in the field takes time, patience, know-how, “and a little bit of luck.”

In the meantime, the two chefs, who had previously been on good terms, are not speaking to each other, nor to Biri.

“It’s a sad, sad situation and I don’t know what to do about it,” Biri says.


*Merging artists are artists who work in only one field of the arts and who collaborate with one or more other artists who work in another, distinct field.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: artists, chef, painting, Tab Tricolore, watercolours

OTD in 2016—Farmers threaten to boycott Friday’s Agrarian Jubilee over food-finding apps

May 16, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Crow in coverallsThe Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) says it will boycott Friday’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee unless The Park’s technology sector comes to the table to discuss its concerns over the proliferation of food-finding apps.

In a statement released to media this morning, SCPCPGF president A.P. Civet called on tech companies to listen to what his group has to say about the future of food and its availability in The Park.

“The issue is not whether technology should be involved in the production and distribution of food. Of course it should. The issue is where and when, under what circumstances and for what purpose,” Civet says in the statement.

The dispute between the two sectors dates back to the beginning of Tulip Season in March, when apps such as Bulb Beacon and TulipTracker became available. The SCPCPGF expressed its concern that the apps had been released too soon and Park farmers hadn’t had a chance to amp up food production in order to meet the growing expectations of our population. Civet contended that the “natural” ways of finding food allowed for a more even distribution of food.

“If all Park residents were to use these apps, our food sources would dry up within days and we would be forced to import even more food from outside The Park,” he said.

In the media statement released the morning, Civet expressed his disappointment that technology companies hadn’t responded to his many invitations to discuss the issue.

“We are all in this together. I don’t understand why they’re not willing [to discuss the issue].

As of this morning, none of The Park’s technology companies that produce food-finding apps has responded to the threat of the boycott.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life, Technology and Science Tagged With: farming, food and technology, food import, food shortage

OTD in 2008—Marine Mammal Bank posts record gains in first quarter

May 15, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The Marine Mammal Bank of the Park (MMBP) has reported record first-quarter gains for 2008, thanks to the performance of its personal banking division.

The Park’s third largest bank reported an increase in deposits of 150% over the same period last year. The bank now estimates earnings for 2008 at twice those of last year. That figure was revised upward from a previous estimate of 160%.

According to Park law, banks that do business solely in The Park are not required to report their earnings in exact figures. Traditionally, Park banks have made public reports in earnings percentages, reserving exact figures for The Park Finance Office.

The growth in deposits to the MMBP is a result of the bank’s aggressive recruitment of funds from non-traditional sources, according to the bank’s Chief Executive Officer. Alphonse Dolphin said the bank is finding new and “innovative” ways to increase its clientele, including reaching out to new immigrants and to estivating species, in particular.

“This idea of reaching out to other species and to new citizens and responding directly to their particular needs and concerns… it’s a new idea in Park banking,” he said. “I’m sure it will become the norm in short order; we just happened to dive in ahead of everyone else.”

According to Park financial analyst and bank watcher, Veronique Jackal, the MMBP has done a “complete turnaround” in their priorities and it stands to gain significantly from this strategy.

“Unlike other [Park] banks, the Marine Mammal has decided to concentrate on personal banking, offering new customers interest at significantly higher rates [than other banks], as well as services that are geared to encouraging savings. This [strategy], coupled with their decision to reach out to the immigrant population and, in particular, to estivators – Animals that, historically, have been savers but who have not, traditionally, used the services of banks – will result, I believe, in massive gains for them [the bank] in the coming years.”

Other Park bank watchers agree, predicting that the MMBP is poised to overtake The Monotreme Savings Bank this year and sneak into second place behind the behemoth Founding Families Financial Corporation.

This article first appeared in Issue #118 of The Mammalian Daily.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day

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