• Home
  • About The Mammalian Daily
    • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
    • A note about our style
  • Welcome to The Park
    • About The Park
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Park Life
    • Educational Institutions
      • University of West Terrier
      • Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life
      • Leonardo Language and Culture Institute
      • The Hani Gajah School of Art
      • Park School of Aesthetics
    • Shops and Retail
    • Restaurants and Pubs
    • Financial Institutions
      • Currency
    • Health & Well-Being
      • Hospitals and Clinics
      • Directory of Park Health Services
    • Grooming Houses
      • Amoltrud’s Aesthetics
      • En Garde Hair and Skin Salon
      • Halcyon Days Canine Coiffure
      • KwikLiks
      • Tallulah’s Toilettage
      • The Mane Event
      • The Pluming Room
    • Park Services
      • Architects and Construction Services
      • Employment Service
      • Entertainment and Party Services
      • Financial Services
      • Home Services
      • Image and Consulting Services
      • Legal Services
      • Park-Sponsored Programmes
      • Personal Services
      • Real Estate Services
      • Translation Services
      • Travel & Transportation Services
    • Charities
    • Citizen Aid & Action Associations
      • Associations, Federations, and Alliances
      • Political Reform Groups
      • Environmental Groups
      • Immigrant and Citizen Aid Groups
      • Education Groups
    • Sports
  • Arts in The Park
    • Art Galleries in The Park
    • Theatres and Cinemas
    • Music Makers
    • The Barkettes
      • History and Legacy of The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and the Barkettes Celebrate 10 Years of Sensational Singing Success
      • Olden Goldies: Noreen Interviews The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and The Barkettes: Hits and Recordings
    • The Library
    • Book Reviews
  • Media in The Park
    • Newspapers
    • Magazines
    • Radio Stations
    • Television Stations
    • Publishing Companies
    • Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
  • Fun
    • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
    • See Our Ads
      • A Different Reality
      • Canine Standup Comedy
      • Fake News
      • Financial Crisis
      • Liquid Assets
      • Monkey See
      • Solid Ground
      • Who We Are
      • Think Outside the Book

The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen
  • Breaking News
    • NewsBits
    • Whoa! Braking News
  • Politics/Law/Crime
    • Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Economy and Business
  • Education
  • Health and Medicine
    • Media
      • Month Without Metaphor
  • Focus on
  • Science and Technology
  • Arts, Entertainment, and Culture
    • Park Life
      • Ask a Poodle
      • Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
      • Passings
      • Gossip and Rumour
    • Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)
    • PIFF Piffle
    • Thisbe and the Barkettes
  • Noreen
    • Dear Noreen Advice Columns
  • Sports
    • Let’s Talk Balls!
  • Interviews
    • Five Questions For…
    • Survivor Profiles
  • Archives
    • Wednesday Rewind
    • Nostalgia
    • From the Vault

On This Day—November 26, 2014: Chef Tab Tricolore to collaborate with artists on PMoCA 2015 installation

November 26, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Tab Tricolore: "You have to offer an extraordinary culinary experience or else Animals will not dine at your restaurant."Celebrity Chef and award-winning author Tab Tricolore will collaborate with a group of artists on the Park Museum of Contemporary Art’s 2015 installation.

Aulikki Norsu, president of PMoCA’s board of directors, confirmed the collaboration between the museum and the controversial chef in a statement released this morning.

“We are pleased to announce that renowned Park Chef Tab Tricolore will serve as creative director of our 2015 art installation. The chef will work closely with our in-house staff as well as with Park artists that he will select personally to craft what we anticipate will be a thought-provoking piece,” the statement reads.

The subject of the installation remains a “closely-guarded secret,” the statement said, but those close to Tricolore say it is safe to assume that it will be food-related.

“As you know, Tab is obsessed with food. He can barely be distracted; his mind is always going, he’s always working and reworking recipes, sourcing new ingredients, looking to other species for inspiration. He’s an artist, himself, and I can’t imagine that if he got involved in a ‘real’ art project, that it wouldn’t at least include food, if not be totally about food,” said his former saucier, Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla.

Although a date has not been announced for the opening, the museum statement said it expected the installation to be ready by the Spring.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: art installation, celebrity chef, food

On This Day—November 25, 2016: Bowing to technology, hibernating community puts Tulip Map to bed

November 25, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

squirrel-with-gpsIf you have a copy of this year’s Tulip Map, you might want to keep it.

The 2017 version of the map, which is officially known as the “Map of Tulip and other Bulb Beds in The Park and Environs,” will be the last of its kind, according to a spokesAnimal for the publisher.

The map has been produced annually for over a decade by the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), in association with the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS), the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP), the Association of Distinct Hibernating Animals of The Park (ADHAP) and the Park Alliance of Chipmunks (PAC) and it has served as a trusted guide for a large number of The Park’s residents.

But as of 2018, Animals seeking the whereabouts of those juicy flower bulbs will be encouraged to use apps such as TulipTracker and Bulb Beacon. Or go back to using their own senses.

“In some ways, it could be seen as a step backwards,” concedes Cornelius Kakapo, Director of Public Relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety.

“But the map itself was not infallible, so the apps, together with our own tracking abilities, should be as accurate, if not more.”

While that is likely true, the real beneficiaries of the decision might be those who still have the old maps. According to Wyuna Winkle of The Literary Apothecary, collectors will probably pay quite a lot for them. And, she says, it won’t take long for the 2017 map, which was printed only a month ago, to make it to the auction block.

“It almost gives a new meaning to the expression, ‘hot off the press,’ ” she says.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Technology and Science Tagged With: Bulb Beacon app, Park hibernators, Park technology, Tulip Map, TulipTracker app

On This Day—November 24, 2016: SnailMale confirms performance at upcoming Stereotype Sunday

November 24, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Snail MaleRapper SnailMale will perform at the next Stereotype Sunday, he announced today.

In a tweet this morning, the rapper confirmed his participation in the weekly event and invited his fans and followers to join him at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, where he said he will take the stage at two o’clock. He ended the tweet with the hashtag, “GastropodPower.”

SnailMale is only the second musician who has been invited to perform at the weekly event. The first was ZEAL, who introduced his single, “Crossing the Line” there in July.

As the rapper’s tweet suggests, this Sunday’s event will focus on The Park’s Gastropods. The themed Stereotype Sundays, which were introduced in September, take place on the last Sunday of the month.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: #Stereotype, SnailMale

On This Day—November 23, 2015: Hieronymous Hedgehog to tweet during hibernation via Keeper of the Tweets

November 23, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Hieronymous twitter account

Move over, Keeper of the Nut. Hieronymous Hedgehog has a Keeper of the Tweets.

The Hedgehog, who was sworn in November 2 as The Park’s first Official Hibernation Ambassador, left little to chance, it appears, when he went into hibernation on November 17.

In fact, what he left was eleven weeks’ worth of tweets on the subject of hibernation, including the details of preparation and what life underground is really like.

“He took his duties very seriously, particularly those related to educating non-hibernators, and he was dismayed that the position was created so late in the year,” said Chief Archon Abayomi Cuckoo, who appointed the Hedgehog in late October. The position carries a term of five years.

The Chief Archon said they spoke on a number of occasions about the time crunch and the need for Hieronymous to prepare for his own hibernation while leaving time to attend to his new duties, including hosting Q&A sessions on Twitter.

“I told him to resume his duties full-time in the Spring and not to worry about it. But he wanted a more concrete solution to the problem,” she said.

Enter The Park’s oldest hibernation outfitters, GoUnderground, for whom Hieronymous is a spokesAnimal.

“He was facing a deadline in every sense of the word and I told him that whatever we could do to help, we would,” says Nafari Bongo, GoUnderground’s Director of Sales.

The solution they came up with was for Hieronymous to take a few days and dictate everything he wanted to say about hibernation this year. Then, they’d hire another Animal to send the info as tweets throughout the Winter.

“Hieronymous was thrilled with that solution. He kept saying, ‘Brilliant! Brilliant!’ And his enthusiasm was infectious. We all got into it and made suggestions about topics and questions that non-hibernators might have,” Bongo says.

The hibernation outfitter then discreetly placed an ad for a non-hibernator to take over the Twitter account for twelve weeks.

“We found the perfect tweeter and we’re almost ready to go live,” he says. But the identity of that tweeter will be kept under wraps until the Spring.

As for Hieronymous, we wish him a happy hibernation and we look forward to seeing him again on Groundhog Day.

“Under and out, as he might say,” laughs Bongo.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Technology and Science Tagged With: Groundhog Day, hibernation, Hieronymous on Twitter, Official Hibernation Ambassador, tweeting

On This Day—November 22, 2013: Our shortest-lived citizens pose the question: “What would YOU do with a minute?”

November 22, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The Park's shortest-lived citizens are participating in a one-day event called, "How Long Is A Minute?" to raise awareness of the injustices that are faced by their kindIn an effort to raise awareness of their kind and to shed some light on their continuing struggle for equal treatment, The Park’s shortest-lived citizens will host a series of one-day events beginning next month that will pose the important question, “”What Would You Do With A Minute?”

“All over The Park, we hear Animals bemoaning their busy lives, saying they don’t have time to do the important things anymore…that they don’t have a minute to themselves,” says event coordinator Consuelo Abeja.

“We thought it might be fun to offer them a little perspective, to show them what we can do with a minute since, for many of us, our lives are made up of very few of them,” she says.

While that may seem a bit hyperbolic, Abeja is quick to point out that some of her best friends have had lifespans of less than a week.

“And, yet, they managed to accomplish all they needed to,” she declares, with a glint in her eye and just a touch of nostalgia in her voice.

Next month’s inaugural event will highlight the short but productive lives of The Park’s Opossums, Rabbits, Mice, and Chameleons. Abeja says she hopes that other Park species will bring an open mind to the event and that they will be ready to rethink their ideas about their fellow citizens.

“Our lives will be on display here, in a way that they never have been before. And our hope is that other Animals will stop to look and listen and, maybe, contemplate…without comparison or judgement,” says Abeja.

The event will take place at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre on December 15, from 10:00 until sundown.

“There will be a little bit of everything at the event. Food, art, music, even a bit of sport,” says Abeja. “But our main goal is to raise awareness of our abilities and our commitment to work. We don’t believe we should be judged by the length of our lives so much as by what we are able to accomplish within that timespan. We want you to know, if you’re hiring, we can do the job. We hope this event will be the beginning of a new relationship between us and our longer-lived compatriots,” she says.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life

On This Day—November 21, 2013: Insect Intelligencer rebrands itself as “authoritative” daily

November 21, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Serangga


The Serangga Star Adviser (formerly The Insect Intelligencer) hit the newsstands yesterday. The rebranded daily will focus on political and social issues and use its “Fly on the Wall” feature to highlight injustice in The Park.

Five months after shutting down and cleaning house, The Insect Intelligencer hit the newsstands again yesterday, but as a very different daily.

Rebranding itself as “The Park’s Most Authoritative Newspaper,” the Intelligencer has a new name, a new Editor-in-Chief and a completely new focus.

“We are going to do our best to make you forget all about the Intelligencer,” said Editor-in-Chief Priscilla Weevil at a press conference this afternoon.

Weevil, who took over after management ousted Fannia di Volo, has worked hard on the rebranding effort and insiders say she influenced everything from the hiring of new reporters to the journal’s new name.

And that name, contends Weevil, says it all.

The Serangga Star Adviser is the paper’s name, as of November 1. And, since it isn’t immediately obvious that it is an Insect newspaper, Weevil is more than prepared to deal with the inevitable questions about the decision.

“The word ‘Serangga’ means ‘Insect’ but not every Animal knows that,” says Weevil.

“We thought it was important to select a name that was Insect-inclusive, but we also wanted to illustrate our commitment to every species in The Park. We want to be the newspaper that all Animals go to for reliable information; we want every species to be able to count on our reporters for the facts and, even more than reporting the news, we want to uncover injustice in The Park and to highlight wrongs that need to be righted,” she says.

The paper’s new mission is a far cry from that of the Intelligencer, whose run came to an abrupt end last June after it printed a front page story announcing that Humans had become an extinct species.

“We try not to look back, but to look forward,” Weevil says. And of all the ambitious plans she listed for the paper she now runs, perhaps the most forward-looking is her re-make of the Intelligencer’s infamous Fly on the Wall feature.

That feature, which began as a mixture of out-of-Park news, gossip, and speculation rapidly spiralled downward as it attempted to feed its readership’s ever-increasing appetite for blood and dirt. Weevil says she intends to use it now, though, “to highlight injustice in The Park and to bring about change, even if it means having to shame those who are causing the injustice.”

To some readers, the changes in the paper may not seem so drastic, after all.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media

On This Day—November 21, 2011: Police call for calm after specist handbook discovered in Park

November 21, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The Archons of The Park, in conjunction with the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) have issued a call for calm throughout The Park after the discovery of what appears to be a specist handbook.

The book, which was discovered under the Ancient Oak Tree early this morning, is written in the Human English language, experts say. Language specialists at the University of West Terrier are currently studying the book and its contents. In a statement issued at midday, they said they plan to make a full report to the Archons as soon as they have completed their study.

The book was discovered by Rodnina Owl, police confirmed. The Owl was reportedly eating a snack in the Tree, when she noticed something shiny at the base.

“The glossy cover caught my eye and I swooped down to see what it was,” she said in an interview on PBC  Radio late this morning. “I was shocked when they told me what it said.” The Owl does not speak any Human languages.

In their appeal for calm, the Archons emphasized the need for patience on the part of Park Animals.

Two hours after the Archons issued their appeal, Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, fielded questions from residents and media. The major concerns were for Animal security, with many calling for barricades and some suggesting pre-emptive strikes. Calls for an all-out war, fuelled by rumours that Humans intend to take over The Park, were quickly dismissed by FCSW President, Gareth Shepherd.

“We cannot afford to react until we know the full extent of the assault,” said Shepherd.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

On This Day—November 20, 2014: First week of December designated as “Sneak Peek Week” at Park Museum

November 20, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Park MuseumThe Park Museum has designated the first week of December as “Sneak Peek Week.”

In a statement released yesterday, The Board of Governors issued an invitation to all Park Animals to take a sneak peek at their museum.

“In anticipation of its January 2015 opening, all Park Animals are invited to explore the museum free of charge, from 10:00 a.m. until 11:00 p.m., December 1-7, inclusive,” the statement reads.

The museum, which is still under construction but is scheduled to open officially in January 2015, was designed by the architectural firm of Fleck + Stone. The complex will include a library and an art gallery and the museum itself will serve as the permanent home of many important Park artefacts, including the Varrian Calendar.

For more information, please check the museum’s web site at parkmuseum.info.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

On This Day—November 19, 2013: Archons delay hibernation as 2014 POPS remains undeclared

November 19, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Breaking_NewsIn an unprecedented move, the 2013 Archons have voted to delay the official date of hibernation until a winner in the 2014 POPS (Park Official Prognosticator of Spring) election can be declared.

Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, announced the unanimous decision at a press conference this afternoon.

“Due to the exceptional circumstances in which we find ourselves this year, the 2013 Archons, under the leadership of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros, have made the decision to delay the official date of hibernation until such time as we are able to declare the winner of the 2014 POPS election.

This was a difficult decision to make, but the Archons believed that it was the only way to respond with fairness to the needs of The Park’s hibernating community. They felt strongly that we could not expect these citizens to go into hibernation without knowing the results of this important election. The Archons, therefore, have decided that hibernation will occur one day after the winner of the POPS election is declared,” Alouatta said.

The press conference was attended by Chief Archon Rhinoceros and six of the 34 remaining Archons: Oonagh Albertina Hellbender, Grosvenor Tortoise, Ottmar Limpkin, Françoise Hélène Coccinelle, Hagen Roeland Roadrunner, and Paulette Woodpecker. Gerritt Wezel, head of the Park Election Office also attended. The group did not entertain questions.

After the statement was read, a one-page press release was distributed. The release assured Park citizens that the decision “was not taken lightly, but was made in consultation with a number of medical experts from the University of West Terrier, the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, and the Extinction Anxiety Clinic.” The Archons also sought a number of legal opinions before making their decision, the press release said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

On This Day—November 18, 2014: Heart of well wishes makes a beautiful send-off for Park’s hibernators

November 18, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Wall of MessagesA heart-shaped terracotta dish bearing the good wishes of thousands of Animals and hung on the eastern wall helped make yesterday’s send-off even more meaningful for The Park’s hibernating community.

“It was a beautiful gesture and we appreciated the fact that they hung it in the east, where the sun rises and, hopefully, we will too in the Spring,” said Oliver S.P. Franklin, head of the Confederation of Ground Squirrels.

The sun did, in fact, manage to peek through the clouds for a few minutes yesterday, just as Walmond Murmeltier, the newly-elected 2015 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), waved to the crowd and began the descent into his burrow.

While some of The Park’s well-known hibernators were gracious when Animals snapped photos and called out to them, others were more sanguine, demonstrating the gravity of the occasion.

“This is usually more of a solemn event and one that makes solitudinarians of us all,” said Hieronymous Hedgehog, as he headed for his own burrow.

Meanwhile, Eduarda Teresinha Coelho, whose election as 2015 Keeper of the Nut was celebrated four days ago, expressed her best wishes, on behalf of all non-hibernators, for a happy and safe hibernation.

“May you all rejoin us in the Spring,” she said, as she extemporaneously reiterated her oath “to keep this nut from harm and to preserve it intact” until the hibernators return.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: hibernation

« Previous Page
Next Page »

Follow Us

  • X
  • Facebook
  • YouTube

Mammalian Daily-Related Sites

  • The Park Census
  • The Park Museum
  • The University of West Terrier

The Mammalian Daily on Twitter

  • Chef Tab Tricolore
  • Gunnar Rotte
  • Hieronymous Hedgehog
  • Mammalian Daily
  • Media's Month Without Metaphor
  • Millicent Hayberry
  • Noreen
  • Park Groundhog Day Celebrations
  • Pieter Paard
  • PIFF Reports
  • Yannis Tavros

Welcome to the Media Circus!

Looking for something?

Archives

How wise you are to read this newspaper!

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

TMD quick links

  • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
  • The Best of Noreen
  • Interviews
  • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
  • Nostalgia: Celebrating 1,000 articles!

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

July 2025
M T W T F S S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  
« Jun    

Contents Copyright © 2025 The Mammalian Daily