The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

On This Day in 2008: Evidence presented at Mongoose trial sparks criticism of Park weather practices

By

Mounting criticism of current Park weather practices is threatening to overshadow important legal issues in what some describe as the “trial of the decade.”

Since the prosecution began presenting its evidence in the Mongoose “weather trial,” Park Archons report they have received an “overwhelming” number of complaints from citizens about the method by which The Park purchases its weather.

“[I would say] this will definitely put reform on the weather map,” said a spokesAnimal for The Park Weather Office.

It has not been the tradition for citizens to be involved actively in weather decisions, the spokesAnimal said. Those decisions have been made in the same manner since zoocracy was instituted and the public outcry “has caught the Archons off guard,” he said.

Meanwhile, legal observers say they fear the groundswell of criticism could shift the focus of the trial and result in the Mongoose’s acquittal. “The issue at trial is whether or not the Mongoose acted in good faith with regard to the contract into which he entered,” Harry D.W.R. Lemur, the prosecuting attorney, said in an interview. “We are not here to debate the appropriateness of that contract.”

The Mongoose is charged with fraud, theft, misappropriation of funds, and intent to confound, in connection with weather purchases he made in 13 AZ. His trial continues.

This article originally appeared in Issue #112 of The Mammalian Daily.

On This Day in 2007: Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Cricket Ball

By

Today’s ball is the CRICKET ball.

The cricket ball has a long history with Dogs.

Originally employed in the Mediaeval period, cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe that the cricket ball was first employed by Dogs as a tool in the annual harvesting of the fields in Mediaeval Africa.

Scholars familiar with the period cite the drama of the time, commonly known as “Meerakle Plays,” as evidence that the balls were regularly used for two purposes: the harvesting of cotton and, later, protecting the farm against thieving Meerkats in the area.

The balls, which were constructed of cork from the northern part of Africa, are believed to have been transported to the south for the purpose of harvesting cotton. This the Dogs did by rolling the balls over the cotton as it lay in mounds on the ground, after it had been picked off the bush. As the balls picked up the cotton, they grew larger and larger until they became impossible to roll. The farmers, then, collected the balls, removed the mass of cotton from the cork base, and tossed them back to the Dogs. This tossing action scared the Meerkats and the farm Dogs soon began to use this method to secure the fields. The Dogs tossed the balls, first with their paws and, later, with branches and twigs that they collected from nearby trees.

Centuries later, after cotton harvesting became automated and other methods were used to secure the farms, the tossing of the cricket ball remained a popular pastime among the farm Dogs.

Since that time, Dogs everywhere have enjoyed various forms of play with the cricket ball.

Sources: MeerStories and Mediaeval Meerakle Plays; Farming in the Middle Ages; Domestic Chronicles of the Middle Ages,Volume 9, Farming; Farming and Manufacture from Their Beginnings Until Today, Volume 3, Balls; If Balls Could Talk; Ballieving; Follow the Bouncing Ball: How Dogs Introduced Balls to the Human World; various newspaper articles and reports.

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com.

On This Day in 2016: Draft Summit update: farmers demand end to Human Direct Investment in Park

By

Draft with borderAfter two weeks of what appeared to be promising Tuesday and Thursday meetings, the Draft Summit talks have stalled, according to A.P. Civet, president of The Park’s Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

“We’ve come to an impasse,” Civet wrote in a press release on Friday morning.

But the issue that has stalled the talks—Human Direct Investment in The Park—has “absolutely nothing” to do with the problem the Summit was called to resolve, a frustrated Kalliope Sun Bear told Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

Sun Bear, who represents the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), one of the three groups participating in the Summit, said that while she understood the SCPCPGF’s concerns about HDI, she thought the talks should focus on the issue at hand.

“The Summit was called to discuss the effects of technology on The Park’s food supply, but it’s now veered off in another direction entirely,” she said.

But Civet insists that unless HDI is dealt with swiftly, there will be no food to find, with or without apps.

“Unless we convince the Archons, the Park Finance Office, and the Department of Well-Being and Safety that allowing Humans to farm in The Park is a danger to our food supply, we have nothing to discuss with regard to technology. All the BulbBeacons, FoodFinders, SpinachSpotters, and TulipTrackers will come to nothing if we don’t take back control of our farmlands,” Civet wrote in the press release.

Human Direct Investment dates back to January of 2011, when the sitting Archons, in conjunction with the Park Finance Officers, agreed to “rent” out portions of The Park’s farmland to Humans for their personal use. The agreement explicitly allowed for use of the land for the purpose of growing food for the exclusive consumption of Humans.  An investigation conducted five years ago by The Park Police Force’s Undercover Operations Unit (UOU) concluded that the HDI deal was responsible for some of the food shortages experienced in The Park. The Archons have never revealed what the PFO does with the monies collected from the rent.

In the press release, Civet wrote that he will not resume his place at the Summit table until he has met with the Archons, the PFO and the DWBS to discuss the issue. No meeting has yet been scheduled.

Park celebrations “joyous” despite heavy police presence

By

Not even the presence of a record number of police officers could mar Park residents’ enjoyment of this year’s Autumn festivals.

In fact, according to its organizers, the 20th annual Harvest Festival saw its largest turnout in history on Thursday. Friday’s annual Snowbird Farewell was also an extremely popular event this year.

“We were a bit worried, what with the recent violence, that fewer Animals would show up,” said Cécile Bardot, who assumed the position of president of the organizing committee in March.

“But, as it turns out, we had nothing to worry about. It was a joyous, joyous occasion, full of food and fun and music and laughter…[it was] a real celebration of the work that we accomplished this year.”

And, although festival-goers did notice the police, many seemed not to mind.

“It’s unusual to see police here,” acknowledged Dewi Beruang, who has attended the last seven Harvest Festivals. “I just assumed they came to celebrate, just like we did, and they seemed to be having a good time,” she said.

_______________________________________________________________________

SEE ALSO:

                Hundreds jailed after Noon Nuttiness protest turns violent
                Has Anixi Agrarian Jubilee become too politicized?
                Archons, PFO blasted over Human Direct Investment in Park
                Food production scandal rocks Park 

_______________________________________________________________________

Indeed, they did have a good time, according to Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), who oversaw security at both festivals. But, that wasn’t their prime objective.

“We were here to make sure that peace prevailed,” he said.

Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations confirmed that the department felt the need for an obvious police presence at the two celebrations.

“We were sensing a degree of unrest in the populace, and with the two festivals coming so soon after the Noon Nuttiness fiasco, we didn’t think we could take any chances,” she said.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

August 2025
M T W T F S S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031