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End of term brings renewed calls for Archons’ compensation

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The end of the 2012 Archons’ term has brought renewed calls for compensating our leaders

The subject of Archon compensation was raised again this week, when the leaders of a number of political reform groups met to discuss one of The Park’s most controversial issues.

Reports from that meeting indicate that a plan to move forward on Archon compensation was agreed upon by the leaders of the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP), Save our Political System (SOPS), Lizards for Liberty (LfL), and the Small Animal Reform Group (SARG).

Historically, the four groups have disagreed strongly on a number of key political issues, most notably with regard to the way in which Archons are chosen each year. Antoine Lézard, president of CASP, has been a vocal proponent of elections, while SOPS president Sylvana Rana has fought to retain the current system of sortition (the lottery method that was put in place by Jor, The Park’s first leader). The groups have come together, however, on the issue of payment for the service that Archons are required to perform during the course of their year-long tenure.

“It’s a full-time job,” said Carlisle Chameleon, the LfL’s president and a longtime believer in paying Archons for their work, in an interview on Toro Talk Radio.

“I don’t think it’s fair to ask Animals to abandon their livelihood for a year. And, although it’s technically against Park law to work at your job while you’re an Archon, we all know that, sometimes, Animals have to do that to make ends meet. Instead of looking the other way, we should be providing them with the means to live so that they can focus their attention on their duty, which is creating a better Park,” he said.

That sentiment was echoed by SARG head Mason L. Tortoise. While he stopped short of calling the result of this week’s meeting a “plan,” he confirmed the ad hoc coalition’s intention to assert pressure on the incoming Archons with regard to the issue.

“Ideally, we’d like to see something done in time for 2014 or at least 2015,” he said.

Archons declare calendar harmonization “complete”

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At midnight on 1 January 2013, The Park’s original calendar, also known as the Varrian Calendar, becomes history, as calendar harmonization is declared “complete” by the 2012 Park Archons

The harmonization of The Park’s calendar with that of the wider world has been fully realized.

Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt made that announcement at a press conference this morning.

“That which the 2010 Archons began,” he said,  “the 2012 Archons hereby declare complete.”

Flanked by fifteen of his thirty-four compatriots, Newt spoke briefly, giving the 2010 Archons credit for their foresight and for aiding in the modernization of The Park.

“In their wisdom, they [the 2010 Archons] refused to back down on an issue that had scared off many before them. But they knew that modernization could no longer wait. They risked their reputations and, in some cases, their own safety, for the sake of The Park. We will be, forever, in their debt,” he said.

The legislation enacted by the 2010 Archons, whose formal name is “The Calendar Harmonization Act” (“An Act to harmonize The Park’s calendar with that of the calendar or calendars used outside The Park and to amend certain Acts in consequence thereof”), came into effect in March of 2010. Its full impact was not felt until more than two years later. While it still receives mixed reviews from Park residents, a recent survey indicated that most Animals are “resigned to it” and only a small percentage would make the choice to return to the old calendar.

Caution is key to safety this holiday season: DWBS

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Beware of Humans: The Department of Well-Being and Safety has issued its annual safety alert for the holiday season.

The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has issued its annual seasonal advisory, warning Animals to beware of Humans who display certain characteristics that “might prove dangerous down the road.”

The advisory, which was issued on December 20, warns Park Animals against associating with Humans who display overly-friendly behaviour toward them or who take an “interest in their life circumstances that goes beyond normal friendship.”

“We are advising Park Animals always to be aware, to listen carefully and be observant of Human behaviour, especially during the holiday season,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo.

The advisory warns Animals to be on the lookout for Humans who say they are seeking “animal companionship” and who try to entice them with food, or who make cooing noises at them or call them by names such as “cutie” and “sweetie.”

“The sentimentality of the season makes Humans more likely to succumb to urges to take Animals home with them or to give them as gifts to other Humans. Especially at this time of year, Humans seem to lose the ability to see Animals as captains of their own destiny. They sincerely believe they are doing good when they remove us forcibly from our homes and families,” he says.

Any Animal who does experience a problem with Humans is encouraged to report the incident immediately to one of the following DWBS hotlines:

Feral Cat Helpline: 1-899-33725228
Assaulted Animals Helpline: 1-899-27728583
Missing Animals Registry: 1-899-64774642

Doves of Peace appear at Celebration of Winter Solstice

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The Park’s Doves of Peace appeared at this year’s Celebration of the Winter Solstice

Setting aside their dispute with Park administration for a day, The Park’s Doves of Peace appeared at the Celebration of the Winter Solstice on December 21.

“It was a very generous thing to do, considering the intensity of their feelings on the matter,” said Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

Kanariar also confirmed that, after consulting with the Department of Well-Being and Safety as well as with Park Police, her Department decided to keep Police presence at the event “minimal and discreet.”

“Perhaps that was one of the reasons they were willing to attend,” she said.

The Doves, who are a fully autonomous sub-group of Park Police, usually attend all Park celebrations and days of significance. On November 15, however, they initiated a strike to protest against and to shed light on what they called The Park Police’s “heavy-handed tactics” at recent events. As a result of the strike, Winter Solstice celebrants expected the Doves to stay away from this year’s event.

“Their appearance was “one of the greatest surprises of the day,” said Dewi Beruang, who has attended every Park festival this year.

“They said there were going to be surprises, but I don’t think they had the Doves in mind. Seeing them made the celebration even more special,” she said.

For their part, the Doves were “delighted” to make a non-official appearance, according to their SpokesBird, Georgina Golub.

“We have attended every Celebration of the Winter Solstice since the establishment of zoocracy,” Golub said. “We didn’t want to miss it this year, even though we weren’t, officially, working. So, we held a vote and the decision was made to attend as guests. It’s a very important celebration and we wanted to be there, no matter what,” she said.

Celebration of Winter Solstice to begin at sunrise: officials

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The Department of Hoildays, Festivals, and Celebrations announced today that the Celebration of the Winter Solstice is to begin at sunrise this year

The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has announced the itinerary for this year’s Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

At a press conference held this morning, Aintza Kanariar, director of public relations for the Department, said she was “very pleased” to announce that this year’s festivities will begin at sunrise on December 21.

“This is the first time in seven years years that the Winter Solstice celebrations have begun at sunrise and it marks a return to the beginning of Park life under zoocracy,” she said.

The Celebration will be a mixture of old and new and will incorporate familiar and foreign elements, she confirmed.

Invited musical guests include Eggie and The Pigs, SpontaneousGeneration, SCENTient Beings, Inktvis and Krake, NIML, rap artist Will.o.be, The Tweeters, and The Endeka Elephant Band.

The Herman Stoat Dance Company will perform a new work entitled, “The White Dance,” which was choreographed for the occasion by the company’s assistant choreographer, Gustav Hermelin.

Other entertainment acts include jugglers, clowns, a Human imitator, and a Canine comic. As well, several students from the Hani Gajah School of Art will be on hand to paint “three-minute portraits” of Solstice celebrants.

As always, a major component of the festivities will be the food. This year, Kanaria said, Clowder and The Cackling Goose Tavern will provide the festive fare. As well, courtesy of Ants in Your Pantry and Provisions by Petrounel, all attendees will go home with tasty party favours.

“With these plans in place, as well as a few surprises, we expect this to be a joyful, memorable occasion for all,” said Kanaria.

The Celebration of the Winter Solstice begins at sunrise on December 21. Food will be served until 11:00 pm.

“Non-Hibernators’ Guilt” can mar enjoyment of Winter celebrations, experts say

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Non-hibernators’ guilt, which has been linked to Sad Cow Disease, (SCD) can mar enjoyment of Winter celebrations, according to experts

With the Winter Solstice celebrations just a few days away, experts in the field of mental health have turned their attention to one of the season’s biggest scourges: Non-Hibernators’ Guilt.

“After Extinction Anxiety, Non-Hibernators’ Guilt is the most common psychological condition we see in the Winter season,” says Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist who will also serve as a staff member at The Park’s first Extinction Anxiety Clinic when it opens in January.

The condition, also known as NHG, can affect Animals who remain awake and active during the Winter season, but who have close friends and associates who are hibernators. NHG-affected Animals experience a deep sense of guilt and anxiety, concurrently with happiness, when they attend Park celebrations and important events in the Winter.

The Winter Solstice celebrations, in particular, are difficult for Park Animals. It is around that time that symptoms of NHG begin to occur, says Gibbon.

“These are the first celebrations of the Winter season, the first celebrations that are attended only by non-hibernators. In a way, they set the tone for the rest of the season. The amount of stress this puts on our non-hibernators has, I believe, been underestimated in the past,” she says.

While statistics show the number of Animals treated for NHG rising, experts in the field say the condition is not always easy to diagnose.

“Many of the symptoms of NHG are similar to those of other psychological conditions,” says Dr. Chloris Cougar, a researcher at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine.

In fact, some of NHG’s symptoms look remarkably similar to those associated with Feline Unipolar Depressive Disorder (FUDD), one of Dr. Cougar’s areas of expertise. It’s important, however, that we not confuse NHG with other conditions, Dr. Cougar stresses.

“There is some preliminary evidence that suggests a connection between NHG and Sad Cow Disease (SCD), but this is very, very early research and we have to be very careful about making assumptions based on it. SCD is a more complex condition and is much more difficult to treat,” she says.

She likens NHG, on the other hand, to “a stronger variation of normal.”

“It’s natural for Animals to miss those close to them who are in hibernation, especially during times of celebration. But some Animals experience this temporary loss more profoundly than others. Those are the Animals we are concerned about,” she says.

While acknowledging that much further research is needed, the two experts offered this advice, in the meantime, for non-hibernating Park Animals:

“Try to enjoy the Winter holiday season by understanding the dictates of nature. Your hibernating compatriots are not missing out on the fun; instead, they are doing what is necessary for their survival. Soon enough, they’ll be among us again, celebrating other joyful occasions.”

Tulip Map recall “will create havoc in the Spring”: DWBS

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The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has declared the recent recall of the 2013 Tulip Map “a disaster for The Park’s citizens.”

At a press conference held this afternoon, Cornelius Kakapo, DWBS Director of Public Relations, said the map recall will create confusion in general and “wreak havoc among our citizens in the Spring…particularly, among our hibernators.” That havoc, he said, could result in food shortages, violence, “and, possibly, death.”

The map, which is officially known as the “Map of Tulip and other Bulb Beds in The Park and Environs,” is produced annually by the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), in association with the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS), the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP), the Association of Distinct Hibernating Animals of The Park (ADHAP) and the Park Alliance of Chipmunks (PAC). The map is used in both Fall and Spring by a large number of The Park’s residents, including members of its many hibernating communities.

The 2013 map, which was released November 1, was recalled on November 28, due to “changes beyond our control,” said a SpokesAnimal for the Confederation of Ground Squirels.

“Toxic substances were discovered in the bulbs’ planting areas and the decision was made to recall the map for the sake of Animals’ health and well-being. Unfortunately, the detection of these substances occurred after the map was distributed to our hibernators,” the SpokesAnimal said.

The DWBS’s Kakapo stressed the urgency of the situation, imploring the groups involved in researching and producing the map to rectify the situation as soon as possible.

“Our citizens, particularly our hibernators, rely on the [Tulip] map in the Spring. The map is the #1 Park resource for [finding] quick food sources. It is unthinkable that we should leave our fellow citizens without a reliable guide for food gathering. More importantly, the danger of [their] succumbing to chemical poisoning due to errors in the map make correcting the situation that much more urgent,” Kakapo said.

He also said his Department intends to “fully mobilize” in early Winter to prevent an outbreak of chemical poisoning in the late Winter and early Spring.

Second prong of Archons’ new tourism strategy: signage

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The 2012 Archons have revealed the second prong of their “three-pronged” plan to promote tourism in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning, Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt proudly announced that a “major construction project” will take place in The Park this Winter, with the building and erection of a number of signposts. The signposts, Newt said, will direct tourists to Park “hot spots” and make their time spent here significantly more pleasant.

“I know if I didn’t live here, I wouldn’t know where to start,” Newt said, adding that, for those who live outside it, The Park is a vast untapped resource for sports, entertainment and fine dining.

“And once The Park Museum opens, there will be even more reason to visit,” he said.

The signpost project will be overseen by Simply Structures, one of The Park’s leading construction companies. A spokesAnimal for the company said she thought the project would be completed by the end of Winter.

The Archons’ plan to promote The Park as a tourist destination, initiated this past Spring, has continued to meet with resistance from individual Park citizens, environmental groups and some businesses, who say the financial gain from tourists does not offset the physical damage to The Park and the disruption of Park life.

See also:

Archons’ plan to promote Park tourism draws criticism

Second prong of Archons’ new tourism strategy: signage

By

The 2012 Archons have revealed the second prong of their “three-pronged” plan to promote tourism in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning, Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt proudly announced that a “major construction project” will take place in The Park this Winter, with the building and erection of a number of signposts. The signposts, Newt said, will direct tourists to Park “hot spots” and make their time spent here significantly more pleasant.

“I know if I didn’t live here, I wouldn’t know where to start,” Newt said, adding that, for those who live outside it, The Park is a vast untapped resource for sports, entertainment and fine dining.

“And once The Park Museum opens, there will be even more reason to visit,” he said.

The signpost project will be overseen by Simply Structures, one of The Park’s leading construction companies. A spokesAnimal for the company said she thought the project would be completed by the end of Winter.

The Archons’ plan to promote The Park as a tourist destination, initiated this past Spring, has continued to meet with resistance from individual Park citizens, environmental groups and some businesses, who say the financial gain from tourists does not offset the physical damage to The Park and the disruption of Park life.

See also:

Archons’ plan to promote Park tourism draws criticism

Post Office honours Park’s migrators with new stamp

By

The Park Post Office unveiled its latest commemorative stamp this morning. The stamp honours The Park’s migrating community.

At a brief ceremony held this morning, The Park Post Office unveiled the newest addition to its commemorative stamp series. The stamp, which honours The Park’s migrators, was designed by resident artist Luciana Lontra.

“Our migrators are an important part of The Park community,” said Postmaster Phineas Colm. “Because of their absence during a good part of the year, they can be forgotten. We hope this stamp will help us to keep them in our minds.”

The stamp will go on sale December 3 and will be available at the Post Office building as well as at selected retailers throughout The Park.

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