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OTD in 2014—Newspaper editorial should not be ignored, say Park’s aid groups

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Rodent CommonerAn editorial published last week that has ignited a firestorm of protest, has endangered the life of its writer, and has resulted in a curfew and a ban on travel outside The Park “should not be ignored,” say members of The Park’s aid groups.

“[Reporter Gunnar Espen] Rotte makes a valid point, in that you don’t have to have stripes or spots to be treated badly, inside or outside The Park,” says Rosbritt Piggsvin, head of the aid association Rodents at Risk.

“Almost all of us have all suffered from some sort of prejudice in our lives,” she says.

Inez Gallina, president of the immigrant aid group Home to Roost, agrees: “It’s not just prejudice. It’s more than that. I sometimes think it’s a holdover from the way we’re treated outside The Park. I think it spills over into our immigrants’ lives here. Native Park citizens make assumptions about us, based on what they’ve heard outside The Park. It can be devastating to a new immigrant, especially a refugee,” she says.

But Hendrik Dalmatiër of the Spotted Animal Alliance says these Animals are missing the point.

“This is not a contest about which Animal has a harder time. There is no winner here; there are only losers. It is our opinion that if a Park treats its Animals differently on the basis of appearance, we are all losers. And there is plenty of evidence that that happens,” he says.

OTD in 2014—Police impose curfew, ban on travel amid protests and disappearances

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FCSW President Gareth Shepherd

Gareth Shepherd: curfew, ban on travel outside The Park

DEVELOPING STORY
After an overnight series of consultations with the Archons and the Department of Well-Being and Safety, Park Police announced today that they have imposed a curfew on Park residents and a ban on travel outside The Park.

Gareth Shepherd, a 17-year veteran of the force and president of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), made the announcement this morning at a hastily-arranged press conference.

The announcement read as follows:

Due to recent events, including violent protests, threats on the lives of Park Animals, and a number of mysterious disappearances, the Archons and the Park Police have made the decision to impose order on The Park by establishing a 10:00 p.m. curfew on all residents, as well as a ban on travel outside The Park.

More details of these arrangements will be made public shortly. For now, please be advised that officers will be permanently stationed at all Park exits and will begin making rounds at 9:50 this evening.

Park Police and the Archons are appealing to all residents to respect this decision. It was made with the welfare of all in mind.

Shepherd also confirmed that they have enlisted the assistance of the Does of Peace in this effort.

The new restrictions come into effect tonight, December 8, 2014.

This story will be updated as more information is gathered.

OTD in 2015—DWBS, UWT, Extinction Anxiety Clinic team up to fight Non-Hibernators’ Guilt

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Non-Hibernators' Guilt

The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), the University of West Terrier School of Medicine, and The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic are teaming up to add might to the fight against Non-Hibernators’ Guilt (NHG).

At a small ceremony this afternoon, representatives of all three will be on hand to open the first of five pop-up clinics that will appear around The Park throughout the Winter. The clinics will serve NHG sufferers and will host information sessions to raise awareness of a condition that experts say has become “the scourge of the Winter season.”

“I think our hibernating population has been so successful in its awareness and outreach programmes over the last few years that, in a way, the result has been an increase in the number of NHG cases,” explains Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist and staff member at the Extinction Anxiety Clinic.

“We’ve become so aware—hyper-aware, I would say–of the difficulties and perils of hibernation that we’ve come to believe, somehow, that we’re undeserving of the ease of our own lives,” she says.

Dr. Chloris Cougar, a researcher at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine, agrees.

“Not to take anything away from our hibernators, whose bodies and psyches withstand so much, but I think the story has gotten a bit skewed. Just because your species doesn’t hibernate or estivate doesn’t mean that your life is in any way easy. The goal is not to feel guilty, but to maintain respect for ourselves and our own way of life, while empathizing as much as we can with others. That’s the message we’ve tried to impart at our public information sessions in the past. Now, we’ll be able to do it one-on-one with NHG sufferers and their friends and families,” she says.

The first pop-up clinic will open this afternoon at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. It will operate seven days a week, from noon until nine o’clock, until January 15, 2016.

OTD in 2014—Your government needs YOU: Archons, PFO to host pre-budget consultations

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New budgetWith little more than six weeks to go before their term ends, the 2014 Archons have decided to consult Park citizens before they release the revised version of the 2015 budget.

At a press conference yesterday, press secretary to the Archons Balthasar Alouatta confirmed that the Archons, in conjunction with the Park Finance Office (PFO), will be hosting a “consultation event” at the Wishing Well between 10:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m. both days this weekend.

“They felt it was important for them to hear what citizens and residents had to say regarding funding in the new year,” Alouatta said. “There have been so many complaints and our last budget was so controversial, it seemed appropriate to take it directly to Park Animals.”

After former Park Finance Officer Milton Struts was relieved of his duties last month, the Archons were expected to table a new budget by the end of November. But that has proven impossible for a number of reasons and the decision was taken to consult “those who are most affected by the budget.”

“The idea of consulting the populace originated with the Archons even though, as the de facto heads of the Park Finance Office, they are ultimately responsible for the budget,” Alouatta said.

“They want to hear what Park Animals have to say, but make no mistake. The budget stops with them,” he said.

OTD in 2014—Tab Tricolore disappearance: Police to hold press conference this afternoon

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C Astrid H AntBREAKING NEWS
Park Police announced this morning that they will hold a press conference at 1:00 p.m. for the purpose of updating Park citizens on the disappearance of chef Tab Tricolore.

In attendance will be Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU), Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) and C. Astrid H. Ant, Head of The Park’s Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS).

OTD in 2013—Celebrity Park chef collaborating with others on cookbook

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Tricolore book

Tab Tricolore, The Park’s most famous (and infamous) chef, has confirmed that he is collaborating with a group of Park chefs on an interspecial cookbook.

The busy chef and author won the 2013 Chitter Radio Literary Award in non-fiction for “The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine,” a book that is part memoir and part cookbook. Tricolore also owns and runs four restaurants in The Park and is planning to open a fifth (The PurrrBoy Café at the Park Museum) in the near future.

The other five chefs involved in the project hail from different species, but all have one thing in common: they are generally long-lived Animals. Hence, the working title of the book: “Recipes for a Long Lifespan.”

“That title has a double meaning, though,” Tricolore said in an interview recently. “These recipes all come from a fairly long-lived group, but they are also recipes for foods that are good for you. If you use them [the recipes], you can have a longer lifespan, too. But, of course, there are no guarantees,” he warned.

What is guaranteed is that the meals cooked using these recipes will be delicious.

OTD in 2015—Sierpinski Squirrel replaces Blandine Okapi on Archon Transition Team

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Sierpinski Squirrel Sierpinski Squirrel has joined the Archon Transition Team.

ATT spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin made the announcement at a short press conference yesterday afternoon.

“We are pleased to announce that Sierpinski Squirrel has joined the Archon Transition Team. We are confident that he will make an excellent team member and we look forward to working with him for a long time to come,” Hoatzin said.

The Squirrel, who is Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners, replaces Blandine Okapi, who resigned her position on the team last year, citing “philosophical differences.” This new appointment brings the team back up to its regular membership of thirteen and comes just in time for the annual transition preparations.

The addition of Sierpinski to the team was hailed by many in The Park’s political community, particularly those who are avid supporters of sortition, the lottery system by which The Park’s thirty-five Archons are chosen annually.

“I think Sierpinski was by far the best choice,” said Sylvana Rana in a radio interview this morning. The president of Save Our Political System (SOPS) said Sierpinski has “proven his loyalty to zoocracy” through his support of the political system that was established by Jor, The Park’s first leader.

The other members of the Archon Transition Team expressed their approval, as well. In a joint press release issued this morning, they welcomed Sierpinski and confirmed that the team’s first meeting would be held on December 15.

OTD in 2013—POPS fans, we have a winner (finally)!

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Solange Marmotte

The Park’s hibernating community will breathe a collective sigh of relief today.

Less than a full day before this year’s new official date of hibernation, the Park Election Office finally has been able to declare a winner in the 2014 POPS election.

PEO head Gerritt Wezel made the announcement this morning at a hastily-arranged but well-attended press conference.

“The Animal who will fulfill the rôle of 2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring is Solange Graciela Marmotte,” he said.

Reading from a prepared statement, Wezel thanked Park citizens for their patience and commended his staff and all the volunteers who joined the recount effort.

“Without your help, I would still be counting votes and Park citizens would have lost all confidence in this process,” he said.

As it is, many Park citizens have expressed their disillusionment with the POPS selection process after this year’s fiasco. Nevertheless, many seem willing to let bygones be bygones and to move forward with their plans for hibernation.

“This is definitely something we will have to revisit come Spring,” said Killeen Echidna, president of The Monotreme Alliance. Echidna spoke on Toro Talk Radio as part of a discussion forum on the subject after the election announcement was made.

“In the meantime, we’re grateful to have had a bit more time to prepare for hibernation. Now, we’ll all be glad to go under and Solange [Marmotte] has our full confidence. She will do a great job as POPS in February,” she said.

OTD in 2016—Stereotype STUNday: Snail Male lambasted for “aggressive” behaviour

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angry-snailIt wasn’t just his specist lyrics. Or the direction his tentacles pointed. Or even the tattoo (unprintable in this newspaper) on his shell.

It was, as the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) put it, “a combustible combination of the three” that led them to call Park Police to remove rapper SnailMale from the stage at this past weekend’s Stereotype Sunday.

Speaking at a press conference this morning, Cornelius Kakapo, Director of Public Relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety, said although the department would not press charges against the rapper, he most definitely would be banned from performing at major events in The Park “for some time.”

“We believe he intended to be incendiary and that is his prerogative when he performs on his own at events that he has organized and that Animals have paid to attend. But it was absolutely inappropriate to bring that type of attitude and set list to an open event and, particularly, to an event that is organized to promote interspecial harmony,” Kakapo said.

According to Kakapo, most attendees were in agreement with the department’s decision to remove the rapper from the stage mid-performance.

“We had an enormous amount of feedback on this and I would say ninety percent of it is positive in terms of our actions,” he said.

SnailMale, whose songs are known to be angry and aggressive, has displayed specist tendencies in the past, but he has also been a supporter of interspecial harmony in The Park. In an open letter on his web site posted yesterday, the rapper said he was “unfairly treated and unjustly removed” from the event.

“They knew my work when they invited me to perform. So, why did they remove me for being who I have always been?” he asked.

OTD in 2016—Prestigious prize goes to UWT professor for pioneering work on harrumphocytes

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UWT COATDr. Jagger Zebu, Professor of Mammalian Medicine at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine has been awarded the prestigious Eureka Prize, it was announced today.

The announcement came in a statement issued this morning by the editorial board of the scientific journal Eureka. The board, which awards the prize annually for “pioneering research and innovative experimentation,” called Dr. Zebu a “a meticulous scientist and a pioneer in harrumphocyte research.”

Dr. Zebu, whose name appeared earlier this month on Eureka’s  “Seventeen to Watch in 2017” list, led a team of researchers who were the first to pinpoint the location of harrumphocytes in Mammals.  Harrumphocytes are the cells that are believed to be responsible for producing feelings of primary apathy and secondary negativity in Mammals.

When the research was published in March of this year, Dr. Zebu said he believed the breakthrough would offer a “much-improved” life to Mammals who suffer from harrumphocyte imbalance.

Although Dr. Zebu has not commented on the award, the Board of Governors of the University of West Terrier posted a congratulatory message on the university’s web site this morning.

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