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OTD in 2015—Burrow Theatre splinter group establishes New Harmony Theatre

January 17, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Harmony TheatreBREAKING NEWS
A small group of actors and playwrights from The Park’s Burrow Theatre is planning to open a new performance area known as The New Harmony Theatre.

In an official statement released this morning, the group that now calls itself The Rapporties said it wants to dedicate its talent to the pursuit of harmony in The Park.

“We have seen the devastation, both outside and inside The Park, that a lack of harmony can cause. We think The Park has matured now to the point that we as artists should be dedicating ourselves to the pursuit of harmony and this is our contribution,” the statement reads.

Alejandro Topo, a spokesAnimal for The Rapporties, told Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros this morning that the site of the new theatre will be a small parcel of land near the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond.

“We thought it was fitting, in light of what happened to the Tartan Crab, that we should honour him by attempting to achieve harmony where he rests,” Topo said.

The New Harmony Theatre will open in the late Spring.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: harmony, theatre

OTD in 2017—Outgoing Chief Archon Raymond Mink: “Anger is the preserve of the powerless.”

January 16, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

r-minkCHIEF ARCHON RAYMOND MINK: THE EXIT INTERVIEW

In his only exit interview, The Park’s 2016 Chief Archon, Raymond Mink, whose term ended today, told The Mammalian Daily that he believes that, to some extent, disharmony among the species is a sign of  zoocracy’s success, but that anger and isolationism are not a solution. An excerpt of this interview was published on December 29, 2016.


We sat down with Chief Archon Raymond H. Mink in early December to discuss his views on zoocracy, the direction The Park is going, and other important aspects of governing this vast space and its diverse population.

TMD: Thank you, Chief Archon, for sitting down with us today.

RM: Thank you for having me. I’m delighted to be talking to you today.

TMD: One of the most important questions I think Park citizens have is how would you evaluate the success—or failure—of our political system? Do you think zoocracy will thrive in the coming years and, perhaps, even spread to other parks? Or do you see it being dismantled as we speak, with disharmony among the species in evidence every day? And does that disappoint you?

RM: Well! That is truly a multi-part question! Let me, to use your own word, dismantle that question and talk about it because, as you say, this is a very important issue.

First of all, no, I don’t think zoocracy will be “dismantled,” as you put it. We’ve come too far for that to happen. How would Park Animals react to being governed, say, from the outside, or by Humans, or by a self-appointed Queen or King? Not well, I would think. And that wouldn’t last long. It couldn’t. Thirty-five years, yes in some ways it’s a very short time. But it’s also a very long time. For some species, that would be many, many generations. Perhaps ten or more. For others, not so much. But I think it’s safe to say that those who live here have grown accustomed to the idea of self-rule. And many have known nothing else. Zoocracy is here to stay.

About disharmony among the species…I have many thoughts on this subject. Does it disappoint me? I don’t know that disappointment is even relevant. It doesn’t surprise me. Take a look around. We are lucky enough to host thousands of species in this one space and it would be disingenuous to act as if we are not competing for everything. We most certainly are. We compete for space, for food, for sustenance of every sort, for our very survival. If you think about it, is there any reason at all that we should get along? So, no, I’m not surprised that tensions have built, and resentments too.

You—and I emphasize you because you are asking the question—you may be surprised to find out that I see this disharmony as a good thing. I see it as a symptom of zoocracy’s maturation, of its promise, and of The Park’s prosperity. When this all started, we had one common enemy and one common goal. Humans were the enemy, and governing ourselves was the goal. You will discover, as our celebrrtion of thirty-five years of zoocracy continues throughout the year, that actual self-government—Animals governing Animals—was not our founder’s first choice, nor did he believe, at least at first, that it would last. What were the chances? Realistically?

So, you see, it was a grand experiment, but it was one that appealed to all of us. And we realized that we were all in it together, all working toward a common goal. And, as a result, I would say that we pussyfooted around each other most of the time, lest our goal be jeopardized by the interests of any particular species. So for many years, that was the case, and every year we celebrated our collective survival and the survival of our political system—a system that desperately needs to be tweaked and modernized and expanded—but nevertheless, a system that belongs to us.

But, as I said, as we grew within the system and as we relaxed against our common enemy, we began to turn on each other. No longer did we see only Humans as standing in the way of our personal success; we saw each other as doing that, as well. I’m not saying that that is a healthy attitude, but I am saying that it displays the health of our government. That we can look away from it, cease to guard it and with the security of it intact, look to other things…look to ourselves.

TMD: But the anger that has been displayed in the past few years…

RM: Ah, anger. Anger will tell you a lot more about yourself and about others than any other emotion will ever do. You have to understand, anger is the preserve of the powerless. Or those who believe they are powerless. That is where the go to lick their wounds, perceived or real. Those who feel vulnerable, and perhaps disenfranchised, look to others and see that they appear to be in a better position. And this makes them angry because they believe they’ve lost their power.

The anger among the species that has been displayed in the past few years indicates to me that we have stepped away from the collective, that we’ve become more concerned about ourselves and that we’ve retreated to our own species and groups. That is not surprising as I said before. But it isn’t healthy, either. Unless we deal with it head-on, it could undo entirely the peace we’ve forged here in The Park.

Now, mind you, some of this anger is justified. And that is what we should be looking at. Not that any one species has taken another’s anything, but that perhaps some species are more in need. Perhaps because they have come from different climates, different circumstances. In some cases, because their coats seem strange to other species. Whatever the reason, we have to acknowledge our own feelings about each other if we’re going to diffuse the anger. That’s why I’ve been such a supporter of our Stereotype Sundays and, indeed, of all our efforts to foster awareness and understanding of others.

TMD: Do you think Stereotype Sundays have been successful?

RM: I do. They’re not the only answer, of course. It’s a complicated issue, as is the issue of open immigration. But we have to be a park that welcomes others who have suffered. That was the basis of…that was our foundation. That is why we exist. To build a better world for Animals of all, if I may say, stripes. And spots, as well. And, yes, to some extent, as you asked at the beginning, to be a model for other parks. To be able to say, yes it’s difficult, but it works. And, in the end, it is all worth it.

TMD: Is it worth it?

RM: How could it not be? Is there an alternative that you know of that I don’t?

TMD: No. I was just wondering.

RM: It’s an imperfect system. And we live an imperfect life. That is not news.

TMD: Where do you, personally, go from here? What do you see in your future?

RM: I’m cleaning out my office presently, and I’m just a touch lost, but I will find my feet soon enough. I do believe that Archons should be able to serve more than once. I think we’re losing a lot of experience by not allowing that.

TMD: Are you saying that, if you could, you would serve another term?

RM: I’m saying just what I said. That it should be allowed. I certainly wouldn’t go right into another term now. But in a few years, I can see that being an appealing choice, yes.

But, as it stands, the only way to share what I’ve learned and what I’ve observed is to do what all other Chief Archons have done: to write a book. And that I will do, but I prefer to do it with a bit more perspective. So, I wouldn’t go looking for it this year.

TMD: Mr. Chief Archon, it has been a pleasure to talk to you today. We all in The Park wish you well in whatever you choose to do from hereon in. And we want to express our deep gratitude for your work in the service of zoocracy and The Park.

RM: The pleasure has been all mine, both in this interview and in serving as Chief Archon. I’ll see you all at the swearing-in on January 16 and again on Groundhog Day.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Interviews, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

OTD in 2017—Names of 2017 Archons announced

January 15, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

zoocracy-35The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2017 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.


ARCHONS – 2017
Kuttu, Klarissa Escalade (Chief Archon)

Amphiuma, Dudley; Arowana, Donat; Bonobo, Nakato; Cangrejo, José Basilio; Chameleon, Seymour; Crayfish, Thomas Frederick; Datnoid, Wattana; Deer, Alfhild; Gecko, Theodore Maximilian; Hoopoe, Imara; Kakkalakki, Njáll Jóhan; Kungsfiskare, Olaf Greger; Lehm, Aleksandra Elisabet; Lionfish, Elliott; Lizard, Marcela; Mantis Henry; Molly, Johannes; Mudpuppy, Ralph; Newt, Rodney; Oscar, Karma; Owl, Dominique Françoise; Pająk, Ilona; Polar Bear, Clovinda; Polipo, Dante Aurelio; Puffin, Nathan Edward; Puma, Sofia Ioanna; Quetzal, Tania Jimena Izabella; Salamander, Quentin Holder; Sammakko, Aava Matilda; Slange, Anika Kamilla; Tarantula, Xiomara; Taube, Ekkehardt; Tortoise, Aristodama; Turtle, Todd.

Filed Under: On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, Whoa! Braking News Tagged With: 2017 Archons, Park government, sortition

OTD in 2014—Names of 2014 Archons announced this morning

January 14, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Blue dice


The list of the 2014 Archons, who were chosen through sortition, has been released.

The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2014 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.

 ______________________________

ARCHONS – 2014
Moose, Buckminster Addison Carlisle Harris  (Chief Archon)
Angelshark, Horst; Anchovy, Leopold Anton; Black Toad, Duncan; Bluegill, Morley Hammond; Caecilian Ethan William; Chickadee, Norma Dakota; Colugo, Channary Am; Crapaud, Jean François; Dab, Halldora; Elephant, Anastasia Ludmila Margarita; Gavial, Ophelia; Gombessa, Sanjay; Groda, Edvin Theodor; Hornet, Xenophon; Hydra, Zephron; Isopod, Agamemnon; Junco; Elpidio Domingo; Kangaroo, Donald Liam; Locust, Abigail Chantal; Lory, Alfred Tobago; Matamata, Evelyn Isabel; Newfoundlander, Xanthippe; Nursehound, Amalfried; Panda, Astra Liliana; Pig Frog, Nelson; Rana de Cuernos, Arturo; Salamander, Leonidas; Shrew, Socrates Yorgos; Squid, Enzo Louis Raphaël; Sterlet, Florian; Swan, Ingrid Mathilde; Tuatara, Atarata; Weta, Rhinehart; Wren, Lucas Brayden

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

OTD in 2017—Park eateries to host “T-1” celebration tomorrow before Archons announced on Sunday

January 13, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

eat-drink-and-be-merryIt’s an idea whose time has come, say The Park’s restaurateurs. And that time is tomorrow night.

At exactly five o’clock, every one of The Park’s eateries and bars will fling open its doors for one long celebration in anticipation of the announcement of the 2017 Archons.

The Park-wide eating and drinking fest, which they’re calling, “T-1: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry,” is the brainchild of Beatrice Orang, owner of Provisions by Petrounel, and Brantford Gander of The Cackling Goose Tavern.

“Beatrice has been providing before and after meals for hibernators and estivators for years,” Gander explains. “So I asked her what she would want if she found out she was going to serve as Archon for a year. We met over drinks and it kind of went from there.”

It was Gander’s job to rally the other owners, but he says it was effortless: “I called a meeting and I told them the idea. They all sat there wondering why we hadn’t done it before.”

Gander says the rules of the evening are simple: the first drink is free, all appetizers are free, and everything after that is half-price.

“You’re welcome to stay the whole evening or move on to other venues. Sit, stay, or crawl, you’ll have a great time,” he says.

With all The Park’s eateries and bars participating—even the high end establishments—it’s hard to imagine otherwise.


The What Who When and Where:

What: T-1: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry
When: Five o’clock 14 January until food and drink run out (approximately four o’clock 15 January)
Where: All Park eateries and bars
Who: All Park residents are invited to participate by all Park eateries and bars

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Archon announcement, celebration, Park eateries and bars, Zoocracy 35

OTD in 2015—Without even a budget, what will be the legacy of our 2014 government?

January 12, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

2014 ArchonsA failed budget, citizen unrest, poverty, threats to safety, interspecial tension …

The list of The Park’s problems is long but the shorter one, it appears, is that of the accomplishments of the 2014 Archons.

“Things looked so promising … with [Chief Archon] Buckminster Moose and his take-charge attitude. We thought he could really set The Park straight,” said Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger during an interview on CLucK Radio yesterday.

“But then he disappeared. He faded into the background and all The Park’s problems came to the fore. I think it’s safe to say that we’ve had no actual leaders this year.”

Grouse isn’t the only one who feels this way. The results of a survey conducted last month by the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier indicate that Park Animals are even more disillusioned by the 2014 government than they were by the government of 2013.

“Last year, respondents were disappointed. This year, it appears, they are also angry,” says Dr. Anneliese Cissa, the Livingstone School’s head.

“They feel The Park is stagnating and even more, that perhaps zoocracy isn’t working. And there is a surprising amount of support for a change in the way we choose governments,” she says.

While Dr. Cissa stopped short of criticizing sortition (the current method of selecting a government), she did say she thought Park Animals might be ready for a “free and full” discussion of other options.

Meanwhile, all 35 of the 2014 Archons are in seclusion for the next few days, awaiting the announcement of the names of their successors and, possibly, re-fashioning their legacy while there is still time.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: citizen unrest, government failure, poverty, problems, violence

OTD in 2016—Countdown to our next government: 2016 Archons to be announced Friday

January 11, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Jan 15The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2016 government will be released on Friday.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts in the early hours of January 15, exactly an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The Mammalian Daily will publish the list on its web site as soon as it is made public.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Archons, new government, sortition

OTD in 2013—DWBS shuts down Otter Ice Slide following tragic accident

January 10, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The Department of Well-Being and Safety has shut down the Otter Ice Slide for an “indefinite period of time” after a tragic accident occurred there on Wednesday afternoon.

In a statement issued this morning, the Department confirmed that an ongoing investigation into the accident suffered by Boldizsar Vidra was the reason for closing the Ice Slide, which had just opened for the season on January 6.

“We are currently investigating the circumstances of the accident that occurred on the Otter Ice Slide on Wednesday, January 9, 2013. Until such time as the investigation has concluded and we have determined the cause, the Slide will remain closed for use,” the statement said.

According to witness accounts, Vidra was lying on his back, travelling at a high speed down the Slide, when he became aware that his coat was stuck to the Slide’s ice.

“He was screaming, begging for help, but no one could help him until he stopped,” said one witness. Approximately three-quarters of the way down the slide, several other Sliders were able to lift him off the ice. By that time, the Elephant Emergency Brigade (EEB) had arrived and Vidra was transferred to the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, where he remains in critical condition.

“There was so much blood,” said another witness. “Parts of his coat were just ripped off and stuck to the Slide.”

The Slide, which operates annually from January 6 until March 13, is the favourite recreational venue of The Park’s Otter families. It is not unusual for Otters and their young to spend an entire day at the Slide. This year, the Slide saw a 600% rise in attendance during its first three days. This increase has been attributed to the fact that the Slide experienced a very short season in 2012, when it was shut down in mid-February because unseasonably warm temperatures caused it to melt.

The DWBS is believed to be investigating the conditions of the Slide between the evening of January 8 and the afternoon of January 9. The accident occurred at 3:15 on January 9. Several witnesses at the scene said a partial melt had occurred in the early hours of the afternoon.

Prior to the Slide’s official opening, The Park’s Weather Office (PWO) issued a statement indicating that the venue would remain open for the entirety of the regular season.

A source close to the PWO, however, who wishes to remain anonymous, told The Mammalian Daily that, privately, the PWO has had concerns about the lifespan of the Slide for several years.

“With all the cutbacks in The Park, the PWO has been fighting, but not winning, a battle to get sufficient funding for Winter weather,” the source said.

The last several years have seen increasingly warm temperatures in The Park and many believe it is due to the cutbacks in the budget.

“If we don’t act on this problem right away,” said the source, “there will come a time when we have only three seasons in The Park.”

See also: Park weather office blasts budget, proposes radical change

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

OTD in 2017—“Sortition Shakes” on the rise as citizens feel the strain of possible Archonship

January 9, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

sortition-shakes

No, it’s not a snack. Or even a dance. It’s a real psychological condition that afflicts Park citizens. And it’s on the rise.

According to Park therapists, cases of  “Sortition Shakes” or “Lottery Nerves,” as they are also known, are up substantially this year. And, they say, it’s not surprising.

“I would say it was to be expected,” says Dr. Chloris Cougar of the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine.

“We’ve seen increasing pressure on the Archons, as zoocracy has matured and the expectations of Park government have grown,” she says. “It’s not surprising that a position that was once almost ceremonial but which now carries with it heavy responsibilities, should produce feelings of anxiety, and almost dread, in those who feel they may not be up to the task.”

Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist who also serves as a staff member at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic agrees.

“I’m seeing many of my former patients return for help with severe cases of the Sortition Shakes,” she says.

Dr. Gibbon says many are “racked by guilt” that they are not more knowledgeable and they are anxious about their abilities to make decisions that could prove life-altering for Park citizens.

“I also think that this year’s celebration of the thirty-fifth anniversary of zoocracy has added even more weight to the position,” she says. “They know all eyes will be on them and they’re worried about doing the right thing if they are selected.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: selection of Archons, sortition, Sortition Shakes, zoocracy

OTD in 2015—Lawsuit brought by Simply Structures may “have legs,” says legal expert

January 8, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

jgroundhogdayThe lawsuit filed by Simply Structures against the Park Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations may “have legs,” according to Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

The suit was launched in November after the construction firm lost its bid to build the prognostication pad for the 2015 Groundhog Day celebrations. Simply Structures has supplied the materials, design, and construction of the pad for over ten years, but it lost the 2015 bid to Nesthetics, a relative newcomer.

At the time of the announcement in mid-October, the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations issued a brief statement in which it said it had been impressed by the Nesthetics bid and by the foresight the company had demonstrated with regard to the sturdiness of materials and design.

Among other things, Simply Structures alleges in its lawsuit that the words “sturdiness” and “foresight” are implied criticisms of their company in general and of the 2014 prognostication pad, in particular.

According to its representatives at the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg, Simply Structures believes that it lost the 2015 bid due to the so-called “shadow controversy” of 2014. The controversy occurred when a group of spectators, frustrated by the prospect of having to endure another six weeks of Winter, claimed that the shadow the POPS saw was not her own, but one that appeared as a result of a fault in the prognostication pad.

Despite the fact that a team of shadow experts ruled that it was the POPS’s own shadow and no fault was ever found in the prognostication pad, the impression of liability has lingered. Now, the company is taking action against it.

“Negative impressions stick in our minds. They linger long after they’ve been disproven. That gives great power to innuendo and gossip. In this case, it’s a question of whether or not they can prove those words defame their company. If they can, that will go a long way toward effecting change with regard to how Park law deals with the issue of defamation,” says Terrier.

The case is scheduled to go to trial before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in late Spring.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: Groundhog Day, lawsuit, prognostication

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