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OTD in 2013—Park proclaims June to be “Enforced Domestication Awareness Month”

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The 2013 Archons have proclaimed this June as the first Enforced Domestication Awareness month.

Displaying what some have called a “take charge attitude,” the 2013 Archons have proclaimed June the first annual “Enforced Domestication Awareness” month in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning outside the law courts, Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros made the announcement.

Flanked by all 34 Archons, the Rhinoceros spoke on behalf of her colleagues:

“In declaring this coming month of June the first annual Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, we are finally acknowledging the dangers of enforced domestication and committing to a strategy to overcome those dangers. This proclamation, dated 30 May 2013, signals our willingness to meet head-on one of the greatest challenges The Park has ever faced. Due to the economic downturn, we have lost many of our best and brightest to the outside world. The Park cannot afford such a brain drain. We must work toward solving our economic problems so that there exists no need to look beyond our borders for survival. And, with this awareness campaign, we hope to inform and educate Park citizens and residents about the reality of enforced domestication, so that they will be able to resist the temptation to engage with those who might tempt them to sacrifice their freedom,” she said.

While experts in the field stop short of calling the problem “Animalnapping,” the official definition of enforced domestication was broadened last year to include “enticement.” This expands the original definition of “the physical removal of Animals from The Park, without their consent, for the purpose of using them for service or companionship in a domestic situation.” According to The Park’s Departments of Statistics and Records and Well-Being and Safety, ninety-nine per cent of enforced domestications are committed by Humans.

Planned events in support of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month include workshops, a series of public service announcements that will be broadcast on all Park television and radio stations and screenings of short films about the topic. As well, the Chief Archon advised that during the month of June an information booth staffed by workers from  Runaway Rovers will be installed beside the Ancient Oak Tree. The group, which provides assistance to formerly domestic Canines, has published a series of educational brochures entitled, “Enforced Domestication: It Could Happen to You.”  These will be distributed free of charge throughout June.

OTD in 2015—Does of Peace to attend at grooming houses; no ruling on matter yet: Dindon

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The Does of Peace will be at grooming houses until 6:30 p.m. tonight

BREAKING NEWS

Calling the issue “too important and too complex for a hasty weekend ruling,” Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon has stayed the proceedings involving the request for an injunction against police presence at The Park’s grooming houses today and, instead, has asked the Does of Peace take their place.

The Justice of The Park’s Superior Court made a brief statement late last night in which he explained that the matter under consideration was worthy of a great deal more “sober” thought than he could give it this weekend.

“I could not deliver a fair and balanced ruling in the little time afforded me before the Fowl Ball,” he said, as he read from a short, prepared speech.

“For this reason, I have called on the Does of Peace for assistance in the matter. Given the involvement of the Doves of Peace in Sunday’s Ball, I thought it better to make the request of the Does,” he said.

Speaking on behalf of The Park’s grooming houses, Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), applauded the decision.

“I think the Justice has done brilliantly and, on behalf of The Park’s grooming houses, I applaud his decision. Let the Fowl Ball begin!” he said.

The Does of Peace agreed to the Justice’s request and will be outside The Park’s grooming houses from 8:00 a.m. until 6:30 this evening.

OTD in 2014—Fowl Ball fever takes hold of Park

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Fowl Ball

The Park has Fowl Ball fever!

No, we are not using the word “fever” metaphorically (at least not in May).

Our medical experts at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm tell us that a rapid heart beat can, indeed, raise the body’s temperature. And a rapid heart beat is what many are experiencing these days, in anticipation of the Fowl Ball, which has been billed as “the event of the year, every year from now on.”

And, though the phrase “take hold” may be considered metaphorical, we thought it was worth committing this transgression against May’s Month Without Metaphor in order to keep you informed of the progress of preparations for the newest event in support of The Park’s Avian community.

“Everything is going smoothly, so far, and the weather looks perfect for the Ball,” says Rafael Ortega, one of the event’s organizers. Ortega, who has become the de facto spokesBird for the gala, confirms that tickets sold out “within hours” of going on sale.

“Just with those funds alone, we are well ahead of our goal,” he says. But there is much more to the Ball than fundraising, Ortega emphasizes.

“We’re here to have a good time. There’s music, food, fun, we have seven auctions planned, hours and hours of dancing and playing. Our lineup of bands reads like a ‘Who’s Who’ of Park musicians; Park chefs have risen to the challenge, and I have every confidence that the Fowl Ball will be as we planned — the best of the best,” he says.

And, what advice would Ortega give to attendees at this point?

“Confirm your grooming appointment, sleep well the night before, plan to be up the whole night of the Ball and don’t book anything for the next day.”

Sage advice, we believe.

The Park’s first Fowl Ball will take place on Saturday, May 31.

OTD in 2017—Park’s refugee groups take issue with new EDAM poster

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poster-for-edamGroups that represent The Park’s immigrant and refugee communities are pressing for a meeting with the Archons and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) to discuss the ramifications of what they’re calling the “not-so-hidden” messages in the new poster commissioned for June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM).

In a statement this morning, the leaders of eleven of The Park’s aid groups criticized the decision to portray the domesticated and formerly domesticated as “dupes,” or as lazy Animals seeking an easier life.

“The Animals we help, many of whom bear the scars of their struggles to escape from domestic situations, are being made to suffer twice over by being portrayed as stupid, lazy, or materialistic,” the statement says.

While the groups say they agree that it’s essential to warn Park residents about the dangers of living with Humans, they feel the month-long awareness campaign need not insult those who have done so or who still do.

“Many of the Animals we assist were taken by Humans during the first few weeks of their lives and they had no control over that. And many others have chosen, out of sheer desperation, to live with Humans in domestic situations. We all do what we must to survive. There is no need to characterize these survivors as foolish,” the statement says.

The group leaders say they will continue to protest against the campaign literature until they meet with the Archons and the DWBS.

OTD in 2015—Delay over, Tab Tricolore’s “La Langue au Repos” to open at PMoCA June 6

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The Tongue At Rest

“La Langue au Repos/The Tongue at Rest” opens June 6 at PMoCA

The long-awaited and much-delayed 2015 art installation overseen by renowned Chef Tab Tricolore is set to open at the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) on Saturday, June 6.

The installation, which is entitled, “La Langue au Repos/The Tongue at Rest,” is a collaborative effort among Tricolore and five other Park artists who were chosen by Tricolore himself.

“Not all the artists I chose work in media that are, strictly speaking, the visual arts,” Tricolore said at a press conference yesterday.

“It was a stretch for many of us to translate what we do best into this medium. But I think we have succeeded admirably. My compatriots are great artists in their own right and I am honoured to have had the opportunity to work with them. I will be eternally grateful to them, for reasons only they and I will ever fully understand,” he said.

The other “artists” chosen by Tricolore are renowned autochthonous artist Hervé Huard, Nesthetics designer Romulus Bowerbird, choreographer Gustav Hermelin, Slow Artist Fionn-Fionnoula T. Snail, Clementina Araña, and Reekabilly singer and composer Faramund Stinktier.

While Tricolore served as creative director of the project, he was quick to emphasize its collaborative nature.

“We all have the greatest respect, not only for each other and for each other’s work, but for the medium in which each of us expresses ourselves most often,” he said. “There was no competition among us. The competition was to produce the best art installation the PMoCA could ever host.”

This installation will be the first to open at the museum since its announcement last April that it intends to host an annual art installation. The PMoCA’s curator, Aamuun Maroodiga, was not involved with the installation, the museum says, since it was initiated last Autumn and her tenure began in March. It was the museum’s former curator, Dorika Pumi, who signed off on the project.

See also: Tab Tricolore: Working on this art installation has saved me

OTD in 2014—Sheep fiddle as Barkettes sing: Anixi Agrarian Jubilee “glorious celebration”

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Sheep fiddling

The Sheep fiddled and the sun shone brightly in the clear blue sky, as Thisbe and the Barkettes ascended the stage at the 2014 Anixi Agrarian Jubilee.

“It was a glorious celebration and they made it all the more special,” said Miriam Wapiti, the celebration’s chief organizer, at a post-event party on Tuesday.

That sentiment was unanimous, as Animal after Animal remarked on the quality of Thisbe’s voice and on the special bond that was evident among the Barkettes.

Although the group declined formal interviews after their performance, saying that they wanted to enjoy the event “just like every other Animal,” it was clear they were pleased with both their performance and its reception in the place they say they will always call home.

“Music has always been our lives,” Thisbe said in a radio interview last week. “And The Park will always be our home. We are so thrilled to have the opportunity to be reunited at the Jubilee. I can’t think of a more appropriate place to relaunch our career than at our annual celebration of renewal.”

With that, she removed all doubt that we would soon be lining up for tickets to a Barkettes concert. But the group still has not announced any firm dates. “Stay tuned,” is all their manager will say.

In the meantime, the Barkettes were not the only musical sensations to perform on Tuesday. The Park marked the beginning of the growing season in style, with performances by The Beasts of Burden, Inktvis and Krake, The Feral Four, The Endeka Elephant Band, Eggie and The Pigs, Banded Brothers, The DomEstyx, NIML, The Canary Cousins, and Spontaneous Generation.

OTD in 2015—Park’s journalism failing us all: Dean

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Don't read that!

“Don’t read that!” says Dean Gertrude C. Owl of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism

“There’s no other way to put it: our  journalism is failing us all in The Park.”

So said Gertrude C. Owl during her guest appearance on Alvin Tinamou’s Month Without Metaphor radio show on Wednesday afternoon.

The Dean of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier went on to launch a scathing attack on Park media. No medium, genre, or publication escaped her criticism, including The Mammalian Daily.

“What are they doing quoting gossip [web] sites, such as headsNTales? What happened to good old investigative journalism? Is it true or is it not true? Are you ready to call it or wait for more confirmation? How does quoting a source at headsNTales substitute for that?” she asked.

Tinamou sounded momentarily stunned, then bounced back to agree with Owl.

“I think we may be pandering to the crowd a bit too much these days. Or, as I say, using overblown language to tell what is an important story,” he said

Owl went further, insinuating that Park media was become “Humanized.”

“I know that reputable publications, such as The Mammalian Daily, cover important Park issues and that they don’t refer to the species of the Animals involved in their stories unless it is of some relevance. But I see a creeping Humanization, not in the selection of stories so much, but in the style of reporting,” she said.

“We have to remember, Humans are very different Animals; we must not emulate them. While Humans seem unable to see the big picture, Park Animals are much more aware of the consequences of actions. We must not always be bringing the story down to one element or one participant. Journalism has a raw power than is diminished by such a tactic.”

Owl, who was a popular guest, will join Tinamou again at the end of the month to discuss what she calls “writing clean.”

OTD in 2014—Park Museum puts out call for personal items related to domestication

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Park Museum

The Park Museum needs domestication-related items for its upcoming exhibit

The Park Museum has put out a call for items of a personal nature related to domestication and enforced domestication. The Museum says it requires such items for display in its upcoming exhibit marking Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

In a statement posted on the Museum’s web site, the Board of Governors requested contributions from Park Animals of items such as collars, leashes, cages, carrying cases, feeding paraphernalia (including bowls, etc.), grooming tools, toys, and I.D. tags. The Museum intends to borrow the requested items and assures Animals that their belongings will be “treated with the utmost care and respect” and be returned to their owners at the conclusion of the exhibit.

Details of the exhibit have not yet been released, but a spokesAnimal for the Board of Governors said the requested items will be displayed in a section called, “Ways and Means.”

To read the Museum’s full statement, click here.

OTD in 2012—Has Anixi Agrarian Jubilee become too politicized?

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A day after the most successful and best-attended Agrarian Jubilee in history, a menacing question hangs in the air: is the annual celebration becoming too politicized?

Organizers of the event, which marks the beginning of The Park’s growing season, sniff at the suggestion.

“I see no evidence of that [politicization] at all,” said Miriam Wapiti, the celebration’s chief organizer, at a post-event party. “With the numbers we get, there will always be those who see this as an opportunity to further their cause, but they’ll always be a small minority,” she said.

Not so, says Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) and a Guard Dog who was on duty during the Jubilee.

“We had to call in reinforcements, so many scuffles broke out…even among members of the [same] organization. It was three times more difficult to keep the peace and provide security this year than last year,” he said.

Sylvana Rana, of the anti-election group, Save Our Political System (SOPS), concurs with Shepherd’s view, though she sees it in a more favourable light:

“We signed up more Animals at the Jubilee than we have in the last five months,” she said.

Keeva Moffatt, President of the Spotted Skunk Sedan Patrol, said she counted representatives of so many organizations that “I lost count after a couple of hours.”

“I know there were at least twenty,” he said.

Even so, according to Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, the Jubilee went off “without a hitch.”

“There were no deaths, injuries, or serious incidents. I’ve seen much worse, even on Groundhog Day,” she said.

OTD in 2016—Beasts of Burden surprise farmers, tech companies with offer of pub for meeting

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The DraftThe Beasts of Burden have offered their pub, The Draft, as the venue for a meeting—or a series of meetings—of The Park’s farmers and technology companies. And they’re hoping their offer is one the two warring groups will not refuse.

The wildly popular band made the offer through their manager, Ignatius Herder, on the Yannis Tavros radio show yesterday afternoon.

It was as much of a surprise to him, Herder said, as it was to Tavros. Herder, a guest on the show, was discussing the rôle of music in The Park when he received a text message from the group announcing their offer of the pub.

“We heard Ignatius talking about music and its rôle in subduing dissent and in peacekeeping and it suddenly occurred to us, ‘He’s talking about us!'” said lead signer Alfredo Ox.

Not that the singers have appointed themselves peacekeepers.

“We’re nothing of the sort,” snorted Ox in an interview with The Mammalian Daily this morning. “We’re much better known for stirring up trouble. But this is an important issue and it can only be resolved by the parties involved. We thought, we’ve got a place for them where they can fight it out and maybe come to an agreement. It’s the least we can do,” he said.

As of the publication of this article, however, there has been no response to the offer either by the farmers or the technology companies.

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