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On This Day—August 21, 2015: Budget 2016: Analysis and commentary

August 21, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Since their unveiling on Tuesday afternoon, The 2016 Park Expense Projections have been met with an enthusiasm not seen in the past few years. Many citizens have praised PFO head Valentina Abeja for presenting a “thoughtful” budget, while others, who may have had unrealistic expectations, have said they’re satisfied, if not outright pleased.

The Mammalian Daily had the opportunity to speak with Abeja after her Tuesday afternoon press conference. Since then, our financial, social, health, weather, and education experts have pored over the figures. We present here a point form scoring, as well as analysis and commentary:

budget 2016

  • Overall Score: 7
  • Business Support: 7
  • Research Support: 7
  • Healthcare: 4
  • Immigration and Refugee Support: 4
  • Safety and Security: 4
  • Education: 8
  • Quality of Park Life: 8
  • Environmental Impact: 10
  • Look to the Future: 10

It was a difficult budget to score fairly since, to Abeja’s credit, it took into consideration many important items for which, in the past, expenditures have not been allocated.

The Mammalian Daily gave a score of seven to items such as support for business and for research. This may seem harsh because, heretofore, there has been no budget allocation for either. We are mindful, as well, that funds are limited and we have high praise for Abeja for setting aside any funds at all. Within that framework, then, a score of seven should be seen as an overwhelmingly positive one.

Abeja said on Thursday that scrapping budget funds for tourism was high on her list and that she met with little opposition to the idea. We agree completely with this decision. Those funds have found their way into other areas that will surely benefit Park citizens more than tourism ever can.

We were alarmed at the reduction in funds for healthcare. No longer a big ticket item, Abeja has designated only eight percent of the budget for what is now termed “health and well-being.” This is an eleven percent reduction from the 2014 budget. Abeja explained that some of the healthcare funds have been re-allocated to the areas of research, food production, weather, water, and business support. After extensive consultation with health professionals and with The Park’s food and weather makers, Abeja said she decided that spending now on items that will prevent illness in the future was the best route to take. The wisdom of that decision remains to be seen, but with a constantly growing population, we are somewhat skeptical and, therefore, gave the budget a score of four for healthcare.

We were puzzled, as well, at the two percent reduction in funds for immigrant and refugee support. Abeja pointed out to us that she had doubled the funds for education, which she believed would relieve some of the burden on I and R services. She also claimed that support for Park businesses would help new Park residents support themselves financially. Once again, that remains to be seen, but since some immigration services, such as the Extinction Anxiety Clinic, receive healthcare funding, we are dismayed at the reduction of both. We, therefore, gave the budget a score of four for immigrant and refugee support.

Most notable to some in The Park was the reduction in security funding. While the 2014 budget allocated a full twenty-three percent, Abeja has reduced this to fifteen percent. Many feel she has taken a big chance by making this move. Abeja seems to be counting on her spending in other areas, such as education, arts funding, and special events, to produce peace in The Park. Recent statistics have proven, however, that certain kinds of tensions are escalating and we question whether Stereotype Sundays will be enough to keep them at bay. As well, we believe the reduction will likely over-burden volunteer peacekeepers such as the Doves and Does of Peace. For this reason, we gave the budget a score of four for safety and security.

On its own, the doubling of funds for education seems a wonderful and timely idea. While we gave the budget a score of eight for education, we remain cognizant that some of that funding came from areas that should not have seen their funds shrink. The results of this re-allocation remain to be seen.

Abeja adjusted the figures for arts and sports funding this year, equalizing them at four percent and allocating six percent for special events. We cannot quibble with this and, therefore, gave the budget a score of eight in this area for overall quality of life in The Park.

In terms of environmental impact, this budget works very well. By allocating funds directly to weather, groundskeeping, water, research, and food production, Abeja has managed to use over a third of the budget to ensure The Park’s environmental health and longevity. For this, coupled with the de-funding of tourism, which had a detrimental effect on our environment, we offer high praise and a score of ten.

Finally, whether all the changes that come with the 2016 budget work in the long run, Abeja has made every effort to ensure that this a forward-looking budget and for this reason, we have given it a score of ten in this regard. She has supported research and the environment and looked to secure a future in The Park for our citizens and residents. For this we commend Abeja and her team at the Park Finance Office.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life Tagged With: 2016 budget, government spending

On This Day—August 20, 2014: DWBS to move forward on plan to track Human foot traffic in Park

August 20, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Human foot traffic

BREAKING NEWS
The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) announced today that it is moving ahead with its plan to track Human foot traffic in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo confirmed that the 2014 Archons had signed off on the controversial plan after several weeks of intense debate.

“This is a major milestone,” said Kakapo. “We are moving in the direction of ensuring the safety and security of Park Animals.”

The monitoring plan, which is scheduled to commence in mid-September, was originally proposed by an ad hoc group after the publication of what they called “disturbing” statistics surrounding the number of accidental deaths of Park Animals that occurred due to “trampling” and other types of collisions with Humans. The leader of the now-dissolved group was Fatima Formiga, great-great granddaughter of the renowned Park poet Aubrey Ant. Ant, a seventh generation Park citizen, was best known for his poem, “If the Shoe Fits.“ 

In a statement issued this morning, Formiga said she was “extremely pleased” to hear the news. She also wrote that it was “an honour for me and my family to have played a part in the solution to this devastating problem. It shows the power that poetry can have.”

To read Aubrey Ant’s famous poem, click here: If the Shoe Fits.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

On This Day—August 19, 2013: GooseBook’s fortunes fall on news of PIFF 2013 shutout

August 19, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

GooseBook Logo

GooseBook’s fortunes fell on Friday after Thursday morning’s announcement that cackle-enabled devices will not be lent to filmgoers this year nor will they even be allowed inside the Park Cinema during PIFF 2013’s Noon Nuttiness screenings.

The social network site, which is the parent company of cackle (as well as peck), stood to add to its financial base through a group of private investors who had planned to support the company in its new endeavours. But after Thursday’s announcement by PIFF Communications President Leola Ocelot, the group withdrew its offer of support, a spokesAnimal for the investors told The Mammalian Daily.

“The group [of investors] does not feel that the time is right for them to invest in GooseBook. Unfortunately, Park Animals continue to associate the company with the violence that broke out during the 2012 Noon Nuttiness screenings, even though the company was not involved in any way and publicly condemned the violence. Although the group is supportive of GooseBook, it has decided to hold off allying itself with the company until such time as GooseBook is able to repair its relationship with the public,” the spokesAnimal said.

Although some financial experts regard the loss of these private investors as “sounding the death knell” for GooseBook, the company’s CEO and President, Lester C. Gander said in a statement today that he is confident the company will find the support it needs “from both the public and investors.”

GooseBook was the brainchild of the late Cesar Emilio Gander, who founded the site while a student at the University of West Terrier. After his untimely death in 2009, as a result of a collision with a passenger aircraft, Lester Gander assumed the position of CEO and President. With Gander at the helm, the company has grown and the membership of all three social media sites has tripled in the past year.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

On This Day—August 18, 2015: Budget preview: “The budget is a very hard needle to thread.”

August 18, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

2016 Budget

Today is Budget Day in The Park

Will she or won’t she? And, will she or won’t she what?

Those are just a couple of the questions on the minds of all engaged Park citizens, as we await the presentation of the Park Expense Projections for 2016 (The Park Finance Office’s formal name for the budget).

PFO head Valentina Abeja will present the budget to the Archons at four o’clock this afternoon and she has scheduled a press conference immediately following the presentation.

This will be Abeja’s first budget and many financial, social, and health experts have weighed in on what they believe should be included in the budget. The Mammalian Daily recently spoke to some of them about their hopes now that budget day is here. Below are their responses (Please note: responses have been edited due to space limitations):

Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations, Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations: “I’m hoping for at least the same level of support that we’ve had in the past. Our celebrations are a fundamental part of Park life.”

Wellington Whistlepig, president, Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS): “It may be too much to hope for, but we could use some official support, even one percent of the budget. We’ve been supporting The Park through tough times for years and an acknowledgement of that fact would go a long way.”

Kalliope Sun Bear, president, Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP): “We made a number of presentations to the new PFO head and we felt she was receptive to what we were saying. I have every confidence that she will abide by some of our suggestions—in particular, that the Weather Office purchase weather produced by Park manufacturers.”

A.P. Civet, president, Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF): “We’ve found the new PFO head to be quite thoughtful and willing to listen. I believe she understands our situation better than those who’ve held her job previously. Food production is fundamental to our life here. We are quite optimistic about the new budget.”

Hermione Hippo, head nurse, Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, assistant professor, UWT School of Medicine: “For the last while, ‘health’ has been subsumed under the category of  ‘residents’ requirements’ and, as a result, I don’t believe it has been properly supported. Health issues—physical, mental and emotional—are a big part of our lives here and require not only treatment and support, but research funding. I hope the new PFO head understands that.”

Inez Gallina, president of the refugee aid group Home to Roost: “Apart from our autochthonous citizens, The Park’s population has historically been made up of immigrants and refugees. With our open immigration policy, the funding requirements grow every year. I hope Valentina Abeja fully understands that fact and respects the work of all of us in immigrant and refugee aid. I realize that funds are limited, but we cannot in all conscience or practicality invite Animals to make The Park their home if we offer them no assistance.”

Gareth Shepherd, president, Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW): “Security has become more of an issue the past few years and while we have always supplemented a paid force with volunteers such as the Doves—and now Does— of Peace, we still require more of the budget than we have been receiving. I hope the new PFO head values peace and security as much as other Park citizens do.”

Magnus P. Marmoset, holder of the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy at the University of West Terrier: “The  budget is a very hard needle to thread. Agreement on the allocation of funds can never be one hundred per cent. We all have different hopes and dreams and priorities. My own hope is that PFO head Valentina Abeja will learn from the past, but look to the future.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life Tagged With: 2016 budget, park economy

On This Day—August 16, 2012: UWT, Park Hospital to open first Extinction Anxiety Clinic

August 16, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

In a statement released yesterday, the University of West Terrier School of Medicine announced that it will collaborate with The Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm to establish The Park’s first Extinction Anxiety Clinic.

The clinic, which will be housed within the University of West Terrier, is the first of its kind in The Park. The Clinic’s mission is to diagnose and treat the symptoms of extinction anxiety in all species of Animals and to educate the public with regard to the effects of extinction anxiety on the health and well-being of Animals.

“Extinction anxiety is one of the fastest-growing psychological conditions in The Park. Every day, we see at least a hundred new cases,” says Dr. Berthilidis Strix, who was appointed as the clinic’s head last month. “It is essential that we address the problem now, before it becomes a threat to our collective health and prosperity,” she says.

The clinic will also be staffed by Drs. Gudrun L. Gibbon and Elinore E. Owl and other faculty members of the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine, as well as doctors, nurses, and community support workers from The Park Hospital.

In addition to diagnosing and treating Animals, clinic staff hope to conduct research on the effects of extinction anxiety on The Park’s economy, as well as on Animal behaviour.

The Extinction Anxiety Clinic is scheduled to open in January 2013.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life

On This Day—August 15, 2016: “I smell a Rat,” Stinktier cries, as Rotte jailed after Stereotype Sunday stunt

August 15, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

GunnarGunnar Rotte was hauled off to jail yesterday afternoon, after what he calls a “social experiment gone awry.”

According to a spokesAnimal for Park Police, The Rodent Commoner journalist was arrested for disturbing the peace and jailed for inciting violence at The Park’s weekly Stereotype Sunday.

The charges stem from Rotte’s actions yesterday, when he arrived at the weekly event disguised as a Skunk, claiming he was visiting family. Rotte contends he was trying to prove that Skunks receive more hospitality in The Park than Rats.

What he failed to anticipate, however, was that his “experiment” would offend Park Skunks.

It didn’t take long for him to find out, though. After about half an hour of walking around the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, tasting snacks and questioning other attendees, Faramund Stinktier, of the SCENTient Beings, outed him, declaring for all to hear, “I smell a Rat!”

The singer and composer, who was born a Skunk but now identifies as a Zebra, spoke to The Mammalian Daily by telephone this morning. He says he was incensed by the idea that a Rat would pose as a Skunk for the purpose of claiming that Skunks’ lives are easier than those of Rats.

“I may not feel in my heart as though I’m a Skunk, but I have experienced my entire life as a Skunk and I know it isn’t easy. We are are shunned by many, including Humans, and we suffer the same trauma as any other Animal in that position. I take offence to what Gunnar Rotte did and I believe he should apologize to the entire Skunk population of The Park,” he said.

Rotte will appear before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon this afternoon. He will be represented by Pernilla Varghund, junior partner in The Park’s oldest law firm, Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, Whoa! Braking News Tagged With: disturbing the peace, Gunnar Rotte, inciting violence, Skunks, Stereotype Sunday

On This Day—August 14, 2016: A peek at Holstein Fashion’s “Creations from the EDAM Collection”

August 14, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The Park Museum’s exhibition, Creations from the EDAM Collection, enters its third week tomorrow. The wildly popular exhibition of one hundred and seventy-five items of clothing that were created exclusively for June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) has attracted a record number of visitors to the museum and has thus far surpassed all expectations in terms of support for Holstein Fashion’s charity, EQUALSS.

As a gesture of goodwill toward those unable to attend the exhibition, the museum has allowed The Mammalian Daily to display a small number of the creations on its web site. The slideshow appears below.

We wish to thank the museum for its generosity.

[satellite gallery=2 auto=on caption=on thumbs=on]

Filed Under: Breaking News, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: EDAM Collection, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, holstein fashion, park museum

On This Day—August 13, 2016: Weekend shocker: Gossip site says Rapper’s father is also his brother

August 13, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Rapper Will.o.be.

Rapper Will.o.be.

The gossip site headsNtales says it has evidence that Rapper Will.o.be.’s father is also his brother.

In a post dated today, the site’s owners claim to be in possession of documents that prove it to be “an irrefutable fact” that the popular Park musician is the product of his mother’s liaison with her son, Philippe Sauvage.

Sauvage, who is the lead singer in the Feline band, The Feral Four, cut off contact with his brother three years ago, after the rapper was convicted of defacing a Tree at the Beats of Burden Music Festival.

The gossip site claims that Will.o.be, whose original name was Sebastian, was one of six kittens born to his mother, Kiki, and Philippe Sauvage. The kittens were not all born at the same time, the site says, but all share the same two parents.

Will.o.be. is currently on tour, but his legal representative, Sebastian Shepherd, a partner in the prestigious Park law firm of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd, released a statement on his behalf this morning, calling the claim “a ridiculous fabrication aimed at hurting Will.o.be. and his career.”

“Will.o.be. knows who his father is and it definitely is not his brother, Philippe Sauvage,” the statement said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Gossip and Rumour, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Feral Four, Philippe Sauvage, Rapper Will.o.be., rapper's brother, rapper's father

On This Day—August 11, 2014: The more things change, the more Humans stay the same: Noreen

August 11, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Noreen

The more things change, the more Humans stay the same.

So concludes Noreen in her second academic article due to be published in the November issue of the prestigious Journal of Human Behaviour (JHB).

In the article, which is entitled, How Dubious Wisdom Leads to Human Folly, the Adjunct Professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier and Mammalian Daily advice columnist shares new insights into “what makes the Human world go around.”

“Around is the key word here, my research showed me,” says Noreen.

“After spending the better part of two years studying Human history, I had to conclude that their [Humans’] tendency to end up where they started is the fault of their inability to learn from their predecessors. They cannot seem to incorporate lessons from previous generations,” she says.

“They are a tenacious species and there is much to be admired in that. But they appear to be true catalysts. They change the world, but they remain unchanged. And, as we have seen, that can lead to long-term problems for all species.”

Noreen said she found the research very difficult to do, “because there were so many places along the way that cried out for a change of course, but that change of course was never taken.”


lovely-to-look-at-front-coverBuy Noreen’s book, Lovely to Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Noreen, Park Life

On This Day—August 10, 2012: New photographs of Jor surface on gossip web site

August 10, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Previously unpublished photographs of Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy, have surfaced on the gossip web site, headsNtales.

The pictures, which show Jor in some compromising positions, were posted on the site early this afternoon, according to PotWatcher, The Park’s foremost web-watching organization.

PotWatcher says the pictures appeared “without warning and without any mention of their provenance” on the headsNtales site.

“They were just…suddenly there,” said Rufus Gordon Gaupe, President and CEO of PotWatcher.

Posting the pictures is not technically illegal, though it is, in the words of a spokesAnimal for Park Police, “in poor taste”.

Many of the pictures were taken when George Livingstone Barnaby Cuthbert, known to Park citizens as “Jor”, was living as a domestic Cat.

“There are pictures of him with Humans, pictures of him playing with small toys and sleeping and eating with what appears to be another domestic Feline,” Gaupe says.

Political analysts have been quick to weigh in on who might be responsible for the posting.

“I think we can safely say that anti-zoocratic forces are at work here,” said Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger. “It’s obvious this is meant to be a blow to Jor’s reputation…a way to discredit him and what he stood for, which is the concept of Animal self-rule.”

Despite requests for clarification from a number of Park newspapers, including The Mammalian Daily, headsNtales has refused to comment on the posting.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Gossip and Rumour, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

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