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Pressure mounts as Month Without Metaphor executive committee meets

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Month Without Metaphor borderThe executive committee of Park media’s annual Month Without Metaphor will meet this afternoon, as pressure mounts to replace Alvin Tinamou as chief organizer and director.

The publisher of The Avian Messenger, who was one of the event’s founders, has been on leave since last September, after he suffered the trauma of the theft of his nest and the loss of his and his mate Adela’s eggs.

According to the agenda for the meeting, the possibility exists for not only naming a new director but for splitting the duties that Tinamou performed over the past three years. New positions might include social media director, publicity agent, and outreach manager.

Among those under consideration for the position of director are Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and Executive Director of the Association of Non-Mammlian Park Newspapers (ANMPN), Senior Finance Reporter Antoinette Anhima of The Avian Messenger, Tarrance Turkey, Deputy News Editor at The Galliforme Gazette and an ANMPN founding member, Fannia di Volo, former Editor-in-Chief of The Insect Intelligencer (now The Serangga Star Adviser) and Priscilla Weevil, current Editor-in-Chief of The Serangga Star Adviser.

According to the agenda, the meeting will begin with a tribute to Tinamou, who declined the invitation to attend the afternoon gathering.

Archons, DWBS condemn “Cultivate Cuteness” campaign

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cuteness-postersThe Archons of The Park, in conjunction with the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) have issued a warning about a new campaign that has taken hold in The Park.

At a press conference early this morning, Balthasar Alouatta, spokesAnimal for the Archons, and Cornelius Kakapo, DWBS Director of Public Relations, condemned “in no uncertain terms” the campaign that advises Park Animals to “cultivate cuteness” in order to make themselves attractive to Humans.

“No matter what challenges we face in The Park, selling ourselves to Humans is not the solution,” Alouatta said. “We condemn in no uncertain terms this campaign that undermines our efforts to bring about fairness and equality for all. We are committed to Animal self-rule and we will not back down from it, even in the face of economic challenges and interspecial disharmony.”

The DWBS also had a warning for the campaign’s organizers:

“We will remain vigilant against your anti-zoocratic efforts and we will not hesitate to prosecute should any of The Park’s laws be broken,” Kakapo said.

Conspiracy theory or fact? Developers blame app failures on weather makers

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squirrel-with-gpsThe Park’s technology companies have launched the latest salvo in their ongoing war with weather makers and food growers.

In a full-page statement published today in most major newspapers, SINCAP and GVC De-Techt, two of The Park’s largest technology companies, accused the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP) of manipulating the weather so as to render their food apps unreliable.

According to the statement, over the past two weeks, the food apps known as Bulb Beacon and TulipTracker have been unable to determine accurately the location of Spring bulbs. Their makers claim the WMPSAP deliberately purchased weather last year so as to undermine the reliability of their products and the trust of the companies’ customers.

“It is our belief that the members of the WMPSAP took it upon themselves to purchase weather for late Winter/early Spring that would confound our food-finding applications and thus undermine our business,” says the statement which is signed by SINCAP Technologies president Peppi Orava and GVC De-Techt CEO R.A. Vole.

The statement goes on to accuse the WMPSAP of colluding with the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) to bring down the technology that both groups feel is a threat to their existence.

“It appears that our inability to come to an agreement regarding our rôles in the production and procurement of food in The Park has led both these groups to take aggressive action against us. We call on them to cease this illegal activity immediately,” the statement concludes.

Neither the WMPSAP nor the SCPCPGF has responded to the statement.

Consuela Tapir, who runs the tech rumour web site TikTekTok, says both companies have been “swamped” by complaints from customers who purchased the apps last year.

“Most of the complaints are that the apps have turned up nothing,” Tapir says. “But some are more concerning, in that purchasers have been led astray, into some dangerous areas outside The Park. Whatever the cause, these problems need to be addressed immediately.”

Park Museum to celebrate zoocracy’s 35th year with travelling exhibition

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Park MuseumIf you can’t make it to The Park Museum this year, worry not.

The museum’s Board of Governors announced today that it plans to revive its travelling exhibition, this time in honour of zoocracy’s thirty-fifth anniversary.

At a press conference this morning, Sukuta Rhinoceros announced the new travelling show which, she said, will display “relevant” samples of the museum’s holdings on a number of themes.

Rhinoceros, who is a member of Board of Governors and is one of the museum’s founders, said the travelling exhibition would make several tours of The Park throughout the year, starting in April.

“We are thrilled to be able to celebrate the thirty-fifth anniversary of zoocracy in this fashion,” Rhinoceros said, on behalf of the board. “It enables us to meet our commitment to inclusivity and to encourage interspecial harmony through education.”

The Zoocracy 35 Travelling Exhibition will be sponsored by the Founding Families Financial Corporation.

The museum’s full announcement can be read here.

Alvin Tinamou, mate confirm separation

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broken-heartIt’s official and it’s forever: Alvin Tinamou and his mate Adela have separated permanently.

In a brief statement released this morning, the publisher of The Avian Messenger and organizer of Park media’s annual Month Without Metaphor said it was “with profound sorrow” that he advised that he and his mate Adela have decided to “pursue their lives separately from now on.”

The pair, who have known each other since they were young, suffered the traumatic theft of their nest and three eggs last June. Friends of Tinamou told The Mammalian Daily that he blames himself for the loss and has been unable to recover from it. In September, he took an indefinite leave of absence from the newspaper. Only close friends and family have been in contact with him since.

“Alvin was in charge of the nest and he feels that he failed. Period,” said one friend who does not want to be named. “If Adela could bring herself to forgive him, I think that would help him heal, but she can’t.”

Today’s statement by Tinamou did not address either his return to The Avian Messenger or his rôle in this year’s Month Without Metaphor.

Mob swarms biographer at book launch

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3d-tabby-king-croppedYesterday’s launch of Yoshita Tigru’s biography turned ugly as an angry mob swarmed the author the minute she arrived at The Literary Apothecary.

A scheduled book signing inside the store was cancelled and Tigru was escorted by Park police to a safe location, where she gave a series of interviews via the web to Park television and radio stations.

According to Wyuna Winkle, the bookstore’s owner, Tigru had just arrived at the door when they rushed her, “grabbing at her tail and spitting at her.”

Other witnesses said some members of the mob were holding signs calling Tigru a traitor and an “unzoocratic Animal not fit for Park citizenship.”

Winkle said the mob members were angry at Tigru’s assertion that Jor, The Park’s first leader, initially had planned to rule The Park as king, instead of establishing zoocracy.

“That idea is abhorrent to them and they refuse to believe it,” she said. “To them, Jor was a perfect specimen of Felinity whose brilliance resulted in the reality of Animal self-rule. What Tigru reveals in her book, though, is that zoocracy was the result of a long process of thought on Jor’s part. What we ended up with as our government was not his first idea, but it was his best. For some reason, they think that revealing that fact is disrespectful to him.”

Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press, the book’s publisher, has confirmed that there are no other events planned at this time for Tigru.

Designs by Holstein puts stripes and spots up front this Spring

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Holstein FashionDesigns by Holstein’s 2017 Spring Collection will feature stripes and spots, according to a company statement.

In the release dated today, President and CEO Balbina Ko says the company took as inspiration for the new season the work that their charity EQUALSS has done, as well as their designers’ tribute last Summer to Zuberi Tembo, the murdered Endeka Elephant Band bass player.

Ko founded the EQUALLS charity almost two years ago to support the full equality of striped and spotted Animals and others in The Park. Since the charity’s birth, Designs by Holstein has included at least one striped and one spotted item in its seasonal collections. Last year, Holstein Fashion, the parent company of Designs by Holstein, hosted a fashion show during Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) in June. The show’s fashions were created to highlight the perils of domestication for all Animals.

The Spring collection, which is bound for the stores in April, includes footwear as well as body wear and, for the first time, rainwear, because as Ko remarked at the end of the company statement, “What are the first spots any Animal sees? Raindrops!”

Archons set to restrict Animals’ right to leave Park: rumour

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Bird On TravelingBREAKING NEWS
The 2017 Archons may be planning to enact legislation that restricts Park Animals’ right to leave The Park.

According to a post dated today on the gossip web site headsNtales, the Archons are considering unprecedented measures to restrict the free movement of Park citizens, as well as the free flow of goods.

Site co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo quotes “sources close to the Archons” as saying that talks are underway with legal and financial consultants to determine the feasibility of travel  and trade restrictions.

According to Guacamayo’s sources, the main problem appears to be the lack of power that Park legal representatives have in matters affecting Animals who have been charged or detained outside The Park.

That lack of power was the subject of a panel discussion this morning on Mammalian Daily Radio. During the discussion, University of West Terrier Law Professor Fionnula Fox, an expert in Extra-Hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park) told the panel, “It does not lie within our jurisdiction to represent Park Animals who have been charged with some form of wrongdoing outside The Park. Nor are we able to prosecute Humans on their own lands who have wronged Park Animals.”

According to Fox, the legal problem has given birth to a financial burden that Park Archons say the budget is not equipped to deal with.

“Without legal standing outside The Park, we must use the resources of our police and other specialized forces to extricate Park Animals from detention. Many see this as not just a financial burden, but a misuse or unnecessary use of our limited resources,” she said.

Although Fox did not say whether she agreed with the direction the Archons are said to be taking, she said trade restrictions might be a step in the right direction.

“Right now, we have to rely on the goodwill of Humans. We have to convince them to cooperate with us. Restricting their access to our goods might be one way of bringing more balance to the situation,” she said.

Today’s Return of the Nut celebration to include tribute to Nestor

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Today’s Return of the Nut celebration will include a tribute to the late Nestor P. Cat, who served as Keeper of the Nut in 2008.

In a statement released this morning, Malinda L. Hamster, president of the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), said the short tribute would recognize “Nestor’s importance to our community in particular, his important scientific and poetic contributions in general, and his great love of The Park.”

The tribute will occur a few minutes after 2017 Keeper of the Nut Sunniva Muldvarp returns the symbolic Nut to the hibernating community and swears the ancient oath that it was  “kept from harm and preserved intact.”

As part of the tribute, The Park’s Official Hibernation Ambassador, Hieronymous Hedgehog, will read one of Nestor’s most famous poems, “A Poem of Love Inspired by Water.”

The Return of the Nut ceremony marks the end of the hibernation period and the beginning of a new phase of life in The Park.

“It’s a day of faith renewed, as well as hope for the future,” Park psychoanalyst Dr. Elinore E. Owl, has said.

Clark Cascanueces, President of the Park Historical Society, told The Mammalian Daily that its significance “cannot be underrated.”

“It renews our faith in our community of non-hibernating friends as well as our faith in ourselves and our survival,” he said.

“I think Nestor would be honoured to be remembered at such an event.”

This week’s Stereotype Sunday to celebrate official end of hibernation

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End of hibernationThis month’s Stereotype Sundays will feature two themes instead of one. And this week’s theme will be “Welcoming Home our Hibernating Friends.”

In a joint statement issued this morning, the 2017 Archons and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), announced the theme:

“As the official end of hibernation falls on a Sunday this year, we have made the decision to dedicate this week’s Stereotype Sunday to welcoming back and celebrating The Park’s hibernating community. We look forward to seeing you at this joyful event.”

The statement went on to encourage the participation of all Park citizens in this the “opportunity to educate ourselves about hibernation and estivation.”

On hand for the celebration will be actress Millicent Hayberry, star of the one-Chipmunk play and film, Mixed Nuts, who has written extensively about the importance of hibernation and Groundhog Day.

An Early Riser herself, Hayberry will be joined by other Early Risers to discuss hibernation in general as well as their decision to rise on Groundhog Day rather than on the official date of February 19. According to the Department of Statistics and Records, Early Risers constitute approximately eight percent of The Park’s hibernating community.

To kick off the celebration, Belles and Whistles will perform what they call an “anti-lullaby” which will be followed by a set by The Canary Cousins. Other Park musicians have signed on, but the DWBS has confirmed that no loud music will be played during the celebration. Food will be available throughout the day, supplied by The Compost Heap, The Battering Ram Café, The Pound Gastropub, and Florette’s Fine Edibles, among others.

All attendees at the event will be given a free copy of “The Definitive Guide to Welcoming Back Our Hibernating Friends,” which was published last year and funded in part by the Department of Well-Being and Safety.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

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