The Mammalian Daily

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Tavros in trouble again for posting disrespectful tweets about hibernators

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tavros-gh-tweetAlmost two weeks after Groundhog Day, Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros has found himself in trouble with hibernators. Again.

In a court filing dated this morning, Hieronymous Hedgehog et al. allege that Tavros “libelled hibernators en masse and individually and disrespected the office of the Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS)” when he tweeted disrespectfully about 2017 POPS, Ditmar Bosmarmot.

Bosmarmot, who was suffering the effects of  premature awakening from hibernation (PA), was able to make the prediction of an early Spring on Groundhog Day before he was taken to hospital, where he remains sedated and in stable condition.

In the filing, Hieronymous Hedgehog et al. cite as evidence not only Tavros’s “disrespectful” tweets, but his attitude toward the event and toward hibernators and hibernation in general, including his campaign for POPS early in the Autumn of 2016.

“Based on the behaviour of Yannis Tavros, it is obvious to us that he has no respect for the hibernating class as a whole, nor for the office of Park Official Prognosticator of Spring in particular,” the filing reads in part.

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon will hear the case on March 15, according to the court docket. The plaintiffs are represented by Zvonimir Kojot of the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg. Yannis Tavros has not yet released the name of his representative.

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2017 POPS in stable condition as Park awaits hospital press conference

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Hermione Hippo

As Ditmar Bosmarmot, 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), remains in stable condition after being diagnosed with Premature Awakening from hibernation (PA), a press conference has been called for this afternoon at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.

Hospital spokesAnimal Aurélie Brebis confirmed the press conference in a short communiqué this morning:

“The hospital’s head nurse, Hermione Hippo, will deliver a statement on the condition of Ditmar Bosmarmot and afterwards will take questions from the press this afternoon at three o’clock in the main conference room of the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.”

Bismarmot, who was elected POPS in November, was roused from his burrow at approximately seven o’clock on Groundhog Day morning. He appeared groggy and after losing his footing along the way, he was helped to the prognostication pad by two aides. While there were concerns that he would not be able to fulfill his duties, he was able to stand on the prognostication pad unaided for a sufficient length of time to make the prognostication. According to a spokesAnimal for Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, who certified the prediction, the judge had “no hesitation whatsoever in doing so” and certified the prediction “with complete certainty as to its validity.”

Immediately thereafter, Bosmarmot was taken off the pad by members of the Emergency Elephant Brigade (EEB), who helped him onto a stretcher and delivered him to the Park Hospital.

A diagnosis of Premature Awakening from hibernation was made at the scene and confirmed later that day. Until this morning, however, doctors had made no comment on Bosmarmot’s condition other than to say it was “stable.”

The Mammalian Daily will keep its readers apprised of the condition of the POPS via Twitter and Facebook.

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A Hare as a spare? Park Election Office to designate runner-up in POPS election

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POPS BREAKING NEWS

Now that 2016 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) Adelheid Whistlepig is safely ensconced in her burrow, The Park Election Office has rendered her election win the last of its kind.

Executing what some are calling a “momentous change” in POPS election policy, the PEO has decided to designate an official POPS runner-up—an Animal who will fulfill the duties of the POPS should she or he be unable to do so. The change in policy will take effect at the next election.

At a press conference this afternoon, PEO head Gerritt Wezel made the announcement.

“Many factors were involved in our decision to designate an official runner-up—a spare, you might say—in the POPS election,” he said.

Among those factors, Wezel cited the lack of age restriction for candidates and the precariousness of life itself. But one thing stood out for Park citizens—and particularly for The Park’s weather makers— and that was the change in climate over the past decades.

“In the few years that we have been electing the POPS—a little more than a decade, in fact—our climate has become less and less predictable,” Wezel said.

“As many in our medical community have noted, premature awakening from hibernation, which was once a rare occurrence, has become a blight on our hibernating population. This is a serious matter and selecting a runner-up to the POPS is not a solution to this dilemma. But it is a first step in acknowledging that we must accommodate to it until we can change it. It is for this reason that I petitioned the Archons last year for a change in policy. And it is for this reason that they  agreed,” he said.

Wezel confirmed that the runner-up would likely be the candidate who received the second-largest number of votes, but he said the laws surrounding the selection have yet to be written.

“This is something that will take some time and a lot of deliberation, but the wheels are now in motion,” he said.

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