• Home
  • About The Mammalian Daily
    • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
    • A note about our style
  • Welcome to The Park
    • About The Park
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Park Life
    • Educational Institutions
      • University of West Terrier
      • Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life
      • Leonardo Language and Culture Institute
      • The Hani Gajah School of Art
      • Park School of Aesthetics
    • Shops and Retail
    • Restaurants and Pubs
    • Financial Institutions
      • Currency
    • Health & Well-Being
      • Hospitals and Clinics
      • Directory of Park Health Services
    • Grooming Houses
      • Amoltrud’s Aesthetics
      • En Garde Hair and Skin Salon
      • Halcyon Days Canine Coiffure
      • KwikLiks
      • Tallulah’s Toilettage
      • The Mane Event
      • The Pluming Room
    • Park Services
      • Architects and Construction Services
      • Employment Service
      • Entertainment and Party Services
      • Financial Services
      • Home Services
      • Image and Consulting Services
      • Legal Services
      • Park-Sponsored Programmes
      • Personal Services
      • Real Estate Services
      • Translation Services
      • Travel & Transportation Services
    • Charities
    • Citizen Aid & Action Associations
      • Associations, Federations, and Alliances
      • Political Reform Groups
      • Environmental Groups
      • Immigrant and Citizen Aid Groups
      • Education Groups
    • Sports
  • Arts in The Park
    • Art Galleries in The Park
    • Theatres and Cinemas
    • Music Makers
    • The Barkettes
      • History and Legacy of The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and the Barkettes Celebrate 10 Years of Sensational Singing Success
      • Olden Goldies: Noreen Interviews The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and The Barkettes: Hits and Recordings
    • The Library
    • Book Reviews
  • Media in The Park
    • Newspapers
    • Magazines
    • Radio Stations
    • Television Stations
    • Publishing Companies
    • Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
  • Fun
    • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
    • See Our Ads
      • A Different Reality
      • Canine Standup Comedy
      • Fake News
      • Financial Crisis
      • Liquid Assets
      • Monkey See
      • Solid Ground
      • Who We Are
      • Think Outside the Book

The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen
  • Breaking News
    • NewsBits
    • Whoa! Braking News
  • Politics/Law/Crime
    • Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Economy and Business
  • Education
  • Health and Medicine
    • Media
      • Month Without Metaphor
  • Focus on
  • Science and Technology
  • Arts, Entertainment, and Culture
    • Park Life
      • Ask a Poodle
      • Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
      • Passings
      • Gossip and Rumour
    • Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)
    • PIFF Piffle
    • Thisbe and the Barkettes
  • Noreen
    • Dear Noreen Advice Columns
  • Sports
    • Let’s Talk Balls!
  • Interviews
    • Five Questions For…
    • Survivor Profiles
  • Archives
    • Wednesday Rewind
    • Nostalgia
    • From the Vault

Archives for May 2025

OTD in 2012—Radio host in hospital after locking horns with photographer

May 31, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Controversial Toro Talk Radio host, Yannis Tavros, was admitted to hospital this afternoon after suffering injuries resulting from a scuffle with a photographer.

Witnesses say Tavros was leaving the station after his daily broadcast, when a photographer from The Ruminant Free Press snapped a picture of him.

The enraged Tavros started to grunt, the witnesses report, and “mutter expletives, mostly about the flash in his eyes. Then he warned [the photographer] not to do it again.”

The photographer, reportedly, refused to heed Tavros’s warning and, after snapping a few more pictures, a scuffle with the radio star ensued.

“They locked horns and it took a herd of passersby to get them free,” said one witness, who asked to remain anonymous.

Tavros, bleeding at the scene, was taken by Elephant Emergency Brigade (EEB) to the Park Hospital, where he remains in satisfactory condition.

The photographer, who has been identified as Hannus Hanka, suffered less serious injuries and was escorted back to his workplace.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, On This Day

OTD in 2017—This is not Ronald Grouse’s first Media Circus. But it may be his best

May 30, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

media-circusDespite criticism that he’s been too hard on Park media this May, Month Without Metaphor director Ronald Grouse has received almost unanimous support from The Park’s journalism community for his efforts on behalf of tomorrow’s Media Circus.

The jam-packed event, which Grouse had originally planned as a two-day affair, had its origins in the 2011 celebration hosted by the Association of Media Outlets of The Park (AMOP). But the purpose of that event was far different from what Grouse has planned for tomorrow.

“I worked on that first media circus and I remember it fondly, partly because of the innocence of it all and its sense of openness. It was very pro-journalism. We were all proud of what we did and we wanted to share that with Park residents. We also wanted to encourage young Animals to consider a career in journalism,” he told The Mammalian Daily.

“But Park media have grown in the past six years, and we— as well as our audience— are suffering from our growing pains,” he said.

Tomorrow’s event, then, will be more focused on, as Grouse says, slyly using a metaphor, “righting the ship.”

“This circus is for all, but part of it is for our own edification. I think of it as holding a mirror up to ourselves. Journalists need to take a cold, hard look at what we’re doing, why we’re doing it, and what results we’re looking for. I want to start an ongoing, thoughtful conversation about that,” he said.

Part of that conversation will include Grouse’s favourite topic, the language of manipulation. And our sneak peek into the media kit confirms that. The kit, which will be given out to all attendees, includes some of Grouse’s least favourite journalistic tools: metaphors, similes, trite expressions, and—best of all—heart strings that are meant to be pulled.

The irony isn’t lost on Grouse.

“Yes, the media kit is manipulative, but it’s all for a good cause, and that’s to do our jobs better,” he said.

“The kit illustrates what’s gone wrong and we hope it will spark some realizations. After all, our job is to present the facts as we know them, not to use words to manipulate the minds and hearts of our readers and listeners.”

The Park’s Media Circus will take place 31 May 2017 at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, from 09:00 until 16:00.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, Month Without Metaphor, On This Day Tagged With: #mediacircus, metaphors, pulling heart strings, similes, trite expressions

OTD in 2013—Groundhog finally POPS up at Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

May 29, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

2013 POPS Bastiaan Groundhog made his first public appearance at the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee. The POPS has been in seclusion since the Groundhog Day debacle began.

2013 POPS Bastiaan Groundhog made his first public appearance at the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee last Monday. The Groundhog had been in seclusion after receiving threats against his life when the prediction he made proved wrong.

Some may see the annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee as the beginning of The Park’s busy social season, but there is one Groundhog who viewed this year’s event as more of an ending, and a happy one at that.

Bastiaan Groundhog, 2013 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) chose last Monday’s occasion to end his time in seclusion and make the first public appearance of his post-POPS life. Since he made his prediction on February 2, (which proved to be inaccurate), he had not been seen; threats against his life made it necessary for him to remain in hiding until it was deemed safe for him to emerge. Luckily for him, The Park Weather Office owned up to their own mistakes regarding weather transportation in time for him to attend the Jubilee.

“I love the Jubilee. It’s one of my favourite celebrations, so I decided to make it a pop-up event,” he joked on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

Asked directly about his reaction to the death threats, the Groundhog said he knew that Park Police took it very seriously (as of now, they have made twelve arrests in the ongoing investigation) but he thought it was just frustrated Animals blowing off some steam.

“I called it my praedictio ad absurdum,” he joked. “I thought the threats were ridiculous. I couldn’t believe it was worth killing me over a few extra weeks of snow.”

As for his future plans, Bastiaan Groundhog says that while he is behind in his life, he is up to speed on Park gossip.

“I kept my ear to the ground the whole time I was in seclusion…and I had some dedicated informers who helped keep me current. And that’s the most important thing.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, On This Day, Park Life

OTD in 2012—Jubilee cleanup most expensive in Park history

May 28, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The cleanup bill for last week’s Anixi Agrarian Jubilee has arrived and it is substantial.

The cost of straightening up The Park after this year’s event, which was the largest in its history, will “just about empty The Park’s coffers,” says Finance Officer, Milton Struts.

“Even the [celebration of the] establishment of zoocracy and calendar harmonization didn’t cost this much,” he says.

Organizers of the event say that its size and the numbers it attracts account for the hefty bill.

“The Park is growing in population and this year’s weather was extraordinary. Those two factors, alone, could account for the numbers we saw at the event,” says Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

Adding to the financial woes is the fact that some Finance Officers say the massive bill should come out of the groundskeeping account rather than the money that is allocated yearly for special events and celebrations.

“We are divided on this,” said Milton Struts in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

“The Special Event account is over-budget already, and we’re not even halfway through the year. Groundskeeping, on the other hand, has a small surplus, due to this year’s extremely mild Winter. It makes sense, I think, to pull the funds from there. I’m thinking ahead to next year and we don’t want to have to say that we’re cutting back on special events. That won’t go down well with Park Animals,” he warned.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

OTD in 2017—Hayberry drops diva demeanour, plans pre-gala meet and greet with fans

May 27, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

MillicentHayberry Renowned actress Millicent Hayberry will not be leaving the building early. In fact, she’ll be there well ahead of schedule.

In an open letter that was published media-wide today, the actress issued an invitation to her loyal fans to attend a meet and greet event with her at The Burrow Theatre on Friday, June 2—one day before the gala opening of her new play, Aracari.

Hayberry, who is best known for her portrayal of the late author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, is not only the star of the second play of Gianfranco Colocolo’s three-part mystery series, but she is also its director.

Tickets for the gala opening were quickly snapped up after going on sale Monday and, according to Hayberry, she wanted to respond to the disappointment of many of her fans. After The Burrow Theatre gave its permission, she decided to host a pre-gala event to thank her “beloved fans” for their continuing loyalty.

It is a bold and somewhat dangerous move, and one that few actors would make.

“Had I been her director this time around, I would have forbidden it,” says Jean-Luc Briard, who directed Hayberry last year in Godwit, the first of the Colocolo mystery series.

“It’s too risky,” he said. “Too many things can go wrong. Actors need to keep themselves focused on the play and avoid all distractions.”

Nevertheless, Hayberry says she’ll be greeting fans at The Burrow Theatre from ten o’clock in the morning until “the last of my fans returns home.” No tickets are required, but be prepared for a long lineup.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Aracari, meet and greet, Millicent Hayberry, The Burrow Theatre

OTD in 2015—Noreen to deliver commencement address at University of West Terrier

May 26, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

UWT COATBREAKING NEWS

Noreen will deliver the 2015 commencement address at the University of West Terrier on June 1, it was announced today.

The President and Governors of the University made the announcement on the university’s web site this morning.

A spokesAnimal for the university said they were “thrilled” that Noreen had agreed to deliver the address.

“We are cognizant of how busy she is and we didn’t wish to burden her in any way,” the spokesAnimal said. “But Noreen is a shining example of the kind of accomplishment that zoocracy has made possible for all Park Animals. We want our graduating class to benefit by hearing her speak about her life and her experiences.”

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct professor of Human Studies is expected to talk more about her earlier life than about her work at the university.

Read the announcement here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, On This Day Tagged With: commencement address, graduating class, University of West Terrier

OTD in 2012—UWT to dispense with admission requirements

May 25, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Bowing to pressure from a number of citizen action groups, The University of West Terrier announced today that it will dispense with admission requirements as of the academic year 2012-2013.

In a statement released late this afternoon, the President and the Governors of the University outlined the institution’s “Plan of Action” for the future and explained the changes that will occur.

While, strictly speaking, admission requirements will be eliminated, the statement said, the University’s grading system and the requirements for post-graduate admission will remain intact.

“Essentially, the University will be moving from a system of undergraduate admission requirements to that of a system of academic maintenance requirements,” the statement read.

According to a spokesAnimal for the University, academic maintenance requirements systems have worked well in other educational institutions.

“The idea is to allow all students to enter the academic programmes of their choice. They will, then, be closely monitored and those who do not meet the standards required to maintain their place in the programme will be asked to leave,” the spokesAnimal explained.

The statement released by the University said that the new directive is “consistent with the University’s policy of equal opportunity and inclusion” and that the move is in keeping with the institution’s policy of recognizing and valuing the differences among the species.

“This move will align our student admission policy with our staff hiring policy, which is regarded as one of the most forward-thinking policies in academia. We look forward to welcoming able students of all species and languages and to benefitting from their experience and way of life,” the statement read.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, On This Day

OTD in 2016—Month Without Metaphor organizer: “We’re losing ground, minute by minute.”

May 24, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

MonthWMThe chief organizer of the third annual Month Without Metaphor says we’re losing ground in the fight against the unncessary embellishment of the news.

“Plain speaking is disappearing and not bit by bit, but minute by minute,” says Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the initiative’s founders.

In an interview with The Mammalian Daily, Tinamou quoted statistics that he says indicate the market for what he calls “the plain, unembellished truth” has diminished substantially over the past five years.

“Journalism has given way to storytelling and it’s a slippery slope from there,” he opined. “We’re no longer reporting on an event or situation; we’re taking readers on a journey for their entertainment rather adding to their knowledge or understanding,” he said.

Tinamou contends that the problem started innocently enough, when journalists were told to broaden their reports from “just the facts” to historical, sociological, and psychological context.

“It started with context and the idea that those who work in the media could bring readers and listeners a better understanding of what was going on in The Park and in the world outside The Park,” he said. “But, somehow, that devolved into embellishment and fictionalizing,”

Tinamou said metaphors are just one aspect of the problem, but they were something that he felt could be easily targeted.

“I thought we’d start with reducing metaphors and move on from there. But we seem to be stuck in this style of writing. I don’t think new journalists know any other way,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Media, Month Without Metaphor, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: journalism, Month Without Metaphor

OTD in 2016—Typos rule: Moth new face of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month

May 23, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Enforced Domestication Moth

It’s official: Nicoletta Moth becomes Enforced Domestication Awareness Month Ambassador

First, it was the missing letter in “Beasts” that turned the annual charity music festival into the “Beats of Burden.” Then, it was the Does of Peace, The Park’s newest peacekeeping group and 2015 Mammalian Daily Animals of the Year.

Now, the organizers of June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) have named the campaign’s first official ambassador. And she’s a Moth.

“We couldn’t believe it happened again,” Hercule Parrot told The Mammalian Daily yesterday.

The 2012 Chitter Radio Literary Award winner and part-time mentor at BirdBrains, The Park’s first Avian mentoring programme, joined the campaign’s organizing committee just this year. And it was his responsibility to find an ambassador for the month-long campaign.

“Don’t get me wrong. I was in no way disappointed in those who applied nor in our final choice. In fact, I wish I had thought of it myself. Moths are, of course, a species that suffers enforced domestication and exploitation and they’ve been underrepresented in our campaign and I’m sorry for that. But, of course, I was puzzled at first by the applications we received, until I took a look at our advertisement. And there it was: Moth instead of Month.”

After interviewing what Parrot calls an “amazing” number of Moths, he settled on one he says “stood out among the rest in terms of intelligence, talent, and commitment.” And her name is Nicoletta Moth.

A comedian and Animal impersonator, Moth’s most recent gig was at The Howler, where she performed for a packed house.

“I was there,” Parrot said, admitting that as an imitator himself, he wanted to see what another species could do.

“She was amazing, particularly as a Tarantula. Her Wasp is better known, but her Tarantula and Praying Mantis are to die for,” he said.

Moth will be putting her performing career on hold for the month of June this year and each year for the next three.

“We feel extremely grateful that she accepted our offer,” Parrot says. “She’ll do a world of good for enforced domestication awareness.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Animal impersonator, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, Moth

OTD in 2016—Park Museum confirms basketball theft

May 22, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Flyball and the Importance of Balls in the Everyday Life of Park Animals

The basketball seen above was stolen from The Park Museum last night, police say

BREAKING NEWS

The basketball that belongs to Mammalian Daily sports columnist and balls specialist Bailey has disappeared from The Park Museum.

The ball—seen in the middle at the top of the display at left— was lent to the museum by Bailey and formed an important part of the “Flyball and the Importance of Balls in the Everyday Life of Park Animals” exhibit, which opened on May 8.

In a joint statement released early this morning, the museum and Park Police confirmed the overnight burglary.

“We regret to inform the public that The Park Museum will be closed today, as a result of an overnight burglary. Park Police will be on site for the duration of the day, gathering evidence and speaking to witnesses. Any Animal who has any knowledge of this crime or who saw anything suspicious in the area surrounding the museum yesterday afternoon, evening, or overnight, should contact Park Police right away,” the statement said.

All lands around the museum have been cordoned off for the investigation. A spokesAnimal for the police said they hoped to recover the ball as soon as possible.

“The first few hours are crucial and although the crime was not discovered until very early this morning, we are hopeful that we’ll be able to recover the ball intact today,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: basketball, crime, park museum, theft

Next Page »

Follow Us

  • X
  • Facebook
  • YouTube

Mammalian Daily-Related Sites

  • The Park Census
  • The Park Museum
  • The University of West Terrier

The Mammalian Daily on Twitter

  • Chef Tab Tricolore
  • Gunnar Rotte
  • Hieronymous Hedgehog
  • Mammalian Daily
  • Media's Month Without Metaphor
  • Millicent Hayberry
  • Noreen
  • Park Groundhog Day Celebrations
  • Pieter Paard
  • PIFF Reports
  • Yannis Tavros

Welcome to the Media Circus!

Looking for something?

Archives

How wise you are to read this newspaper!

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

TMD quick links

  • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
  • The Best of Noreen
  • Interviews
  • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
  • Nostalgia: Celebrating 1,000 articles!

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

May 2025
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Apr   Jun »

Contents Copyright © 2025 The Mammalian Daily