The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

PIFF 2016 sneak peek: Noon Nuttiness

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Park Interspecial Film FestivalThe Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) is a little more than a month away and today, we got a sneak peek at what’s going to tickle our funny bones come October.

At a short press conference this morning, PIFF Communications President Leola Ocelot announced two of the films that will screen during the Noon Nuttiness portion of PIFF 2016:

AS I LIVE AND BREED: A NATURAL BUNNY’S HOME VIDEOS
Directed by Ilona Pupu
The Park | 20 minutes | Noon Nuttiness Première

Comedienne Ilona Pupu, who regularly makes fun of the ability of her species to produce what she calls, “three generations, no waiting,” directs and stars in this sendup of the life of a “natural bunny.”

With candid clips from her own life (and birthing) and actors standing in for her relatives and friends, Pupu pokes fun at her species without entirely spearing it. “Education? Who has time!” she declares as she nurses one litter while birthing another. One of the funniest parts of this film shows three of the four seasons go by in the background as Pupu’s niece Veera gives birth. Over and over again.

I AM GEOFFREY’S CAT: MY HILAIREIOUS SEARCH FOR AN INDEPENDENT IDENTITY
Directed by Carlos Geraldo Gato de León
The Park | 22 minutes | Noon Nuttiness Première

How are you supposed to have an independent identity when the Human boy you live with has the same name as your breed?

That is just one of the questions this Noon Nuttiness selection poses. But if that sounds too serious for you, don’t worry: this short film will have you in stitches as you watch the confusion mount. The star, who is also the director’s cousin, has a wicked sense of humour, which he loves to turn on his Human victims.

The title, by the way, invokes the name of the Human, Geoffrey St. Hilaire, after whom the star’s breed is named.

The Park Interspecial Film Festival runs 1-5 October 2016.

Glass shape made of nuts with strawNoon Nuttiness gratefully acknowledges the support of The Nut Bar, the most trusted nut shop in The Park.

Belles and Whistles to join lineup at Beats of Burden festival in September

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Beats of Burden logoThe Park’s newest singing duo, Belles and Whistles, confirmed today that they will be performing at this year’s Beats of Burden music festival in September.

The duo, who were secretly mentored by Thisbe and the Barkettes, made their début on June 30 at the Concert for Charity in honour of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM). Since then, their manager Retriikka Spanieli says, they’ve been working on producing their first collection of songs, which they describe as “an eclectic mix.”

“The duo has an amazing range and an ability to perform in a multitude of genres,” Spanieli told The Mammalian Daily in a telephone interview.

According to Spanieli, the duo’s main goal at the moment is to convince audiences that they are their own musicians, and not an extension of the Barkettes.

“They love the Barkettes, as we all do, but they have an identity of their own and ambitions beyond becoming a carbon copy of The Park’s most successful singing group,” Spanieli said.

The Beats of Burden Music Festival takes place in The Park September 16-18, 2016.

 

Don’t forget: Park ART Walk’s “Patterns in Life and Art” is on today

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Park ART WalkThe organizers request the honour of your presence at the following event:

Park ART Walk
Saturday, August 20, 2016
10:00 am – 7:00 pm

Entitled, “Patterns in Life and Art,” the 2016 Park ART Walk will celebrate the artistic accomplishments of The Park’s striped and spotted population. The organizers of PAW 2016 wish to thank its partner and collaborator, Holstein Fashion, for its support.

The Park ART Walk is a one-day, juried art exhibition that showcases the artistic expression of Park residents. Showings will take place at participating art galleries, shops, theatres and cinemas. This year’s jury will include curators from The Ewe and Moo Gallery, the Park Museum of Contemporary Art and the Tortoiseshell Gallery.

————————————————————————————-

The Park ART Walk wishes to thank its sponsors:

         

    LeTwiggery     Amoltrud’s Aesthetics  Glass shape made of nuts with strawThe Nut Bar

       Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations

FF
 Founding Families Financial Corporation
Lemming Lemur Lion and Lynx Credit Bank

  The Tabby Club
You’ve Earned Your Stripes™                                 

Holstein Fashion
Holstein Fashion
EQUALSS
PurrBoy Logo (2)The PurrBoy Café          
     Cackling Goose Tavern    Best GoUnderground 2015 Logo

A peek at Holstein Fashion’s “Creations from the EDAM Collection”

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The Park Museum’s exhibition, Creations from the EDAM Collection, enters its third week tomorrow. The wildly popular exhibition of one hundred and seventy-five items of clothing that were created exclusively for June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) has attracted a record number of visitors to the museum and has thus far surpassed all expectations in terms of support for Holstein Fashion’s charity, EQUALSS.

As a gesture of goodwill toward those unable to attend the exhibition, the museum has allowed The Mammalian Daily to display a small number of the creations on its web site. The slideshow appears below.

We wish to thank the museum for its generosity.

[satellite gallery=2 auto=on caption=on thumbs=on]

Weekend shocker: Gossip site says Rapper’s father is also his brother

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Rapper Will.o.be.

Rapper Will.o.be.

The gossip site headsNtales says it has evidence that Rapper Will.o.be.’s father is also his brother.

In a post dated today, the site’s owners claim to be in possession of documents that prove it to be “an irrefutable fact” that the popular Park musician is the product of his mother’s liaison with her son, Philippe Sauvage.

Sauvage, who is the lead singer in the Feline band, The Feral Four, cut off contact with his brother three years ago, after the rapper was convicted of defacing a Tree at the Beats of Burden Music Festival.

The gossip site claims that Will.o.be, whose original name was Sebastian, was one of six kittens born to his mother, Kiki, and Philippe Sauvage. The kittens were not all born at the same time, the site says, but all share the same two parents.

Will.o.be. is currently on tour, but his legal representative, Sebastian Shepherd, a partner in the prestigious Park law firm of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd, released a statement on his behalf this morning, calling the claim “a ridiculous fabrication aimed at hurting Will.o.be. and his career.”

“Will.o.be. knows who his father is and it definitely is not his brother, Philippe Sauvage,” the statement said.

Park ART Walk 2016 partners with EQUALSS charity to celebrate the work of the striped and spotted

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ma f11 no 001The organizers of the 2016 Park ART Walk (PAW) announced today that they have partnered with Holstein Fashion’s charity EQUALSS to celebrate the artistic accomplishments of The Park’s striped and spotted population.

In a joint statement released this morning, Park ART Walk organizers, EQUALSS, The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, the Lemming Lemur Lion and Lynx Credit Bank, and the Founding Families Financial Corporation confirmed the theme of this historic 10th annual Park ART Walk:

“We are extremely pleased that, though our work together, the 2016 Park ART Walk will be able to bring into focus the creative output of our striped and spotted population. The Park is extremely proud of our dynamic striped and spotted citizens and we want to shine a light on the ways in which they have enriched the lives of all Park residents. These are Animals who have not yet reached true equality in The Park, yet they are able to contribute greatly to their families, to their community, and to the creative arts. They are truly an inspiration to us all.”

Underwritten in part by Holstein Fashion, the Park-wide exhibition is entitled, “Patterns in Life and Art.”

This is the fifth time in its history that the Park ART Walk has had a distinct theme. Last year, PAW honoured The Park’s endangered species in “Against All Odds.” In 2014, our refugees were honoured in “From Fear to Freedom.” In 2013, it was our autochthonous artists who were highlighted in the exhibition, “From the Ground Up.”  In 2012, thanks to a one-time gift from The Archons’ Initiative Fund, the event showcased art as it related to the theme, “INtegration through ART.”

The Park ART Walk is a one-day, juried art exhibition that showcases the artistic expression of Park residents. The 9th annual Park ART Walk will take place on Saturday, August 20, 2016 between the hours of 10:00 am and 7:00 pm. Showings will take place at participating art galleries, shops, theatres and cinemas. This year’s jury will include curators from The Ewe and Moo Gallery, the Park Museum of Contemporary Art and the Tortoiseshell Gallery.

Millicent Hayberry “seriously considering” POPS bid : rumour

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MillicentHayberry BREAKING NEWS

Renowned actress Millicent Hayberry is “seriously considering” running for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), according to the gossip site headsNtales.

In a post dated today, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo said Hayberry is still “conferring with those in her inner circles, both personal and professional, and likely will announce her decision in October.”

Best known for her portrayal of the late author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, the beloved actress currently can be found onstage at the Burrow Theatre starring in Godwit: A Mystery.

If Hayberry does decide to take a run for the office, it will not be the first time that a Chipmunk has made the attempt. In 2012, Lorenzo Michele Chipmunk thew his hat in the ring and although he did not win, many credited him and Zachariah Skunk, who ran in 2011, with broadening the field and making the list of candidates more representative of The Park’s population.

Hayberry still has a lot of time to make her final decision. Park Animals have until November 5, 2016 to put their names forward as candidates for POPS.

Park Museum’s EDAM Gala sells out

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GALA TICKET final

If you were thinking of buying a ticket to tonight’s gala celebration of Holstein Fashion’s EDAM Collection, The Park Museum has some bad news for you: the event has sold out.

The Board of Governors made the announcement on the museum’s web site yesterday. But if you still have your heart set on attending, you have one last chance to obtain a ticket: according to the web announcement, any returned tickets will be sold at the museum’s entrance at 6:00 p.m. The event begins at 8:00 p.m.

Read the full announcement here.

Holstein Fashion honours Zuberi Tembo

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One day before The Park holds its official memorial for Zuberi Tembo, Holstein Fashion’s charity EQUALSS has released a design in his honour.

At a short press gathering this morning, the company’s president and CEO Balbina Ko explained her personal and professional connection to the Endeka Elephant Band’s bass player, who was murdered two weeks ago in his native Africa, while on a trip home to visit his family.

“Very few know this, but when my company decided to establish a charity to ensure that striped and spotted Animals achieved equality in The Park, Zuberi Tembo was the first to congratulate me and to offer his support,” she said.

According to Ko, Tembo was a “passionate supporter of equality among the species” and he was distressed at the statistics regarding the treatment of striped and spotted Animals in The Park.

“Not just because of what he had suffered, but because he was a gentle, loving, and intelligent Animal, Zuberi understood that there was no such thing as equality for some,” Ko said.

She also said he offered to write a song for EQUALSS and the band has promised her that “the work on that song will go on.”

The Park will honour the fallen musician at one o’clock tomorrow afternoon at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, where a flag emblazoned with the new Tembo design will fly at half-mast.

Art museum confirms theft of iconic painting, “Swine with Ewe”

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The Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) has confirmed the theft of one of its most iconic paintings, “Swine with Ewe.”

The painting, which was the collaborative effort of Feliciano Cerdo and Simone Agnelle, was a gift to the museum in celebration of the twenty-fifth anniversary of zoocracy.

At a press conference this morning attended by Park Police, the president of the museum’s board of directors Aulikki Norsu said the painting went missing two days ago, but the museum stayed silent in the hope the thief would return it unharmed.

“We notified the police immediately, but we made the decision not to go public about the theft right away. We were hoping it was some kind of prank and when it was over, the painting would reappear,” Norsu said.

Speaking on behalf of the police, Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) appealed to any Animal who may have information regarding the painting or the theft.

“If you visited the museum within the last month and saw or heard something suspicious, or if you have heard anything about the painting or the museum here or in your travels outside The Park, we want to hear from you,” she said.

Fossa called the recent spate of thefts “worrying” and confirmed that the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) had been alerted.

“This is the fourth theft of its kind within the last year and we have to consider the possibility that they are in some way connected to each other and, perhaps, connected to Humans,” she said.

Last September, Harmonious Hannah, the stuffed Animal that appears at The Park’s Stereotype Sundays, went missing. In May, the Park Museum reported the basketball stolen from their flyball exhibit and last month, Avian Messenger publisher Alvin Tinamou’s nest went missing. Only Harmonious Hannah has been recovered.

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