Wednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 21 November 2011
The Archons of The Park, in conjunction with the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) have issued a call for calm throughout The Park after the discovery of what appears to be a specist handbook.
The book, which was discovered under the Ancient Oak Tree early this morning, is written in the Human English language, experts say. Language specialists at the University of West Terrier are currently studying the book and its contents. In a statement issued at midday, they said they plan to make a full report to the Archons as soon as they have completed their study.
The book was discovered by Rodnina Owl, police confirmed. The Owl was reportedly eating a snack in the Tree, when she noticed something shiny at the base.
“The glossy cover caught my eye and I swooped down to see what it was,” she said in an interview on PBC Radio late this morning. “I was shocked when they told me what it said.” The Owl does not speak any Human languages.
In their appeal for calm, the Archons emphasized the need for patience on the part of Park Animals.
Two hours after the Archons issued their appeal, Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, fielded questions from residents and media. The major concerns were for Animal security, with many calling for barricades and some suggesting pre-emptive strikes. Calls for an all-out war, fuelled by rumours that Humans intend to take over The Park, were quickly dismissed by FCSW President, Gareth Shepherd.
“We cannot afford to react until we know the full extent of the assault,” said Shepherd.

This January, The Park will begin a year-long celebration of our thirty-five years of Animal self-rule, the Archons announced today.
The Trees of Hearts, which for the past two years have lined the route Park hibernators take to their burrows, will remain intact until December’s Celebration of the Winter Solstice, it was announced yesterday.
The Park Election Office (PEO) is scrambling to count all the votes cast in the November 7 election for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) by midnight tonight in order to announce a winner before the hibernating community takes its leave for the Winter.
GoUnderground, The Park’s oldest hibernation outfitter has just announced that it will stay open tonight and tomorrow night in order to aid Park hibernators with their last-minute needs.
We know you’re out there. We just can’t find your form.
Members of the media drew ire this morning from Park Election Office head Gerritt Wezel when they pressed him on the subject of Groundhog participation in Monday’s election for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).
The Doves of Peace were called back from migration last week to assist their sister-agency, the Does of Peace, in monitoring polling stations during today’s election.


