Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 30 September 2012

The Park is in a party mood, as anticipation mounts on the eve of the opening of the 8th annual Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

“It’s game on! We’re ready!” announced PIFF Communications President Leola Ocelot at the final pre-opening press conference this afternoon. “This is going to be the biggest and best film festival The Park has ever seen,” she said.

Festival goers appear to agree. Tickets were snapped up earlier than in previous years, with new events such as Noon Nuttiness and PIFF Pockets attracting a younger crowd.

“It [PIFF] is no longer an adults-only event,” said Ocelot, who confirmed that twenty-five percent of tickets were sold to those under five years of age.

“They bought up Noon Nuttiness and also went for the PIFF Pocket Films. We didn’t expect that at all,” she said.

Meanwhile, adult film fans were busy primping and preening in anticipation of five days of screenings, celebrity sightings and top-secret social events.

“We haven’t had an opening in days,” said Amoltrud’s Aesthetics’ groomer Elspeth Rinder. “We have a waiting list the size of a Python,” she said.

The Park’s other grooming houses reported the same situation.

“We had to lock our doors and pretend we were closed,” said stylist Tano Pagun of The Pluming Room. “We were afraid that, otherwise, we’d see fur and feathers fly.”

The festival will open tomorrow night with “I Love a Man in a Collar”, the much-anticipated documentary about Thisbe and the Barkettes. All eyes will be on the front row, as film goers attempt to catch a glimpse of The Park’s most famous singing group, who have confirmed they will attend the documentary’s debut. The five members have not been seen together for a number of years.

Other highly anticipated events include the opening night gala at Clowder and the Cackle-ary hosted by GooseBook.

The Mammalian Daily plans to publish full details of events in the coming days.

Wednesday Rewind:
Original Publication Date: 15 July 2013

Last night, in a rare appearance at their own pub, The Beasts of Burden unveiled their newest song.

As he ascended the makeshift stage at The Draft, lead singer Alfredo Ox motioned to the crowd and asked for silence. Then he took the microphone and made a short speech in which he said he’d dedicated his new song to the survivors of enforced domestication.

“I was moved by the many stories I read about Animals who escaped enforced domestication,” he said. “They’re a different kind of refugee, one that maybe doesn’t get as much attention as others. But since we established our new music festival, the Beats of Burden, to aid all Park refugees, I thought it was appropriate that I write a song about their struggles.”

Then, joined by the other band members, Ox sang “Llego Con Tres Juguetes” (“I Arrive With Three Toys”):

Llego con tres juguetes (I arrive with three toys)
Un muñeco de peluche (A stuffed toy)
Una pelota  (A ball)
Un hueso falso (A fake bone)

The song is the story of a Canine refugee who arrives in The Park with no food, family, or friends. His only possessions are the three toys his captors gave him: a stuffed toy, a ball, and a bone.

When the band was done, the cheering crowd clamoured for an encore. But Ox said they couldn’t oblige.

“We’re saving the rest for the fest,” he said, leaving the band’s manager, Ignatius Herder, to reassure the crowd.

“They’ll be back…just not tonight,” said Herder.

Herder also confirmed that all proceeds from the song’s sales will go to charities that assist The Park’s refugees.

Original Publication Date: 02 August 2011

The future of one of The Park’s oldest newspapers hangs in the balance, as executives at The Mollusk Messenger meet tomorrow morning to weigh the financial consequences of recent editorial decisions.

Sources close to owner and Chief Financial Officer, Evander Slak, say he blames editor-in-chief, Angelika Cowrie, for the decrease in the newspaper’s readership and its resultant impact on the bottom line.

“She was too hard…she wouldn’t bend at all when it came to responding to what our readers wanted,” said one ex-employee who spoke to The Mammalian Daily on condition of anonymity.

What the readers wanted, according to surveys conducted by the newspaper itself, was more commentary on the news and less “reporting at a distance,” the ex-employee says.

“It’s a fast-changing world and they were simply too slow,” agreed Braydon Raubtier, a journalist with the Dingo Boomerang.

Those who work with Cowrie, a graduate of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier, say she is a “traditionalist,” and one who believes that it is wrong to make the reporter part of the story.  The Messenger is one of the few newspapers that does not publish personal columns or opinion pieces.

“That’s all well and good, but if your readers want your opinion, you’d better give it to them or they’ll go somewhere else to get what they want,” says Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP).

The Mollusk Messenger is not the only Park newspaper that is suffering financially, however.  With readership down and advertising revenues imploding, it has been difficult for most Park newspapers to keep going without making drastic changes.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 23 August 2011

A new, five-part television series based on a book by historian, Pieter Paard, is set to air this Fall on Park Broadcasting Corporation Television.

PBC TV executives confirmed at a press conference today that it has purchased the series, which is based on Paard’s historical tome, From Slavery to Freedom: A History of Pack Animals.  The exact broadcast date was not announced, but it is rumoured to be slated for airing on October 1, the start of the new television season.

The series, which was filmed in The Park at the beginning of the Summer, stars Park heartthrob, Leopoldo Llama, in the title role of Antonio Astoa.  The book was adapted for film by Sonia Esel and Bernardo Burro.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 24 April 2013

Calling to mind the hit song by Eggie and The Pigs, Toro Talk Radio announced today that it has signed a deal with Hieronymous Hedgehog that will have him meeting “snout to snout” with talk show host Yannis Tavros.

According to the announcement, the two will discuss “the entire controversy, from beginning to end”  on Wednesday, 08 May, during the airtime that is usually devoted to Tavros’s talk show.

Until now, Hieronymous Hedgehog has remained silent on the subject of the insults hurled at him by Yannis Tavros, which led to the talk show host’s suspension. He has also kept mum about the group that calls itself Les Amis de Hieronymous (The Friends of Hieronmyous or LAdeH) but, through his supporters, he indicated that he has no association with the group.

A SpokesAnimal for the radio station said the fact of the meeting and any subsequent discussions the two may have will have no effect on Tavros’s suspension from his job.

“This [meeting] in no way implies that Tavros will be returning to his job and that all is forgiven,” he said. “What we are trying to do here is clear some time and space for the two to meet each other on neutral ground and to discuss what really happened. If they can come to an understanding, that will be an important first step. But our ultimate goal is reconciliation and peace among Park citizens,” he said.

The “neutral ground” referred to will, in fact, be The Park’s Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. Toro Talk Radio will be selling tickets to the event from April 27 on. Tickets will be on sale at the radio station and the theatre, as well as at Footpad Heaven. All proceeds from the sale of tickets will go to The Foundation for the Study of Premature Awakening, the affliction from which former Archon and Hieronymous Hedgehog’s uncle, Hamlin Jarvis Lambert Hedgehog, died in 2008.

See also:

Archon’s nephew blasted over Groundhog Day remarks
Radio station suspends Tavros over Hedgehog remarks
Founding Families, Petrounel pull ads from Toro Talk Radio
Tavros “Bullish” on The Park, say his supporters 

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 12 August 2011

Mammalian Daily Associated News Services (MDANS) is reporting that some former members of the Association for the Preservation of Individual Currencies (APIC) have disassociated themselves from APIC and created a splinter group to fight currency amalgamation in The Park.

The group, ninety per cent of whose members are Geese, calls itself “Fowl Cry” and plans to stage a two-day protest against currency unification this weekend.

In a statement distributed to all Park media, the group excoriated APIC as a “do-nothing” organization and its current President, Rowena Goose, as a “stand-by and watch” official.

“At a time when it is most important to take action, she [Rowena Goose] has adopted a ‘wait and see’ attitude,” the statement said.  The group has also accused the Goose of feathering her own nest by hoarding the dominant currency (Ftoo), while leaving the rest of Park citizens to fend for themselves.

APIC released a counter-statement early this morning, defending its record and touting its success in staving off currency amalgamation, which has been on the table in The Park for more than seven years. The group did not address the charges that Fowl Cry made against its President, nor has Rowena Goose yet stepped forward to dispute them.

Park Police say they have called in reinforcements in order to keep peace in The Park during the demonstration.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 21 July 2011

The Insect Intelligencer has confirmed that reporter, ZeeZee Legy, has been held for questioning outside The Park in connection with the death of a Human late last night. The dead Human, whose name has not yet been released by law enforcement, was one of two who suffered injuries last week.  The other was released from hospital three days ago.

In a statement released early this morning, The Intelligencer’s editor-in-chief, Fannia di Volo, expressed her deepest sympathies for the family of the fallen Human and pledged the paper’s “full cooperation” in any investigation into the circumstances surrounding his death.

Reports claim that the two Humans fell ill suddenly outside their homes and were rushed to hospital.  Witnesses at the scene told police that five of the Intelligencer’s reporters were “hovering around” at the time and that at least two of them “had their probosces resting” on the Humans’ arms.

The five reporters fled the scene but were arrested inside The Park within hours of their return.  Only Legy remained outside The Park, where it was reported he had been visiting family while on vacation from the newspaper.

Legy, along with the other five reporters, work exclusively on the Intelligencer’s daily Fly on the Wall feature.  After the arrest of the five reporters, the newspaper’s publishers made the decision to cease publication temporarily.  The reporters were to have been formally charged on July 18, but a backlog in The Park’s court system has caused a delay in the matter.