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Wednesday Rewind: Prehistoric paintings discovered in northeastern cave

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Two Goat kids, Lila and Nardo, discovered the paintings in The Park’s northeastern cave

Wednesday Rewind:
Original Publication Date: September 2006

Four paintings that could be 20,000 years old have been discovered on the walls of the cave at the northeastern end of The Park, officials confirmed this month.

Archaeologists and zoologists at The Park’s Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life (ISML) characterized the paintings as a major discovery.

“We believe this find could confirm the autochthonous nature of Animal life in The Park,” said Catriona Cairn-Terrier, chief archaeologist at the Institute.

The four paintings, which depict a Goat, a Donkey, a Lioness, and a bucolic setting, are believed to predate The Park’s oldest cave paintings — the 12,000 year- old paintings in the Grewsome-Grumsack Grotto at the southwestern corner of The Park.

Staff members at the Institute were unable to confirm the existence of a fifth painting, reported to be that of a Dog sprawled out on a rug or mat.

Park officials have sealed off the entrance to the cave for the Winter season. In early Spring, members of the ISML team will conduct radiosputum dating tests, as well as other studies of the paintings.

The paintings were discovered in late September by two Goat kids, Lila and Nardo, aged 7 months, who were playing in the area.

“I butted them out of the house and told them to go and play,” said their mother, Nanette.

“After they came home, they kept bleating about these drawings they saw in the cave. I thought they meant the G-G [Grewsome-Grumsack] cave, so I didn’t think anything of it. But when they told me it was the other cave, I thought I should inform the authorities right away.”

According to ISML staff, the newly-found paintings are of particular interest because they appear to depict an earlier period of life in The Park.

As for the question of who might be responsible for the artwork itself, the Institute says that it cannot offer any definitive answers until it has undertaken further study.

“Some of the strokes appear to be the work of an Elephant, but we really have no idea what Animal might be responsible for these paintings,” said Cairn-Terrier.

This article first appeared in Issue #112 of The Mammalian Daily.

Introducing Five Questions For…

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five-questions

The Mammalian Daily is proud to introduce our new interview series, Five Questions For…

Five Questions For—or FQF— will be a series of short interviews designed to help readers get to know their fellow Park Animals better. Not all our FQF interviewees may be familiar to you, but we promise that you’ll be glad we gave you the chance to get to know them.

Asking the five questions will be our Focus reporter, Riikard Havik. A graduate of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier, Riikard has been the Focus beat reporter since he arrived at The Mammalian Daily in 2013. Before that, he wrote for The Avian Messenger and The Ornis Interpreter, where he worked an assignment reporter.

Five Questions For…will start in May. Be sure to look for new interviews on our front page and archived FQFs in a separate section under the Interviews tab.

Former PFO head Milton Struts to be a guest on Yannis Tavros show this week

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YannisTavros Milton Struts, the disgraced former head of the Park Finance Office, will be a guest on the Yannis Tavros show on Thursday, according to a press release issued today by Toro Talk Radio.

The radio station said Struts, who recently returned to The Park after an extended stay in the land of his ancestors, will discuss the budgets of ousted PFO head Valentina Abeja, as well as other economic and social issues facing The Park.

Struts, who oversaw the PFO and served as budget chief for almost a decade, was relieved of his duties in 2014 after a series of scandals involving his relationship with Humans.

The gossip web site headsNtales claims Struts has met with Chief Archon Klarissa Kuttu to discuss returning to his old job. But after the site posted a picture of his newly-refurbished abode under the headline, “He’s baaaack!” Struts issued a statement denying the rumours, saying he had “non-governmental” plans for the next few years.

Mating Dance pre-registration for endangered species begins today

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Giraffes at Mating DanceIf you’re a Park citizen or resident and a member of an endangered species, today is the day to start thinking about registering for the Mating Dance.

The Department of Well-Being and Safety’s reminder, issued this past weekend in a Park-wide media blitz, cautioned participants not to procrastinate. It also warned those intending to use the pre-registration option to expect longer wait times this year, as the popularity of the programme has grown over the past two years.

“When it [the programme] was instituted, we sensed a certain reluctance to participate on the part of those in the endangered community. There was a certain stigma attached to being part of an endangered spacies, but I think this programme, along with the [Endangered Species] Benefits Programme, and the wonderful work being done at the Extinction Anxiety Clinic, has changed that significantly,” DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo told The Mammalian Daily.

Pre-registration for the May 5 event begins today at ten o’clock at the DWBS offices. To take advantage of the full programme, which includes genetic and psychological counselling, all Animals must bring proof of their eligibility in the form of their membership in The Park’s Endangered Species Benefits Programme (ESBP).

“Grand collaboration” will turn beloved Tommy Tickbird story into stage musical

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tommy-tickbird-musicalTwo of The Park’s most popular musical groups—Banded Brothers and Spontaneous Generation—will collaborate with Zeal and the Endeka Elephant Band to turn the beloved story of Tommy Tickbird into a stage musical.

But the collaboration won’t end there. According to Banded Brothers’ manager Kostas Kotsifas, the musicians, as well as those working in set and costume design, will take some direction and a lot of advice from members of The Park’s refugee community.

“This is a beloved Park story and we want to get it right. Our refugee community is a rich resource when it comes to the sights and sounds of Africa, as are, of course, Zeal and the [Endeka] Elephant Band,” Kotsifas said in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio yesterday.

The story of Tommy Tickbird, who roams the African continent atop one Giraffe, two Zebras, and three Warthogs, was first told in the bestselling book, Tommy Tickbird and his Symbiotic Sojourns, by Otis J. Oxpecker. First published in 2011, the now legendary tale owes much of its popularity to the vivid descriptions of the sounds and smells of Africa.

“Those descriptions were the first point of entry into Africa for many Park citizens, especially our autochthonous population,” Kotsifas said. “We want to be true to the tale, but also to the location and we felt this required what we are now calling our ‘grand collaboration.’ ”

Although Kotsifas would not speculate on an opening date, he said there is a definite timeline for the production and the collaborators would be releasing more information soon.

“We intend to keep you informed and excited about this project, through opening night and beyond,” he said.

Chitter Radio Literary Awards adds new category for 2017: speeches

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The Chitter Radio Literary Awards (CRLA) has added a new category to its already sizeable list of honours: speeches.

In a short communiqué issued this morning, CRLA director Guadalupe Tucán cited the need to expand the term, “literary,” and to continue to acknowledge the artistic elements of non-fiction as her reasons for adding the category.

“We need to continue to broaden our horizons and reward those artists whose work may not fit easily into the established categories,” the communiqué said.

Tucán, who has been CRLA director since 2015, began taking the awards in a different direction last year, when she allowed celebrity chef Tab Tricolore to serve his “Liberation Libation” to attendees. Though it was a controversial move, it illustrated what many call Tucán’s “sense of the bigger picture.”

“I’ve known Guadalupe for years and I know what she’s thinking when she does things like that,” said a longtime friend. “She believes that art and even literariness can be found as much in the mundane as in grand canvasses or great books. So, I’m not surprised by anything she does.”

Tucán said the category expansion is not expected to add more than a few minutes to the evening, which will be broadcast live on AVN Television.

The Chitter Radio Literary Awards take place June 15. Nominations will be announced in mid-May.

Hermione Hippo appointed head judge of 2017 Toe-Hair Contest

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Hermione HippoHermione Hippo will serve as head judge of the 2017 Toe-Hair Contest.

At a press event held this morning, Aintza Kanariar of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, made the formal announcement:

“We are thrilled to announce that the very knowledgeable nurse Hermione Hippo will serve as head judge of the 2017 Toe-Hair Contest,” she said.

The veteran Park health professional is the head nurse at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm and also serves part-time as Assistant Professor at the University of West Terrier School of Medicine.

“Few others have Hermione’s expertise,” Kanariar said. “We are humbled that she has agreed to take the time to participate in the contest.”

In making the announcement, the longtime Director of Public Relations for the body that chooses the judges emphasized the importance of the position of head judge:

“The position is an important one because, should there be a tie, the head judge, who is an Animal with greater expertise than the other judges, has the ability to choose the winner. It is a position of responsibility that calls for a great deal of knowledge and personal integrity. And that Hermione Hippo has in spades,” she said.

Kanariar also announced the other four members of the judging panel: Cornelio Lantra, Clementina Araña, Quinta Caribou, and Rafael Ortega.

The Toe-Hair Contest, which is in its 22nd year, is set to commence at 10:00 a.m. Park time on May 1.

It’s official: Abeja is out, search is on for new PFO head

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PFO Head Valentina AbejaBREAKING NEWS

Valentina Abeja has left the PFO building.

Or at least, she’ll be gone by April 30.

In a short statement this afternoon, the Park Finance Office confirmed the rumours of the past few weeks:

“The Park Finance Office wishes to inform all Park citizens that PFO head Valentina Abeja will be leaving her post as of April 30 of this year. We thank her for her work and for the integrity with which she oversaw the PFO and two Park budgets and we wish her all the best in her future endeavours.”

The PFO also confirmed that it has initiated a search for a new head and budget chief.

Abeja was appointed in February of 2015, after Milton Struts was unceremoniously relieved of his duties after a series of scandals involving Humans. She moved swiftly to unite the PFO and to prepare budgets that reflected the needs and concerns of Park citizens. According to an August 2016 poll by The Cosmopolitan Pest, Abeja is extremely well-liked and trusted and most Park citizens were hoping that she would continue to head the PFO.

“She may be the best-liked and best-respected PFO head The Park has ever had,” Inès Puceron, the magazine’s editor, said last week. “But her ideas do not reflect those of the present Chief Archon.”

Ronald Grouse to take over MWM’s Twitter account full-time on May 1

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mwm-flyersRonald Grouse, the newly-elected director of Park media’s Month Without Metaphor, will take control of the event’s Twitter account on Monday, May 1. He made the announcement yesterday while a guest on Toro Talk Radio’s Yannis Tavros show.

The Avian Messenger’s chief political analyst was elected director of the annual event earlier this month and he replaces Alvin Tinamou, who was one of the founders of the initiative and who served as its director the past three years.

In an interview with The Eagle Star the day after he was elected, Grouse said he intended to expand MWM’s reach through the use of social media.

“I think it’s important [for the initiative] that we enter the public forum and explain our raison d’être,” he said. “I think Twitter is a good way to do that, to let readers and listeners know that they can have a say in the degree to which media manipulate them.”

Grouse said he would tweet on a regular basis throughout the month, as well as host live conferences with MWM’s Twitter followers. He also is booked to be a guest on a number of Park radio and television interview shows throughout May and he has been invited to be a Mammalian Daily guest columnist.

Wednesday Rewind: Park braces for panzootic as Small Ball Fever claims new victim

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Anatomy of a Small Ball: The virus resides in the dimpled surface, but it replicates in the internal layers

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 16 April 2007

The recent death of a Squirrel has alerted The Park’s medical community to the necessity of implementing measures to deal with the possible onset of a panzootic, according to a spokesAnimal for The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS).

Kostas Apollonios Eusebios Squirrel died on 26 March as a result of Small Ball Fever, six days after he had extensive contact with a small ball which he imported to The Park from a local field.

An internal memo from the DWBS, made available to this newspaper, reveals that the likelihood of a small ball fever panzootic is greater this year than in previous years, in large part because of the proliferation of small balls in the communities surrounding The Park.

Every year, the DWBS monitors the influx of small balls. This year, the number has increased tenfold. Experts say this is due, primarily, to the early onset of warm, sunny weather.

“Small balls are the bane of our existence,” said Cornelius Kakapo, Director of Public Relations for the DWBS. “We can contain them inside The Park, but there is nothing we can do to restrict their number outside our borders,” he said.

Small balls were first sighted in The Park more than a decade ago, but their number has grown exponentially over the past five years. The balls, which are better known outside The Park as “golf” balls, harbour the deadly Small Ball Fever virus inside their dimpled surface. The SBF virus is spread when it leaks through cracks in the ball’s surface and makes contact with mucosa in the mouth or nose. Symptoms include extremely high fever, chills, aching muscles, and, eventually, pulmonary dysfunction. All Animals are at risk of developing Small Ball Fever but some groups of Animals, including Squirrels, Donkeys, the elderly, and the infirm, are at particular risk.

The DWBS’s Kakapo was quick to assure Animals that the Department is doing everything in its power to limit the spread of Small Ball Fever and to protect The Park’s population from a panzootic.

For more information, please consult The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety pamphlet, “What you should know about Small Ball Fever.” 

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